我的作文帖

chenxingjian0UID：2707401

7月20日Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money
The statement argues that businessmen are only motivated bydesire of money. In my opinion, it is too unilateral even though it is partlyright in some ways.

Human beings are crazy about convenient and comfortable lifewith plenty of money. It is well known that business is the most profit job. Itis report that the average salary of business is at the first place in Chinalast year. There are many people who doing business for money. More and morepeople contribute to be businessmen for money. By doing so, people could livein a decent salary.
Their motivation is the desire of money, after all money hasbecome one of the most essential things in our society.
Having more money will help people earn more socialrespects and higher states. Some people believe that being rich meanseverything. Beautiful house, race cars and numerous luxuries could be reached.They may also accept “money talks” as true. The desire of money connects lifeof different people. Acquiring more money is their initial and eternal goal.
However, too many things could not be exchange by money.Money cannot save patients beyond cure; money cannot win lovers dropping intodesperation; money cannot earn friends who have cut off friendship. And businessmenmust know this point. But they just cannot stop trying to make money.
According to Maslow‘s Hierarchy of Needs, one person hasseven different needs in various conditions. Desire for money is one need ofbeing alive and perhaps, respects. However, businessmen could have their dreamswhich are not only for more money. Some businessmen would like to work forcharitable enterprise. Some businessmen love industry technology and science. Earningmore money is one necessary step to achieve their final dreams. For example,one dreams to be a philosopher. Money may offer him or her basic livingconditions such as food and clothes. Nevertheless, he or she has to spendplenty of time in philosophy rather than reading business reports.

All in all, businessmen are always motivated by money,because that their work and responsibilities. But sometime they may give upthat to some other motivation.

Mason.PDUID：2592013

The statement argues that businessmen are only motivated bydesire of money. In my opinion, it is too unilateral even though it is partlyright in some ways. / M) [: ?* u% x( u+ j# ?

Human beings are crazy about convenient and comfortable lifewith plenty of money. It is well known that business is the most profit job. Itis report that the average salary of business is at the first place in Chinalast year. There are many people who doing business for money. More and morepeople contribute to be businessmen for money. By doing so, people could livein a decent salary. ( L9 q9 S. }. j+ z5 R# R
Their motivation is the desire of money, after all money hasbecome one of the most essential things in our society. ! Z( T6 Q5 R, E7 V) B
Having more money will help people earn more socialrespects and higher states. Some people believe that being rich meanseverything. Beautiful house, race cars and numerous luxuries could be reached.They may also accept “money talks”这什么意思？ as true. The desire of money connects lifeof different people. Acquiring more money is their initial and eternal goal.6 O3 I- o1 B; G$ e8 H' G& `* w! v' h" V
However, too many things could not be exchange by money.Money cannot save patients beyond cure; money cannot win lovers dropping intodesperation？这什么意思; money cannot earn friends who have cut off friendship. And businessmenmust know this point. But they just cannot stop trying to make money.
According to Maslow‘s Hierarchy of Needs, one person hasseven different needs in various conditions. Desire for money is one need ofbeing alive and perhaps, respects. However, businessmen could have their dreamswhich are not only for more money. Some businessmen would like to work forcharitable enterprise. Some businessmen love industry technology and science. Earningmore money is one necessary step to achieve their final dreams. For example,one dreams to be a philosopher. Money may offer him or her basic livingconditions such as food and clothes. Nevertheless, he or she has to spendplenty of time in philosophy rather than reading business reports. - w7 V& M6 z$ c' d

All in all, businessmen are always motivated by money,because that their work and responsibilities. But sometime they may give upthat to some other motivation.

我个人不是太喜欢在toefl的作文里面做出类似AW文章里面的让步观点，既然你在开头否决了，我还是喜欢偏向完全否定
可能因为网页分段的缘故，我看不出比较经典的5段论，感觉就是因为你让步的观点反而使文章条理不清晰了
anyway，语句蛮好。

chenxingjian0UID：2707401

8.26作业

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Younger school children (aged five to ten) should berequired to study art and music in addition to math, language, science andhistory.


There are more andmore children are asked in our nation to learn a extra skill such as art andmusic. There are, actually, two different opinions towards this problem.



