言的作文

yuyan890619UID: 2602299

3.17By言.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2010-3-19 13:55:10 上传

下载次数: 3

3.17Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.; B& \0 t2 X9 ]! z7
Accompany with the development of the technology, movies and televisions become vogue in children’s daily life. Whether movies and televisions be harmful or good to the children cause an widely argument. In my opinion, on this intricate and controversial question, I basically agree that movies and televisions have more negative effects on children although they are also apposite to some degree.
Things always has two sides. No wonder that movies and televisions are such great inventions during the last century which brings a ranges of changes into people’s daily life. Instead of long boring scripts, lively and colorful programs on the screen makes it easier for people to receive knowledge and stories. More and more children love watching serious programs which can tell them about the real society, potential dangerous and how to face problems so on. As s example of <2012>, one of the most famous film about the disasters, not only talk about the forecast by Mayan but also the affection and the spirit of never giving up from the roles. What is more, they also watch humorous and interesting film like <Mr Bean> will release their stress and bring them happiness.
However, a recent survey shows anxiety of parents which reflect that in 70% of families, children have less communication with their parents than before. They prefer sitting in front of the television at home rather than talking with their family members. In addition, complains by the parents that going to the cinema with friends has even token the place of the once family day on weekends these years. It is obviously that the less communication will cause bigger generation gap attributing to the “wonderful” inventions.
Nevertheless, the alteration on the entertainments trends contributes to health matters attention by some medical organisms. They claim that the interesting programs, to some extent, decrease the opportunities of physical exercise of children, especial the outdoor sports. Further more, a widely phenomenon that the population of student who wear glasses is increasing at an unprecedented speed actually due to the electrical screen of TV. As we all knows the children means the future it is terrible to imagine how our world will be like if they continue be addicted in watching televisions and movies.
To sum up, I’d like to quote the sentence of <The Tale of twin cities> to have conclusion. It was the best time that movies and televisions brought children a lot of fun, it was also the worst time that potential dangerous came with the amusement. There is the necessity to control the students time sitting on the screen.
第一次 不知道格式对不对

葛岭泉UID: 2767397

Accompany with the development of the technology, movies and televisions become vogue in children’s daily life. Whether movies and televisions be harmful or (不确定这个组合可以这么用？)good to the children cause an（a） widely argument. In my opinion, on this intricate and controversial question, I basically agree that movies and televisions have more negative effects on children although they are also apposite to some degree.* `# y. m/ P+ g6 [2 Z- I
Things always has two sides. No wonder that movies and televisions are such great inventions during the last century which brings a ranges of changes into people’s daily life. Instead of long boring scripts, lively and colorful programs on the screen makes it easier for people to receive knowledge and stories. More and more children love watching serious programs which can tell them about the real society, potential dangerous and how to face problems（and） so on. As an example of <2012>, one of the most famous film about the disasters, not only talk about(电影能不能说‘talk’？) the forecast by Mayan but also the affection(affection能这样用？) and the spirit of never giving up from the roles. What is more, they also watch humorous and interesting film like <Mr Bean> will release their stress and bring them happiness.最后这句结构有问题
However, a recent survey shows anxiety of parents which reflect that in 70% of families, children have less communication with their parents than before. They prefer sitting in front of the television at home rather than talking with their family members. In addition, complains by the parents that going to the cinema with friends has even token the place of the once family day on weekends these years. It is obviously that the less communication will cause bigger generation gap attributing to the “wonderful” inventions.（这段的例子举的很好）
Nevertheless, the alteration on the entertainments trends contributes to health matters attention by some medical organisms（这句看不懂）. They claim that the interesting programs, to some extent, decrease the opportunities of physical exercise of children, especial the outdoor sports. Further more, a widely phenomenon that the population of students who wear glasses is increasing at an unprecedented speed actually due to the electrical screen of TV. As we all knows没有s the children means the future结构有问题 it is terrible to imagine how our world will be like if they continue be addicted in watching televisions and movies.
To sum up, I’d like to quote the sentence of <The Tale of twin cities> to have conclusion.这个引用不错！ It was the best time that movies and televisions brought children a lot of fun, it was also the worst time that potential dangerous came with the amusement. There is the necessity to control the students time sitting on the screen.,

思维挺丰富的，例子很丰富，举的挺恰当，这是优点
时态，单复数，等一些细节欠仔细，有几句句式也有问题


加油！

yan121UID: 2415099

Accompany with the development of the technology, movies and televisions become vogue in children’s daily life. Whether movies and televisions be（are） harmful or good to the children cause an widely argument. In my opinion, on this intricate and controversial question, I basically agree that movies and televisions have more negative effects on children although they are also apposite to some degree.


