teresaliq的作文帖

teresaliqUID: 2371296

第一次习作，请狠狠批，别手软！
9月14日作业：
Do you agree or disagree the statement: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

There is no denying that hunting a job is always a hot topic. Especially nowadays it is more and more difficult to find a job because of the global economic crisis. Since some people prefer to have the jobs which paying low but high secure, they believe these jobs are better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost. However, I have a different view, I think the jobs which with high salary but being easy to lost are better than those with low salary and high secure.

The first advantage is definitely the high salary of these jobs. Despite these high salary jobs are easy to lost, the high salary will lead us a better life as well as we can use the money to some investments such as stocks or bonds, and even estate which can give birth to our money. Even if we lost the job, the money we earn can support our lives and sustain our lives for a while until we find another job, therefore we don’t need worry about losing job. And the high secure of the job does not mean that employees will never lose our jobs, once their performances are not good in the work or the society is in the economic depression，the employees have to face the threat of layoff or being dismissed，they will be in a terrible situation because they just have small amounts of money to support live and they cannot ensure to find a job in a short time.

In addition, although the job with high salary is easy to lost, it should be taken into consider that we can resign the job more easily at anytime once we are not satisfied with it and we also have more opportunities to get better jobs. Taking my friend lily as an example, when she graduated she got a job in a private company, the company offered her a high salary but low guarantee job, she must work hard in order to retain this job and these spurred her to move on. After 3 years, she quit the job and got a better job in a state-owned enterprise with high salary and high secure because of her hard-working experience and previous achievement. Compared with these jobs which are paid high salary but easily lost, the high secure and low salary will reduce the job’s efficiency. People are inactive in working and slothful during the work time, these all contribute to the high secure and low salary of the job.

Having close examination of that discussed above, I firmly maintain that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

流淌在海德堡UID: 2619542

1# teresaliq
Do you agree or disagree the statement: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.
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There is no denying that hunting a job is always a hot topic. Especially nowadays it is more and more difficult to find a job because of the global economic crisis. Since some people prefer to have the jobs which paying（语法） low but high secure, they believe these jobs are better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost（地道的用法是to lose 或者easy lost）. However, I have a different view, I think the jobs which with high salary but being easy to lost are better than those with low salary and high secure.
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The first advantage is definitely the high salary of these jobs. Despite these high salary jobs are easy to lost, the high salary will lead us a better life as well as we can use the money to some investments such as stocks or bonds, and even estate which can give birth to our money. Even if we lost the job, the money we earn 虚拟语气的话用（would）can support our lives and sustain our lives for a while until we find another job, therefore we don’t need  worry about losing job. And the high secure of the job does not mean that employees will never lose our jobs, once their performances are not good in the work or the society is in the economic depression，the employees have to face the threat of layoff or being dismissed，they will be in a terrible situation because they just have small amounts of money to support live and they cannot ensure to find a job in a short time.8 A  T" x7 P7 a; P# l
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In addition, although the job with high salary is easy to lost, it should be taken into consideration that we can resign the job more easily at anytime once we are not satisfied with it and we also have more opportunities to get better jobs. Taking my friend lily as an example, when she graduated she got a job in a private company, the company offered her a high salary but low guarantee job, she must work hard in order to retain this job and these spurred her to move on. After 3 years, she quit the job and got a better job in a state-owned enterprise with high salary and high secure because of her hard-working experience and previous achievement. Compared with these jobs which are paid high salary but easily lost, the high secure and low salary will reduce the job’s efficiency. People are inactive in working and slothful during the work time, these all contribute to the high secure and low salary of the job.7 l: W& `; g5 K) C$ V

- R, Z9 P% W. RHaving close examination of that discussed above, I firmly maintain that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.
观点明确，句式多变，结构完整。
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ttuuttuuUID: 2299729

