argument6 同主题十四期jazz club,让砖头来的更猛烈一些吧!

zyxiaoyingUID: 201524

TOPIC: ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
WORDS: 556       TIME: not limited          DATE: 2006-4-13-23:47
Syllabus :
1未能证明爵士乐在M城非常流行。
分别反驳三个论据：10万人参加去年夏季M城的爵士盛会；知名音乐家住M城；最高收听率的“爵士夜晚”节目
2 nationwide调查数据的草率推广
3 C Note俱乐部必定赚钱无根据：最近的爵士俱乐部在65 mile外不能说明C Note必占领市场；还需其他因素保证成功发展。
This applicant claims that to invest the C Note, a jazz club is sure to make money. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer gives some related evidences to show that jazz music is very popular in Monroe and that the C Note would dominate the local jazz market. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

To begin with, the arguer fails to convince us that jazz music is extremely popular in Monroe. The first evidence that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer doesn't necessarily indicate that all the 100,000 people came from Monroe, because probably most festival audiences came from other places. The second evidence that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe cannot demonstrate the arguer's assertion too because musicians living in Monroe doesn't equal to they performing there. Maybe Monroe has a temper climate and convenient living conditions, so they are willing to live there only. And the phenomenon that 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-radio program is probably just because it is airing on every weeknight, in which time most radio audiences who have to work on daytime then have free time to listen to the radio. Then all the three evidences above cannot bolster the argument that jazz music is extremely popular in Monroe.

Moreover, the arguer commits a haste-generalization fallacy when he cites the nationwide study result that the typical jazz fan spends nearly $1,000 each year on jazz entertainment to support his conclusion, because the nationwide study can't accurately indicate the same situation in Monroe. Without provide any evidence that Monroe jazz fans can typify jazz fans nationwide, the arguer fails to convince us that jazz music is popular in Monroe.

The third place, the arguer provides no evidence whatsoever for the conclusion that the C Note cannot help but make money. First, the claim that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away then the proposed club, the C Note, would occupy local market is doubtful. Here the arguer doesn’t give any evidence to persuade us to believe that Monroe residents would prefer the new club. Perhaps Monroe jazz fans are willing to the old jazz club because its excellent performance and reputation. Even assuming that the old club is too far for the fans, the arguer still does not necessarily prove that the proposal one will make money. Whether a enterprise can be successful in development depends on many factors. Besides the sound existing environment, the management strategy, the club’s daily cost, and so forth, all the factors can make significant influence on the club. Here none of the related information is given. Absent evidence to support the arguer’s conclusion that the C Note would surely make money is dubious at best.

In sum, the loan applicant’s argument that the proposal jazz club, the C Note would make money is unconvincing. To strengthen it the arguer must provide clear evidence that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, including Monroe’s jazz fans would spend on jazz entertainment the same amount with nationwide fans, the jazz music program is actually welcomed by the audiences, and well-known local jazz musicians also perform there. I would also need to know residents prefer to a nearly and better new club than the old one, and the C Note has enough ability to run itself well.

改了两遍，把原来巨长无比750多字的阿狗终于删减到现在这个样子，再精简我目前还有点困难，因为语言水平有限，怕减完说不清楚:L。参考了几家大牛的习作，把自己的想法写了下来，用自己的大白话加上几句模板词完成了，虽然还是觉得有很多思维不够缜密的地方，但又不晓得怎么改进，希望还够格，在这里请大家帮忙拍砖，猛烈的拍！让我也能清醒地意识到自己到底哪儿不足。先谢谢各位了！！！
:handshake