10.14进军美利坚作文组

LeviathaZUID: 2456472

细节还是没有，而且觉得自己说来说去就一个意思。辛苦了：D

10.14 it was easier to make a success in the past than people now

Most people want to be successful in their lives, but why do some persons not achieve their goal? One might say that he do not have a successful lives because it was harder to make a success now than people in the past. This thought is representative of only considering the environment factor as the main cause to be successful. As far as I am concerned, being successful or not is determined by two aspects, the environment of success and the individuals' ability.

Firstly, the world today actually provides more chances for us to get an accomplishment. Take study aboard as an example. Nowadays, more and more students are declined to pursue their education in foreign countries. In the past, only a few people have the chance to go aboard for further education since it requires a lot of money and certain level of foreign language, which cannot be provided by a normal family in China. Although study aboard cannot guarantee a success, you have more possibilities to make it! In short, if you could not achieve your goal, it might because that you let the opportunities pass by.

Moreover, contrary to the past situation, we can improve our abilities in various aspects at present. For instance, in the past we can only learn new knowledge form teachers or reading books, which might be obsolete, however, with the development of internet we can receive the latest information in our fields immediately. Therefore, as long as you put big effort to make a success, you might find that you have already reached the accomplishment.

Granting that, due to the beneficial environment, other persons are also able to get rare chances and build themselves more competitive. Under such intense pressure of competition, it seems really hard for us to make a success today. However, from another perspective, it also encourages us to catch up those who more outstanding because it is boring if you cannot find a corresponding opponent.

In conclusion, the modern world is a warmer cradle to foster success, and can be successful or not depends on individuals' effort.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

Mostpeople want to be successful in their lives, but why do some personsnot achieve their goal? One might say that he do not have a successfullives because it was harder to make a success now than people in thepast. This thought is representative of only considering theenvironment factor as the main cause to be successful. As far as I amconcerned, being successful or not is determined by two aspects, theenvironment of success and the individuals' ability.
Firstly,the world today actually provides more chances for us to get anaccomplishment. Take study aboard as an example. Nowadays, more andmore students are declined to pursue their education in foreigncountries. In the past, only a few people have the chance to go aboardfor further education since it requires a lot of money and certainlevel of foreign language, which cannot be provided by a normal familyin China. Although study aboard cannot guarantee a success, you havemore possibilities to make it! In short, if you could not achieve yourgoal, it might because that you let the opportunities pass by.（段落简洁，但论证到位）4 C4 N5 a% D. T, W" G( w3 W% k
Moreover,contrary to the past situation, we can improve our abilities in variousaspects at present. For instance, in the past we can only learn newknowledge form teachers or reading books, which might be obsolete,however, with the development of internet we can receive the latestinformation in our fields immediately. Therefore, as long as you putbig effort to make a success, you might find that you have alreadyreached the accomplishment.(这段解释的不到位，没说清怎么improve ability）

Grantingthat, due to the beneficial environment, other persons are also able toget rare chances and build themselves more competitive. Under suchintense pressure of competition, it seems really hard for us to make asuccess today. However, from another perspective, it also encourages usto catch up those who more outstanding because it is boring if youcannot find a corresponding opponent.（感觉没必要转折再点明观点，直接说是不是更好）
* C2
Inconclusion, the modern world is a warmer cradle to foster success, andcan be successful or not depends on individuals' effort.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

语言没有问题，很流畅，还有好多地方值得我学习，不过后两段的论证再琢磨一下就更好了

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

orz

不知道楼上这个“语言没问题”的结论是怎么得出来的。

LeviathaZUID: 2456472

4# cinderella1016

能不能具体说一下问题所在？

谢谢

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

等下说，吃饭先~~

LeviathaZUID: 2456472

6# cinderella1016

好的，多谢！：D

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

最后一段：

In conclusion, the modern world is a warmer cradle to foster success, and can be successful or not depends on individuals' effort.
修改建议：whether a person can be successful or not depends on his / her effort.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

倒数第五段：

Most people want to be successful in their lives, but why do some persons not achieve their goal? One might say that he do not have a successful lives because it was harder to make a success now than people in the past. This thought is representative of only considering the environment factor as the main cause to be successful. As far as I am concerned, being successful or not is determined by two aspects, the environment of success and the individuals' ability.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

倒数第四段：

Firstly, the world today actually provides more chances for us to get an accomplishment. Take study aboard as an example. Nowadays, more and more students are declined to pursue their education in foreign countries. In the past, only a few people have the chance to go aboard for further education since it requires a lot of money and certain level of foreign language, which cannot be provided by a normal family in China. Although study aboard cannot guarantee a 【your】success, you have more possibilities to make it! In short, if you could not achieve your goal, it might because that you let the opportunities pass by 【let go of the opportunities】.

红色+下划线部分说明你的易错单词掌握的不好，abroad才是国外，不是aboard；decline用在这里不对，应该用inclined~

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

倒数第三段：

Moreover, contrary to the past situation, we can improve our abilities in various aspects at present. For instance, in the past we can only learn new knowledge form teachers or 【by】reading books, which might be obsolete,【建议删掉，另起一句，然后however大写】however, with the development of internet we can receive the latest information in our fields immediately. Therefore, as long as you put 【effort常用搭配是make an effort或者spare no effort on sth.】big effort to make a success, you might find that you have already reached the accomplishment.【错误搭配】

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

倒数第二段：

Granting that, due to the beneficial environment, other persons are also able to get rare chances and build themselves more competitive 【competence？】. Under such intense pressure of competition, it seems really hard for us to make a success today. However, from another perspective, it also encourages 【inspires也可以】us to catch up【with】those who【are】more outstanding because it is boring if you cannot find a corresponding opponent【match】.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

总结：

有问题的地方我都标出来了，你自己好好查查字典。

尤其是易混单词，是你的软肋。

LeviathaZUID: 2456472

易混单词自己检查真的很难看出来，一定要加强警惕。
以为单复数过去时都注意了的，结果还是有很多错误。
总而言之，非常感谢：D

LeviathaZUID: 2456472

10.14 it was easier to make a success in the past than people now

Most people want to be successful in their lives, but why some people do not achieve their goals. One might say that he does not have a successful life because it is harder to make a success now than people in the past. This thought only considers the environment factor as the main cause to be successful. As far as I am concerned, being successful or not is determined by two aspects, the environment of success and the personal ability.

Firstly, the world today actually provides more chances for us to do an accomplishment. Take study abroad as an example. Nowadays, more and more students are inclined to pursue their education in foreign countries. In the past, only a few people have the chances to go abroad for further education since it requires a lot of money and certain level of foreign language, which cannot be afforded by a normal family in China. Although study abroad cannot guarantee your success, you have more possibility to make it! In short, if you could not achieve your goal, the reason might be that you let go of the opportunities.

Moreover, contrary to the past situation, we can improve our abilities in various aspects at present. For instance, in the past we could only learn new knowledge from teachers or by reading books, and the information might be obsolete. However, with the development of internet we can receive the latest information in our fields immediately. Therefore, as long as you spare no effort on making a success, you might find that you have already reached your goal.

Granting that, due to the beneficial environment, other persons are also able to take chances and improve their abilities. Under such intense pressure of competition, it seems really hard for us to make a success today. However, from another perspective, it also inspires us to catch up with those who are more outstanding because it was boring if you could not find a well-matched opponent.

In conclusion, the modern world is a warmer cradle to foster success, and whether a person can be successful or not depends on his/her own effort.

把问题改了一遍，也发上来吧