Issue154 高频 第十篇谢谢您拍！有拍就回// 求互改

jackloveUID: 183611

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."WORDS: 409          TIME: 0:50:00          DATE: 2006-3-7
Revised: 520

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Whether both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools rather than a group of professional educators alone, the speaker suggests so? In my view, not only a group of professional educators but also parents and communities should participate in the local schools. By this way, it is true effective education for students

First of all, we never look down upon the status of professional educators in the process of education. Professional educators are necessary for education in order to impart basic knowledge and professional skill to students. They are all specially trained and are aware of what methods are effective ways for students, what knowledge is compulsive one, and how to make students easily understand the knowledge. They always guide their students to accept and absorb their knowledge from the books effectively. Like a light in night, they lead students to avoiding lots of difficulties and going ahead. If there were no professional educators who help guide students to learn, it is unavoidable for students to confuse and trap and even take great pressure in studying, all of which may cause some psychological problems that are harmful to students.

Additionally, communities should be involved in the local schools. As we all knew, the local schools are closely associated with the communities. The local schools depend on the communities in financial, in turn, local schools bring about students for communities. If the schools are well supported, they generally will be good quality of school. The more preeminent students live or work in communities, the high reputation communities get. Moreover, communities should establish a good environment for students. For example, students need some entertainment place so that they have more opportunities to communicate with peers, which help them know others rather than regarding themselves when doing something. Therefore, communities should support their local schools so that they can bring about more outstanding students for communities and establish a good environment for students.

It is widely held that parents should play a vital role in educating children, no matter in school or after school. Parents exert a great influence on children from their childhood to older. They teach their child how to face with difficulties, with whom they make friends, what should things right and what is wrong. They should communicate with children to help them release the potential pressure or psychological problems. In school, parents should attend their child’s game in the local school, such as child's speech and sports games, which is quite important for students' growth. Meanwhile, parents can communicate with teachers and directors. Through these plans, parents can know about the education of school, the teaching level of teachers, as well as the studies of children. Moreover, parents should make donations for school when they need to establish some basic building or facilities.

In conclusion, the success of local school depends on the involvement of parents and the local community to the extent. Professional educators also play an important part in imparting knowledge and teaching students other aspects about life. Therefore, parents, communities, and professional educators should join efforts to create a good environment for students.

audreytyhUID: 210943

欢迎去改我的文章
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D5

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Whether both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools rather than a group of professional educators alone, the speaker suggests so? In my view, not only a group of professional educators but also parents and communities should participate in the local schools. By this way, it is true effective education for students

First of all, we never look down upon the status of professional educators in the process of education. Professional educators are necessary for education in order to impart basic knowledge and professional skill to students. They are all specially trained and are aware of what methods are effective ways for students, what knowledge is compulsive one, and how to make students easily understand the knowledge. They always guide their students to accept and absorb their knowledge from the books effectively. Like a light in night, they lead students to （lead sb. to do sth.）avoiding lots of difficulties and going ahead. If there were no professional educators who help guide students to learn, it is unavoidable for students to confuse and trap and even take great pressure in studying, all of which(这里用递进语气较好，否则似乎没有逻辑必然性) may cause some psychological problems that are harmful to students.

Additionally, communities should be involved in the local schools. As we all knew, the local schools are closely associated with the communities. The local schools depend on the communities in financial, in turn, local schools bring about students for communities. If the schools are well supported, they generally will be good quality of school. The more preeminent students live or work in communities, the high reputation communities get. Moreover, communities should establish a good environment for students. （why?最好再能说一下原因，或者这样做的好处）For example, students need some entertainment place so that they have more opportunities to communicate with peers, which help them know others rather than regarding themselves when doing something.（know each other之后会有什么好处呢，应该进一步提出对教育结果的好处，才能使读者信服） Therefore, communities should support their local schools so that they can bring about more outstanding students for communities and establish a good environment for students.

It is widely held that parents should play a vital role in educating children, no matter in school or after school. Parents exert a great influence on children from their childhood to older. They teach their child how to face with difficulties, with whom they make friends（how to pick up proper friends, how to make out well judgment 个人感觉这样的排比好一点，呵呵）, what should things right and what is wrong. They should communicate with children to help them release the potential pressure or psychological problems. In school, parents should attend their child’s game in the local school, such as child's speech and sports games, which is quite important for students' growth. Meanwhile, parents can communicate with teachers and directors. Through these plans, parents can know about the education of school, the teaching level of teachers, as well as the studies of children. Moreover, parents should make donations for school when they need to establish some basic building or facilities.

In conclusion, the success of local school depends on the involvement of parents and the local community to the extent. Professional educators also play an important part in imparting knowledge and teaching students other aspects about life. Therefore, parents, communities, and professional educators should join efforts to create a good environment for students.

总体感觉很流畅，论证也很到位，而且能在这么短时间写出这么好的文章，令我很佩服。（呵呵，我这篇写了一个半小时，汗！）

jackloveUID: 183611

To audreytyh :  这个我写了不少时间，50分钟是没写完成，而后又修改的~~~

1。lead sb to do sth 知道了/

2. 递进关系？

3 修改：Moreover, communities should establish a good environment to benefit to the children growth. Good entertainment place make them to have more opportunity to communicate with peers, which help them know others rather than regarding themselves when doing something. By this way, children can learn about the knowledge of society like communication and helping each other, which do not learn from textbooks.

4。排比。

wenyuZUID: 2113611

把你的文章留下了哦.
明天把改后的给你贴回来.
也请你帮我看看我的哦


我的链接:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

谢谢

jackloveUID: 183611

你的链接有误

重新弄一下吧

glxingUID: 2156425

to jacklove:
第三段和第四段展开的不够，论述部分稍显罗嗦，我觉得可以适当得加上一些例子，效果会更好一些；
谨代表个人看法，不一点对啊。
总体来说，写得蛮好的，限时了吗？

glxingUID: 2156425

我的链接
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=429349&extra=
谢谢

wqylUID: 176809

组长的英文水平进步神速啊