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[活动] 12.12综合写作 TPO8 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-12-13 14:59:44 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 shiwei83 于 2009-12-13 15:00 编辑

The lecture is mainly discussing the three points to complain that whether the memoir written by Chevalier was real. By challenging some evidence what is raised in the reading passages by some critics who question the authenticity of the memoir, the professor listing contradictory reasons to the reading.
   
First, in the reading, some critics pointed out that Chevalier may not very rich as he said in his memoir, for he had always borrow money from a Swiss businessman . The professor refute the statement by explain that although Chevalier was very rich, but he spent lots of money in all kinds of entertainments, which made him had to sell his assets to pay for the bill. It may need time to wait turnover.

   
Second, in the reading, some critics also questioned the accuracy of the conversation between Chevalier and Voltaire, for they think no one can remember the details of the dialogue several years before. In the lecture, the professor pointed out that Chevalier written down anything as possible as he can memory immediate after each conversion. So he can use the notes to help him to complete the memoir. To confirm what he said, the professor also quote another viewer’s words that he saw Chevalier often consult notes when he wrote his memoir, to convince it.

Finally, in the reading, some critics feel Chevalier may not break from prison as he said in his memoir, they rather believe that the reason of he had been released was his friend bribe the prison guard.But professor pointed out Chevalier escape from prison indeed, based on two proofs. For one reason, some prisoners in the Venice prison were more powerful than Chevalier, but they could not bribe for freedom, so Chevalier could not either. for another, according to the Venice government archives, after Chevalier’s escape, the prison repaired the jail cell where the Chevalier just lived, which could prove that Chevalier do escape from the Venice prison.
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happyfaith2008 + 1 作文已改,欢迎讨论!貌似作文写得长了点, ...

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沙发
发表于 2009-12-15 19:03:53 |只看该作者
The lecture is mainly discussing the(去掉) three points to complain (这个词一个意思是抱怨,另一个就是投诉了,貌似用在这里表达的不准确,可以用illustrate)that whether the memoir written by Chevalier was real. By challenging some evidence what is raised in the reading passages by some critics who question the authenticity of the memoir, (这个状语貌似太长了点,有点头重脚轻了. )the professor listing (没谓语了lists)contradictory reasons to the reading.4 c
    $ E3 P3 ?9 V8 c7 K9 O& F4 a
First, in the reading, some critics pointed(最好用一般现在时point) out that Chevalier may (用might更合适些) be not very rich as he said in his memoir, for he had always borrow(borrowed) money from a Swiss businessman . The professor refute(redutes) the statement by explain(explaining) that although Chevalier was very rich, but(“虽然”和“但是”有不共戴天之仇,为了避免悲剧发生,还是不要让他俩同时出现吧!随便去掉一个就行。) he spent lots of money in all kinds of entertainments, which made him had to sell his assets to pay for the bill. It may need time to wait turnover.. w& p3 R6 s  ~5 Q4 l) A
& n% l2 ]1 t5 H0 T# j
   
Second, in the reading(前面用过了,尽量换种说法吧!), some critics also questioned(question) the accuracy of the conversation between Chevalier and Voltaire, for they think no one can remember the details of the dialogue several years before. In the lecture, the professor pointed (points)out that Chevalier written(wrote) down anything as possible as he can memory immediate(应该想说马上写下吧?这里最好用immediately,而且位置最好在wrote前面。) after each conversion. So he can(could) use the notes to help him to complete the memoir. To confirm what he said, the professor also quote(quotes) another viewer’s words that he saw Chevalier often consult(sonsulted) notes when he wrote his memoir, to convince it.
, |( h( T- o+ u" b% r! y* Q( S1 ]3 a% O) u
Finally, in the reading(第三次出现了), some critics feel Chevalier may not break from prison as he said in his memoir, they rather believe that the reason of(that) he had been released was  (that) his friend bribe(bribed) the prison guard.But professor pointed out Chevalier escape from prison indeed, based on two proofs. For one reason, some prisoners in the Venice prison were more powerful than Chevalier, but they could not bribe for freedom, so Chevalier could not either. for another, according to the Venice government archives, after Chevalier’s escape, the prison(主语和谓语不搭配) repaired the jail cell where the Chevalier just lived, which could prove that Chevalier do escape from the Venice prison.

文章意思很完整。同学听力一定很好啦!羡慕!
尽量用一般现在是陈述阅读和听力的观点,用过去时描述那个人的事迹。注意一下换词。有的时候复合句用的太长会容易出错,导致没了主语或者其他毛病。有些地方我可能说得不对,有什么需要探讨的地方欢迎联系。:lol

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板凳
发表于 2009-12-15 20:53:55 |只看该作者
The lecture is mainly discussing the three points to complain that whether the memoir written by Chevalier was real(我觉得这个观点不是十分的贴切,这样表达等于是认为 这个memoir整个都是假的或者真的了,而原文及听力说的是有一部分内容的真假值得讨论). By challenging some evidence what is raised in the reading passages by some critics who question the authenticity of the memoir, the professor listing(应该是lists或者liasted 吧) contradictory reasons to the reading.2 [6 E1 g2 i$ J9 i( F
   
First, in the reading, some critics pointed out that Chevalier may (be)not very(用so好些) rich as he said in his memoir, for he had always borrow(was always borrowing 更好些) money from a Swiss businessman . The professor refute(refuted or refutes) the statement by explain(explaining) that although Chevalier was very rich, but he spent lots of money in all kinds of entertainments, which made him had to sell his assets to pay for the bill. It may need time to wait turnover.

) c
   
Second, in the reading, some critics also questioned the accuracy of the conversation between Chevalier and Voltaire, for they think(是不是改用THOUGHT以保持时态统一) no one can (我不确定是不是该用could,但是could肯定不会错)remember the details of the dialogue several years before. In the lecture, the professor pointed out that Chevalier written down anything as possible as he can memory immediate after each conversion. So he can use the notes to help him to complete the memoir. To confirm what he said, the professor also quote(quoted) another viewer’s words that he saw Chevalier often consult notes when he wrote his memoir, to convince it. 2 s9 ?/ C$ v  C6 l. M; C! j

Finally, in the reading, some critics feel Chevalier may not break from prison as he said in his memoir, they rather believe that the reason of he had been released was his friend bribe the prison guard.But professor pointed out Chevalier escape from prison indeed, based on two proofs. For one reason, some prisoners in the Venice prison were more powerful than Chevalier,(这个我很确定,说的不是这些人powerful,而是他们有powerful的朋友可以买通jailers) but they could not bribe for freedom, so Chevalier could not either. for another, according to the Venice government archives, after Chevalier’s escape, the prison repaired the jail cell(原文是ceiling,不知道用cell去说那个房间这样可以不,但是我想ceiling很容易听出来吧)where the Chevalier just lived, which could prove that Chevalier do escape (s/ed)from the Venice prison.


楼主文章中时态的掌握度不好,不过也是由于这个材料本身时态就是混乱的,因此导致了一些 professor 和 故事中人物时态的混乱,其他可能咱们对材料理解不同,可能有些出入,不过楼主的用词很是让我惊艳,我的主动词汇还是太小
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RE: 12.12综合写作 TPO8 [修改]

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