fair_lady的作文贴 （9月12号考）

fair_ladyUID: 2836473

大家好，新加入综合写作小组，比较懵懂@@，希望前辈们多多指教。 另外我的组员应该是谁呢@@

还有怎么加word附件啊，没找到。。。（我很弱。。。）

8月24号的作业
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Youngpeople should try several different jobs before they take a long term career

Many young people have been blamed by the elders for lack ofpersistence in their career. It is true that young people tend to change theirjobs frequently, with varied reasons from unsatisfactory income toboyfriend/girl friend issues. I do not encourage youth to blindly try outdifferent jobs for short-term interests, but I highly recommend that youngpeople take in possibilities as much as they can and do their best to increasethe choice options of their career, for the sake of long-term personaldevelopment and self exploration.

Because that every individual has his/her uniquepersonality, ability, likes and dislike, it is justifiable that everyone hasdistinctive potential for different jobs, and deserves the right to look forthe best option. Comprehensive self exploration and self achievement could onlybe reached by trial-and-error. A young girl who initially wishes to be a technicalmight find out her outstanding potentials and enthusiasms in sales.
By trying different kind of jobs, one couldunderstand both the job and him/herself better, to decide whether the job fitsthe person.

Besides, trying new areas of career in early stage ofadulthood helps individual to diverse life experience, broaden horizon, anddevelop valuable interpersonal relationship, in short, helps promote youth'spersonal maturity. It is unreasonable to ask too much from a freshman inoccupational realm, for they are unfamiliar with all the complex rules untold.But by several years of trying, youth could understand career world better,hence to start a career in a higher level.



Of course on the other hand, frequent job changing andhunting could result in missing valuable opportunities, and realistically,causing financial problems. But before one establishes a successful career, theunstable and even suffering condition might be inevitable.



To sum up, I agree that young people should try differentkinds of jobs before they stick to a stable career, but all these attemptsshould be based on the ultimate purpose of self realization and personalgrowth.
Otherwise youth may only getmore and more confused about jobs and themselves, resulting in a wonderingstatus without wealth accumulation.

fair_ladyUID: 2836473

8月26日交
(09.02.21 NA) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country

It takes quite much effort to learn about a foreign country comprehensively, for this mission demands too much, like to know its history, to learn its current statues, to understand its people and to be familiar with its culture. Because of that, I truly owe my gratitude to media like newspapers and magazines for bringing me numerous information of the world outside. But I could hardly agree that newspapers and magazines are hence the best ways to learn about a foreign country.

A good part of paper media is filled with news of current events, and by reading that people can only catch a glimpse of the political, economical, and sometimes military outline of a foreign country, but miss a even more wonderful part, like daily life of the local people, most valued belief and its influence around the nation, or its proud history and the historical spirit still seen here and there. In other words, newspapers and magazines could only convey literal, official, cold information about a "nation" politically existed somewhere on the planet, but people eager to get in touch with a lively and vivid country, as much as they eager to know more about a person than his/her biography.

In addition, there are occasions, either unconsciously  or deliberately, that information conveyed by media is not true. There are countless reasons for this distort, authorities may hide information for own interest, media may misrepresent information because of prejudice, readers could also misread the news for the same reason. In short, people are easily misled when they read from newspapers and magazines. For a general instance, just think about how different countries interpret a same event in distinctive ways, especially at situations that an unfamiliar foreign country holds a conflicting value with your own.

So in my personal view, I prefer to travel to the country which I am longing to learn about, and talk to the local people, feel the life style and experience the events by myself rather than imaging them through news. This however, has its own disadvantages so I would not call it as a best way.

In my opinion actually, there is no such best way at all for people to simply follow and then know a country in every respect. I suggest we read and also experience as much as we can, and grasp every opportunity to learn about a country.

白菜学英语UID: 2731720

修改好啦~8-24号的~ fair_lady.doc (27.5 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2010-8-26 22:04:07 上传

下载次数: 7

diamond_dreamUID: 2877436

Humble Comment on  Fair_lady`s Essay of Oct., 26th

• 第一段Because of that, 是不是改成consequently 或者accordingly更好一些呢
• 第二段，长短句交叠，可见语言扎实功底，赞一个，我写不出，呜呜
• 第三段， distort应该是distortion, read from 应该去掉from
• 第四段和结尾写的都很好
• 总之，比我写得好多了，内容很充实，我的就很空洞
• 读你的文章挑毛病得使出吃奶的劲来，要是满分5分的话你至少得四分。加油

bbliangUID: 2604466

要发附件得发帖数达到一定量才有权限。我也是今天改作文的时候才获得权限的。我的批改在附件里面，改的不周的地方还请见谅~见谅哈！

fair_ladyUID: 2836473

要发附件得发帖数达到一定量才有权限。我也是今天改作文的时候才获得权限的。我的批改在附件里面，改的不周的地方还请见谅~见谅哈！
bbliang 发表于 2010-8-27 21:19

好像的确是，谢谢哦，一起加油~

fair_ladyUID: 2836473

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A jobwith more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a highsalary but less vacation time.

People pursue different goals and value different thingswhen it comes to job choice, so technically there is no absolute answer to thecomparison between high salary and long vacation. But I do have a personalpreference, that a job with a high salary but less vacation time is much betterthan one with more vacation time but a low salary.

