黎的独立作文

zhaoliyaoUID: 2388938

以后就都放在这里吧~作文

zhaoliyaoUID: 2388938

4.13日


  There is a general controversy nowadays about if the students keepingrooms neat andorganized is more likely to be successful. Those whoadvocate students tidingthe rooms argue that a clean circumstance cancreate a joy mood for thestudent, which will increase his efficiencyand lead him to the way of success.They believe that, this good lifehabit represents the virtue of the teenager,and one's virtue alwaysdetermines his fortune. But, people who object to it,on the other hand,argue that weather to keep rooms neat or not, is not relatedto one'ssuccess at all. From my point of view, I definitely agree withtheformer.
  Among the most convincing reasons offered by people, one shouldbeemphasized that, a neat and organized room usually has a positiveinfluence onstudent's temper. Just take me as an example. Before Ibegin to study, I mustmake sure that everything in my room is in order.And then, I can feel I'membodied by relax and happy atmosphere. Surely,a happy temper can be astimulus to improve student's work quality. Thehigher work quality one has,the easier access to a high mark in exam.Of course he will tend to be moresuccessful.
  Keeping rooms spick and span can not only create a joy mood forstudentsbut it will cultivate our virtues as well. If you are able toarrange things inyour room well enough, means you've already had a goodlife habit. Usually, thegood habit can contribute to your virtueincluding independence, diligent andcompetent which are all crucialelements for one's success. Just like there isa common saying that"character determines fortune."
  Onthe other hand, we have to admitted that there are a group of famouspeople,who never focus on the circumstance around them. All they do isjust concentratingon their work even though the room is in a mass. Inthis case, we cannot say,they are not successful only because theydon't tidy the room.
  Considering all the factors above, we may come to the conclusionthat,in most of the cases, students with neat and organized rooms havemuch moreadvantages to achieve their goals and win the competitions. Ibelieve studentscan obtain potential benefits from keeping room neatand organized.

john_332UID: 2741978

4.13日

  There is a general controversy (高级好词)nowadays about if (用whether吧)the students keeping rooms neat andorganized is more likely to be successful. Those who advocate students tiding the rooms argue that a clean circumstance cancreate a joy mood for the student, which will increase his efficiencyand lead him to the way of (就直接lead to就OK了)success.They believe that, this good lifehabit represents the virtue of the teenager,and one's virtue alwaysdetermines his fortune.(上句写得很好，学习一下) But, people who object to it,on the other hand,argue(加s) that weather(whether) to keep rooms neat or not, is not relatedto one'ssuccess at all. From my point of view, I definitely agree withtheformer.

  Among the most convincing reasons offered by people, one shouldbeemphasized that, a neat and organized room usually has a positiveinfluence onstudent's temper. Just take me as an example. Before Ibegin to study, I mustmake sure that everything in my room is in order.And then, I can feel I'membodied by relax and happy atmosphere. (例子没有讲完，那后来可以说有好的心情确实效率/正确率也提高了等...)Surely,a happy temper can be astimulus to improve student's work quality. Thehigher work quality one has,the easier access to a high mark in exam.Of course he will tend to be moresuccessful.

  Keeping rooms spick and span can not only create a joy mood forstudentsbut it will cultivate our virtues as well. If you are able toarrange things inyour room well enough, means you've already had a goodlife habit.(good habit in life) Usually, thegood habit can contribute to your virtueincluding independence, diligent andcompetent which are all crucialelements for one's success. Just like there isa common saying that"character determines fortune."

  Onthe other hand, we have to admitted that there are a group of famouspeople,who never focus on the circumstance around them. All they do isjust concentratingon their work even though the room is in a mass. Inthis case, we cannot say,they are not successful only because theydon't tidy the room. (这一段就没必要了，因为和你的论点不相关，TOFEL的作文没必要用两点论，立场鲜明，论据有力就OK了)
Considering all the factors above, we may come to the conclusionthat,in most of the cases, students with neat and organized rooms havemuch moreadvantages to achieve their goals and win the competitions. Ibelieve studentscan obtain potential benefits from keeping room neatand organized.  

