11.30play for fun/contest 任务 请改

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

Whether children should only play sports for fun rather than play in competition should depends on the situation, which can bring more benefits to them. Considering the fruitful rewards that bring by playing sports for fun , I prefer the statement that it is better for children to choose play sports for fun, not for contests.

First, the importance of playing sports for fun can not be overemphasized since it will bring children numerous beneficial effects as we can estimate. For one thing, it will activate the interesting of children when they get the first taste of some sports unfamiliar. Take Tom, my litter brother, for example, he learns to play basketball when he was 10 years old. His parent, although their children was too young to play such game, didn't only focus on his performance but were more concern about if he could get more exercise from playing basketball. Indeed, from observation in a short period , they found that Tom had grew much quicker and healthier than ever before. Meanwhile, Tom also got more happiness from playing basketball in his daily life. On the other hand, his parents also found a surprising phenomenon about Tom. Tom,though he was a timid child, became a team leader in his basketball team. The reason is that playing games only for fun, contrary to play for contests, can actuate children's creativity, leading them to communicate and collaborate with his team players much more frequently. As a consequence, appreciated by his team players, Tom made himself predominent in his basketball team.

Second, nowadays, although competition sports are well encouraged and organized by distinct sports commission, it will bring children some negative effects that we can not estimate. Basing on the recent survey we had in hand, we can easily find that the amount of children getting hurt in sport contests is much larger than that involved in the sport which is not oriented for competition. Hence, it is apparent to say that such kind of sports poses more threaten to children in their youngth. Another thing can not be overlooked is that it is not suitable for a child to chase a champion in his childhood. As I mentioned above, it is the cooperation that should be encouraged in sports.

Judging from what I analyzed above, playing sports for fun rather than playing for contests, to some extent, plays more decisive role in the children's growth.

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

先占个楼，一会儿就该。嘿嘿！

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

文章只有少量的的时态错误，都是些细节问题。从论证上看因为只有两个分论点显得单薄了点。另外在论述第二个论点的时候细节不够充分。结尾也有点虎头蛇尾的感觉。呵呵！只是个人看法。希望能互相讨论切磋。

Whether children should only play sports for fun rather than play in competition should depends （depend）on the situation, which can bring more benefits to them. Considering the fruitful rewards that bring by playing sports for fun , I prefer the statement that it is better for children to choose play sports for fun, not for contests.

First, the importance of playing sports for fun can not be overemphasized since it will bring children numerous beneficial effects as we can estimate. For one thing, it will activate the interesting (interests)of children when they get the first taste of some sports unfamiliar. Take Tom, my litter brother, for example, he learns (learned)to play basketball when he was 10 years old. His parent, although their (如果不是单亲的话还是用parents吧！)children was too young to play such game, didn't only focus on his performance but were more concern about if he could get more exercise from playing basketball. Indeed, from observation in a short period , they found that Tom had grew much quicker （？）and healthier than ever before. Meanwhile, Tom also got more happiness from playing basketball in his daily life. On the other hand, his parents also found a surprising phenomenon about Tom. Tom,though he was a timid child, became a team leader in his basketball team. The reason is that playing games only for fun, contrary to play for contests, can actuate children's creativity, leading them to communicate and collaborate with his team players much more frequently. As a consequence, appreciated by his team players, Tom made himself predominent in his basketball team.

Second, nowadays, although competition sports are well encouraged and organized by distinct sports commission, it will bring children some negative effects that we can not estimate. Basing on the recent survey we had in hand, we can easily find that the amount of children getting hurt in sport contests is much larger than that involved in the sport which is not oriented for competition. Hence, it is apparent to say that such kind of sports poses more threaten to children in their youngth.（youth )Another thing can not be overlooked is that it is not suitable for a child to chase a champion in his childhood. As I mentioned above, it is the cooperation that should be encouraged in sports.

