【daily writing作文特训小组】超级猴子的作文贴，求交流指导

超级猴子UID：3023123

7.18 独立写作 Do you agree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept others' criticism cannot succeed.

To be successful in life, the important characters involve critical thinking, perspective insight, and strong willpower and so on. In my view, the attitude toward criticism is not the essential factor for success. In some case, accepting others’ criticism does help, but in another case insisting on our self is the right choice.
To be frank, it is clear to me that nobody is perfect, everyone has some setbacks that cannot be perceived. Others’ criticism helps us overcome our blind spot and prevent us doing stupid things. In particular, young people should be more humble and open to others’ advice.
As a result of their being immature and lack of social experience, young people are often very much restricted in terms of their vision in looking at things which dictates that they are often unable to tell right from wrong. In this case, we should hold an open attitude to criticism.
However, there are so many stories telling us that being different, independent, even arrogant make people succeed. There is a famous professor named Duwez. He is the first person who find amorphous metal in 1960s, when he was a professor at Caltech. However, when he claim he find something that never discovered before- a totally new structure of metal, instead of praising as big discovery, he was derided that he should go back to college and read the textbook again. But he insisted on his view and refused to give in. Finally, the discovery of amorphous metal was accepted and due to this discovery human being got a novel insight about metal structure.
To sum up, whether accepting others’ criticism or not is not necessary condition for success. Depend on different situations, we should come to our own conclusion. For young people, acting more humble is beneficial; for mature adult, if you believe in your view, you should just persist in it.


综合写作 TPO 7
In the reading material, the author asserts that wood companies in united states would not spare effort to get a ecocertification, but the speaker think there are problems with each author’s reason.
First, the author claim American consumer don’t trust in advertising so they would be motivated by advertising products as ecocertified. By contrast, the speaker says American customers don’t treat all advertising the same. They can tell the advertising by companies from advertising by independent certification agency. So they will trust the advertising and buy these ecoertified products.
Second, the author announce ecocertified wood will be more expensive and customer are unwilling to pay more money for this products. However, the speaker cites a study show that when the difference of price between two product is less than 5%, the price is not the key factor influence the decision. At the same time, customer value other aspects such as environment protection more than price.
Third, the author claim because American wood companies sell most of their products in US, they don’t have the driving force to keep up with global development. This argument is also invalid. The American wood companies is facing the competition with foreign companies. if they don’t progress, they will lose their market in US. So they must obtain the ecoertification.
In sum, the author quotes 3 theories to prove his statement. In the opposite, the speaker refutes these 3 theories one by one.

leo206UID：2859179

7.18 独立写作 Do you agree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept others' criticism cannot succeed.

To be successful in life, the important characters involve critical th ...
超级猴子 发表于 2011-7-18 21:18

综合写作 TPO 7
1 Q$ ]# ]6 y6 |/ a* w4 K! Q* D+ tIn the reading material, the author asserts that wood companies in united states would not spare effort to get a ecocertification, but the speaker think there are problems with each  reason the author proposes.
% k" z9 Z/ }& s. L6 p0 fFirst, the author claim American consumer don’t trust in advertising so they would be motivated by advertising products as ecocertified. By contrast, the speaker says American customers don’t treat all advertising the same. They can tell the advertising by companies from advertising by independent certification agency. So they will trust the advertising and buy these ecoertified products.
$ {2 X& A* c/ u  U. @Second, the author announce ecocertified wood will be more expensive and customer are unwilling to pay more money for this products. However, the speaker cites a study show that when the difference of price between two product is less than 5%, the price is not the key factor influence the decision. At the same time, customer value other factors such as environment protection more than price.
6 s! m* f8 D. x* I( h5 `Third, the author claim because American wood companies sell most of their products in US, they don’t have the driving force to keep up with global development. This argument is also invalid. The American wood companies is facing the competition with foreign companies. if they don’t progress, they will lose their market in US. So they must obtain the ecoertification.
9 R( c. q% Q3 x4 Z# PIn sum, the author proposes(因为不是引用内容) 3 theories to prove his statement, which, in the opposite, are refuted by the speaker one by one.