文章总体都不错，结构，语言都有很多值得学习的地方，只是论证方面感觉不是很有力，通过例子来推导结论显得比较牵强，可以仔细琢磨一下。

zhaoliyaoUID: 2388938

4.14

Do you agree or disagree the followingstatement
Children should only play sports for fun,not in competition or contests.

   There is a public controversy nowadays about weather children shouldonly play sports for fun instead of playing in competition or not. Those whoadvocate the young should play sports for fun argue that the sport itselfprovides a wonderful platform for children to make new friends. They believethat via playing sports, children are able to exercise their virtues including cooperating with accompanies and being responsible for others, and this will let them much easier to adapt to the society when they grow up. But people who object to the point, on the other hand, argue that playing sports incompetition or contests can teach children to be more aggressive and let them obtain confidence by winning the game intheir early ages.

  From my point of view, I support the point that children should playsports only for fun without any other propose. Among the most convincing reasons identified by people, oneshould be emphasized that playing games for fun contributes to making a lot ofnew friends for children. For example, my little brother just has taken part ina tennis club near our home recently. Since then, he finds a large number of children who have common interests and hobbies the same as him in the group. By having pleasure conversations among them after playing the sports, my brother develops the friendship with his accompanies. For these children, the more friends they gain, the more happiness they will obtain. Obviously, playing sports in apleasure atmosphere acts a very significant role in children's life.

   Another positive impact on children who play sports for fun is that itcan exercise children's virtue in their early ages. When they play as a teamduring a football game, they must learn how to cooperate and communicate withother members in order to kick the ball into the gate. If the ball failed topass from one to another member, there is no need to blame him. Because this membermust have absorbed lessons from his little mistake, and will perform better inorder to be responsible for his team members. But remember, it's only a gamefor fun, no matter who win or who lost. The sport itself which practiceschildren's character has a profoundimpact on their later life.

   Admittedly, in some cases, children who play sports in competition orcontests tend to be more aggressive and have much more desire to win the games.For them, the confidence from being a winner probably encourages them to achieve their goals one by one.However, I believe the advantages of playing sports for fun outweigh benefitswe gain from playing in contests.

   Considering all the factors above, we can come to the conclusion that playing sports for fun will definitely help children make friends and cultivatetheir virtues of cooperation and responsibility. Holding these predominance in their childhood, they will have much more opportunity to gain achievement in future.

yan121UID: 2415099

4.13

There is a general controversy nowadays about if the students keeping rooms neat and organized is(are) more likely to be successful. Those who advocate students tiding(should tide) the rooms argue that a clean circumstance can create a joy mood for the student, which will increase his efficiency and lead him to the way of success. They believe that, this good life habit represents the virtue(virtue用在这里貌似怪怪的 改成personality什么的会不会好点哦？) of the teenager, and one's virtue always determines his fortune. But,(逗号可去掉) people who object to it, on the other hand, argue that weather(whether) to keep rooms neat or not,(逗号可去掉) is not related to one's success at all. From my point of view, I definitely agree with the former.

  Among the most convincing reasons offered by people, one should be emphasized is that, a neat and organized room usually has a positive influence on student's temper. Just take me(take myself) as an example. Before I begin to(可去掉) study, I must make sure that everything in my room is in order. And then,(可去掉) I can feel I'm(myself) embodied by relax(relaxing) and happy atmosphere. Surely, a happy temper can be a stimulus to improve(improving??) student's work quality. The higher work quality one has, the easier access to a high mark in exam. Of course he will tend to be more successful.  Keeping rooms spick-and-span(这个..该加的hyphen还是要加..) can not only create a (joy)joyful mood for students but it will(but also) cultivate our virtues as well. If you are able to arrange things in your room well enough, (it 从句不能没有主语吧..) means you've already had a good life habit. Usually, the good habit can contribute to your virtue including independence, diligent(diligence) and competent(competence 都要用名词哦 可是不知道为什么整理房间能培养能力的..) which are all crucial elements for one's success. Just like there is（去掉） a common saying that "character determines fortune（运气？如过要说命运应该是fate哦）."
  On the other hand, we have to admitted that there are a group of famous people, who never focus on the circumstance around them. All they do is just concentrating on their work even though the room is in a mass. In this case, we cannot say, they are not successful only because they don't tidy the room.