Things always has two sides. No wonder that movies and televisions are such great inventions during the（去掉） last century which brings a range of changes into people’s daily life. Instead of long boring scripts, lively and colorful programs on the screen makes it easier for people to receive knowledge and stories. More and more children love watching serious programs which can tell them about the real society, potential dangerous（dangers）, how to face problems and so on. As s example of <2012>（改成take 2010 as an example比较好吧）, one of the most famous film about the（可去掉） disasters, not only talk about the forecast by（of） Mayan but also the affection and the spirit of never giving up from the roles（characters比较好？）. What is more, they also watch humorous and interesting film（s） like <Mr. Bean>, which will release their stress and bring them happiness.

However, a recent survey shows anxiety of parents which reflect that in 70% of families, children have less communication with their parents than before. They prefer sitting in front of the television at home rather than talking with their family members. In addition, complains by the parents that going to the cinema with friends has even token the place of the once family day on weekends these years. It is obviously that the less communication will cause bigger generation gap attributing to the “wonderful” inventions.（论证得很好）

Nevertheless, the alteration on the entertainments trends contributes to health matters attention by some medical organisms（这个没看懂..）. They claim that the interesting programs, to some extent, decrease the opportunities of physical exercise of children, especial the outdoor sports. Further more, a widely（wide就可以了吧？） phenomenon that the population of student who wear glasses is increasing at an unprecedented speed actually due to the electrical screen of TV. As we all knows（know） the children means the future, it is terrible to imagine how（what） our world will be like if they continue being（continue后面要么是ing要么是不定式 按这边的意思应该取ing..） addicted in watching televisions and movies.

To sum up, I’d like to quote the sentence of <The Tale of twin cities> to have conclusion. It was the best time that movies and televisions brought children a lot of fun, it was also the worst time that potential dangerous（dangers） came with the amusement. There is the necessity to control the students time（the time the students spend on） sitting on（in front of） the screen. 结尾很好，挺有新意的。

论证挺好的，首段比较模板化，尾段很不错，用词用句也挺好的，就是语法问题要注意一下..

yuyan890619UID: 2602299

3.20 （08.08.08NA）0 D( x5 n' u. p8 s
University students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study。

Accompany with the development of the society, the requirements of the employee is increasing. Whether should the students study the knowledge outside his academic area or not is causing a wide argument through the whole society. In my opinion, on the vogue and controversial problem, I basically agree that students should be required to study the knowledge outside his area for several reasons.
To begin with, no one can deny the fact that things never stand alone, they relate to each other through many lucid ropes. So do the subjects, which are working on different kinds of things in so called different regions. As the example of geology, without using the mathematic method to calculate the period of the layer and the biology skills to distinguish the fossils, it is difficult to decide the ranges of the lithosphere. Therefore, as different working skills are needed in the future career, it is necessary for students to take the courses outside his area.
In the second place, emphasis putting on the other subjects helps the student to take different kinds of method to solve problems. As an example, to the student who studys the literature, both the sense of logical to make analysis and his direct sensibility to literature is required. In addition, backing to the history, the discovery of the double-helical structure of DNA, one of the most great theory in the history of biology, discovered by Watson and Click’s ability of three-dimensional imagination despite their academic skills. Consequently, absorbing the information in other subjects is important in order to strength their ideation.
What is more, a recently research shows the anxiety by the job employees that about almost 50% of them couldn’t get the job in their own regions. No wonder that our world become so competitive that the population of people who can’t get their goal careers is growing. The universities have the responsibility to teach their students several skills to make live in the vying up-to-date society. Nevertheless, as a general saying goes, extreme is dangerous, learning excessive number of subjects will distract students’ focus on major class. As a result, the university should guide their students to make rational choices on the courses.
Taking account for the several factors, it is necessary for the students to learn more kinds of skills. At the same time, Universities should take advicesto their students to get better elections.
似乎不到四百字，超时8分钟...

yuyan890619UID: 2602299

3.21.doc (22.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-3-21 17:31:20 上传

