Issue130 终于搞定了~大家拍拍咯~留链必回拍

adugduUID: 2177983

主旨：同意前句认为儿童社会化确实是未来社会的决定因素，对后句有保留地反对。
提纲：1。社会本来就是由人构成的，而今天儿童的状况决定了明天社会的命运。而社会化对儿童的培养意思极为重要，模仿
      2。简单的反面论证缺少社会化的后果，没有社会化人只是无知的原始的，好象狼孩一样而不要指望成为泰山。
TOPIC: ISSUE 130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
        TIME: 上午 0:58:59          DATE: 2006-2-4
提纲：1，老师的教育方法有所改变，儿童的思维被激发，而创造性思维又是社会进步所需要的。
            2，家长的教育方法也有变化，儿童接触知识的时间早了，东西多了，综合素质提高了，人们生活更加丰富多彩
            3，但是这样的教育方式也导致了一些不好的后果。字数多少？
As the speskerspeaker suggests,how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. In my view一般不推荐用这个好象，人主，用物主, however, we have been learning how to raise children who help bring about a better society, and what's more, what we have done in the way which brings up children can be seen effective in many aspects.......无语

How to raise children is a question which is paid more and more attention toto which more and more attention is paid改成这样的话有语法错误吗？我语法盲，所以你一定要回帖告诉我！, and nowadays, teachers have changed their way of teaching， instead of pouring the knowledge into students' minds blindly, furthermore, a new teachingpedogogic method has formed that teachers are requested to motivate the students to think and to have interests in itit指什么，太长了有点糊涂我. Through this effective wayapproach, students will?show their positive attitude towards the knowledge. Take the class in the primary school for example, the pupils may encounter questions which need pondering like "what do a round look like?", and we can get改为引发。。。答案这种说话为妥，鼓励思考 a great number of creative answers such as a mooncake, a sun, a ring and so on.By these questions, children may develop their ability of creation which is of importance to the proceeding of technology in daily life.

On the other hand, parents also varyare varying现在进行时等为好 their teaching way. They goesgoes? to great lengths to teach the children what they have learned before. There is a common phenomenon that children at three or four are demanded这里是褒还是贬啊，demand是强求的意思啊 to learn a foreign language or maths at home by their dear parents. Even, children are sent to some training center to explore特意查了韦氏，你这个词好象用错了，explore没有开发或者提升的意思1 a : to investigate, study, or analyze 2 : to travel over (new territory) for adventure or discovery
3 : to examine especially for diagnostic purposes   their ability in the music or dancing. As a result, the qualities of children today have jumped to a great step compared with those in the old days, which contributes partially to the variety of life and gives much joy to the life.最后这个从句没太好的说

However, albeit the society apparently turns to be eveneven?不懂 better than before with the methods in which we raise children have been ameliorated, some disadvantages come out. for instanceSeveral children总觉得several children的说话别扭 choose to commit suicide due to the pressure they face, and a few do other things harm to themselves.太突兀了吧

To sum up, by comparison with the effectiveness of the way in which we bring up children, it is much more effective在和谁比较啊, which shows that we have learned how to raise children, while on the other hand, we can not ignore the disadvantages, accordingly, we still had better be exploringkeep on exploring the best way to raise children.结尾有点倒腾

帮你看了下，字数397~~~`汗ing~~~ 简单了点。但是毕竟时间短，可以原谅。文章就后一句进行论述，效果我不知道，自己感觉一下吧，有没有说服力。但是把第一句话完全撇开不要是不对的，这个跟dudu倒是一个毛病，很诧异啊。是不是看了我第二篇issue后，你们对我的景仰之情就有如滔滔讲水啊~~~所以都学我啊。但是盲目崇拜是不对的！！！伟人也有犯错误的时候嘛~~~我上次是写错了，但是这次想不到你们都前仆后继啊，哎，我们组实在是~。。。。。。汗ing~~~不多说了，本人说话一向简单明了啊，不说了，我还没写。写了肯定更次，我想积点口德，免得挨骂啊。啦啦啦~~~~~~~~~脖子好痛的说~~这篇文章好难写的说

adugduUID: 2177983

对了,看我改的这么辛苦,小旋子给我评分啊,加一分就好了~~

dudujasperUID: 2180289

提纲：1，老师的教育方法有所改变，儿童的思维被激发，而创造性思维又是社会进步所需要的。
            2，家长的教育方法也有变化，儿童接触知识的时间早了，东西多了，综合素质提高了，人们生活更加丰富多彩
            3，但是这样的教育方式也导致了一些不好的后果。
As the spesker suggests,how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.(诶，小璇子，不是和你说了文章开头几乎照搬原题不好的么，改啊~~） In my view, however, we have been learning how to raise children who help bring about a better society, and what's more, what we have done in the way which brings up children can be seen effective in many aspects.