  Considering all the factors above, we may come to the conclusion that, in most of the cases, students with neat and organized rooms have much more advantages to achieve their goals and win the competitions. I believe students can obtain potential benefits from keeping room neat and organized.


先道歉，改晚了..不好意思呢。
至于语言的话 嘿嘿 比较模板哦 语法问题要注意 嗯 还有不要太口语化了...
结构的话，首段和尾段都表明支持题目，但是支持的论述只有一段，不够充分；倒数第二段写了例外的情况又削弱了论证，如果一定要写的话最好还是要想办法引到正题来。建议看看别人的文章多写一些理由哦。
加油哈～

yschasedream6vUID: 2789448

4# zhaoliyao
There is a public controversy nowadays about weather children should only play sports for fun instead of playing in competition or not（这句引出论点句型很赞）. Those who advocate the young should play sports for fun argue that the sport itself provides a wonderful platform for children to make new friends. They believe that via playing sports, children are able to exercise their virtues including cooperating with accompanies and being responsible for others, and this will let them much easier to adapt to the society when they grow up. But people who object to the point, on the other hand（去掉，前有but）， argue that playing sports in competition or contests can teach children to be more aggressive and let them obtain confidence by winning the game in their early ages.
& B8 K+ \1 U/ m- C  X, H  q& h0 K; \* n
(作者的观点最好在第一段就说出来) From my point of view, I support the point that children should play sports only for fun without any other proposes. Among the most convincing reasons identified by people, one should be emphasized that playing games for fun contributes to making a lot of new friends for children. For example, my little brother just has taken part in a tennis club near our home recently. Since then, he finds a large number of children who have common interests and hobbies the same as him in the group. By having pleasure conversations among them after playing the sports, my brother develops the friendship with his accompanies (用这个partners也不错). For these children, the more friends they gain, the more happiness they will obtain. Obviously, playing sports in a pleasure atmosphere acts a very significant role in children's life.
! w+ I; v* R% Y+ E$ M* a  e! X" r( P6 U/ s, `
   Another positive impact on children who play sports for fun is that it can exercise children's virtue in their early ages. When they play as a team during a football game, they must learn how to cooperate and communicate with other members in order to kick the ball into the gate. If the ball failed to pass from one to another member（换成opponent）, there is no need to blame him. Because this member must have absorbed lessons from his little mistake（我记得吸取教训这样用比较好些 draw lessons from his mistakes）, and will perform better in order to be responsible for his team members. But remember (这里只有一个谓语动词), it's only a game for fun, no matter who win or who lost. The sport itself (去掉itself) which practices children's character has a profound impact on their later life. - ]* y* j/ B9 W. @
: w1 l0 t% ]; F  {
   Admittedly （最后总结时用）, in some cases, children who play sports in competition or contests tend to be more aggressive and have much more desire to win the games. For them, the confidence from being a winner probably encourages them to achieve their goals one by one. However, I believe the advantages of playing sports for fun outweigh benefits we gain from playing in contests.
8 i: Z% C+ u( R  Z* m- o: Q3 l+ z8 n0 |" z
   considering all the factors above, we can come to the conclusion that playing sports for fun will definitely help children make friends and cultivate their virtues of cooperation and responsibility. Holding these predominance in their childhood, they will have much more opportunity to gain achievement in future
   用了好多复杂句式使文章增色不少，但不知你体会到没，好多表达不地道。建议多写简单句，表达复杂的思想。有一点很赞楼主用并列结构扩展句子很不错，但有时放词时有点生硬。文章有不少模板的影子。
   整篇文章结构有点不太合乎5段式，首先作者的观点必须在第一段说明，接下来是3段分论点（具体有好多结构比如2-1），最后一段总结。
  我只能说说我的一些看法，希望对你有帮助。

zhaoliyaoUID: 2388938

4 21作文

do you think people should buy things madein their own country, even the price is higher than same things made somewhereelse

With the development of economic globalized trend, there is a general controversy nowadays about buying things made in their own country with a higher price or buying the same things made somewhere else with a lower price. Those who advocate the former argue that the support of native people can benefit for promoting local economy. But people who prefer to buying things with a lower price in somewhere else, on the other hand, argue that it will save a lot of money for native people, so these money can be used in a more efficient waysuch as education fund or further investment. They also believe that, under the huge competition pressure, local enterprises will reform their inner structure and develop new cheaper products with high quality. From my point of view, I support the latter one.