下载次数: 2

3.21
To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past
Basically agree.

Accompany with the development of society, there are more kinds of problem appear such as wars, pollutions, lack of water and so on. Some people insist that in order to deal with the problem, people should learn more about and better understand our past. Well, in my opinion, I basically agree that it is necessary to understand the past.
To begin with, as a famous saying goes, history always repeat itself an amazing way, learning about history can help us have a forecast that how our things will goes. As the dynasties have been destructed by the farmers and intruders again after again, everyone get that the feudalism dynasty is never suitable today. It will surely be ruined if our governmentor want to establish this kind of society again. Therefore, no wonder that history can help us get a deeper understanding inside things.
In the second place, the past mistakes, to some extent, can tell us how to face the problems. Studying from history, we can analyze that how this fail happened, and of course, we won’t make the mistakes again. Take the pollution as an example, human beings once do whatever they want to the earth regardless the harm of the environment, which then cause terrible results. The flooding, the warm climate and the amzing speed of the extinction of animals alarm humans that the balance of nature was destroyed, measures should be taken immediately. Realizing the problems, the method taken by the government seems to have a progress nowadays.
In the third place, histories, especially the stories of the famous, teach us how to get a success. It is the curiosity about a simple and regular question which let Newton discovered the gravity of earth, it is the spirit of never giving up which encourage the Edison finally invent the bulb after thousands of success, it is Beethoven’s in insistences on music which brought us the inspiring concerto destiny. Thanks to our predecessors who enlightened our way to success.
However, extreme is dangerous. Putting too much attention on the past is neither appropriate nor rational. Past have passed, no one can adverse it. Learning to deal with the present rather than wasting too much time on addicting in the past is the wise way to face the challenges in order to get a development. In another words, focusing too much on the past may cause dangerous. As my cousin, who failed at the skating composition, his excessive attention on the past let him disappointed for almost 3 months , of coarsely, he didn’t get any progress in the 3 months. Therefore, human beings should regard the history fairly.
Since the reason I mentioned, it is reasonable to conclude that we should have to face the history correctly in order to make a good future.

howard_hhqUID: 2648506

Accompany with the development of society, there are more kinds of problem appear, such as wars, pollutions, lack of water and so on. Some people insist on that in order to deal with the problem, people should learn more about and better understand our past. Well,(感觉是口语化的吧，貌似不太好用于书面语) in my opinion, I basically agree that it is necessary to understand the past.

To begin with, as a famous saying goes, history always repeat itself an amazing way, learning about history can help us have a forecast how our things will goes. As the dynasties have been destructed by the farmers and intruders again after again, everyone get that the feudalism dynasty is never suitable today. It will surely be ruined if our governmentor(government) want to establish this kind of society again. Therefore, (there is) no wonder that history can help us get a deeper understanding inside things.
感觉没有充分展开

In the second place, the past mistakes, to some extent, can tell us how to face the problems. Studying from history, we can analyze that how this fail(failure) happened, and of course, we won’t make the mistakes again. Take the pollution as an example. Human beings once do whatever they want to the earth regardless the harm of the environment, which then cause terrible results. The flooding, the warm climate and the amazing speed of the extinction of animals alarm humans that the balance of nature was destroyed, measures should be taken immediately. Realizing the problems, the method taken by the government seems to have a progress nowadays.

In the third place, histories, especially the stories of the famous, teach us how to get a success. It is the curiosity about a simple and regular question which let Newton discovered(discover) the gravity of earth, it is the spirit of never giving up which encourage the Edison finally invent the bulb after thousands of success, it is Beethoven’s insistences on music which brought us the inspiring concerto destiny. Thanks to our predecessors who enlightened our way to success.
建议展开论述，别狂举例，这样貌似不深刻

However, extreme is dangerous. Putting too much attention on the past is neither appropriate nor rational. Past have passed, no one can adverse(overturn) it. Learning to deal with the present rather than wasting too much time on addicting in the past is the wise way to face the challenges in order to get a development. In another words, focusing too much on the past may cause dangerous. As my cousin, who failed at the skating composition, his excessive attention on the past let him disappointed for almost 3 months, of coarsely, he didn’t get any progress in the 3 months. Therefore, human beings should regard the history fairly.

Since the reason I mentioned, it is reasonable to conclude that we should have to face the history correctly in order to make a good future.