感觉很好吧，基本没啥问题

xiangtuoUID：3047550

To be successful in life, the important characters involve critical thinking, perspective insight, and strong willpower and so on. In my view, the attitude toward criticism is not the essential factor for success. In some case, accepting others’ criticism does help, but in another case insisting on our self (ourselves) is the right choice. (题目中有个定语 in a team 哪去了？)
To be frank, it is clear to me that nobody is perfect, everyone has some setbacks that cannot be perceived. Others’ criticism helps us overcome our blind spot and prevent us doing stupid things. In particular, young people should be more humble and open to others’ advice. As a result of their being（可以去掉）immature and lack of social experience, young people are often very much restricted in terms of their vision in looking at things which dictates that they are often unable to tell right from wrong. In this case, we should hold an open attitude to criticism.+ E- u: K) a- p; ^4 B
However, there are so many stories telling us that being different, independent, even arrogant make people succeed. There is a famous professor named Duwez. He is the first person who find(found) amorphous metal in 1960s, when he was a professor at Caltech. However, when he claimed he found something that never discovered before- a totally new structure of metal, instead of praising as big discovery, (这个小半句是要表达什么？)he was derided that he should go back to college and read the textbook again. But he insisted on his view and refused to give in. Finally, the discovery of amorphous metal was accepted and due to this discovery human being got a novel insight about metal structure.
To sum up, whether accepting others’ criticism or not is not necessary condition for success. Depend (Depending) on different situations, we should come to our own conclusion. For young people, acting more humble is beneficial; for mature adult, if you believe in your view, you should just persist in it.

楼主是要写一半一半的,对吧？第一段写每个人都有错误，别人的批评可以帮助避免错误。第二段些年轻人不成熟需要批评。第三段写有时候要坚持自己什么的。一半一半的写法在托福作文里是可以的，但是这篇不适合写一半一半。而且真的要写一半一半的话，这一半和那一半的分界点也要找好，你找到不错，经验及年轻人。如果真的要写的话一、没有经验的人，要多听他人的意见，吸取他人经验更容易成功；二、对这个事物有独到看法的，经验够足的则要坚持自己的意见。写一半一半最好也是分两大段，写好了也很不错。
但是这篇不适合写一半一半。因为一半一半的题目就是个二选一的。像大学教育和初级教育哪个更重要之类的。本次的题目就是一个观点，所以最好不要写一半一半。
然后，题目中还有几个关键词没有抓住。一个是在团队中，一个是成功。貌似全篇都没有提到这两点。严格的说有点离题。
语言什么的都是小问题，多看多练都能弥补。我觉得托福作文最重要的是审题。抓住题目最重要。
欢迎异议，欢迎讨论。

幕阳素素UID：3025800

In the readingmaterial, the author asserts that wood companies in united states would notspare effort to get a ecocertification, but the speaker thinks(改为Point out 或许好些) there areproblems with each author’s reason（表达不清楚，each one of the author’s reasons）. First, theauthor claim American consumer don’t trust in （去掉in。）advertisingso they would be motivated by advertising products as ecocertified. Bycontrast, the speaker says American customers don’t treat all advertising thesame. They can tell the advertising by companies from advertising byindependent certification agency（不太明白想表述的是什么意思）. So they will trust the advertising and buythese ecoertified products.

Second,the author announce ecocertified wood will be more expensive and customer areunwilling to pay more money for this（these） products.However, the speaker cites a study show that when the difference of pricebetween two product is less than 5%, the price is not the key factor influencethe decision. At the same time, customer value other aspects such asenvironment protection more than price./ L5 F! v1 X) N8 `6 M-@) D
Third,the author claim because American wood companies sell most of their products inUS, they don’t have the driving force to keep up with global development（逗号前后两句换一下感觉还更好一下，否则我感觉语法比较混乱）. Thisargument is also invalid. The American wood companies is facing the competitionwith foreign companies（is facedwith competition from foreign companies）. if they don’t progress（progress是名词，if they failto make any effort to make progress）, they will lose their market in US. So they must obtain theecoertification.
Insum, the author quotes 3 theories to prove his statement. In the opposite, thespeaker refutes these 3 theories（reasons and theory 是不一样的reason比较好）
one by one.
文章好多处没有第三人称单数，复复数单数很混乱。
句式有点简单。
我第一次 改，不太好，见谅。

超级猴子UID：3023123

7月19日 独立写作
1/30/2010 Do you agree that the government should support the scientific research even there is no practical use?.