Judging from what I analyzed above, playing sports for fun rather than playing for contests, to some extent, plays more decisive role in the children's growth.

soarer0474UID: 2665789

Whether children should only play sports for fun rather than play in competition should depends （depend）on the situation, which can bring more benefits to them. Considering the fruitful rewards that bring by playing sports for fun , I prefer the statement that it is better for children to choose play sports for fun, not for contests（第一段逻辑有问题吧，一开始说玩那个取决于情况，而你接着又说你选某某。。。）.2
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First, the importance of playing sports for fun can not be overemphasized since it will bring children numerous beneficial effects as we can estimate. For one thing, it will activate the interesting (interests)of children when they get the first taste of some sports unfamiliar. Take Tom, my litter brother, for example, he learns (learned)to play basketball when he was 10 years old. His parent, although their (如果不是单亲的话还是用parents吧！)children was too young to play such game, didn't only focus on his performance but were more concern about if he could get more exercise from playing basketball. Indeed, from observation in a short period , they found that Tom had grew much quicker （？）and healthier than ever before. Meanwhile, Tom also got more happiness from playing basketball in his daily life. On the other hand, his parents also found a surprising phenomenon about Tom. Tom,though he was a timid child, became a team leader in his basketball team. The reason is that playing games only for fun, contrary to play for contests, can actuate children's creativity, leading them to communicate and collaborate with his team players much more frequently. As a consequence, appreciated by his team players, Tom made himself predominent in his basketball team." W/ ^5 a; }( z# W/ v( S6 b+ E
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Second, nowadays, although competition sports are well encouraged and organized by distinct sports commission, it will bring children some negative effects that we can not estimate. Basing on the recent survey we had in hand, we can easily find that the amount of children getting hurt in sport contests is much larger than that involved in the sport which is not oriented（最好改成复数） for competition. Hence, it is apparent to say that such kind of sports poses more threaten to children in their youngth.（youth )Another thing can not be overlooked is that it is not suitable for a child to chase a champion in his childhood. As I mentioned above, it is the cooperation that should be encouraged in sports.) Q! p+ A( U7 e, F

udging from what I analyzed above, playing sports for fun rather than playing for contests, to some extent, plays more decisive role（有重要作用？问题是好和坏的作用都是重要作用）
in the children's growth.

基于上面帖子修改，蓝色的是我的
我倒是觉得结构不错，只是开头和末尾比较有问题，不够中间第二段的例子讲的不错

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

多谢楼上2位同学指点~~~~~~~~~~

hualazimiUID: 2707120

Whether children should only play sports for fun rather than play in competition should depends on the situation, (其实这个地方是不能断开的，但是如果这个的话句子就太长了，童鞋可以在调整下，整体表述不错的)which can bring more benefits to them. Considering the fruitful rewards（表达好） that bring by playing sports for fun , I prefer the statement that it is better for children to choose play sports for fun, not for contests.

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First, the importance of playing sports for fun can not be overemphasized since it will bring children numerous beneficial effects as we can estimate. For one thing, it will activate the interesting of children when they get the first taste of some sports unfamiliar. Take Tom, my litter brother, for example, he learns to play basketball when he was 10 years old. His parent, although their children was too young to play such game, didn't only focus on his performance but were more concern about if he could get more exercise from playing basketball. Indeed, from observation in a short period , they found that Tom had grew much quicker and healthier than ever before.（过渡的有点突然，不过例子很好，表达也不错） Meanwhile, Tom also got more happiness from playing basketball in his daily life. On the other hand, his parents also found a surprising phenomenon about Tom. Tom,though he was a timid child, became a team（去掉） leader in his basketball team. The reason is that playing games only for fun, contrary to play for contests, can actuate children's creativity, leading them to communicate and collaborate with his team players much more frequently. As a consequence, appreciated by his team players, Tom made himself predominent 改成predominant in his basketball team.
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! j$ u. e# p; CSecond, nowadays, although competition sports are well encouraged and organized by distinct sports commission, it will bring children some negative effects that we can not estimate. Basing on the recent survey we had（去掉，因为你后面要说we can） in hand, we can easily find that the amount of children getting hurt in sport contests is much larger than that involved in the sport which is not oriented for competition. Hence, it is apparent to say that such kind of sports poses more threaten to children in their youngth. Another thing can not be overlooked is that it is not suitable for a child to chase a champion（表达好） in his childhood. As I mentioned above, it is the cooperation that should be encouraged in sports.

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9 T% v2 R: }7 p. [  G9 yJudging from what I analyzed above, playing sports for fun rather than playing for contests, to some extent, plays more decisive role in the children's growth.（结尾有点太突然了，再多写一些东西就好了）
总之，童鞋的文字功底很强，表达不错，词汇量丰富，值得我学习，再有一些小的细节问题注意一下就更好了。