感觉你的文章论证不够深刻，论点可以说少点，但是论证要深刻，要不感觉像堆砌起来的

yuyan890619UID: 2602299

3.22
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues
No one can deny that our earth is facing massive problems than before, accompany with the development of the society. Technology is a kind of double-edged sword that it brings troubles to the environment and the health as well as the advancement of the society. Therefore, argument about whether should our government pay more attention on health care than the environmental problems becomes a controversial problem as each sides seems to be conspicuous apposite to some degree. From my own perspective, I deem  that the government should pay more attention on the environmental problems.
Admittedly it is obviously that human beings are facing terrible challenges brought by new kinds of virus, which can not be cured by the up-date technology. The virus kills more and more persons, and the speed of the number of dying is increasing year by year. A famous example is AIDS, which still cause people’s fears when hearing about it, killing millions of people around the world, especially in the region of south Africa. Therefore, there are no doubts that health care should be paid attention in order to save the people’s life.
However, the research by some famous medical organisms shows that environmental problems are the murdered of the dying in fact. Environmental problems become serious today that it makes effects on humans bodies. A recently investigation reflects that more people died of cancer of lung is caused by polluted air full of the exhaust gas after industrial method to some extent. Another significant fact is that dirty environment may stimulate the growth of virus such as the N1H1 spread by the airless and unclean crowd. If human beings don’t take more measures on environment, more kinds of aggressive and terrible will appear continuously, causes terrible results. Consequently, in order to stop the spread of virus and their appearance, it is necessary to solving the environmental problems.
What is more, environmental problems can not only results health problems but also other disasters which would take more people’s life and harm the whole world. Comparing with those terrible disasters, the health care seems to be smaller. The flood caused by the excessive cutting down trees, the warmer climates attributed by pulling carbon dioxide to the air and the extinction caused by conquering their living land, destroyed the balance of the nature whom we should pay back one day in the future. How terrible to imagine what our world will be like if we don’t take measures.
All in all, I’d like to draw a conclusion that people should pay more attention on environmental problems as it will probably cause horrible results, at the same time, health care can’t be completely ignored.

john_332UID: 2741978

3-21  修改  by  舜

To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past
Basically agree.

Accompany with the development of society, there are more kinds of problem appear such as wars, pollutions, lack of water(you mean water shortage ?) and so on. Some people insist that in order to deal with the problem, people should learn more about and better(这里怎么放个better ? 应该是和前面learn 一样的动词啦) understand our past. Well, in my opinion, I basically agree(感觉basically agree非常的中式，一般地道的用法是kind of,不过用口语较多) that it is necessary to understand the past.

To begin with, as a famous saying goes, history always repeat itself (缺一个介词in)an amazing way, learning about history can help us have a forecast (forecast 本身就是个及物动词，所以不用have to了，并且要省掉后面的that)that how our things will goes. As the dynasties have been destructed by the farmers and intruders again after again, everyone get that the feudalism dynasty(你的这些词汇真是强大，但是你这里的the feudalism dynasty是前面所说的那个dynasties吗？那后面怎么又is,today ？) is never suitable today. It will surely be ruined if our governmentor (就是governor，没有那个词)want to establish this kind of society again. (前句也感觉比较chinglish，看看这句：Yet, it is impossible for any leader in present time to dominate a country in a feudal way)Therefore, no wonder that history can help us get a deeper understanding inside things.

In the second place, the past mistakes, to some extent, can tell us how to face the problems. Studying from (study in/learn from)history, we can analyze that how this fail happened, and of course, we won’t make the(国宝提醒我的：当你要用the的时候，你一定要清晰的交代对象) mistakes again. Take the pollution as an example, human beings once do whatever they want to(缺一个动词啊) the earth regardless the harm(balence就行了，harm在这里做名词是不合适的) of the environment, which then cause terrible(horrible/disastrous更贴切？) results(consequence比较高级点). The flooding, the warm climate and the amzing speed of the extinction of animals alarm (warn,不用alarm)humans that the balance of nature was destroyed, measures should be taken immediately. Realizing the problems, the method taken by the government seems to have a progress nowadays.  感觉这段扣题不是很紧哦，你描述较多的是现状，而不是过去，结尾句“认识到问题，政府的措施似乎有了进步”，应多强调一下(what did in)past和(how to solve)now的关系。

In the third place, histories, especially the stories of the famous, teach us how to get (become)a success. It is the curiosity about a simple and regular question which let Newton discovered the gravity of earth, it is the spirit of never giving up(give up) which encourage the Edison finally invent the bulb after thousands of success(trails或failures吧？怎么会是success), it is Beethoven’s in insistences on music which brought us the inspiring concerto destiny(作品名称要加the，并大写首字母哦). Thanks to our predecessors who enlightened our way to success.
   好像只字未提 solve problem哦...