With rapid growth of global economy, more and more governments choose to invest a huge amount of fund in practical technology—new energy, new material and new information technology, to promote economical development. On the contrary, It seems that scientific research are facing a great challenge. Should we put all the money into practical technology rather than scientific research? No, I don’t think so.

To be frank, practical technology provides the tangible benefits that make background research unable to compete. The first benefit comes from improving economy growth. Practical technology can directly enhance productive force and become products, service, even a whole industry. Those things create wealthy that make country strong and people happy. What’s more, a new practical technology means new jobs, which lower the unemployment rate and increase society security. Due to these reasons, all governments are crazy about practical technology and willing to spend a lot of money on it.

However, it is clear to me practical technology has an innate weakness that it has the potential of driving society to a narrow-sighted situation. In this situation, everyone is profit-oriented and nobody will invest a penny into a research that is useful but not profitable. As a result, human beings cease their steps toward peak of mountain and don’t progress.

In the opposite, scientific research is totally different. It inspires creative thinking, exploring unknown world, intensifying our knowledge. Some researches you think useless are treasures in someone else eyes. We don’t have the ability to judge a research due to our narrow foresight for the future world. On the other hand, background research is paving the way for novel technologies, which maybe change the world dramatically. Before relativity theory was built, atomic bomb was impossible; Before microchip was created, Iphone 4 was impossible. So I can safely draw a conclusion that no background research no practical technology.

To sum up, practical technology is important for its function of improving economy and providing job opportunity. However, because of its narrow-sight , it will damage our society. Scientific research is the foundation of new technology. Government should support it weather it is practical or not.

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

7月19日 独立写作
1/30/2010 Do you agree that the government should support the scientificresearch even there is no practical use?.

Withrapid growth of global economy, more and more governments choose to invest ahuge amount of fund in practical technology—new energy, new material and newinformation technology, (前面用了破折号，这里应该用technology—to使之完整)to promote economical development. On the contrary, itseems that scientific research are (scientific research是科研的统称的意思，用单数is) facing a great challenge. Shouldwe put all the money into practical technology rather than scientific research?No, I don’t think so.
我很喜欢你最后用反问句的方式给出自己的观点。有个小问题，从challenge突然转到这个反问有些突然，什么challenge？怎么引出的这个问题？虽然这些在第一段都不用给出解释，但是需要有合理的逻辑，challenge即useless，同时又点了题。另外，用however比on the contrary更好，虽然都是转折，但是on the contrary表示同一件事情相反方面。

Tobe frank, practical technology provides the tangible benefits that makebackground research unable to compete. The first benefit comes from improvingeconomy growth. Practical technology can directly enhance productive force andbecome products, service, even a whole industry (technology become product? Service?Industry?). Those things create wealthy that make country strong and peoplehappy. What’s more, a new practical technology means new jobs, which lower theunemployment rate and increase society security. Due to these reasons, allgovernments are crazy about practical technology and willing to spend a lot ofmoney on it.

However,it is clear to me practical technology has an innate weakness that it has thepotential of driving society to a narrow-sighted situation. In this situation,everyone is profit-oriented and nobody will invest a penny into a research thatis useful but not profitable. As a result, human beings cease their stepstoward peak of mountain and don’t progress.

Inthe opposite, scientific research is totally different. It inspires creativethinking, exploring unknown world, (and) intensifying our knowledge. Someresearches you think useless are treasures in someone else (‘s) eyes. We don’thave the ability to judge a research due to our narrow foresight for the futureworld. On the other hand (你去正规的字典查一下，虽然我对on the other hand的用法也不是非常熟悉，但是它不是递进用法的词组，而是转折。通常是on the one hand , on theother hand 连用，表一个事情的两个相反方面), background research is paving theway for novel technologies, which maybe change the world dramatically. Beforerelativity theory was built, atomic bomb was impossible; Before microchip wascreated, Iphone 4 was impossible. So I can safely draw a conclusion that nobackground research no practical technology.