First of all, withthe development of our society, the life standard has increased dramatically.And that guarantees many families to offer their children opportunities tolearn extra skills beyond school's course. Also, most parents hope theirchildren make good use of these opportunities to develop their own good hobbiesand advanced skills in order to better prepare for future challenges. Myparents asked me to learn piano when I was seven years old. I still rememberthat she told me that would benefit my life when I grew up. She is right! Ilearned a lot about the music history and its basic theory which is veryuseful. And by playing piano, I can relax and relieve the pressure from workand study. Also, I have made many friends who share the same love for music.This skill provides me a good opportunity to promote our friendship and get toknow each other better.


I believe thatsome children should be required learning extra courses. Mozart and Beethovenboth are example of music talents. And both of them began to learn music veryyoung. In the end, they became two of the most influential musicians. In myopinion, even though not all children could as great as Mozart and Beethoven,they may obtain an opportunity to change their lives. As an old Chinese sayinggoes, "No skills is useless." More or less, the additional requirementswill broaden children's horizon.


However, I hold anegative opinion for those parents who command their children learn new skills.Because the capability of young children is limited, people should not put toomuch expectation on them. Too much burden and pressure may make young childrenan unpleasant childhood. In contrast, if people just follow what children areinterested in, they may find that children will learn faster with passion. Onetheory is that teachers are those who offer introductory courses. And how wella child performs is depends on his or her own.


In general, somebasic courses of art and music should be required for young children. And thoseskill and knowledge will benefit them in their whole life. And, how to ask theirchildren learn these courses is one more essential problem needed to be fullydiscussed.

serena-blueUID：2811284

There are more and more children are asked in our nation to learn a extra skill such as art and music. There are, actually, two different opinions towards this problem., C5 P: D2 u* z% V1 jU
Well, I think it better to make your standpoint clear.

dddd
I\1 p0 m% \
5 u% Z1 f2 `$ }4 G
First of all, with the development of our society, the life standard has increased dramatically.And that guarantees many families to offer their children opportunities to learn extra skills beyond school's course. Also, most parents hope their children make good use of these opportunities to develop their own good hobbies and advanced skills in order to better prepare (better )for future challenges. My parents asked me to learn piano when I was seven years old. I still remember that she told me that would benefit my life when I grew up. She is right! I learned a lot about the music history and its basic theory which is veryuseful. And by playing piano, I can relax and relieve the pressure from work and study. Also, I have made many friends who share the same love for music.This skill provides me a good opportunity to promote our friendship and get to know each other better. 6 h6 m2 \. g  D/ f. B3 v# z

I believe that some children should be required learning extra courses. Mozart and Beethovenboth are example(s) of music talents. And both of them began to learn music very young. In the end, they became two of the most influential musicians. In myopinion, even though not all children could as great as Mozart and Beethoven,they may obtain an opportunity to change their lives. As an old Chinese sayinggoes, "No skills is useless." More or less, the additional requirements will broaden children's horizon. , E- ^' f( a& l6 @: P1 A3 E
3 l% Z1 l4 k6 u9 _0 Z/ Q
2 ~/ `- }' C- A1 Z. ]& _
However, I hold a negative opinion for those parents who command their children learn new skills.Because the capability of young children is limited, people should not put toomuch expectation on them. Too much burden and pressure may make young children an unpleasant childhood. In contrast, if people just follow what children are interested in, they may find that children will learn faster with passion. One theory is that teachers are those who offer introductory courses. And how well a child performs is depends on his or her own.

In general, some basic courses of art and music should be required for young children. And thoseskill and knowledge will benefit them in their whole life. And, how to ask theirchildren learn these courses is one more essential problem needed to be fullydiscussed.
To tell the truth, I suggest you reorganize the framework of the whole article as the line of the passage is not so clear.  Maybe you should claim your opinion first, and then pinpoint that it is great for those who have talents to learn music and art , learning art and music is also benificial for ordinary children but we should not impose our own desire on them, at last reconclude your standpoint. It is probably more simple.

estopUID：2864494

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement:
Younger school children (aged five to ten) shouldbe required to study art and music in addition to math, language, science and history.
- _%|6 L4 `2 G7 o+ y: k7 R5 x- Y1 M! p