However, extreme is dangerous. Putting too much attention on the past is neither appropriate nor rational. Past have passed,(看到这句我哭了，下面是专用的：leave the past in the past/it's water under the bridge/let the bygones be bygones) no one can adverse it. Learning to deal with the present rather than wasting too much time on(in) addicting in the past is the wise way to face the challenges in order to get a development.(前面这个句子有点长) In another words, focusing too much on the past may cause dangerous(用名字danger). As my cousin, who failed at the skating composition, his excessive attention on the past let him disappointed for almost 3 months , of coarsely, (没见过这种用法)he didn’t get any progress in the 3 months. Therefore, human beings should regard the history fairly.

Since the reason I mentioned, it is reasonable to conclude that we should have to face the history correctly in order to make a good future. (结尾还是最好点一下solve problem的题哦)

yan121UID: 2415099

改3月20号的 不好意思哦 最近比较忙 改完了 另外 我不打算写这篇了 所以lz就不用帮我改了哦～

Accompany with the development of the society, the requirements of the employee is (for employees are) increasing. Whether should the students study the knowledge outside his academic area or not is causing a wide argument through the whole society. In my opinion, on the vogue and controversial problem, I basically agree that students should be required to study the knowledge outside his area for several reasons.

To begin with, no one can deny the fact that things never stand alone, they relate to each other through many lucid ropes. So do the subjects, which are working on different kinds of things in so called(可去掉) different regions. As the example of geology（Take geology as example）, without using the mathematic method to calculate the period of the layer and the biology skills to distinguish the fossils, it is difficult to decide the ranges of the lithosphere. Therefore, as different working skills are needed in the future career, it is necessary for students to take the courses outside his area.

In the second place, emphasis putting on the other subjects helps the student to take different kinds of method to solve problems. As an example, to the student who studys(studies) the literature, both the sense of logical(logic) to make analysis and his direct sensibility to literature is(are 前面都说both了哟) required. In addition, backing to the history, the discovery of the double-helical structure of DNA, one of the most great theory in the history of biology, discovered by Watson and Click’s ability of three-dimensional imagination despite（用despite不好吧？毕竟他们的专业知识也是有用到的可以改成 , along with） their academic skills. Consequently, absorbing the information in other subjects is important in order to strength(strengthen) their ideation.

What is more, a recently(recent) research shows the anxiety by(of) the job employees that about almost 50% of them couldn’t(用didn’t会不会比较好呢？) get the job in their own regions. No wonder that our world become so competitive that the population of people who can’t get their goal(ideal) careers is growing. The universities have the responsibility to teach their students several skills to make live in the vying up-to-date society. Nevertheless, as a general saying goes, extreme is dangerous, learning excessive number of subjects will distract（用在这里感觉是负面含义而且这个论点也比较奇怪..改成讲讲只有一方面知识的短处可能会比较好） students’ focus on major class. As a result, the university should guide their students to make rational（rational是怎样的呢？单学一个专业的课程也可能很rational啊不够突出观点） choices on the courses.
Taking account for（of） the several（these） factors, it is necessary for the（无特指去掉）students to learn more kinds of skills. At the same time, Universities should take advices to（encourage） their students to get better elections（选举? 用在这边不恰当吧？是不是selection? ）. 最后一句不够扣题哦，better selection是怎样的选择呢？跟观点的关系是？


论点阐述得挺好的，倒数第二段可以扩展再说说如果学生只学某方面知识的坏处，第二段和第三段意思差不多诶，论点差别不大，可以合成一段。另外语法方面的问题要注意嗯。加油～