0914修改by  ttuuttuu

There is no denying that hunting a job is always a hot topic. Especially nowadays it is more and more difficult to find a job because of the global economic crisis. Since some people prefer to have the jobs which paying low but high secure, they believe these jobs are better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost. However, I have a different view, I think the jobs which with high salary but being easy to lost are better than those with low salary and high secure.7 }& K9 z8 y5 x* q0 M- V
第一段OK

The first advantage is definitely the high salary of these jobs. Despite these high salary jobs are easy to lost, the high salary will lead us a better life as well as we can use the money to some investments such as stocks or bonds, and even estate which can give birth to our money. Even if we lost the job, the money we earn can support our lives and sustain our lives for a while until we find another job, therefore we don’t need worry about losing job. And the high secure of the job does not mean that employees will never lose our jobs, once their performances are not good in the work or the society is in the economic depression，the employees have to face the threat of layoff or being dismissed，they will be in a terrible situation because they just have small amounts of money to support live and they cannot ensure to find a job in a short time.


這段建議你再多看一些範文，每一段的topic sentence要把這一段你想支持的論點  給明確寫出
雖然有錢可以去投資  但是不是每個人投資都成功的  投資股票失敗跳樓的大有人在

In addition, although the job with high salary is easy to lost, it should be taken into consider that we can resign the job more easily at anytime once we are not satisfied with it and we also have more opportunities to get better jobs. Taking my friend lily as an example, when she graduated she got a job in a private company, the company offered her a high salary but low guarantee job, she must work hard in order to retain this job and these spurred her to move on. After 3 years, she quit the job and got a better job in a state-owned enterprise with high salary and high secure because of her hard-working experience and previous achievement. Compared with these jobs which are paid high salary but easily lost, the high secure and low salary will reduce the job’s efficiency. People are inactive in working and slothful during the work time, these all contribute to the high secure and low salary of the job.


提到朋友  lily要用大寫 至少他是個人不是物品 Lily
由你的例子 所以我們要去低薪的工作努力過  再去高薪工作
依你的論點 那低薪工作是不是比較好呢


Having close examination of that discussed above, I firmly maintain that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.


你開頭結尾的 論點不一 ~

整體來說你的打字文法都OK~所以我針對內容給你建議
多寫成五段吧~依你的能力一定可以的
就是 需要花點時間讀一兩篇~你大概就了解怎麼寫了  
~~    還有記得去改我的文章   謝謝~^^


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teresaliqUID: 2371296

9月16日作文 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies andtelevisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and badpeople are being punished

Nowadayspeople are spending more and more time watching some sort of visualentertainment such as the movies and televisions and their influences have permeatedmany aspects of people’s life. Considering of this, I totally agree that themovies and televisions should always show audience good people are beingrewarded and bad people are being punished because they influence the waypeople behave and reveal people’s hope.

Tobegin with, movies and televisions can affect people’s behavior. And the mostsusceptible viewers are adolescent who cannot distinguish truth from falsehoodand good from evil, even some of the adolescent will imitate the acts they seeon movies and televisions. The movies and television have a far-reaching consequenceto adolescent. By watching movies and televisions that good people are beingrewarded and bad people are being punished, the adolescent will learn what isgood and what is bad and distinguish what is right and what is wrong,furthermore, they will know what should do and what shouldn’t do. As anothercrucial window to obtain knowledge and accept education, movies and televisionsshould always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people arebeing punished, and by watching these the adolescent who has not develop acomplete value system will be enlightened and instructed. They will havepositive influences on people’s behavior.

Inaddition, it is people’s hope that is bad people are being punished and goodpeople are being rewarded are always people’s hope. However, in most cases ofreal life, bad people are not being punished and good people are rewarded.People only project their hope into the personality of the characteristics ofmovies and televisions. Since movies and television should always show that goodpeople are being rewarded and bad people are being punished. People believethat still exist that good people are being rewarded and bad people are beingpunished by watching movies and televisions. Moreover, these also can encouragepeople do good things and to be a good person, and can warn people who want todo bad things and being a bad person. On one hand, after seeing the reward thatgood people got such as reputation or honor which can stimulate a person to bea good man. On the other hand, after seeing deserved punishment of bad people, peoplewill stop doing bad things and consider not to be a bad person any longer inorder to avoid the punishment.

