ISSUE48 请大家来改

mikechsUID: 2121753

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
                               OUTLINE
1.        (让步) The study of history places should emphasis on groups.
2.        However, we should pay more attention to elites.
3.        Further, we must pay more attention to elites.


  History is enchanted with its significant charming on vivid reflection on the past and passing event. Despite the questions of the historical affairs themselves, the aspect of how historians scrutinize it needs revealing; individuals or groups, who should be responsible to these critical events and who should be investigated? Even though the groups of people whose identities have been always forgotten also trends the history, famous individuals needs emphasized rather.

  Without any doubt, it is the society that determines and changes the history and, as the majority, citizens and communities shaped the history in much times. Not until has more research on them been done will we never hear the voices of them more livelily.

  However, the minorities of the nation, those who adorned as heroes and saints made much more contributions to historic transients in most important occasions. Those who lead but not follow their people to victory are the one need considered and enhanced to the researchers more. Without the devotion of these elites, the most well known occurrences may not even be known but be studied. Napoleon, leading his people conquered Austria, Prussia, Spain, Portugal and Egypt, was considered as the symbol of hero in France. Who can visualize a France without Napoleon to restored its prestige abroad and laid the foundation of the modern French state by establishing administration? So, he was the one required studied for the glory French history during 18-19th century. Besides, George Washington with the United State in 19th century, Lenin with the Soviet Union in the early 20th century, all the great person showed their influence and charisma when the nation meets crisis or people needs freedom. They determined their fates while their citizens may otherwise be controlled by destinies. These dominant people obviously call for more attention.

   What is more, it is a tremendous obstacle for historians to investigate conditions of the large numbers affected by lacking of records about them. Take the studying on pre-industrial Europe to illustrate, only 2 or 3 percent who comprised the political and social elites-- the kings, generals, judges, nobles, bishops, and local magnates who had hitherto written in history books could be investigated with adequate material. Thus, the research on ordinary people can be especially difficult. On the hand, the leading individuals, though lacking in amount, can almost delegate the circumstance of society as well. They are representative to the mores and trends in their time for the privilege they owned as a barometer of culture’s tendency. Their advantages above appeal the history researchers naturally.

   To précis, we shall keep on emphasize the significant influence of elite minorities to memoirs despite those majorities' affects in many cases. Without those insignificant individuals, our society will become discursive and chaos when a nation faces crisis for its future in most of the time. After all, as we often said, we need a hero to save us.

AlexandraUID: 185174

嘿嘿 我好象 没有看到过你哦
帮我看看我的怎么样?
你的文章 我拷下了 我一会写我的 作文
顺利的话  你的文章 我今晚 就给你回'
不然  你就等明天 吧  哈哈
我的:

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=314330


谢谢 !

AlexandraUID: 185174

哈哈 来了我一会贴上
不好意思 久等了

AlexandraUID: 185174

ISSUE48 请大家来改  
48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
                               OUTLINE
1.        (让步) The study of history places should emphasis on groups.
2.        However, we should pay more attention to elites.
3.        Further, we must pay more attention to elites.

[还没有看你的文章， 看了你的提纲， 我觉得， 如果你要是想反对， 让步的那一段， 放在 第三段， 会比较好一些。 我听明明 斑竹说的。 还有， 怎么后两段 都一样？？/？ 应该不可以这样写的。    呵呵 往下看。。。]

[恩， 你的段落安排， 很不一样。开头很长， 那你还有时间写完， 厉害。 但是让步的那一段确实看起来不舒服， 短， 还放前面。 考虑一下。]

  History is enchanted with its significant charming on vivid reflection on the past and passing event. [表述， 我个人认为，模糊] Despite the questions of the historical affairs themselves, the aspect of how historians scrutinize it needs revealing; individuals or groups, who should be responsible to these critical events and（ who should be investigated）[？？] ? Even though the groups of people whose（ identities）[有些多余]  have been always forgotten also （trends ）the history, famous individuals needs emphasized （rather）[放的位置， 改变一下].
[我觉得 你应该再花些笔墨在你支持的观点上 。]


Without any doubt[不支持你这样 写。], it is the society that [有问题] determines and changes the history and, as the majority, citizens and communities shaped the history in much times. [这么多个and？？？ ] Not until has more research on them been done will （we never hear the voices of them more livelily）[不是一个好理由啊].
[你不是要让步吗？——没有分析。]