dphenixyUID: 2657199

3.22 by dphenixy

No one can deny that our earth is facing massive problems than（注意前后一致） before, accompany with the development of the society. Technology is a kind of double-edged sword that it （去掉，that就代替主语了）brings troubles to the environment and the health as well as the advancement of the society. Therefore, argument about whether should our government （should放后面，这里不是疑问句）pay more attention on health care than the environmental problems becomes a controversial problem as each sides seems to be conspicuous apposite to some degree. From my own perspective, I deem
that the government should pay more attention on the environmental problems.
Admittedly it is obviously that human beings are facing terrible challenges brought by new kinds of virus（主题句最好不要说的这么具体，可以说成人们面临很多健康问题）, which cannot be cured by the up-date technology. The virus kills more and more persons, and the speed of the number of dying is increasing year by year. A famous example is AIDS, which still cause people’s fears when hearing（注意这句话的主语是AIDS，所以这里不能省略主语，应改成when people hear） about it, killing（ millions of people around the world, especially in the region of south Africa. Therefore, there are no doubts that health care should be paid attention in order to save the people’s life.
However, the research by some famous medical organisms shows that environmental problems are the murdered of the dying in fact（你下面好像没有说环境污染是造成艾滋病人死亡的真凶，所以这样写不妥）. Environmental problems become （so）serious today that it makes effects on（最好说成有不好的影响）
humans bodies. A recently investigation reflects that more people died of cancer of lung is caused by polluted air full of the exhaust gas after industrial method（说成来自工厂就行了） to some extent（这句话给人的感觉有点像为了把句子写厂而故意加一些修饰语）. Another significant fact is that dirty environment may stimulate the growth of virus such as the N1H1 spread by the airless and unclean crowd. (我觉得这个理由最为第一点比较好，因为和上一段的关系更紧密) If human beings don’t take more measures on environment, more（最好不要重复使用） kinds of aggressive and terrible will appear continuously, causes terrible results. Consequently, in order to stop the spread of virus and their appearance, it is necessary to solving（solve） the environmental problems.
What is more, environmental problems can not only results health problems but also other disasters which would take more people’s life and harm the whole world. Comparing with those terrible disasters, the health care seems to be smaller（灾难和health care是两类不同的东西，最好不要这样比较）. The flood caused by the excessive cutting down trees, the warmer climates attributed by pulling carbon dioxide to the air and the extinction caused by conquering their living land, destroyed the balance of the nature whom we should pay back one day in the future. How terrible to imagine what our world will be like if we don’t take measures.
All in all, I’d （最好不要用缩写）like to draw a conclusion that people should pay more attention on environmental problems as it will probably cause horrible results, at the same time, health care can’t be completely ignored.
结构不错，常用那些句型也没什么问题，不过要想拿高分在语言的简洁、多变方面还要再下些功夫，语法有一些小问题，加油~~

水谣碧玺UID: 2765062

3.22+ Z; R( B& h7 d
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues
No one can deny that our earth is facing massive problems than before(before是介词，而than 前面是名词短语，不一致吧)
, accompany with the development of the society. Technology is a kind of double-edged sword that it brings troubles to the environment and the health as well as the advancement of the society. Therefore, argument about whether should our government（government should, whether后面是正常语序） pay more attention on health care than the environmental problems becomes a controversial problem as each sides seems to be conspicuous apposite to some degree. From my own perspective, I deem  that the government should pay more attention on the environmental problems.; _$ ~# {( J) o
Admittedly it is obviously that human beings are facing terrible challenges brought by new kinds of virus, which can not be cured by the up-date technology. The virus kills more and more（啊，这里换个词吧） persons, and the speed of the number of dying is increasing year by year. A famous example is AIDS, which still cause people’s fears when hearing about it, killing millions of people around the world, especially in the region of south(South大写) Africa. Therefore, there are no doubts that health care should be paid attention in order to save the people’s life.

[) ~
However, the research by some famous medical organisms shows that environmental problems are the murdered of the dying in fact. Environmental problems become serious today that it makes effects on humans‘ bodies. A recently（副词不能修饰名词吧） investigation reflects that more people died of cancer of lung is caused by polluted air full of the exhaust gas after industrial method to some extent. Another significant fact is that dirty environment may stimulate the growth of virus such as the N1H1 spread by the airless and unclean crowd. If human beings don’t take more measures on environment, more kinds of aggressive and terrible will appear continuously, causes terrible results. Consequently, in order to stop the spread of virus and their appearance, it is necessary to solving the environmental problems.
What is more, environmental problems can （这里是不是少个动词，引起？）not only results health problems but also other disasters which would take more people’s life and harm the whole world. Comparing with those terrible disasters, the health care seems to be smaller. The flood caused by the excessive cutting down trees, the warmer climates attributed by pulling carbon dioxide to the air and the extinction caused by conquering their living land, destroyed the balance of the nature whom we should pay back one day in the future. How terrible to imagine what our world will be like if we don’t（do not, 除了疑问句的否定，其他最好不要加’） take measures.
All in all, I’d（同上）like to draw a conclusion that people should pay more attention on environmental problems as it will probably cause horrible results, at the same time, health care can’t be completely ignored.

尾段内容也稍少了点，可以把前面的论点总结一下。那个让步段我觉得还是放在后面好一点，因为你放前面的话，没有足够的信息去支撑它，显得很单薄没有说服力。
楼主很棒了，再加油哦