argument174 为啥我的argument总是没人看捏

果小冻UID：208370

Argument174
The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.
'We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially.'


提纲：
1，        调查的可信度：首先，接受调查的人的总数；其次，学生可能没有说出心里话。
2，        没有提供任何数据表明联合学校会降低士气，并且也不能说明校友会停止投资。首先，没有提供另一半校友的意见；另外，是否投资也有其他很多因素决定
3，        即使会有部分校友会停止投资，但是教师的意见也不能忽视，应该比较扩大申请带来的收入和减少投资
4，        总结
正文
In this argument, the author insists that the college should be kept all-female, as it is a wise and efficient way to improving morale among students and convincing the financially support from the alumni. Unfortunately, those surveys are neither persuasive nor credible, on which the argument rests.

First of all, the author mentions the attitudes of students according to a survey conducted by the student government. However, before relying on this survey, the author needs to rule out our suspect as follows. Firstly, the author fails to present the total number of the students responding to the survey. Only providing the data of eight percent cannot make any sense at all. Perhaps the whole number of these students is so small that the result of this survey cannot represent the opinion of the majority of students. Secondly, whether the responders have put out the thoughts inside themselves or not is rather questionable. Since students in Grove College are completely females, these girls may be too sky to express their authentic wills. How this survey is conducted should be informed to us. As it is entirely possible that it is done face to face, and therefore no one can insure its credibility. Consequently, the author should give a more scientific survey to reveal the opinions of students in this college.

Furthermore, there is no causal relation between the coeducation and the improvement of the moral of students. The author fails to provide any evidence to prove this assertion. Before comparing the difference between the ordinary college and Grove College in the aspect of moral, the author had better not to come to that unwarranted conclusion. In addition, the author should not conclude that the alumni will stop the investment because of the coeducation. Though half of the alumni oppose this kind of education, the author needs to offer the opinions on the remainder. Even if these alumni have different ideas towards the coeducation, it does not follows that they will stop supporting the college. These are many other factors those have influence on their decisions. For example, they may consider about their reputations. Perhaps they are afraid of losing the good reputation among people inside or outside this college by stopping supporting the college. In short, the argument has not successfully prove the bad effect of the coeducation.

Moreover, even if some of the alumni will choose to stop supporting the college, it should be the excuse of this argument to overlook the opinions from a majority of faculty members. It is the faculty members who best know how to obtain the ultimate of education, thus their views should  be emphasized by the college. Additionally, now that coeducation will encourage more students to apply to Grove, maybe the increased tuition fees will outstrip the stopped support from the alumni. Thus, the author should make a careful comparison between the two. In short, the author should not refuse to consider the opinions from the faculty members.

In a sum, the argument should take consideration of all the opinion from people connected with the college. Also the surveys should be conducted efficiently and representatively.

[ Last edited by 果小冻 on 2005-12-8 at 16:42 ]

1900_oneoneUID：2104750

题目是啥捏？顶下吧。
果冻写得越来越好了，可以做牛mm了
>_<

果小冻UID：208370

PsychocandyUID：171159

Argument174
The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.
'We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially.'


提纲：
1，        调查的可信度：首先，接受调查的人的总数；其次，学生可能没有说出心里话。
2，        没有提供任何数据表明联合学校会降低士气，并且也不能说明校友会停止投资。首先，没有提供另一半校友的意见；另外，是否投资也有其他很多因素决定
3，        即使会有部分校友会停止投资，但是教师的意见也不能忽视，应该比较扩大申请带来的收入和减少投资
4，        总结
正文
In this argument, the author insists that the college should be kept all-female, as it is a wise and efficient way to improving （改成improve，一般都是way to do sth而不是way to doing sth）morale among students and convincing the financially support from the alumni（应该说convince sb，而不能是convince sth，要想换一种不同原文的说法，可以用persuade the alumni to keep the financial support）. Unfortunately, those surveys are neither persuasive nor credible, on which the argument rests.

