Argument117 寄托4人组 8-13

bridgewalkerUID：208595

Argument117  第5篇 寄托4人组！
------摘要------
作者：BridgeWalker     共用时间：33分     388 words
从2005年7月13日15时42分到2005年7月13日16时30分
------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
------提纲------
1．Survey有问题。
2．即使survey没问题，人们也不一定要买办公用品。
3．即使人们要买，也不一定到Valu-Mart来买。
4．即使来买，也不会使Office-supply department成为the most profitable one.
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In this argument, the manager suggests that by increasing stock of office-supply products, the office-supply department would become the most profitable section in the store. After a careful scrutiny, I find this assertion is unconvincing due to several critical flaws.

In the first place, the trend drawn from the survey is questionable. By citing this evidence, the manager does not provide any detailed information to prove that the respondents are randomly selected from the entire population. If the survey is based on self-report, or is confined within special occupations such as clerk, trend that drawn from it cannot not be accepted as general.

In the second place, even assuming that the trend revealed from the survey is reliable, it does not indicate that the purchase of office supplies will sharply increase. Although more and more people have to bring their work home from workplace, the manager fails to mention what the major types of these works are. If these extra works does not need traditional office products such as printers, copy machines, fax machines, or even paper and pens, the sale would remains the same. In the era of information technology, it is quite possible that people who bring more works back home can dispose them with computers and via email. In such case, no products mentioned by the manager are necessary.

Moreover, even if there might be remarkable increase in office-supply demand caused by the more-work-home trend, Valu-Mart's success is not taken for granted. In the business market, people's purchase choice is affected by lots of factors, say, price, service, quality, distance from home, and the like. If the office supplies in Valu-Mart are higher than its competitors, the quality of the products cannot meet customers’ standards, the selling would not increase considerably. Consequently, the profit will not meet the manager's expectation.

In addition, even granted that the office-supply department can gain a large amount of profits form its products selling, it is still doubtful that this department will become the most profitable on in Valu-Mart. Experience tells that profits generated from cheap products such as printers, copy machines, papers, etc., cannot compete with more expensive ones such as Laptops, cars sold by other departments. Accordingly, it might be impossible for the office-supply department to become the most profitable one only by selling its paper-like cheap products.

meautoUID：2116250

meautoUID：2116250

In this argument, the manager suggests that by increasing stock of office-supply products, the office-supply department would become the most profitable section in the store. After a careful scrutiny, I find this assertion is unconvincing due to several critical flaws.
不错呀，开头够简洁。
In the first place, the trend drawn from the survey is questionable. By citing this evidence, the manager does not provide any detailed information to prove that the respondents are randomly selected from the entire population. If the survey is based on self-report, or is confined within special occupations such as clerk, trend that drawn from it cannot not be accepted as general.
样本是否representative有两点：1，是否随机抽样 2 样本数量是否够大
对于不同的题目，攻击要有侧重点
你按1来写的。问题是有必要represent “ the entire population’么，对于不需要使用办公用具的小孩，老人来说，调查是不需要照顾到这些人的。
如果按2来攻击，情况容易说些。毕竟只要回复调查的人够多，管他是什么人，都有可能赚钱的。这和要求全国人民都吃某某药的题目还是有区别。
In the second place, even assuming that the trend revealed from the survey is reliable, it does not indicate that the purchase sales of office supplies will sharplydelete increase. Although more and more people have to bring their work home from workplace, the manager fails to mentionprovides no information on what the major types of these works are. If these extra works does not need traditional office products such as printers, copy machines, fax machines, or even paper and pens, the sale would remains the same. In the era of information technology, it is quite possible that people who bring more works back home can dispose them with computers and via email. In such case, no products mentioned by the manager are necessary.
恩恩。就是要用他们也可能已经有了，没有必要买新的。
Moreover, even if there might be remarkable increase in office-supply demand caused bydue to the more-work-home trend, Valu-Mart's success is not taken for granted. In the business market不懂这是什么意思, people's purchase choice is affected by lots of factors, say, price, service, quality, distance from home, and the like. If the office suppliesprices in Valu-Mart are higher than its competitors, the quality of the products cannot meet customers’ standards如果他们的产品比别家 同等产品 价格高的, the selling would not increase considerably. Consequently, the profit will not meet the manager's expectation.
这一段可以把see no impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past 利用下，说很有可能是产品质量，包装。。。不好。你的那个affected by lots of factors，有时间就写，没时间可以不写，其实是常识。直接就列出后面的可能啥啥啥。。。，人们不一定买，所以没钱赚。
多用一些诸如PROBABLY，might, may这样的词。

小问题是distance from home to the stores这个又扯远了一点。
In addition, even granted that the office-supply department can gain a large amount of profits form its products selling, it is still doubtful that this department will become the most profitable on in Valu-Mart. Experience tells that profits generated from cheap products such as printers, copy machines, papers, etc., cannot compete with more expensive onesthose of more expensive products such as Laptops, cars sold by other departments. Accordingly, it might be impossible for the office-supply department to become the most profitable one only by selling its paper-like cheap products.
建议把accordingly 句换成总结

我以前也不写结尾，为了表明不是没有时间写结尾，我常常加上两句话。。。