Among the most convincing reasons offered by people, one should be emphasized that buying things with a relatively lower price can actually save asum of money for people, even though the goods are produced in other countries. For instance, there is a Switzerland couple want to buy some electronic machines for their new house. By purchasing instruments made in USAinstead of that made in their own countries, they save almost one quarter sum of money. And then they can take advantage of the extra money to do other thingt hey like——traveling to the country nearby. Let'sa ssume what a good trip they will enjoy. Exposed to different culture and charming landscape, they are able to perceive and appreciate the world through a different set of eye. Obviously, the money saved has a positive impact on improving their life quality.

Another contributing factor is that the local companies can benefit a lot from the sharp competitions. Because of the huge pressure from foreign enterprises, local companies will enforce them to create new technology in order to attract more customers. So, this will stimulate them to improve the goods quality and reduce the goods cost. And when they develop these new products successfully, there is no doubt that they will win the competition in the market again.

At the same time, some people may argue that supporting the goods produced in native country can benefit for increasing the local worker's income and promoting the local economy. However, if we considering all the elements in alonger time, this action will probably be harmful for the fair competition  circumstance and cause more local companies going bankrupt without progression. Considering all the factors above, we can safely come to the conclusion that people should buy things with a lower priceeven though they are manufactured in other countries.

happyxixi1011UID: 2755572

不好意思，我今天有点事情，一会就来帮你改哦

happyxixi1011UID: 2755572

With the development of economic globalized trend(这个表达方式有点怪，建议改成With the trend of economic globalization), there is a general controversy nowadays about buying things made in their own country with a higher price or buying the same things made somewhere else with a lower price. Those who advocate the former argue that the support of native people can benefit for(can contribute to) promoting local economy. But people who prefer to buying things with a lower price in somewhere else, on the other hand, argue that it will save a lot of money for native people, so these money can be used in a more efficient way such as education fund or further investment. They also believe that, under the huge competition pressure, local enterprises will reform their inner structure and develop new cheaper products with high quality. From my point of view, I support the latter one.T+ o. ]  x8 D+ G2 N& m3 t

Among the most convincing reasons offered by people, one should be emphasized that buying things with a relatively lower price can actually save a sum of money for people, even though the goods are produced in other countries. For instance, there is a Switzerland couple want to buy some electronic machines for their new house. By purchasing instruments made in USA instead of that made in their own countries, they save almost one quarter sum of money. And then they can take advantage of the extra money to do other thingt hey like——traveling to the country nearby. Let's a ssume what a good trip they will enjoy. Exposed to different culture and charming landscape, they are able to perceive and appreciate the world through a different set of eye. Obviously, the money saved has a positive impact on improving their life quality.（感觉这个例子有点冗长，建议精简一点。）
    Another contributing factor is that the local companies can benefit a lot from the sharp competitions. Because of the huge pressure from foreign enterprises, local companies will enforce them to create new technology in order to attract more customers. So, this will stimulate them (两个代词指代不太明确)to improve the goods’ quality and reduce the goods’cost. And when they develop (建议改成If they can develop) these new products successfully, there is no doubt that they will win the competition in the market again. # X5 Z( t" z% w' F5 _
    At the same time, some people may argue that supporting the goods produced in native country can benefit for increasing the local worker's income and promoting the local economy. However, if we considering all the elements in a longer time(建议改成in the long run), this action will probably be harmful for the fair competition circumstance and cause more local companies going bankrupt without progression. Considering all the factors above, we can safely come to the conclusion that people should buy things with a lower price even though they are manufactured in other countries.6 \$ \# W* y! Z# i* d" `6 K7 L
文章还是不错的，论据比较有力，但是有些地方空格忘记打了，考试的时候稍微注意下哦。

zhaoliyaoUID: 2388938

5.8 09.4.3NA
The best way to improve the quality of theeducation in a country is to increase teacher's salaries.


