Issue136 （同主题），限时40分钟，挺赶的。。。请帮忙看看，多谢^_^

chenda8201UID??171368

限时40mins内完成，之前看过些资料，但是没有列提纲，计时开始才想的。。。其实还有话想说，可是没时间了。。。
事后做了一定的修改，主要是拼写错误的检查以及补充句子的完整～

Issue136: 510 words  40 minutes
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

In this world, we human beings have lots of choices in most situations and the absence of choice is not a common case, if any, it is very rare.

Admittedly, there exists something that cannot be selected by our human beings in this society. Though humankinds are the masters of this world with the highest intellectual minds among all species living on the Earth, we are not omnipotent in everything. For example, a child cannot choose his or her parents, and also cannot choose the time and the place he or she was born. Yet, this is the absence of choice, however, it is the very rare case that around our living circumstance.

However, in most cases of our daily lives, plenty of choices are appeared in front of us and force us to make choice, though sometimes the choice is not evident. The French writer Sartre wrote in his famous book "Being and Nothingness", claims that "Human beings should make their choice and should be responsible for the choice." Struggling for survival, animals may also make choice when they faced some situations, needless to say the men, who are the cleverest species on this Planet. But some one may claims that he or she has no choice but for the only one there when he or she confronted some troubles. That the decision he or she made is his or her choice. And there should be other ways he or she can choose to deal with things that he or she faced, but for some reason, such as lazy or the lack of capacity or knowledge, he or she fails to try other choices. For example, when one failed in the entrance examination and despair in considering no choice to enter the college but find a job, actually, that there are amount of choices such as taking the next exam or submitting apply for another college. Most cases that "no choice" are not the real situations, but just the thoughts of the people without trying for searching new choices. Consequently, that there exist many choices in our daily lives if we try our best to find them out.

Moreover, not only in daily life, but also in every field such as marketplace or academic world, when we confronted a problem, then we can find that many choices are there and we should make decision. As one of the famous CEO in Malaya that had told (and I paraphrase)"No choice is the reason for the lazy man who failed in his busyness world". And he was succeeding in never loss any choice beside him. For instance, in the academic field, when one met some trouble in his or her experiment for searching a new discovery, and after he or she try so many means but fails to attain his or her goal, then he or she may loss confident for continuing the research job. But the most great invents or discoveries in history are always come from the new choices that the scientists made. From these cases that we can draw a conclusion that every field is full of choices and we human beings should make decision by ourselves and sometimes should dig out some choices that hidden but important.

In sum, choices are everywhere and any time we can and should make our decision for the choices in this world. Therefore, the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly to meet and is a rare case. (578)



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johneyzhangUID??154068

he or she是不是太多了？可以改成one

chenda8201UID??171368

嗯，用one这个建议好^_^
多谢～

翦瞳UID??184872

怎么都没有提纲？
:confused:
Issue136: 510 words  40 minutes
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

In this world, we human beings have lots of choices in most situations and the absence of choice is not a common case, if any, it is very rare. [开头很简洁，也很明白，值得借鉴！]

Admittedly, there exists something that cannot be selected by our human beings in this society. Though humankinds are the masters [可以用单数的吧]  of this world with the highest intellectual minds among all species living on the Earth, we are not omnipotent in everything. For example, a child cannot choose his or her parents, and also cannot choose the time and the place he or she was born. Yet, this is the absence of choice, however, it is the very rare case that around our living circumstance.[支持放在开头的说]

However, in most cases of our daily lives, plenty of choices are appeared （直接用appear） in front of us and force us to make choice, though sometimes the choice is not evident. The French writer Sartre wrote in his famous book "Being and Nothingness", claims that[that] "Human beings should make their choice and should be responsible for the choice." Struggling for survival, animals may also make choice when they faced some situations, needless to say the men [human being]可以这样用的啊！, who are the cleverest species on this Planet. But some one may claims [claim] that he or she has no choice but for the only one there [很别扭，要么去掉，要么换but only one when he or she confronted some troubles. That the decision he or she made [好麻烦，his or her decision 或者 one's decision] is his or her choice. And there should be other ways he or she can choose to deal with things that he or she faced, but for some reason, such as lazy or the lack of capacity or knowledge, he or she fails to try other choices. For example, when one failed in the entrance examination and despair in considering no choice to enter the college but find a job, actually, that 没有主句了！there are [large] amount of choices such as taking the next exam or submitting apply for another college. Most cases that "no choice" are not the real situations, but just the thoughts of the people without trying for searching new choices. Consequently, that无语！:confused:为什么啊？ there exist many choices in our daily lives if we try our best to find them out.

