issue51 找7月AW战友

linxzUID: 2225479

处女作，谢谢拍砖
ps:找7月底AW friend QQ:16186977

"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet
the individual needs and interests of each student."

Contentions:
A. Individual interests and needs should be satisfied by education in order to inspire learners.
B. Sometimes students need guidance to determine the genuine beneficial knowledge.
C. The demand of society should also be regarded as an indispensable goal of educatioin.

With the fast developing of science of society, modern education puts more
emphasis on nurturing students with their respective specific characters. This
demand, together with the traditional centralized curriculum arrangement, gives
rise to debates about whether education should be designed to meet the needs and interests of every students. On balance, I fundamentally agree with the
speaker's contention, however, we can never overlook the necessarity of some
general courses.

In the first place, individual interests and needs should be satisfied in
education in order to inspire the learners therefore makes them more effective
ones. We must bear in mind that, even individuals are almost the same
physically, but they are different psychologically, even the differences are
very little, but the differences really make sense. Therefore, forcing someone
to focus on the terrority which he finds no interests in or even dislikes might
lead to great waste of time and intelligence. The example of M. Faraday adds
great weight to this reasoning. Faraday, the great scientist and inventor,
founded the first dynamo in 1821, which shocked the whole european science
community and later changed our lives. But the same invention incured the
jealousness. As a result, Faraday had to give up his research on this realm and
spent 10 years on the material engineering which he neither had any advantage
nor interested in. Understandably, he made no notable contribution to the
material area. After his opponents' deaths 10 years later, Faraday was finally
able to return the community of electricity and magnetism and later launched his
greatest work Experimental Research in Electricity. Imaging the meaningless
talent consumption during the 10 years, not only himself, but also the society
had suffered a great loss. In the current fast- developing society, if the
individual's claim to develop his own interests is deliberately ignored, he
might miss the chance to be distinguished, and the public might miss a chance to
a big leap.

Nevertheless, sometimes students need clear or even compelling guidance for they are fully unfamiliar with what to be learned. In the first place, guidance is
crictical for learner to discover his interest. For a child who is almost
totally unaware of the large number of divisions in science, arts, humanities
and social science, how could he know where his interest and talent lie in? The
only way to initial his life learning is to follow the teacher's instructions,
striving to pursue the fundamentals and basic skills of all these disciplines.
Similarly, a graduate student who has just entered a brand new area is always
required to make a survey on every respects as an entrancing job. Hasty decision
on the focus would be misleading and no better than eliminating learner's
interest. In addition, educator's better vision would enable him to indicate the
potential beneficial disciplines of which the significance might be overlooked
by some learners. Many high school students claim that they dislike mathematics.
But should the schools treat mathematical course as optional? Surely not. In
fact, for mathematics plays an unique and dispensable role of forming abstract
and systematical thought, any tendency to disregard the importance of
mathematics, according to many students' willingness, would ultimately produce a
lot of graduates who are incapable to perform any logically thinking.

Moreover, educators must give enough thought to the demand of society when
planning the curriculum. The society calls for mental-healthy, socialized and
responsbible citizens to promise a common bright future. For achieving this
goal, students have to receive education on disciplines classified as liberal
arts. History would make them wise; literature socialized; moral responsible;
law justicial. Without the necessary knowledge on this disciplines, one would
never be a qualified student; without the respective vitues, one would never be
a qualifed citizen. In short, learners should be required to be enrolled in
courses which aim to prepare them one normal member of the society, however
little interest they have.

In sum, I basically agree with the speaker's contention that the willingnesses
and requirements of individuals should be ensured in education process for the
sake of inspiration and efficiency. At the same time, as I analyse above,
certain essential courses are dispensable for only they can provide the
necessary fundamental knowledge and personal qualities.

[ 本帖最后由 linxz 于 2006-6-30 23:45 编辑 ]

searoverUID: 2133188

谢谢拍我的作文，一定来改你的。
我赶完这周组里的作业先
BOW~~~~~~~~~~~~

searoverUID: 2133188

"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

Contentions:
A. Individual interests and needs should be satisfied by education in order to inspire learners.
B. Sometimes students need guidance to determine the genuine beneficial knowledge.
C. The demand of society should also be regarded as an indispensable goal of educatioin.