Nowadays, there is a general controversy about whether the best way toimprove the quality of education in a country is to increase teacher'ssalaries. Those who advocate the opinion arguethat higher salaries can be a stimulus for teachers using more time and energyin education. But, people who object to the opinion, on the other hand, arguethat the crucial element is to cultivate teachers' personalities in education.They also believe that renewing equipments in the school plays a significantrole for improving the quality of education in a country. From my point ofview, I support the latter one.

Among the most convincing reasons offered by people, one should beemphasized that the foundation of successful education is the improvement of teachers'qualities. Without carefully teaching, hardly can students grow up healthy.Thereby, teachers must try their best to exercise their personalities. Aboveall, they should learn to be responsible for students. In addition, a goodteacher needs to possess a wide range of knowledge, which can fulfill theknowledge desire of students. And also, if teachers have a sense of humor,students will be much easier to follow the professor and concentrate themselvesin class. Obviously, all of these personalities of teacher will have a positiveimpact on improving the quality of education.


Another contributing factor to promote the quality of education isrenewing equipments of the school. A neat campus circumstance,a large number of laboratories and richeducation resources always represent the highlevel education quality of a country. Let's imaging that how can students beprofessional in computer science, if there is not any computers in a school atall. So, all of these equipments are essentialfor schools.

Atthe same time, some people may argue that many teachers can be motivated by thehigher salaries, which can make them more likely to put their energy and timein education. However, money isn't everything and it shouldn't be the originalmotivation for teachers. In our society, a large number of people choose tobecome teachers not for money, but because they are full of
passion and enthusiasmin teaching children.

Considering all the factors above, we can safely come to the conclusionthat increasing teacher's salaries is not the best way to improve the qualityof the education in a country.

zhaoliyaoUID: 2388938

5.10 08.5.16NA
是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects?


Nowadays, there is a general controversy aboutwhich instrument, telephone or television has more effects on human beings.Those who advocate the telephone argue that telephone emphasizes the communicationbetween people all over the world, which shorten the distance among friends andfamily members. But, people who believe that television acts a more importantrole in human beings, on the other hand, argue that television enables peopleto increase knowledge sharply in a short time, and make them find out the field they are interested with. From my point of view,it's hard to tell which invention has more effects on humans, because both ofthem promote the development of the world extremely in recent one hundred years.

Among the most positive effects that the telephone brings to people, oneshould be emphasized that it connects people around the world and shortens thedistance of friends and family members verymuch. Just take many Chinese who live in America as an example. When thespring festival is coming, a large number of Chinesestudents who cannot go back to home town, choose to make a phone call withtheir parents. Through the telephone, their parents are able to hear theirchildren clearly, and know about the recent life of them, as if their offspringare just nearby.

Let's imaging, without the telephone, howcan the family members communicate with each other acrossthe Atlantic.

Atthe same time, we cannot ignore the important effects of television as well.With the inventing of the television, people can obtain a wider range ofknowledge in a short time. It assists people, especially the children, to findout what they prefer. For instance, if a child sees a documentary on spaceexploration, he might develop a passion for it and continue studying it laterin life. A show that a person watched when he was a child could possibly have astimulus for choosing a career. Obviously, television has a positive impact onpeople.

Considering all the factors above, we can safely come to the conclusionthat both telephone and television play significant roles in human beings life.