There are more and more children are asked in ournation to learn a extra skill such as art and music. There are, actually, twodifferent opinions towards this problem.6 Z2 `8 a* R. x, V&C9 [9 \2 {6 @

First of all, with thedevelopment of our society, the life standard has increased dramatically. Andthat guarantees many families to offer their children opportunities to learnextra skills beyond school's course. Also, most parents hope their childrenmake good use of these opportunities to develop their own good hobbies andadvanced skills in order to better prepare for future challenges. (这里突然开始说你自己的例子,显得突兀.)My parents asked meto learn piano when I was seven years old. I still remember that she told methat(强调一下learning piano比较好，第一眼看还以为后面是个从句。) would benefit mylife when I grew up. （In my view，）She is right! I learneda lot about the music history and its basic theory which is very useful. And byplaying piano, I can relax and relieve the pressure from work and study. Also,I have made many friends who share the same love for music. This skill providesme a good opportunity to promote our friendship and get to know each otherbetter.
% J! H- ?3 n+ O1 A4 _) |8 L2 _
这段建议开始说for future challenges，然后提学更多课程。这样感觉更有因果关系，后面的例子也是围绕future来讲的。

I believe that some children should be requiredlearning extra courses.（这句没有说明，没有解释） Mozart and Beethoven bothare example of music talents. And both of them began to learn music very young.In the end, they became two of the most influential musicians. In my opinion,even though not all children could as great as Mozart and Beethoven, they mayobtain an opportunity to change their lives. As an old Chinese saying goes,"No skills（skill感觉就可以） is useless."More or less, the additional requirements will broaden children's horizon.
6 t; t+ I; Y7 ~# J&j/ F

However, I hold a negativeopinion for those parents who command their children learn new skills. Becausethe capability of young children is limited, people should not put too muchexpectation on them. Too much burden and pressure may make young children anunpleasant childhood. In contrast, if people just follow what children are interestedin, they may find that children will learn faster with passion. One theory isthat teachers are those who offer introductory courses. And how well a childperforms is depends on his or her own.

这段逻辑优点乱，前面没说什么就in contrast,那这段到底要表达什么？

In general, some basiccourses of art and music should be required for young children. And those skill（skills） and knowledge willbenefit them in their whole life. And, how to ask their children learn thesecourses is one more essential problem needed to be fully discussed.结尾这句没明白和前面有什么关系。

文章逻辑还不错，但是建议主旨句明确，而且文章明显头重脚轻。句子写的不错，总体还是很不错的。

chenxingjian0UID：2707401

2010年8月30日
周一：* V2 i) q&u& e# t- I

Do you agree or disagree withthe following statement?

Some people think making sure that others(influential people or potential employers) know about your strengths andaccomplishments can help you succeed, if you do not do this, you won’t have asuccessful life.



        To some extent, it is necessary to make sure that others know about one's strengths and accomplishments. And it may, sometimes, leads to one's success. However, that is not bond to success.  
        Firstly, showing one's advantages is necessary sometimes. It is easy to know one person's characters and advantages in the first meet. For example, in a job interview, applicants have to demonstrate their abilities in different aspects such as communication skill. It offers the potential employers a quick view to find out which persons are qualified to certain job. People must make good use of the limited time to provide enough information about their strengths and accomplishments. The more information about their advantages, the more possibility they can get the job.
        In addition, with the rapid development of our society, the competition is becoming more and fiercer. People have to be more active in their work. In daily business, employees need to "show off" in front of the influential people in order to obtain more opportunities of promotion. Doing good job is just one aspect of performance. Knowing how to exhibit one's accomplishment is the other aspect which seems more essential in nowadays business. Showing strengths and accomplishments can help one obtain more respects. And that also let other people know what the person is doing. And he or she may get help in dealing with difficulties. And all of these help one can achieve their goals or succeed in company.
However, showing one's ability only cannot guarantee one's success. Being active in front of influential people is just one important step to success. There are many other points such as be diligent and cooperative should be taken into consideration. In the basketball game, there is no game just for one player. No matter how talent a player performed, he or she must cooperate with teammates. Also, there could be some negative effects if one showing too much of his or her strength. Others may think one is aggressive, arrogant and superficial. Every company needs people who are both efficient and friendly. Comparing team efficiency with individual capability, employers would chose former in order to increase the total profit of their company.
        In general, make sure other people know about one’s achievement is helpful. But one cannot put too much expectation on it.