With the fast developing of science of society,类似这样的开头我也用过，被别人批评后发现确实不大好，空洞 modern education puts more emphasis on nurturing students with their respective specific characters. This demand, together with the traditional centralized curriculum arrangement, gives rise to debates about whether education should be designed to meet the needs and interests of every students. On balance, I fundamentally agree with the speaker's contention, however, we can never overlook the necessarity of some general courses.第一段一定要破题，亮明自己的观点。显然你的观点属于折中态度，但是破题时你忽略了关键词：effective。课程设计的不同最终要归结于对于教育是否有效，所以第一段需要改写

In the first place, individual interests and needs should be satisfied in education in order to inspire the learners therefore makes them more effective ones.此句，make的主语并非individual interests and needs，故不可省略。ones多余了 We must bear in mind that, even individuals are almost the same physically, but they are different psychologically, even the differences are very little, but the differences really make sense.此句甚为冗长 Therefore, forcing someone to focus on the terrorityterrorism？ which he finds no interests in or even dislikes might lead to great waste of time and intelligence. The example of M. Faraday adds great weight to this reasoning. Faraday, the great scientist and inventor, founded the first dynamo in 1821, which shocked the whole european science community and later changed our lives. But the same invention incured the jealousness. As a result, Faraday had to give up his research on this realm and spent 10 years on the material engineering which he neither had any advantage nor interested in. Understandably, he made no notable contribution to the material area. After his opponents' deaths 10 years later, Faraday was finally able to return the community of electricity and magnetism and later launched his greatest work Experimental Research in Electricity. Imaging the meaningless talent consumption during the 10 years, not only himself, but also the society had suffered a great loss.此例冗长，且不甚切题：教育没有体现出来。 In the current fast- developing society, if the individual's claim to develop his own interests is deliberately ignored, he might miss the chance to be distinguished, and the public might miss a chance to a big leap.此段主题句未展开，多是将一个意思重复说了几遍。

Nevertheless, sometimes students need clear or even compelling guidance for they are fully unfamiliar with what to be learned.语法有问题 In the first place,略显重复:) guidance is crictical for learner to discover his interest. For a child who is almost totally unaware of the large number of divisions in science, arts, humanities and social science, how could he know where his interest and talent lie in? The only way to initial his life learning is to follow the teacher's instructions, striving to pursue the fundamentals and basic skills of all these disciplines. Similarly, a graduate student who has just entered a brand new area is always required to make a survey on every respects as an entrancing job. Hasty decision on the focus would be misleading and no better than eliminating learner's interest. In addition, educator's better vision would enable him to indicate the potential beneficial disciplines of which the significance might be overlooked by some learners.从for a child开始，对主题句的展开显得啰嗦，similarly开始可以概述一下即可 Many high school students claim that they dislike mathematics. But should the schools treat mathematical course as optional? Surely not. In fact, for mathematics plays an unique and dispensable role of forming abstract and systematical thought,这个例子比较好，句意结束用句号 any tendency to disregard the importance of mathematics, according to many students' willingness, would ultimately produce a lot of graduates who are incapable to perform any logically thinking.主题句的展开最好用递进的方式，平行的展开显得逻辑性不强

Moreover, educators must give enough thought to the demand of society when planning the curriculum.这句和主题无关吧 The society calls for mental-healthy, socialized and responsbible citizens to promise a common bright future.口号式的句子基本上和主题无关，又显得空洞 For achieving this goal, students have to receive education on disciplines classified as liberal arts. History would make them wise; literature socialized; moral responsible; law justicial.无意义，分号的用法？ Without the necessary knowledge on this disciplines, one would never be a qualified student; without the respective vitues, one would never be a qualifed citizen. In short, learners should be required to be enrolled in courses which aim to prepare them one normal member of the society, however little interest they have.本段与主题基本无关