Hencethe advantages of that I have mentioned, it goes beyond movies and televisionsshould always show audience that good people should be rewarded and bad peoplebe punished.

思遥UID: 2865808

There is no denying that hunting a job is always a hot topic. Especially nowadays it is more and more difficult to find a job because of the global economic（financial crisis  economic depression) crisis. therefore, a good employment plays a significant role in one's life(两句好像没什么联系 做好过渡一下）.Since (to,用SINCE有点怪怪的) some people， they prefer to have the jobs which paying(pays) low but has high secure, they believe these jobs are better than jobs(those)with high salary but being easy to lost. However, I have a different view that,因为这个i think和之前的view重复）jobs with high salary but being easy to lost are better than those with low salary and high secure.最后再加一句类似于：FOLLOWING ARE THE REASONS、（句子的连接需要多注意注意 感觉两句之间没啥连接词 也没啥逻辑）
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The first advantage is definitely the high salary of these jobs. Despite these high salary jobs are easy to lost, the high salary will lead us a better life as well as we can use the money to some investments such as stocks or bonds, and even estate which can give birth to our money. Even if we lost the job, the money we earn can support our lives and sustain our lives for a while until we find another job, therefore we don’t need worry about losing job（to be worried). And the high secure of the job does not mean that employees will never lose our(their) jobs, once their performances are not good in the work or the society is in the economic depression，the employees have to face the threat of layoff or being dismissed，they will be in a terrible situation because they just have small amounts of money to support live and they cannot ensure to find a job in a short time.& u% h( D( N9 U" p: ^5 M2 {9 J- ]
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In addition, although the job with high salary is easy to lost, it should be taken into consider that we can resign the job more easily at anytime once we are not satisfied with it and we also have more opportunities to get better jobs.(开头一定要简短，建议修改一下） Taking my friend lily as an example, when she graduated she got a job in a private company, the company offered her a high salary but low guarantee job, she must work hard in order to retain this job and these spurred her to move on. After 3 years, she quit the job and got a better job in a state-owned enterprise with high salary and high secure because of her hard-working experience and previous achievement. Compared with these jobs which are paid high salary but easily lost, the high secure and low salary will reduce the job’s efficiency. People are inactive in working and slothful during the work time, these all contribute to the high secure and low salary of the job.
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Having close examination of that discussed above, I firmly maintain that having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.
2个理由不太有说服力 可以加一段道理论证这类的 或者再想个论点

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

总体还行.但是逻辑不够严谨，很多时候很多句子都是在重复同一个意思。而且说的太过抽象，可以试着用一些具体的词和事例来说明，这样文章会更加丰满。


我传不了附件，所以具体情况我直接发给你吧~

tracyqian17UID: 2768321

Nowadays people are spending more and more time (on) watching some sort of visual entertainment such as the movies and televisions and their influences have permeated many aspects of people’s life. Considering of this, I totally agree that the movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished because they influence the way people behave and reveal people’s hope(?).

Tobegin with, movies and televisions can affect people’s behavior. And the mostsusceptible viewers are adolescent who cannot distinguish truth from falsehoodand good from evil, even some of the adolescent will imitate the acts they seeon movies and televisions. The movies and television have a far-reaching consequenceto adolescent. By watching movies and televisions that good people are beingrewarded and bad people are being punished, the adolescent will learn what isgood and what is bad and distinguish what is right and what is wrong,furthermore, they will know what should do and what shouldn’t do. As anothercrucial window to obtain knowledge and accept education, movies and televisionsshould always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people arebeing punished(为了点明观点不需要一再重复,应该充实下内容), and by watching these the adolescent who has not develop acomplete value system will be enlightened and instructed. They will havepositive influences on people’s behavior.( \$ z3 b4 H1 L$ C7 C: s