综合TPO12:

The speaker thinks that theopinion in the reading is unconvincing for several reasons.
First of all, the speakersays that Austen's family who gave the permission to use the portrait had neverseen Austen, because she had died seventy years before. So it is unreasonableto get the conclusion that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen. However,the material states that Austen's family clearly recognized the girl in theportrait.
Secondly, the speaker pointsout that the girl in the picture may be a Jane Asuten's relative such as ateenage cousin. It is understandable that relatives in a large family could belike each other especially when they are young. In contrast, the author arguesthat the similarities between the girl in the painting and adult Jane Austenindicate that girl must be Jane Austen.
Thirdly, the speaker statesthat the author of the painting is uncertain. The style of the painting appearedmuch later. And the painting was sold when Jane Asuten was 27 years old. Hence,the result that the painting was painted by Ozias Humphrey is unconvincing.

newyork2010UID：2548406

To some extent,making sure that others know aboutone's strengths and accomplishments arenecessary. And it may, sometimes, leadsto one's success. However, that does not bringabout success in certain（however往往具有强调作用，最好考虑放在first和additional后作为主旨）
- Q. 8 W（) T/ e) _- g

Firstly, showing one's advantages isnecessarysometimes. It is easy to know one person's characters and advantagesin thefirst meet. For example, in a job interview, applicants have todemonstratetheir abilities in differentaspects such as communication skill. It offers thepotential employers a quick view to findout which persons are qualified tocertain job. People must make good use of thelimited time to provide enoughinformation about their strengths andaccomplishments. The more information about their advantages, the more it is possible for them to get the job （使用possibility存在语法上的错误）.
& R, L8 F7 A/ O- Y9 N

In addition, with the rapid development of oursociety,the competition is becoming more and fiercer. People have to be moreactive in their work. In daily business, employees need to "show off"in frontof the influential people in order to obtain more opportunities ofpromotion. Doing good job is just one aspect of performance. Knowing how toexhibit one'saccomplishment is the other aspect which seems more essential innowadaysbusiness. Showing strengths and accomplishments can help one obtainmorerespects. And that also let other people know what the person is doing. Andheor she may get help in dealing with difficulties. And all of these help one can
（help后用can不合适） achieve their goals or succeed in company.
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0 `1 c'J8 r9 ~) _/ M# v1 d
However, it is not to say that there is only onewayto success. Showing one's ability cannot only （一般将only 放在can后） guarantee one's success. Thereare many other methods such as be diligent andcooperative. In the basketballgame, there is no game just for one player. Nomatter how talent a player performed,he or she must cooperate with teammates.Also, every company need people whoare both efficient
and friendly. Comparing team efficiency withindividual capability, employerswould chose former in order to increase thetotal profit of their company.

（感觉这部分有些偏离主题，make sure others know被 one’s ability所代替，过于注重对成功要素的讨论）



比较流畅，但句式较为单一，可尝试使用一些singal word

makeithappenUID：2585223

The speaker thinks that the opinion in the reading is unconvincing for several reasons.
First of all, the speaker says that Austen's family who gave the permission to use the portrait had never seen Austen, because she had died seventy years before. So it is unreasonable to get the conclusion that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen. However, the material states that Austen's family clearly recognized the girl in the portrait.The last sentence of this paragraph is unnecessary, since you should focus on the speaker's opinion
Secondly, the speaker points out that the girl in the picture may be a Jane Asuten's relative such as a teenage cousinI did not get this word. sigh~you are good!. It is understandable that relatives in a large family could be like each other especially when they are young. In contrast, the author argues that the similarities between the girl in the painting and adult Jane Austen indicate that girl must be Jane Austen.
Thirdly, the speaker states that the author of the painting is uncertain. The style of the painting appeared much later. And the paintingcanvass! was sold when Jane Asuten was 27 years old. Hence, the result that the painting was painted by Ozias Humphrey is unconvincing.