xuyining09UID: 2789665

同学。。我5.10的作文你还没给我改呃。。

伶女UID: 2797207

5.8 09.4.3NAThe best way to improve the quality of theeducation in a country is to increase teacher's salaries.9 j  d, C0 ^2 l( g- v/ B7 v, ONowadays, there is a general controversy about whether the best way toimprove the quality of education in a country is to increase teacher'ssalaries. Those who advocate the opinion argue已经陈述观点了用agree或者hold the point吧that higher salaries can be a stimulus这里是可数么 for teachers using改成spending吧 more time and energy这还有个,那..前面改成taking好了,using太中文了 in education. But,这里加逗号?! people who object to the opinion, on the other hand, argue that the crucial element我觉得用factor好一些 is to cultivate teachers' personalities这种用法没见过呢 in education.They also believe that renewing（update） equipments in the school plays a significantrole for(in) improving the quality of education in a country. From my point ofview, I support the latter one. Among the most convincing(ed) reasons offered by people这半句说法很奇怪，有些中文感, one should be emphasized that the foundation of successful education is the improvement of teachers'qualities. Without carefully teaching这个搭配也怪怪的, hardly can students grow up healthily.Thereby, teachers must try their best to exercise their personalities.（personalities和carefully teaching貌似没有直接因果关系，exercise personalities一说也有问题） Aboveall, they should learn to be responsible for students. In addition, a goodteacher needs to possess a wide range of knowledge, which can fulfill theknowledge desire用satisfy吧 of students. And also, if teachers have a sense of humor,students will be much easier to follow the professor and concentrate themselvesin class. Obviously, all of these personalities of teacher will have a positiveimpact on improving the quality of education.Another contributing factor to promote the quality of education is renewing equipments of the school. A neat campus circumstance,a large number of laboratories and rich education resources always represent the highlevel education quality of a country. Let's imaging that how can students beprofessional in computer science, if there is not any computers in a school atall. So, all of these equipments are essentialfor schools.这个论点论证的没什么说服力啊.  Atthe same time, some people may argue that many teachers can be motivated by thehigher salaries, which can make them more likely to put还是take吧 their energy and timein education. However, money isn't everything and it shouldn't be the originalmotivation for teachers. In our society, a large number of people choose tobecome teachers not for money, but去掉 because they are full of passion and enthusiasmin teaching children换成education business书面一点.
Considering all the factors above, we can safely不知道怎么改。。。。去掉好了。。。。 come to the conclusionthat increasing teacher's salaries is not the best way to improve the qualityof the education in a country.

LZ的文章有点乱，也许并没有很乱，但是很多语句中的处理不当已经足够打断我看这篇作文的思路，以至于还要看好一会才能找出文章的思路。
词语搭配不当还有中文性的描述在文章中出现的比较频繁，应该好好注意一下.再就是论证的不怎么有说服力，我觉得要想好论点再下笔，有针对性的进行论述比较好。
个人意见，希望能够帮到LZ同学：）

伶女UID: 2797207

同学 你的5.10的也是我改呢，抱歉这两天太忙太累了
5.10我明天来改哈，不要介意不要介意哈～～～～

伶女UID: 2797207

5.10 08.5.16NA0 }, s0 x, h3 i6 F
是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects?8 T( N  o3 x- `! ]1 a
% L' q2 @7 l* G

Nowadays, there is a general controversy aboutwhich instrument, telephone or television has more effects on human beings.Those who advocate the telephone argue关于这里，我查了一下可以这样用的，哈哈，同学我又学习啦～～ that telephone emphasizes the communicationbetween people all over the world, which shorten the distance among friends andfamily members. But, people who believe that television acts a more importantrole in human beings, on the other hand, argue that television enables peopleto increase knowledge sharply in a short time, and make them find out the field they are interested with(in). From my point of view,it's hard to tell which invention has more effects on humans, because both ofthem promote the development of the world extremely in recent one hundred years.

Among the most positive effects that the telephone brings to people, oneshould be emphasized that it connects people around the world and shortens thedistance of friends and family members verymuch. Just take many Chinese who live in America as an example. When thespring festival is coming, a large number of Chinesestudents who cannot go back to home town, choose to make a phone call withtheir parents. Through the telephone, their parents are able to hear theirchildren clearly, and know about the recent life of them, as if their offspringare just nearby.
' {  u# A+ [. `9 P' T8 Y3 Q
Let's imaging, without the telephone, howcan the family members communicate with each other acrossthe Atlantic.
5 R9 t' W$ d9 S8 a
Atthe same time, we cannot ignore the important effects of television as well.With the inventing of the television, people can obtain a wider range ofknowledge in a short time. It assists people, especially the children, to findout what they prefer. For instance, if a child sees a documentary on spaceexploration, he might develop a passion for it and continue studying it laterin life. A show that a person watched when he was a child could possibly have astimulus for choosing a career. Obviously, television has a positive impact onpeople.
, [" m0 S! @7 o8 L$ c( A
Considering all the factors above, we can safely come to the conclusionthat both telephone and television play significant roles in human beings life.

连着改了两篇，语法上虽然没什么问题，也算流畅，但是通篇的表意很中文化，用词方面也要注意，这篇标出了几个比较明显的地方，基本问题跟上篇相同。内容上挺好的。个人意见，希望这些对同学有帮助：）