Daily Writing 找翅膀的兔子

找翅膀的兔子UID: 2854568

恩 今天是第一篇~

之前找考过托福的朋友改作文，其实改个一两篇就不是很容易老叫人家改了
所以说 能够在作文小组里互相批改作文还是很幸福的事~~
我先在这里谢过大家咯~不要对我客气，说的越直白越好~
共勉~~

找翅膀的兔子UID: 2854568

9.12

venusbloomUID: 2511701

改好了

hanqiUID: 2313191

OK

heyxUID: 2943262

Everyday, especially in the evening, there are a lot of people walking around with their dogs. Various pets have become a part of modern life. Those little animals give us pleasure and companion（这个貌似是形容词）, and we give them shelter and food. However, sometimes people may pay too much money and attention on their pet.(第一段要表明观点,however之后，你的观点呢？)

Some treatments pets received are a little rediculous (ridiculous). Even though I like animals very much, I do not think dogs or cats should go to school. A co-worker of my mother has a dog; she considers it as her child. The dog goes to hair saloon every week and posses so many "clothes" that it owns a closet. One day, its master decided to send it to school so that it can make friends with other dogs and learn something. There are even swimming classes, which is completely unnecessary for dogs.

Also, there are some people, whose pets are extremely expensive. As we all know, even dogs, one of the most common animals in our life, has various prices for different breeds. Some of them cost thousands yuan, such as Labrador which is 4000yuan for each puppy. Is it worthwhile? You can use the same amount of money to afford tuition for a needy student in university. In addition, dogs are equal, they should not be attached with prices by human.

Furthermore, pets like snakes or spiders, which are very costly as well, may hurt people. Personally, I can not understand why some people want to live with those animals, especially the cold-blood ones, which have litter affections. One bite could take someone's life. Even though not all of them are poisonous, if a snake slides out of house, it must be very scary to encounter it for other residents living in the same community.（这一段reason有点偏，有点钻牛角尖）

To be a loving person, do not have to do a big investment. I consider my dog as family too, so I give it food and water, play with it and take it to doctor when it is sick. I think it is enough for it to have a happy life. When I meet homeless dogs or cats, I would feed them. If possible, I would send them to animal care center so that they can have a home. It won't cost much money. It is not our money but our action showing we care.
鄙人以为，每一段的topic sentence如果都能放在段首，开门见山，这样段落思路不会写偏，会更符合西方人思维。

sallyremyUID: 3120928

2# 找翅膀的兔子


One of the major investments（没有s） of government is to support scientific research, which has potential contribution to our nation. While some people point out that there are many research projects, which have no practical use, why should the government spend money on them?(好几句句子了没有连词) In my opinion, practical use should not be the only standard to decide whether or not a scientific research is worthwhile.（观点提炼清晰） So even if it seems some projects are useless, the government should not exclude them from subside plan hastily.



In fact, before a research was accomplished, people can hardly predict the value of its outcome,(逻辑很好~) because there will always be surpriseS during research. A zoologist was intend to observe the breeding process of bluebird, which usually follow the rule of monogamy. But he accidentally witnessed "the other woman. " The male bluebird was wooing another female, while his wife was searching food for their chicks. At last, a fight between two ladies took place, with the male bird's help, poor mother bird left. This family drama gave the scientist new discovery about bluebird's monogamy. Some unpractical research may lead to precious discovery as well, but without the financial support from government, it can not be accomplished.（举例用Some unpractical research may lead to precious discovery 来举该多好啊~）



Also, there are plenty research projects of great significance without practical use. For example, once I watched a program about a linguistic research on television, it is about the difference between men and women when they are learning language. Various experiments were conducted, such as identifying two words, which were heard from each ear seperately and simuntaneously. Most women can get both words, while men can only catch one. The result shows that women are more sensible to language. Does it mean men should stop learning language? Of course not, but we have better understand about ourselves through this research. Therefore, I believes that even though some scientific researches do not have practical uses, they are still valuable.（例子超棒！！解释很清晰！！！）



Furthermore, even if some researches are not practical now, they may be helpful in the future, （感觉第三个观点和第一个有点重复）like space exploration. It is quite unpractical to fly to aother planet, risking the life of astronauts, when we are living on Earth. But governments spare as much effort on it as possible. Why? It is all about possibility in the future. If one day our planet had some sort of（用法太口语化了，academic一点比较好） serious disaster, which made earth no longer a safe place to live, we would not be able to escape without the technology of carrying human to the moon. Also, taking fruits or grain out of earth, scientists may find some way to plant food in the space so that we can make better use of land for other purpose without starving. If governments refuse to support those projects, all those possibilities would be shut down.