I recommend you to add a office word edition!

csleeUID：2693790

个人意见，仅供参考！！！

chenxingjian0UID：2707401

8.31 独立+综合：Do you agree or disagree with thefollowing statement:
Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather thandetermine their children’s future for them.




I partly agree with thestatement. To some extent, allowing children to make their own choices helps theirchildren to be independent. But in some situation, because of the limitedknowledge and shortages of children's character, parents should not follow children'sdecision.

First ofall, it is beneficial for children to make their own decisions. Young childrencan learn plenty of knowledge and skills when they consider, analyze and dealwith problems. There is one old movie about a boy. He lives on his own forseveral days during the Christmas. The boy is extremely happy when learn thathe can use everything at home and make his own decisions. And also he learnedhow to take care of himself and cherish his family members even thoughsometimes they are annoying. I believe that every child dream that they cangrow up quickly, because he or she could determine what they want to do.

However,there are many limits of children, which make it impossible to just leave thechildren along. When I recall my childhood, I could still remember a lot ofstupid decisions I had made. Once, I wanted to stand at the edge of one bridgeon a river to observe ships. But I did not realize it was very dangerousbecause I might fall into the river at any time. Due to the physical and mentalgrowth is not fully development, decisions made by children must beunreasonable.
It is widely accept that humanshortages such as laziness influence children a lot. All children do not wantto do much effort on study or exercises except their parents ask them to do so.For example, learning a skill of music will benefit children. But most childrencannot understand why they need to go to extra courses when some other childrenare playing.

In general,parents should allow children make their decision sometimes. But they also needto help make more for their children.







TPO13:
The speaker admits that there could be some negative effectsif private collectors sell and buying fossils. But she points out that thebenefit greatly outweighs the shortages.

First of all, the speaker states that private selling andbuying provides a good opportunity for small organizations or institutions suchas schools to collect and exhibit fossils. And that will definitely benefitcitizens living around because these collectors would like to show their collections.In contrast, the author believes that private collectors do not allow thepublic to view their collections.

Second, the speaker argues that the private trade will notaffect discoveries and researches of scientist. She says that all fossils mustbe passed through scientists first to do some records and examinations, andthen they will be moved to different markets. Hence, scientists cannot miss outon potentially crucial discoveries. However, the author holds a totally differentopinion on by supporting that scientists, museums and universities will not getchance to record all trading fossils.

Third, the speaker points out that it is better to find morefossils stimulated by private buying and selling than make those fossils underdiscover. She thinks that private trading will lead to a complicated discovery.However, the author emphasizes on that the damages of fossils outweigh theadvantages.

雲靉玥UID：2888572

10# chenxingjian0

8.31改好了，抱歉拖了这么久，今天才发..

chenxingjian0UID：2707401

9.4 独立
            People should not pay for the public transportation. Do youagree or disagree?



Idefinitely disagree with the statement that people should not pay for thepublic transportation.

First ofall, government needs money to manage public transportation. It is wildlyaccepted that running a public transportation system costs a large amount ofmoney and energy. Basically, that includes two kinds of the costs. One is thecost of fuel, gas or electricity. Nowadays, the price of all these power hasincreased dramatically in China. Millions of dollar will be invested inpurchasing that. And the other cost is payment for employeessuch as drivers, repairmen. There are millions of people working in thegovernment transportation system. And to organize these employees also needsgreat deal of money. The cost will be is too great to be afforded by any localgovernment. Therefore, it is unfeasible to ask government afford all the expenditure.
In addition, it is unworkable totransfer fund from other investment such as education and medication due to thelimited national fund.

Finally,there will be some negative effects if people do not pay for the publictransportation. So many people in China need and want to take the best publictransportation that it can be a disaster without a limit. Think about it. If everyonewho wants to go to Shanghai from Beijing go to airport and take a plane, howthe airport can manage them. Obviously, transportation fee will force people tochange other means such as by train. And that will distribute thetransportation resource reasonably.

All in all,it is impossible to run a public transportation system without payment ofpeople.