Tosum up, practical technology is important for its function of improving economyand providing job opportunity. However, because of its narrow-sight, it willdamage our society. Scientific research is the foundation of new technology.Government should support it weather it is practical or not(whether拼错了，你自己读一下你这句话的意思，whether=if,是条件状语从句连接词，不是让步！此处应该用no matter)

大概了解了你的文章内容和结构后，我发现你好像有一点点没有理解题目的意思。不能算完全偏题，但是可能方向不太对。题目问：政府是否应该支持科研，尽管科研是无用的。题目没有问：政府是否应该只支持有用的科研，而不支持无用的科研？也就是说题目没有让你把有用无用分开。语言很流畅，语法错误不多，这是很好的！这样的话就会进步很快~加油~

超级猴子UID：3023123

7月20日
独立
2/13/2010 Do you agree with the following statement? People holding different views cannot achieve success as a team.

With the increasing intensity of global competition, more and more people realize the importance of teamwork which is regarded as gold key to success. But does a good team mean everyone in the team holding the same view? I don’t think so, even it may hurt the team.
To be frank, when everyone in team hold a similar view, the team is the most effective and harmonious. Everyone’s effort will converge into one force toward one direction. Of course the fact that efficiency is a quality essential to any work doesn’t necessarily mean that it can lead to success although many examples suggest that this is likely to be the case. Some people may argue what’s problem with high efficiency, high efficiency is good! But how about the whole team heading to a wrong goal or on a wrong way?
As a famous saying goes, ‘direction is much more significant than effort’. It is clear to me right goals and right means are the necessary condition for success. Suppose a student spare no effort to prepare for final exam. He review all the note and assignment, often go to ask profession in office time, stay up late to 2am everyday. But he ignores the key points of exam, he focus on the contents that wouldn’t show up in the exam. There is no accident he will perform poor and don’t achieve his goal.
When people in a team hold a same view, this situation is easy to happen because they are lack of critical thinking. However, by arguing, by conflicting, it is easy to avoid this problem.
What’s more, as we all know, to succeed, perfect job should be done; a little mistake and fault may lead to a disaster. Just as the destroy of the Challenger, a mistake of radix point bring the explosion of the spacecraft. Others' conflicting opinion may directly indicate your weakness and mistake, and then you should find it and solve it.
In sum, one view in a team does have benefits like high efficiency and harmony. However, it is lack of critical thinking and make mistakes harder to avoid. So I can safely draw a conclusion that holding different views can achieve success and are better than only one voice.