How to raise children is a question（这里用这个词不好了，换成难题只类的啦） which is paid more and more attention to, and nowadays, teachers have changed their way of teaching instead of pouring the knowledge into students' minds blindly, furthermore, a new teaching method has formed that teachers are requested to motivate the students to think and to have interests in it.（这句再推敲一下啦） Through this effective way, students show their positive attitude towards the knowledge. Take the class in the primary school for example, the pupils may encounter questions which need pondering like "what do a round look like?", and we can get a great number of creative answers such as a mooncake, a sun, a ring and so on.By these questions, children may develop their ability of creation which is of importance to the proceeding of technology in daily life.
论述创造性思维的重要性，是对第二句的补充论述

On the other hand, parents also vary（alter) their teaching way. They goes（小璇子，你真的最近累了啦，they gose没觉得很奇怪么？） to great lengths to teach the children what they have learned before. There is a common phenomenon that children at three or four are demanded to learn a foreign language or maths at home by their dear parents(这个条件删了，显的狭隘了，还有这个例子赞一下）. Even, children are sent to some training center to explore their ability in the music or dancing. As a result, the qualities of children today have jumped to a great step compared with those in the old days, which contributes（前面的主语是qualities，这里不要加s了，注意了） partially to the variety of life and gives much joy to the life.
指出教育形式的多样化，例子举的很好，但没深入分析，而且貌似和题目没什么联系啊，要写成教育形式的多样化有效的帮助了孩子的社会化

However, albeit the society apparently turns to be even better than before with the methods in which we raise children have been ameliorated, some disadvantages come out. Several children choose to commit suicide due to the pressure they face, and a few do other things harm to themselves.
这段就更不知道你再说什么了，语法有些问题，回去再推敲一下句子。重点指出的是:这种教育方式带来的不良后果和题目的主题有什么联系？是现在的教育没能力使孩子社会化还是什么，总要说出来吧

To sum up, by comparison（强调一下名词不能单独存在，加THE） with the effectiveness of the way in which we bring up children, it is much more effective, which shows that we have learned how to raise children, while on the other hand, we can not ignore the disadvantages, accordingly, we still had better be exploring the best way to raise children.这句话读的我真是有够呛，还是不怎么懂你在讲什么     
      
我们这组的人都是新手，所以要好好努力啊~你肯定是没怎么想题目就来写了，很容易跑题的，事实上也是这样，严重的跑题哦，而且论证的没有深度，语言这次也不是很好。
你对题目第一句的论点都没有提到，和我写的那篇一样，这样可不行
对第二句的的论证貌似只有第一个论证段有点感觉，其它的都不知道你在说什么~
A ZA A ZA FIGHTING哦

[ 本帖最后由 dudujasper 于 2006-2-5 19:21 编辑 ]

freud5027UID: 2165870

As the spesker<speaker> suggests,how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.<听说不喜欢照搬原话的开头，稍微改写一下> In my view, however, we have been learning how to raise children who help bring about a better society, and what's<不要用缩写> more, what we have done in the way which brings up children can be seen effective in many aspects.

How to raise children is a question which is paid more and more attention to, and nowadays, teachers have changed their way of teaching instead of pouring the knowledge into students' minds blindly, furthermore, a new teaching method has formed that teachers are requested to motivate the students to think and to have interests in it. <我觉得说比以前更注重这一点会比较好,或者说从心理学和教育理论的角度，人们更加意识到这种教育方式的重要性>Through this effective way, students show their positive attitude towards the knowledge. Take the class in the primary school for example, the pupils may encounter questions which need pondering like "what do a round look like?", and we can get a great number of creative answers such as a mooncake, a sun, a ring and so on.By these questions, children may develop their ability of creation/creativity which is of importance to the proceeding of technology in daily life.

On the other hand, parents also vary their teaching way. They goes to great lengths to teach the children what they have learned before. There is a common phenomenon that children at three or four are demanded to learn a foreign language or maths at home by their dear parents. Even, children are sent to some training center to explore their ability in the music or dancing. As a result, the qualities of children today have jumped to a great step compared with those in the old days, which contributes partially to the variety of life and gives much joy to the life.<其实这段内容有点中国式口号的感觉，像是优生优育，提高人口素质；至于人们的生活丰富多彩，多少可以算一个和谐理想社会所需要的元素吧>

However, albeit the society apparently turns to be even better than before with the methods in which we raise children have been ameliorated, some disadvantages come out. Several children choose to commit suicide due to the pressure they face, and a few do other things harm to themselves.<这个disadvantage也太简洁了，你应该说明是什么导致了这些现象的发生，而它与教育方式的内在联系又是什么，简而言之，就是找到被忽略的因素。>

To sum up, by comparison with the effectiveness of the way in which we bring up children, it is much more effective, which shows that we have learned how to raise children, while on the other hand, we can not ignore the disadvantages, accordingly, we still had better be exploring the best way to raise children.

总体上，你主要论述了有关raise children的问题，
如昨日所言，个人觉得a better society也是破题的一个突破口，
另外，两者之间的联系也很重要，再思考思考吧……