Issue43 同主题写写作第五期－越洋农场geniego

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Insofar as a common citizen care about an public official, that is no more than what he or she has done for public, by this means, an effective leader should be judged by political achievements. Nevertheless（however）, it is undeniable that a public official must maintain basic ethical and moral standards, but not the highest, because capability should be the only key point of an effective leader.
开头写的不错！但是你第一个句子是不是太长了，好象没有连词在里面。

As an effective leader, what is the main standard to assess effectiveness? That should be political achievement which is directly related to capability of an individual but not moral and ethic. Because we all kwon that political officials are all common persons, that is quite unfair to ask them maintain highest standards if he or she is quite capable and truly have done some achievements. For example, Bill Clinton , his scandal in fact did not reduced the approval rates of the public, there is an survey ,after the sexual scandal, showed that most people thought excellent ability and increasing financial condition won him lot of supporters.(还是这个毛病，你从句写的是很长，但是没有连词，不对！) Churchill’s drinking habit also does not forfeit his success. From those instances above, that is common those public officials are all successful but there is still some little faults of them.丘吉尔的例子没有什么作用，没有支撑论点。
这段前面写的不错，感觉语言比以前有进步，表扬。

To be an effective official, communicating ability, insightfulness and individual charm should take precedence over moral and ethic. Because the most important responsibility of an official is to effectively lead his or her department benefiting public, the most crucial point is to communicate with his or her members under control, in this way, the work would be efficient.         And what is more, insightfulness is another primary element, by which the leader would create plan and constructive suggestion which can direct his or her member effectively. Finally, individual charm would attract all his or her members abiding him with content. Considering effectiveness, I think all these would be more important than moral and ethic. We can image an official high ethical and moral standard without communicating ability, insightfulness, we just can admire him but feel quite hard to assign responsibility to him, because he does not maintain the basic quality to be an public official even an leader.
这段写的也不错，看来你是下了功夫的，但是我总感觉道德和这些因素同等重要，不能把这些品质临驾于道德之上，他们是以道德为基础的。一个领导如果没有道德，即使他做的再好，那就称不上effective了

However, what I advocate is not try to deny moral and ethic which also play an important role in the element of a public official（which is also an essential element to be an effective leader). Without basic moral and ethical standards, it is quite possible to lead a public official to be an egregious violator. Corruption and bribery will be main disaster blocking the government and finally smash individual. So sound ethical and moral standard is the basic but should not be the highest, in this way, the efficiency would be highlighted.

To sum, to judge the effectiveness, the key point should be political achievements which directly related to individual capabilities such as communicating ability , insightfulness and personal charm. That does not mean to lower moral and ethic standards, but there is no need to create the highest standards, for which focus on the less important point.
我觉得你的结尾和我的差不多，都是这个毛病，应该强调道德的重要性，基本的。
总结：
这篇文章写的不错，有进步。还有个别小毛病，你现在有个缺点，从句写很长，中间没有连词，不能光顾追求长句而忽略了句子的结构。
你离考试的时间还早， 还可以在语言上多下功夫，不像我 ，我是没救了:L

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