In sum, I basically agree with the speaker's contention that the willingnesses and requirements of individuals should be ensured in education process for the sake of inspiration and efficiency. At the same time, as I analyse above, certain essential courses are dispensable for only they can provide the necessary fundamental knowledge and personal qualities.总结时，丢掉了关键词effective

整体印象：对关键词的展开不够，似乎有点抛开education will be truely effective了；论证的展开逻辑性不够，基本属于平行展开，语法方面有些问题，复合句写的有点散。

linxzUID: 2225479

thanks!我回尽快修改的，谢谢拍砖。

也会关注你的帖子：）

linxzUID: 2225479

修改之后的版本：

Whether the our education should be specially designed to meet every student's
individual needs and interests or not? The speaker claims so. On balance, I
fundamentally agree that curriculum aiming to address individual needs and
interests would be more effective, however, we can never overlook the necessity
of some general courses.

In the first place, individual interests and needs should be satisfied in
education in order to inspire the learners therefore to makes them more
effective ones. As we know, interest serves as the best teacher in learning, on
the other hand, students have every manner, active or passive, to resist the
disciplines they feel replusive. 10 years mandatory mathematics education would
finally make a third-rate scientist, while only 3 months courses on literature
would help the same student to become a highly successful novelist.

The example of R. Schumann adds great weight to this reasoning. Schumann, the
distinguished German musician, was greatly interested in music since his
childhood. However, when he was 18, one boring and depressing year in the law
school almost killed his talent. We should feel luckily that, Schumann finally
decided to reject the law education and return to the music realm, otherwise,
the society would have another third-rate lawyer while lose a great composer.
Considering those talents who are obliged but have no courage to resist, their
potential contribution would be neglected forever.

Nevertheless, sometimes students need clear or even compelling guidance. On one
hand, guidance is critical for learner to locate his interest. A graduate
student who has just entered a brand new field is always required to make a
survey on every respects in this field as the entrancing job. Hasty decision on
the study focus would be misleading and no better than eliminating learner's
interest. On the other hand, even if the learner has his own interest, he could
benefit from the curriculum suggested by the educator. For educator, who usually
has a better vision, can indicate the disciplines which have potential and
profound effects. Many high school students claim that they dislike
mathematics. But should the schools treat mathematical course as optional?
Surely not. In fact, for mathematics plays an unique and indispensable role of
forming abstract and systematical thought. Any tendency to disregard the
importance of mathematics, according to many students' willingness, would
ultimately produce a lot of graduates who are incapable to perform any logically
thinking.

In sum, I basically agree with the speaker's contention that the individual
willingnesses and requirements of individuals should be ensured in education
process for the sake of inspiration and efficiency. At the same time, as I
analyze above, certain essential courses are vital for they can provide the
necessary fundamental knowledge and personal qualities.

ann01UID: 2196411

粗看了下,没发现大问题.等我好好研究,再把意见给你

ann01UID: 2196411

Whether the our education should be specially designed to meet every student's
individual needs and interests or not? The speaker claims so. On balance, I
fundamentally agree that curriculum aiming to address individual needs and
interests would be more effective, however, we can never overlook the necessity
of some general courses.

In the first place, individual interests and needs should be satisfied in
education in order to inspire the learners therefore to makes them more
effective ones. As we know, interest serves as the best teacher in learning, on
the other hand, (students have every manner, active or passive, to resist the
disciplines they feel replusive.这句话总觉得怪怪的 )10 years mandatory mathematics education would
finally make a third-rate scientist, while only 3 months courses on literature
would help the same student to become a highly successful novelist.