Inaddition, it is people’s hope that is bad people are being punished and goodpeople are being rewarded are always people’s hope. However, in most cases ofreal life, bad people are not being punished and good people are rewarded.People only project their hope into the personality of the characteristics ofmovies and televisions. Since movies and television should always show that goodpeople are being rewarded and bad people are being punished. People believethat still exist that good people are being rewarded and bad people are beingpunished by watching movies and televisions. Moreover, these also can encouragepeople（to） do good things and to be a good person, and can warn people who want todo bad things and being a bad person. On one hand, after seeing the reward thatgood people got such as reputation or honor which can stimulate a person to bea good man. On the other hand, after seeing deserved punishment of bad people, peoplewill stop doing bad things and consider not to be a bad person any longer inorder to avoid the punishment.$ X8 F$ i0 A. I" x

Hencethe advantages of that I have mentioned, it goes beyond movies and televisionsshould always show audience that good people should be rewarded and bad peoplebe punished.
思路不错，我觉得内容需要充实，或许最后可以加上让步，更好的说明主题。重复性很厉害，句子语言方面还要加强！

teresaliqUID: 2371296

谢谢大家的修改，我会继续努力的

teresaliqUID: 2371296

9月18日作业

08.12.05NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people more lessons about life

Sports place animportant role in people’s life. Admittedly, virtually all people do somesports in their life. Apparently, doing sports not only strengthen their bodiesbut also teaches people more lessons about the life. I agree that playingsports can teach people more lessons about the life.

To begin with, itcannot be denied that we can learn how to face the failure by playing sports. Sportsteach us how to view setbacks, mistakes. Sports may serve as a positive modelfor us to be followed, as other challenges and obstacles occur throughout ourlife. We can learn from sports that we should not be pessimistic or blame everyoneand everything but oneself when we lose in the match of playing sports. Taking basketballplayer Michael • Jordan as an example, he lost the match against DetroitPistons for three successive years, instead of losing his heart, theseexperiences stimulated him to train harder and work harder, he still hadcourage to try it again and again. Eventually in the fourth year, he defeatedthe rival Detroit Pistons and he said “I can accept failure, but I can’t accept not trying”.Playing sports teach us that we should regardless the outcome of the match. We canfind the impetus from the failure of playing sports, and the failure only makesus great effort to finish it next time. Failure is a gift and an important lifelessons through which we may learn playing sports.

In addition, Sportsalso teach us how to interact with others. Since as an individual of society,everyone has to interact with a variety of people. And we can learn how to workwell with others in team sports. In order to achieve a common goal, we mustwork together well in playing sports. If we can’t play well with others, we willnever reach our destination. Since only by cooperating with teammate, can wehave the chance to win in the sports competition. Just as such team sports asbasketball, football, many things of life require interaction. Effective workrelationships are the cornerstone of success of our study and our job, therefore,interaction is crucial to the accomplishment of our study assignment or workmission.

Considering of these reasons, I can safelydraw a conclusion that we can learn a lot by playing sports, especially we canobtain many lessons about the life by playing sports.