april0515UID：2997208

8# 超级猴子 With the increasing intensity of global competition （刚看到这个表达方式以为错了捏，不过发现还是有这种搭配的，嘿嘿 木有看过的说，是在英文原版里面看过的吗 ）, more and more people realize the importance of teamwork which is regarded as gold key to success. But does a good team mean everyone in the team holding （should hold)the same view? I don’t think so, even it may hurt the team.(~最后一句话后面如果再能仅接着一小句话说什么时候hurt the team可能会更好一些 要不有点点戛然而止滴感觉你说累 嘿嘿）
To be frank, when everyone in team holds a similar view, the team is the most effective and harmonious. Everyone’s effort will converge into one(converge into这个词语用得很好 学习啦） force toward one direction. Of course the fact that efficiency is a quality essential to any work doesn’t necessarily mean that it can lead to success although many examples suggest that this is likely to be the case.（这句有滴长，过长的句子容易出现错误丫，而且读起来不是很舒服呢。其实可以一句很简单的话代替d ~，比如 however, too often the high efficiency of a team isn't always equal to the final success） Some people may argue that problem with high efficiency, high efficiency is good! But how about the whole team heading to( head to 用的很好~） a wrong goal or on a wrong way?
As a famous saying goes, ‘direction is much more significant than effort’.(这句话概括总结得很好哇~ ) It is clear to me right goals and right means are the necessary condition for success. Suppose a student spare no effort to prepare for final exam. He review all the note and assignment, often go to ask profession in office time, stay up late to 2am everyday. But he ignores the key points of exam, he focus on the contents that wouldn’t show up in the exam. There is no accident he will perform poor and don’t achieve his goal.(最后一句话有滴滴别扭嘿嘿，如果改成，then, not coincidentally, he will fail to achieve goal as a result. 或者是 then,  his final failure of his exam won't come about by accident. 可能会稍微地道点捏 嘿嘿。 还有，个人觉得这个例子说明只说明了方向的重要性，是个人的例子。后面应该还team联系一下才会更贴主题，所以最好再加些东东咯）
When people in a team hold a same view, this situation（这个指的是上段说的情况吗 会产生误解滴） is easy to happen because they are lack of critical thinking. However, by arguing, by conflicting, it is easy to avoid this problem.（现在看到鸟，和前面的确有联系，但是木有说明为什么通过arguing conflicting就可以避免这个问题啦，也许可以加上一些例子神马滴）
What’s more, as we all know, to succeed, perfect job should be done; a little mistake and fault may lead to a disaster（catastrophe可能会更好一些哦，表明大，和little mistake 对照）. Just as the destroy of the Challenger, a mistake of radix point bring the explosion of the spacecraft.（这个例子是关于神马滴捏，我没文化啦，嘿嘿，有机会的话希望亲能讲给我一下呗，也增加点知识 吼吼） Others' conflicting opinion may directly indicate your weakness and mistake, and then you should find it and solve it.
In sum, one view in a team does have benefits like high efficiency and harmony. However, it is lack of critical thinking and make mistakes harder to avoid. So I can safely draw a conclusion that holding different views can achieve success and are better than only one voice.
（这篇文章论证了两点 一点是明确方向的问题 一点是有助于改正错误滴问题。这两点找的很好丫，但是如果能够观点句更加明确一些，多加一些表结构，表转折，递进等的连词就更好啦，还有例子可以再试着想想咯，加油））

超级猴子UID：3023123

7月21日
独立
9/11/2009 Do you agree with the following statement? It is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life?!

超级猴子UID：3023123

7月22日  不限时写的，而且还用了一些GRE官方范文上的一些句子和例子，平时自己写不出来的，大家共同学习进步。

JeniusUID：2964631

猴纸童鞋···我能说没有找到什么问题么···而且···而且···觉得你的文章好难啊

超级猴子UID：3023123

7月23日 独立
Do you agree with the following statement? If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, using e-mail/text messaging is better than using telephone/voice-messaging
听说开贴写在帖子里会被判雷同，所以我还是小心的好，改用上传啦，请改的同学也上传吧，谢谢了

kagomerwUID：2453843

改好了：）

jackchen823UID：2767008

7月23日
6/19/2010 Do you agree with the following statement? If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, using e-mail/text messaging is better than using telephone/voice-messaging
With the advent of computer technology, especially the internet, more and more people prefer to discuss problem by email. Are email are the best in any situation? I don’t think so.

It is ridiculous to put upsetting problems and controversial problems together. In my view, upsetting problem and controversial problem are totally different, and need dissimilar way to discuss.

Let’s analyze different features inside these two problems first. It seem almost certain that upsetting problems will lead to a depressed mood and make people desire to express their inner feelings and sorrow. It get to a point where simple e-mail or text messaging are not enough to relieve emotions. People are looking for comfort not only by words that form a sentence but also voice, tone and intonation that can carry more emotion messages. In term of conveying emotions, the effects of voice are much better than that of words, no matter how sentimental they are. In a conversation, it is clear to me that emotion and message exchange fairly quickly, which make e-mail unable to compete with知道你的意思但感觉有点问题. So in this setting, telephone is much more effective.

At the same time, writing has its advantages: when we write, we can better control the flow of our ideas, express details more patiently and convey our notion of problem more explicitly and accurately写的不错啊！. These strengths of writing make it better to deal with controversial problem. Suppose a student found a topic controversial 建议替换and he wants to express his thinking, he can write a well-reasoned essay to illustrate his consideration with the help of diagram, table, picture even software program, which is simply not feasible on telephone.

To sum up, telephone and email have different strength and weakness that make them suitable for different problem. When faced with upsetting problem, we should discuss it by telephone due to its strong capacity to convey emotions. On the other hand, e-mail is better to deal with complicated problem because it can express idea more logical and accurate.

jackchen823UID：2767008

7.23 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1287389-1-1.html