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[活动] 拍拍更健康,谢谢各位了哈 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-6-18 07:41:03 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 missoulmate 于 2010-6-25 08:15 编辑



可惜没有早点的参加作文小组,我想我的作文小组之旅也就结束了。

在此特别感谢所有和我同组过的朋友们,谢谢你们帮我修改作文,希望你们也考试好运 :)




---------------------------------------------

希望大家可以指出我的错误,谢谢了。


Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?4 B8 F$


When it comes success and failure, a fair portion of people argue that remaining happy and optimistic is much more important than success, because remaining happy and optimistic means that we did not defeat by the failure, and to be happy and optimistic could let us have another try and closer to our goals. However, is that true? From my perspective, i think success is more important than to remain happy and optimistic and i will ues the following reasons to illustrate my opinion.

The main reason for the propensity of my view is that i do not think i could still remain happy and optimistic after countless failures. Moreover, success could make me feel relax and make me enjoy the achievement. As a post-graduate student, i was stuck in a experiment which i need to amplify a 2000 bps long DNA sequence even i have tried for thousands times. The pressure from my professor, the fear of delay of graduation could hardly make me feel joyful and optimistic after each failure. Finally i succeed and the feeling in that moment when i saw the bright band is what i considered happy and optimistic.

In addition, success could enable me to be happy and have a active attitude towards life and also let my parents and friends enjoy my achievement. It is indisputable that the eager for success is human nature, and the driving force of individual progress as well. If i got a job in a big name company and with a fat salary as a team leader, and then what i want is to became to be a manager, a director. That is what a simple progress could motivate me, more success. Moreover, not only could my personal achievement make my parents feel a sense of pride, but also let my friends share my happiness simultaneously.

Admittedly, it is true that remaining happy and optimistic when we failed is important in that if we are happy and optimistic, we would keep trying till we reach the goal. And this characteristic could benefit us in a long run. But life is crule, and the pressure and competition from my daily life convinced me that success is more important than anything else, even a happy mood and active attitude towards failure.

In sum, success might bring us the sense of achievement, fame, money or make us a household hero. And that is why i think success is much more important than the single characteristic.
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沙发
发表于 2010-6-18 11:40:31 |只看该作者
1# missoulmate

加上个附件,希望各位看官走过路过拍两下哈

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板凳
发表于 2010-6-18 22:13:30 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 missoulmate 于 2010-6-18 22:48 编辑

9号的作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than to save money for the future?

原文我列一下,然后附件里是方便修改的。 字数:420左右
With the dramatic economic development, nowadays people have more money to allocate at their will than ever befor. A fair portion of people might argue that it is a good choice to spend money on travelling and vacation in that we could relax ourselves and have opportunities to enjoy those beautiful scenery. However, from my perspective, i would save every nickal i could for the future, and i will use the following reasons to illustrate my opinion.

Initially, i do not have enough money for me to enjoy myself, such like travelling around the world or taking a dreamingly vacation in the US and i will need a great number of money in the near future. As a university student, i could enjoy the relatively low cost of my accommodation, living in a dormitory and feeding myself at the cafeteria. However, once i graduated from school, the first tough tasks i need to confront is to find an apartment to live in and let me not starve no matter i would find a job or not. That means i need a huge sum of money to rent a room and maintain my daily life. That is reason why i choose to save money for the future.

Besides, I am a man kind of possessed by my possessions. Remembered that i once had a three days trip with my friends to Jiu Zhai Gou which is one of the most famous tourism region in China. When they were amazed by the majestic redwoods and the stunning snow mountains, i was consumed by the thoughts of fear and anxiety concerning my TV, refrigerator, and other stuffs in my room. Was my door solid enough for the thieves? Had i locked every window? What if now my TV and refrigerator are sitting in a second-hand shop hoplessly. This restless feeling haunted me through the vacation and made it impossible to enjoy the views. Fortunately it stops but until i came back home and found everything was at the same position just like when i left. Hence i'd like to save my money so as to avoid the fear and anxiety and perpare for some unexpected emergencies in the future.

It is ture that, admittedly, having a vacation could broaden our visions, relax ourselves and an opportunity to have a break from our daily life. But i do not think it worked for me. So as what have been discussed above, we could get a conclusion that it is better save money for the future than enjoying a vacation, at least for me.

时间超了大概10分钟。见谅。 附件里改了几个拼写错误

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地板
发表于 2010-6-18 22:15:04 |只看该作者
PS: 希望各位看官可以麻烦把我第一篇也 看下好么

谢谢了。

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发表于 2010-6-20 20:45:52 |只看该作者
potporri 还不会传附件,我帮她传好了。已经改过了。

gai 6.19.doc

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发表于 2010-6-20 20:47:38 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 polaris_jie 于 2010-6-20 20:49 编辑

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than to save money for the future?

With the dramatic economic development, nowadays people have more money to allocate at their will than ever before. A fair portion of people might argue that it is a good choice to spend money on travelling and vacation in that we could relax ourselves and have opportunities to enjoy those beautiful scenery. However, from my perspective, i would save every nickel i could for the future, and i will use the following reasons to illustrate my opinion.