As a freshman in workplace, I think it is much moreimportant for me to make a fortune and accumulate working experiences rightnow, than to enjoy plenty of leisure time. The twentieth is the best time tostart one's career; we have inexhaustible energy, incredible creativity andenthusiasm for work, so that if we work harder at youth, our lives would becometotally different in the future. As for the option of job with long vacation, Iwould like to recommend it to older people. In addition, a job with a highsalary ensures financial independence, which in my opinion is a symbol of fullygrown up, and with which we can fulfill our own dreams, like to rent abeautiful house, buy a professional camera or take a piano class.

Of course people who favor more vacation time may argue thatyouth and health are too valueless to be missed, so we should not exchange ourtreasurable youth time for the so-called achievement. But I highly doubt that,without adequate financial support, how could we even afford our luxury youthin the abundant vacation time? I can still remember the first nationalvacation, after I move out from home and live by myself, when several friendsand I went traveling with merely handful of pennies in our pockets. After hoursof exhausting train journey, with smothering crowd, sweaty smell and poorlycooked fast food, I swear in my heart that I do not want this kind of disgracefulvacation any more.

So in short, I don't agree that a job with more vacationtime but a low salary is superior to a job reversed, though I truly respect andaccept the reasons held by people who do agree with that, this choice simplydoesn't match my life value and personal belief.

AnnneUID: 2819919

改好了~~~

breezerhUID: 2819401

改好咯~ fairlady.doc (37 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2010-8-31 10:38:33 上传

下载次数: 1

fair_ladyUID: 2836473

8月31日交5
09.05.30NA
Do youagree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (agesfive to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math,science, history and language.

I enthusiastically approve of this suggestion, that younger school children should be required to study art and music, because it does good to many aspects of children, even for those who have no talent of art, it at least does no harm.

First of all, adding up art and music into primary school curriculum is a plausible action, adhere closely to one of the most important principles of education -- equal opportunity for every kid. There are kids who are born highly potential for math, for science, for history and for language,equally, there are also kids born with an extraordinary talent of art. Obviously, it is unfair to make all the other subjects compulsory but cut the chance to develop art ability for those who wish to.

Even for those who have no talent or interest, art and music do no harm but bring several benefits to them. Art class teaches children to relax and enjoy themselves in an elegant way, and I guess it is most parents' desire to see their children having a good time in front of a piano or in a gallery, instead of being a couch potato or addicted to computer games, some ofwhich might even be violent or inappropriate. In addition, it is our human's nature to pursue aesthetic pleasure. To my personal view, it would be such a pity for those who have never experience the beauty of art, and it is educators'responsibility to convey this elegant activity to our next generation.

Finally, I believe that art and music could help students to develop a pleasant personality and soft the human nature. I remember a famous French movie about a music teacher dramatically changed lives of a class of tough juveniles, merely by the magic of chorus. Fiction as it is, it did convey the belief that art is a better way to cultivate youth than punishment.

In short, I insist that the ideal of full education could not be fulfilled without courses of art and music.

sophia623dupontUID: 2877072

to fair lady:
说理说的比我有深度多了，理论的逻辑挺清晰。建议每个SUPPORT POINT加一个事实作为例子来支持，毕竟人家老美喜欢听故事，至于语法。我不是很强，所以抱歉了.........

124245581UID: 2764151

改好了··具体在附件里

fair_ladyUID: 2836473

9月4号Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life


还有10天就要考了，给自己加油^ ^

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

改之前先问个问题，如何上传DOC 的文件？

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

9月4日交
09.08.01NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life

I strongly agree with the opinion, that it is highly necessary to make one's strengths and accomplishments known by others, in order to succeed, for this is quite a competitive society nowadays, with abundant talented people, and if we don't grasp the opportunities to exhibit ourselves, we may end up wasting our talents and live an unnoticed life which we do not deserve. （一段话有6个逗号1个句号，严重不推荐。还是分开写吧，内容都挺不错的）
To start with, we are all aware of the fact that it is hard to know someone to a deep extent quickly.（这句我改了一下） Unfortunately this is a time when people have to make quick decisions based upon virtually the first impression, like the situations in job interview, college application and so on. So if people cannot find out a way to demonstrate their abilities in time, they might be passed off immediately. Actually I have been through this kind of situation myself. When I applied for a postgraduate position in a research lab, I somehow forgot to mention how much effort I've made during last summer for my academic essay. The lab eventually recruited another applicant, and it turned out she had done almost the same work as I had, with the only difference that she did those work in the office, where the lab boss could regularly see her, but I did the work at home. The essential lesson I learned from this experience, is to always remind other people about my abilities and efforts.
On the other hand of course, I do not want to make the impression that we should put our major effort in self-showing business. I remembered at a lecture of job hunting skills, when someone asked about how to make our resumes appealing, our tutor said that a modest resume bearing some really valuable experience would sell itself. This piece of advice would save much effort of those who dream for a quick success. After all, what's the point to exhibit our hidden potentials when there isn't any at all?（这句话之前或之后最好加句理论解释）
So to sum up, I truly believe in the necessity to show our strengths and accomplishments to influential people for success, but this demonstration should base upon really attractive context.
1、        长短句结合还得注意一下，虽然E-rater喜欢长短句，但评卷人如果觉得句子太长，会认为你故意为之；
2、        语言应该可以更精练一些，自己再看看吧；
3、        例子的比重似乎比理论大了许多，建议理论的内容再加一些；
4、        顺便祝考试好远。。。