First of all, the author mentions the attitudes of students according to a survey conducted by the student government. However, before relying on this survey, the author needs to rule out our suspect （suspect作名词是嫌疑犯的意思，如果不是在这里拟人的话，建议改成doubts）as follows. Firstly, the author fails to present the total number of the students responding to the survey. Only providing the data of eight（要看清，原文写的是eighty，笔误吧呵呵） percent cannot make any sense at all. Perhaps the whole number of these students is so small that the result of this survey cannot represent the opinion of the majority of students. Secondly, whether the responders have put out the thoughts inside themselves （这里感觉有点怪，put out有表达的意思吗？可以说express/present/show/reveal the thoughts）or not is rather questionable. Since students in Grove College are completely females, these girls may be too sky to express their authentic wills. How this survey is conducted should be informed to us. As （如果这里用as的话它就是连词，不能在句子开头，可以把上句句号改成逗号，或者不要as）it is entirely possible that it is done face to face, and therefore no one can insure its credibility. Consequently, the author should give a more scientific survey to reveal the opinions of students in this college.

Furthermore, there is no causal relation between the coeducation and the improvement of the moral（注意要写准确，是morale，意思完全不同哦） of students. The author fails to provide any evidence to prove this assertion. Before comparing the difference between the ordinary college and Grove College （如果说比较两校在morale方面的不同，就说compare the ordinary colleges and Grove College in aspect of morale，比较两个东西的不同不说compare the difference，直接说compare甲and乙，或者compare甲with/to乙就好了。）in the aspect of moral, the author had better not to come to that unwarranted conclusion. In addition, the author should not conclude that the alumni will stop the investment because of the coeducation. Though half of the alumni oppose this kind of education, the author needs to offer the opinions on （改of）the remainder. Even if these alumni have different ideas towards the coeducation, it does not follows（follow，前面does已经单数形式了） that they will stop supporting the college. These are many other factors those （改which或that）have influence on their decisions. For example, they may consider about（consider及物，去掉about） their reputations. Perhaps they are afraid of losing the good reputation among people inside or outside this college by stopping supporting the college. In short, the argument has not successfully prove（proved） the bad effect of the coeducation.（最后一句话有点不沾边，In addition后面都在论述校友不一定就停止捐款，而你最后一句说没有prove the bad effect of the coeducation，这句一定要改。）

Moreover, even if some of the alumni will choose to stop supporting the college, it should be the excuse of this argument to overlook the opinions from a majority of faculty members. It is the faculty members who best know how to obtain the ultimate （ultimate是形容词，后面缺个名词）of education, thus their views should  be emphasized by the college. Additionally, now that coeducation will encourage more students to apply to Grove, maybe the increased tuition fees （最好说the increased income from tuition fees，指出是收入增多）will outstrip the stopped support from the alumni. Thus, the author should make a careful comparison between the two. In short, the author should not refuse to consider the opinions from the faculty members.

In a sum, the argument should take consideration of all the opinion from people connected with the college. Also the surveys should be conducted efficiently and representatively.

果小冻UID：208370

学到了很多用法：
1express/present/show/reveal the thoughts
2关于compare。
compare甲and乙，或者compare甲with/to乙
3，关于as的用法
疑问：
[最后一句话有点不沾边，In addition后面都在论述校友不一定就停止捐款，而你最后一句说没有prove the bad effect of the coeducation，这句一定要改。）]
我觉得他们停止捐款也是bad effect的一个表现呀。可否？

PsychocandyUID：171159

原帖由 果小冻 于 2006-2-10 23:09 发表
疑问：
[最后一句话有点不沾边，In addition后面都在论述校友不一定就停止捐款，而你最后一句说没有prove the bad effect of the coeducation，这句一定要改。）]
我觉得他们停止捐款也是bad effect的一个表现呀。可否？

哦,如果这样的话当然可以,
我当时是没看明白.
不好意思.
我错了.

不过我给你出个主意,改prove the bad effect of the introduction of coeducation.
因为这个停止捐款是推行采用coeducation的bad effect,
而说停止捐款是某种教育的后果不太合适.
加上introduction逻辑上更连贯.
象我这样反应慢的也不会看不懂了.

其实这是小问题啦.你那样写也行.
我改的时候总想如果是我写,我可能怎么写.

[ 本帖最后由 Psychocandy 于 2006-2-10 23:45 编辑 ]

果小冻UID：208370

恩。的确容易引起误解。谢谢好psychocandy
一个关键的 introduction 呀。