Initially, i do not have enough money for me to enjoy myself, such like travelling around the world or taking a dreamingly vacation in the US and i will need a great number of money in the near future. As a university student, i could enjoy the relatively low cost of my accommodation, living in a dormitory and feeding myself at the cafeteria. However, once i graduated (graduate) from school, the first tough tasks(task) i need to confront is to find an apartment to live in and let me not starve no matter i would find a job or not. That means i need a huge sum of money to rent a room and maintain my daily life. That is reason why i choose to save money for the future.

Besides, I am a man kind of possessed by my possessions. Remembered that i once had a three days trip with my friends to Jiu Zhai Gou, which is one of the most famous tourism regions in China. When they were amazed by the majestic redwoods and the stunning snow mountains, i was consumed by the thoughts of fear and anxiety concerning my TV, refrigerator, and other stuffs in my room. Was my door solid enough for the thieves? Had i locked every window? What if now my TV and refrigerator are sitting in a second-hand shop hopelessly. This restless feeling haunted me through the vacation and made it impossible to enjoy the views (beautiful scenery). Fortunately it stops but until (not until 用的不对,就应该是when or once) i came back home and found everything was at the same position just like when i left. Hence i'd like to save my money so as to avoid the fear and anxiety and perpare for some unexpected emergencies in the future.

It is ture that, admittedly, having a vacation could broaden our visions (horizon), relax ourselves and give us an opportunity to have a break from our daily life. But i do not think it worked (works) for me. (so) As what have been discussed above, we could get a conclusion that it is better to save money for the future than to have a vacation, at least for me.

你写的非常赞,绿色的是我改的,基本上也就是语法的问题。然后红的你可以忽略,那是我看的时候我觉得我还不会用的地方,学习下

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发表于 2010-6-20 22:02:23 |只看该作者
那个,broaden our visions 是可以用的,一般和horizon连用的是expand

再就是 but until 那个我不敢确定,因为写的时候突然就想到那了。google了一下,也没得出个所以然来。

once i graduated  我记得虚拟的话要用过去式

worked for me  这个我也不保准,因为。。。。。就那么出来了。

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发表于 2010-6-21 11:07:27 |只看该作者
写的像一坨屎 纠结的话题,希望考试不要遇到这种

Sometimes, if you can not say anything nice to someone, you should say nothing at all.

6.22 shitlike.doc

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发表于 2010-6-22 23:56:09 |只看该作者

RE: 拍拍更健康,谢谢各位了哈

。。。我也不知道怎么传附件

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发表于 2010-6-23 00:36:30 |只看该作者
不知道怎么传就QQ发给我WORD的吧,然后我帮你post上来

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发表于 2010-6-23 09:37:52 |只看该作者
为啥你可以传?囧

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发表于 2010-6-23 10:57:03 |只看该作者
小羽暮雪  帮我改的22号的作业,我帮她帖上来lo

thx

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Libra天秤座 寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant

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发表于 2010-6-23 20:56:41 |只看该作者
Afair portion of people deem that honesty is one of the most important merits ofhuman being. And we should keep that all the time. That is the reason whysomeone argue(argues)that if we can not say anything nice to someone, we should be quiet, keep thosewords in our mind. From my perspective, whether we should tell people what weare thinking or not depends on different situation. And then i will use thefollowing reasons to illustrate my opinion.

Initially,as a friend(friends),we should always tell the truth instead of keeping salience(silence), evensometimes the truth is not nice or might hurt (the other应该加个宾语). We should tell ourfriend that in that T-shirt it makes him/her look like a wasp, that if he/she keep(keeps)playing the video games which could lead to a failure in the mid-term thoughthat would cause some unpleasant feelings. But sooner or later, they would figure out that what we havedone is for their sake and they will appreciate our honesty and meantime(此句子稍长,好几个and,建议修改一下,还有deepen的主语是they的话会不会有问题?) deepen the friendship.For me, to point out my friend's shortcoming(建议换一个词,比如说what my friend did wrongly) is my duty as a friend.


In(on) the other hand, to(for) someone we have notmet before, like a stranger in the street, we had better keep our mouth shut ifwe can not say something nice to them. Because not everyone could appreciateyour advice about his/her clothing or your opinion towards his/her new car.Remembered that when I had a part-time job in a garage, one day there was a mancame and tried to lubricate his new car. One of the workers gave his opinionsabout the car, he thought that the car was not worth for 3000 dollars and thenoise from the engine like some horrible experiment and so on and so forth(删掉一个). And then it could beimagined what happened next, a quarrel and almost evolved (into) a fight. Hence, insome cases, giving our opinion to someone we are not familiar is not a wisechoice.

Tosum up, from what we have discussed above we could draw a conclusion thateither we should tell others what we are thinking or keep it in our minddepends on different situations. As a friend, telling the truth even it is notsound nice is part of our duty, and to some people we have not met before, justsave it.

以前我也像楼主写的一样,从正反两个观点阐述。但是有很多人建议我还是有一个倾向。个人认为LZ的作文中语法有些问题,句子表述不是很清楚,尤其是最后一段话几乎就是重复了,论证不够有力度。加油吧!
赵孟之所贵,赵孟能贱之

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发表于 2010-6-23 21:35:09 |只看该作者
13# canoe03

主要是这个题目我不持中立态度的话很难凑出2个点子,并且怕发展的不是很好。

看来我的表述还是需要加强啊,哎,快考试了,急啊。

Thx again

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RE: 拍拍更健康,谢谢各位了哈 [修改]

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