The example of R. Schumann adds great weight to this reasoning. Schumann, the
distinguished German musician, was greatly interested in music since his
childhood. However, when he was 18, one boring and depressing year in the law
school almost killed his talent. We should feel luckily that, Schumann finally
decided to reject the law education and return to the music realm, otherwise,
the society would have another third-rate lawyer while lose a great composer.
Considering those talents who are obliged but have no courage to resist, their
potential contribution would be neglected forever.仔细想想这个例子好象有点点不切题啊。题中是说education要specifically designed to meet…这个例子倒是说edcation要meet interest and need了，但不是specifically designed的eduction。题目所指是不是比如本来都要学统一的音乐课，这人唱歌特别好就多学些唱歌这种specifically designed的education啊？
Nevertheless, sometimes students need clear or even compelling guidance. On one
hand, guidance is critical for learner to locate his interest. A graduate
student who has just entered a brand new field is always required to make a
survey on every respects in this field as the entrancing job. Hasty decision on
the study focus would be misleading and no better than eliminating learner's
interest. On the other hand, even if the learner has his own interest, he could
benefit from the curriculum suggested by the educator. For educator, who usually
has a better vision, can indicate the disciplines which have potential and
profound effects. Many high school students claim that they dislike
mathematics. But should the schools treat mathematical course as optional?
Surely not. In fact, for mathematics plays an unique and indispensable role of
forming abstract and systematical thought. Any tendency to disregard the
importance of mathematics, according to many students' willingness, would
ultimately produce a lot of graduates who are incapable to perform any logically
thinking.

In sum, I basically agree with the speaker's contention that the individual
willingnesses and requirements of individuals should be ensured in education
process for the sake of inspiration and efficiency. At the same time, as I
analyze above, certain essential courses are vital for they can provide the
necessary fundamental knowledge and personal qualities

linxzUID: 2225479

"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet
the individual needs and interests of each student."

Contention:
A. Individual interests and needs should be satisfied by education for the sake of effectiveness.

B. Students need guidance to locate their interest and to receive some vital
courses.


Whether the our education should be specially designed to meet every student's
individual needs and interests or not? The speaker claims so. On balance, I
fundamentally agree that curriculum aiming to address individual needs and
interests would be more effective, however, we can never overlook the necessity
of general courses.

In the first place, individual interests and needs should be satisfied in
education in order to inspire the learners. On interesting subjects, students
learn by various manners together with their private time, to absorb, to
inquire, to question, to image and to verify. They can perform so active that
usually exceed the requirment of the course. Coversely, if they feel boring or
replusive of some disciplines, they would employ all means to avoid and resist
the related learning task, which lead to a waste of time and energy.

The example of R. Schumann adds great weight to this reasoning. Schumann, the
distinguished German musician, was forced to study in a law school for one year
when he was 18. He descirbed the year as boring and depressing. This year almost
had killed his talent. Therefore, we can conclude that, education should give
enought thought to individuality, otherwise it might serve as a murder of human
talents.

Nevertheless, sometimes students should be compelled to study certain courses.
On one hand, guidance is critical for learner to discover his interest. A
graduate student who has just entered a brand new field is usually required to
make a survey on every respects in this field as the entrancing job. Hasty
decision on the study focus would be misleading and no better than eliminating
his interest. On the other hand, personal interests could benefit from the
curriculum suggested by the educator. For educator, who usually has a better
vision, can indicate the disciplines which have potential and profound effects.
For instance, many high school students claim that they dislike mathematics. But
should the schools treat mathematical course as optional? Surely not. In fact,
mathematics plays an unique and indispensable role of forming abstract and
systematical thought. Any tendency to deny the importance of mathematics, though
consists with many students' willingness, would ultimately produce a lot of
graduates who are incapable to perform any logically thinking.

Last but not the least, beside the individual goals, the education should also
take the requirements of society into consideration. Student, as a citizen of
the society, is expected to equipped with social rules, ethics, and legal
knowledge. Without such qualities, he not only can never be a qualified citizen,
but also would be potentially harmful to the public. Therefore, education must
classify social studies as the necessary courses for students, no matter whether
they have interests in.

In sum, I basically agree with the speaker's contention that the individual
willingnesses and requirements of individuals should be ensured in education
process for the sake of inspiration and efficiency. At the same time, as I
analyze above, certain essential courses are vital for they can provide the
necessary fundamental knowledge and personal qualities.