In short, the government should give support to valuable scientific research, even though they do not have obvious practical uses. Its value may be hidden along the road toward final answers or in the future, may be anything but practical uses. But the government should have the insight to identity meaningful researches and support them. （结尾处拎了一下各段主题，很好~~）



好长的文章~~写得很不错啊，期待下次再和你分一组~

请记得帮我改作文，谢谢~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1304586&extra=

长空wUID: 2891184

One of the major investments of government is to support scientific research, which has potential contribution to our nation. While some people point out that there are many research projects, which have no practical use, why should the government spend money on them? In may opinion (拼写错误；今天看作文修改十三篇，“我是建议最好不用cannot, must, should这类的词汇的,其实这些概念都是可以用别的东西替换的,这里可以说:It is not a good decision to”，本文公用了6个should), practical use should not be the only standard to decide whether or not a scientific research is worthwhile. So even if it seems some projects are useless, the government should not exclude them from subsidy plan hastily.(也是今天看到的：“到这里,你的introduction结束,我要说的是:这样的开头方式太老套,模版味道很重,最好不要用.我在iBT区上有写作的帖子,说过开头应该如何开,最好是提供background information式的开头,这个开头是万能的经典开头,你必须掌握.”)
In fact（可以改成as a matter of fact），before a research was accomplished, people can hardly predict the value of its outcome, because there will always be surprise during research. A zoologist was(去掉) intended to observe the breeding process of bluebird, which usually follow（obey/comply with） the rule of monogamy. But he accidentally witnessed "the other woman." The male bluebird was wooing another female, while his wife was searching food for their chicks. At last, a fight between two ladies took place, with the male bird's help, poor mother bird left. This family drama gave the scientist new discovery about bluebird's monogamy. Just like this, some unpractical (impractical) researches may lead to precious(似乎上面的例子也没反应这个precious) discovery as well, but without the financial support from government, it cannot be accomplished.

Also, there are plenty of research projects of great (去掉，后面的词有这个含义) significance without practical use. For example, once I watched a program about a linguistic research on television, it is about the difference between men and women when they are learning language. Various experiments were conducted, such as identifying two words, which were heard from each ear seperately（separately） and simuntaneously (simultaneously). Most women can get both words, while men can only catch one. The result shows that women are more sensible to language. Does it mean men should stop learning language? Of course not, but we (will) have (get) better understanding about ourselves through (可以尝试via) this research. Therefore, I believes(believe) that even though some scientific researches do not have practical uses, they are still valuable.

Furthermore, even if some researches are not practical now, they may be helpful in the future, like space exploration. It is quite unpractical to fly to aother（another） planet, risking the life of astronauts, when we are living on Earth（when the Earth is far from being dangerous and unfit for human to live on）. But governments spare as much effort on it as possible. Why? It is all about possibility in the future. If one day (someday) our planet had some sort of serious disaster, which made (the) earth no longer a safe place to live, we would not be able to escape without the technology of carrying human to the moon(space migration). Also, taking(producing) fruits or grain out of earth(in the outer place,没看懂), scientists may find some way to plant food in the space so that we can make better use of land for other purpose without starving. If governments refuse to support those projects, all those possibilities (windows of possibility) would be shut down.

In short, the government should give support to valuable scientific researches, even though they do not have obvious practical uses. Its value may be hidden along the road toward final answers or in the future, may be anything but practical uses (Its value maybe awaits in some corner in the future).  But (In cases like that), the government should have (possess) the insight to identity (identify) meaningful researches and support them.



写的比我好多了。可以从句子结构多样性、句子之间的衔接上提高（貌似这是大家共同的问题~~）
举得逻辑上不够紧密，例子和论证没契合好

能力有限，只能改到这了，谢谢修改我惨不忍睹的文章~~~

hanqiUID: 2313191

改好了

Sudden2012UID: 2856328

9.9 综合TPO8
改好了，加油哈！
这是我的综合，也帮我改改把，多多交流哈！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1300451&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Dtype%26amp%3Btypeid%3D280&page=2

venusbloomUID: 2511701

2# 找翅膀的兔子

tiannipUID: 2745078

2# 找翅膀的兔子
改好了，就是几个笔误。写得比我好太多了。

sallyremyUID: 3120928

2# 找翅膀的兔子

改好了
9.10独立
movies