卡姆菜菜子UID: 2852079

Sports place an important role in people’s life. Admittedly,virtually all people do somesports in their life. Apparently, doing sports notonly strengthen their bodiesbut also teaches people more lessons about thelife. I agree that playingsports can teach people more lessons about the life.
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To begin with, it cannot be denied that we can learn how to face the failure byplaying sports. Sports teach us how to view(face) setbacks,mistakes. Sports may serve as a positive model for us to be followed,(or) as otherchallenges and obstacles occur throughout our life. We can learn from sportsthat we should not be pessimistic or blame everyone and everything but oneselfwhen we lose in the match of playing sports. Taking basketball player Michael •Jordan as an example, he lost the match against DetroitPistons for threesuccessive years, instead of losing his heart, these experiences stimulated him totrain harder and work harder, he still had courage to try it again and again.Eventually in the fourth year, he defeated the rival Detroit Pistons and hesaid “I can accept failure, but I can’t accept not trying”. Playing sportsteach(s) us that we should regardless the outcome of the match. We can findthe impetus from the failure of playing sports, and the failure only makes usgreat effort to finish it next time. Failure is a gift and an important life lessonsthrough which we may learn playing sports.
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2 V* W7 g2 z: D' R, ?' q! R! i; GInaddition, Sports also teach us how to interact with others. Since as anindividual of society, everyone has to interact with a variety of people.（这句往后面放，先写的Sports）
And we can learn how to work well with othersin team sports. In order to achieve a common goal, we must work together wellin playing sports. If we can’t play well with others, we will never reach ourdestination. Since only by cooperating with teammate, can we have the chance towin in the sports competition. Just as such team sports as basketball,football, many things of life require interaction. Effective work relationshipsare the cornerstone of success of our study and our job, therefore, interactionis crucial to the accomplishment of our study assignment or work mission.
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+ u0 x5 R8 t0 Q+ c" S! nConsideringof these reasons, I can safely draw a conclusion that we can learn a lot byplaying sports, especially we can obtain many lessons about the life by playingsports.(learn a lot 和especially后面重复了)


条理很清楚。例子举得不错。我要多多学习啊~~

WSYLRUID: 2666837

看错分组了......囧.....
帮楼主也改了一下
能力有限 求同存异 求同存异哈~~

primrose0519UID: 2887617

Sports place an important role in people’s life. Admittedly, virtually all people do some sports in their life. Apparently, doing sports not only [url=]strengthen[/url][S1] their bodies but also teaches people [url=]more[/url][S2] lessons about the life. I agree that playing sports can teach people more lessons about the life.- x1 Z, d) h1 t6 O! E
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To begin with, it cannot be denied that we can learn how to face the failure by playing sports. Sports teach us how to view setbacks, mistakes. Sports may serve as a positive model for us to [url=]be followed[/url][S3] , as other challenges and obstacles occur throughout our life. We can learn from sports that we should not be pessimistic or blame everyone[url=] and[/url][S4] everything but oneself when we lose in the match of playing sports. Taking basketball player Michael • Jordan as an example, he lost the match against Detroit Pistons for three successive years, instead of losing his heart, these experiences stimulated him to train harder and work harder, he still had courage to try it again and again. Eventually in the fourth year, he defeated the rival Detroit Pistons and he said “I can accept failure, but I can’t accept not trying”. Playing sports teach us that we should [url=]regardless[/url][S5] the outcome of the match. We can find the impetus from the failure of playing sports, and the failure only makes us great efforts to finish it next time. Failure is a gift and an important life lessons through which we may learn playing sports.5 G) w7 D/ t' @7 F

[url=]% y5 k- I0 x3 F7 @. X! bIn addition, Sports also teach us how to interact with others. Since as an individual of society, everyone has to interact with a variety of people. And we can learn how to work well with others in team sports. In order to achieve a common goal, we must work together well in playing sports. If we can’t play well with others, we will never reach our destination. Since only by cooperating with teammates, can we have the chance to win in the sports competition. Just as such team sports as basketball, football, many things of life require interaction. Effective work relationships are the cornerstone of success of our study and our job, therefore, interaction is crucial to the accomplishment of our study assignment or work mission. [/url][S6]
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2 C. C, y; Q1 T: ^0 O8 n$ Y/ IConsidering of these reasons, I can safely draw a conclusion that we can learn a lot by playing sports, especially we canobtain many lessons about the life by playing sports
写的非常好，句子流畅，语句贴切，例证也十分充分，值得学习
写


[S1]strengthens



[S2]这个more用起来有个东西作比较比较好



[S3]follow



[S4]or



[S5]play in regardless of



[S6]这段写的非常好，例子很贴切



10# 卡姆菜菜子