  However, the minorities of the nation, those who adorned as heroes and saints made much more contributions to historic transients in most important occasions. Those who lead but not follow their people to victory are the one need considered and enhanced to the researchers more. Without the devotion of these elites, the most well known[well- known] occurrences may not even be known but be studied.  [英文跟中文不同， 要有好的过渡。这里，前后有些HOP]Napoleon, leading his people conquered Austria, Prussia, Spain, Portugal and Egypt, was considered as the symbol of hero in France. Who can visualize a France without Napoleon to restored[这个？？] its prestige abroad and laid the foundation of the modern French state by establishing administration? So, he was the one required studied for the glory French history during 18-19th century. Besides, George Washington with the United State in 19th century, Lenin with the Soviet Union in the early 20th century, all the great person showed their influence and charisma when the nation meets crisis or people needs freedom. They determined their fates while their citizens may otherwise be controlled by destinies. These dominant people obviously call for more attention.
[不知道 是不是我的水平低，也可能是我这几天烧晕了，我看你的文章很吃力啊， 感觉句子， 很怪。你常用动词变换形式 做 主语。 还有， 句子 一长， 我感觉你写到结尾时，意思 好象丢了。 也可能是我个人的问题，所以， 很多我觉得 有问题的句子， 我没有改。   不过， 防保险， 你自己再检查检查，OK？ ]
[还有， 我认为你的意思没有 好好的回应你的观点。 你不是想表达，个人 在历史中， 应该更加emphasized？？  但是 你没有 很好的 讲清楚， 一反问， 你的论述， 就站不住了。
这一段， 你写得 真不怎么样。 我不是打击你。要 加油加油再加油哦。 ]


   What is more, it is a tremendous obstacle for historians to investigate conditions of the large numbers affected by lacking of records about them. Take the studying on pre-industrial Europe to illustrate, only 2 or 3 percent [为什么要这样表达？ 用 2%， 不就完了  ？] who comprised the political and social elites-- the kings, generals, judges, nobles, bishops, and local magnates who had hitherto written in history books could be investigated with adequate material. Thus, the research on ordinary people can be especially difficult. On the hand [？？], the leading individuals, though lacking in amount, can almost delegate the circumstance of society as well. They are representative to the mores and trends in their time for the privilege they owned as a barometer of culture’s tendency. Their advantages above appeal the history researchers naturally. （感觉 有很多 废话，）


   To précis,   [哇？ 你怎么弄出来上标？？——但我必须很遗憾的告诉你哦， 考试的软件， 功能很简单， 你没有办法 这样写耶。。。]   we shall keep on emphasize the significant influence of elite minorities to memoirs despite those majorities' affects in many cases. Without those insignificant individuals, our society will become discursive and chaos when a nation faces crisis for its future in most of the time. After all, as we often said, we need a hero to save us.

首先， 我赞扬你的单词量， 真多。
但是，我仍要说， 你 分析得 不怎么样。 觉得说了那么多 重点 还是没有 把握好，或者说， 你没有把你的 意思说清楚。 我还一头雾水——最希望是我头 烧坏的原因。


要多看精华区的范文啊

AlexandraUID: 185174

楼主呢？ 我改错了吗？
一句话 也不说。。。。。。

蚱蜢舟UID: 2116052

楼主估计已经被你说晕了。。。

mikechsUID: 2121753

呵呵，明白了，多谢批评
还好，你算是骂我这篇骂得比较轻的了。
:$:$

mikechsUID: 2121753

其实我还想解释解释:L:L

首先，你说我词汇量大我实在愧疚，有不少怪词是怕重复查字典查出来的（不过precis除外）

其实我以前也是把让步段放在最后的，但写了几篇都发现在结尾前反驳自己观点不太好，才放在前边，所以写短点怕喧宾夺主。

至于你说的那个废话多的例子，是从gre阅读上摘下来的，呵呵（又偷懒了）

还有precis这个词，其实字典里又不带上标的英文解释，查查文曲星也行，是word自动改的。

还是要谢谢你对我第二段的批评上，我对例子如何使用确实很头痛，能不能给我遇见几个精华去的帖子呀，呵呵，谢拉

AlexandraUID: 185174

听你这样 说， 呵呵:L:L:L:L:L:L
我看我会找比较清醒的时刻 给人改作文
免的 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~误人子弟， 还浪费自己的TIME。:L:L
可是， 我还是觉得 它:confused::confused:——你从GRE 阅读上抄来的——有很多 废话， 我是不会 写那么多话的， 因为 短短的 45分——不， 是 40分钟内， 我才不要写那样的东西。

个人观点。:o