综合：
The speaker thinks that the opinion in the reading isunconvincing for several reasons.
First of all, the speaker states that people will increasesome birds' natural habitats with the increase of human population. There willbe more habitats for certain birds such as pigeon and falcon, because they canobtain plenty of food live on streets and buildings and. Therefore, even thoughthe number of some kinds of birds will decline, but some others' will increase.However, the author argues that birds' natural habitats will continue todisappear.
Secondly, the speaker points out that the need of area foragriculture will turn down. She says that thanks to new type of crops, theproductivity will increase dramatically. Hence, there will be no need tofurther exploit wilderness areas. On the contrary, the author states thatagricultural activities must increase to keep pace with the growing humanpopulation.
Finally, the speaker says that chemical pesticides will notbe a threat to birds. There are mainly two reasons. One is that the pesticideswill be designed to be less harmful or poisonous. And the other one is thatcrops will be able to genetically resist pests in the future, which means nopesticide is needed and no harm will be existed to the birds. In contrast, theauthor thinks that pesticide is the most harmful thing to birds.

jjooyyUID：2704028

12# chenxingjian0
The speaker thinks that the opinion in the reading isunconvincing for several reasons.

1 ^7 j5 l# s, E1 e
First of all, the speaker states that people will increasesome birds' natural habitats with the increase of human population. There willbe more habitats for certain birds such as pigeon and falcon, because they canobtain plenty of food live on streets and buildings and. Therefore, even thoughthe number of some kinds of birds will decline, but some others' will increase.However, the author这里要说清楚是阅读的author argues that birds' natural habitats will continue todisappear.

Secondly, the speaker points out that the need of area foragriculture will turn down. She says that thanks to new type of crops, theproductivity will increase dramatically. Hence, there will be no need tofurther exploit wilderness areas. On the contrary, the author states thatagricultural activities must increase to keep pace with the growing humanpopulation.

Finally, the speaker says that chemical pesticides will notbe a threat to birds. There are mainly two reasons. One is that the pesticideswill be designed to be less harmful or poisonous. And the other one is thatcrops will be able to genetically似乎我没听到！ resist pests in the future, which means nopesticide is needed and no harm will be existed to the birds. In contrast, theauthor thinks that pesticide is the most harmful thing to birds.感觉不是这样的意思
嗯 你听到了我没听到的内容 不错不错~

jjooyyUID：2704028

12# chenxingjian0

9.4 独立- U1 r- Y" I6 \             People should not pay for the public transportation. Do youagree or disagree?3 k/ K9 E8 L7 M2 a# ^) g  s$ _ Idefinitely disagree with the statement that people should not pay for thepublic transportation. 虽然欣赏直接开头的 但是这样一句话 未免太少了点了 再加点吧！ - x" g2 @- {9 `8 D9 h( I7 ~$ H8 ^ First ofall, government needs money to manage public transportation. It is wildlyaccepted that running a public transportation system costs a large amount ofmoney and energyenergy 在后面似乎没体现 或者说是能源？. Basically, that includes two kinds of the costs. One is thecost of fuel, gas or electricity. Nowadays, the price of all these power hasincreased dramatically in China. Millions of dollar will be invested inpurchasing that. And the other cost is payment for employeessuch as drivers, repairment. There are millions of people working in thegovernment transportation system. And to organize these employees also needsgreat deal of money. The cost will be is too great to be afforded by any localgovernment. Therefore, it is unfeasible to ask government afford all the expenditure. ) c  P( _/ w" g; Y$ [ In addition, it is unworkable totransfer fund from other investment such as education and medication due to thelimited national fund. 这段倒是挺具体的 但是会不会太枯燥，总是 there are。。可以直接说 需要大量的前用来。。。。。等等 然后列举物价上涨 f( Q Finally,there will be some negative effects if people do not pay for the publictransportation. So many people in China need and want to take the best publictransportation that it can be a disaster without a limit. Think about it. If everyonewho wants to go to Shanghai from Beijing go to airport and take a plane, howthe airport can manage them.这句是打算反问 还是什么？ Obviously, transportation fee will force people tochange other means such as by train. And that will distribute thetransportation resource reasonably. [url=]\\\\\[/url] / R; ]5 T7 @# | All in all,it is impossible to run a public transportation system without payment ofpeople. 正文只有两段？会不会太少？ 建议多写一段 第一段倒是可以少些一点 语法没看出什么错误来 语言也算流畅 要为了列举 凑字数而列举啊。。。

estopUID：2864494

9-4 综合 改