Moreover, not only in daily life, but also in every field such as marketplace or academic world, when we confronted a problem, then we can find that many choices are there and we should [then] make decision. As one of the famous CEO in Malaya that [who] had told (and I paraphrase)"No choice is the reason for the lazy man who failed in his busyness world". And he was succeeding [不懂用这个时态，要表达“一直”，用has/had beening succeeding in, 否则直接用succeed in 就OK！] in never loss any choice beside him. For instance, in the academic field, when one met some trouble in his or her experiment for searching a new discovery, and after he or she try so many means but fails to attain his or her goal, then he or she may loss confident for continuing the research job. But the most great invents or discoveries in history are [are come from:confused:] always come from the new choices that the scientists made. From these cases that we can draw a conclusion that every field is full of choices and we human beings should make decision by ourselves and sometimes should dig out some choices that去掉吧，Hidden作过去分词 hidden but important.

In sum, choices are everywhere and any time we can and should make our decision for the choices in this world. Therefore, the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly to meet and is a rare case. [the absence of choice is hardly to met and rare to confront.] 这样改也不一定好了，但总觉得句子没这么复杂，还有定语从句也可以用which,怎么你都是that？（578)

哎呀，改了这么多，你随便看看吧，加油！我不怎么打击别人的！

chenda8201UID??171368

Originally posted by 翦瞳 at 2005-7-26 09:11
怎么都没有提纲？
:confused:

因为我限时开始时才构思的，写完后也并没有列提纲出来
我一般是限时开始构思提纲也就是每段的TS，然后再把TS扩展，这样写ts时等价与列提纲咯～:p

还有定语从句也可以用which,怎么你都是that?

这个啊，哎呀，我这两天看那个The declaration of Independence，里面全都是that开头的，不知不觉自己的句子也全都是了。。。

我不怎么打击别人的！

打击是好事啊，那样我们被打击的才会印象深刻:handshake



其他意见很是中肯，我下次要注意，如不要那么多that，还有he or she最好用one吧，否则我看着都别扭的～

armstrongUID??204256

In this world, we human beings have lots of choices in most situations and the absence of choice is not a common case, if any, it is very rare. 我觉得开头略显得淡薄了， 是不是在家点， 骨架？？

Admittedly, there exists something that cannot be selected by our human beings in this society.  Though humankinds are the masters of this world with the highest intellectual minds among all species living on the Earth, we are not omnipotent in everything.  写的漂亮 For example, a child cannot choose his or her parents and DNA fingerprint, and also cannot choose the time and the place he or she was born. Yet, this is the absence of choice, however, it is the very rare case that    语法 around our living circumstance.

However, in most cases of our daily lives, plenty of choices are appeared in front of us and force us to make choice, though sometimes the choice is not evident  unappealing. The French writer Sartre wrote in his famous book "Being and Nothingness", claims that "Human beings should make their choice and should be responsible for the choice." Struggling for survival, animals may also make choice when they faced some situations, needless to say the men, who are the cleverest species on this Planet. But some one may claims that he or she has no choice but for the only one there when he or she confronted some troubles. That the decision he or she made is his or her choice. 我觉得你这里有那没一点点罗索了 And there should be other ways he or she can choose to deal with things that he or she faced, but for some reason, such as lazy or the lack of capacity or knowledge 写的好，说到本质赏了, he or she fails to try other choices. For example, when one failed in the entrance examination and despair in considering no choice to enter the college but find a job, actually, that there are amount of choices such as taking the next exam or submitting apply for another college. 例子贴切Most cases that "no choice" are not the real situations, but just the thoughts of the people without trying for searching new choices. Consequently, that there exist many choices in our daily lives if we try our best to find them out.  这段写道点子上了， 就是有点罗索，是不是在精简一下？？

Moreover, not only in daily life, but also in every field such as marketplace business 就可以了 or academic world, when we confronted a problem, then we can find that many choices are there and we should make decision. As one of the famous CEO in Malaya that had told (and I paraphrase)"No choice is the reason for the lazy man who failed in his busyness world". And he was succeeding in never loss any choice beside him. For instance, in the academic field, when one met some trouble in his or her experiment for searching a new discovery, and after he or she try so many means but fails to attain his or her goal, then he or she may loss confident for continuing the research job 不用job. But the most great invents or discoveries in history are always come from the new choices that the scientists made. 最好据个例子， 要不没说浮力  From these cases that we can draw a conclusion that every field is full of choices and we human beings should make decision by ourselves and sometimes should dig out some choices that hidden but important.

In sum, choices are everywhere and any time we can and should make our decision for the choices in this world. Therefore, the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly to meet and is a rare case. (578)
语法我很差就没帮你看了，我看你的整体的骨架没问题， 就是在b2在精简一下， 结尾我写的也不好， 听说是不要再去复述主了， 但是我做不到， 你最好着种些结尾比较好的办法， 加油，写的很不错了这没多的字， 分析还是挺到位的， 坚持下去， 我最近很类了， 还有两天， 有点紧张了，我觉得， 有空多看上几遍ets的范文， 虽然快靠了， 还是有帮助的