10.14进军美利坚作文组

liuxiaoyinUID: 2631993

对不起。昨天学校网络维修~~~~~今天才给你评.谢谢你给我评的那么仔细啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o(∩_∩)o...哈哈
people want to be successful in their lives, but why do some persons not achieve their goal(s)? One might say that he do not have a successful lives because it was harder to make a success now than people in the past. This thought is representative of only considering the environment factor as the main cause to be successful. As far as I am concerned, being successful or not is determined by two aspects, the environment of success(of success 去掉吧) and the individuals' ability.首段很好~~~观点明确

Firstly, the world today actually provides more chances for us to get an accomplishment. Take study aboard as an example. Nowadays, more and more students are declined to pursue their education in foreign countries. In the past, only a few people have the chance to go aboard for further education since it requires a lot of money and certain level of foreign language, which cannot be provided by a normal family in China. Although study aboard cannot guarantee a success, you have more possibilities to make it! In short, if you could not achieve your goal, it might because that you let the opportunities pass by.这段很好

Moreover, contrary to the past situation, we can improve our abilities in various aspects at present. For instance, in the past we can only learn new knowledge form teachers or reading books, which might be obsolete, however, with the development of internet we can receive the latest information in our fields immediately.可以在这里举点例子。例如现在的网络教学，很便宜的电子书，求职网络，获取信息成本很低。。。 Therefore, as long as you put big（great） effort to make a success, you might find that you have already reached the accomplishment.

Granting that, due to the beneficial environment, other persons are also able to get rare chances and build themselves more competitive. Under such intense pressure of competition, it seems really hard for us to make a success today. However, from another perspective, it also encourages us to catch up （with）those who more outstanding because it is boring if you cannot find a corresponding opponent.你是想说压力迫使人成长么？感觉你论述的不够充分，however后的转折没说几句就没了~~~“it's boring if you cannot find a correaponding opponent.”和上句衔接的很不好。应该先说压力带来的好处。再加一句“what's more”在写这句，建议进一步这种环境给人带来更大的成就感。

In conclusion, the modern world is a warmer cradle to foster success, and can be successful or not depends on individuals' effort.
结论有点短，建议在结尾把上文的内容大致总结一下，还有觉得你的结尾和首段的观点不特别一致。不如在第一段直接说你不同意过去比现在更容易成功吧。因为你在下文都论述的是现在比过去的好。手段的观点有点不坚定。
PS谢谢你给我的评语，我写的很烂，辛苦你了~~~