henryguowencong的作文本from Daily Writing 小组

henryguowencongUID：2992585

欢迎来到henryguowencong的TOEFL作文贴


本人作文目标25+



希望与所有来客成为朋友



诚挚地欢迎你来修改我的作文 为我的作文添砖加瓦



在此承诺 一旦本人作文在各位的帮助下最终取得25+的成绩 可以请所有帮助过我修改作文的童鞋吃饭哦~



本人作文水平不高 所以衷心希望来客们认真修改作文


写的不好的地方就狠狠批 用砖头砸 whatever



最后祝愿所有版友（including myself）TOEFL考试取得理想成绩！



下面是本帖目录：



2楼 2.9 作业 独立作文 people should be taught how to manage their money at an early age
3楼 2.9 修改BY 内牛满面
4楼 2.9 小结


5楼 2.10 作业 独立作文The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual.
6楼 2.10 修改BY 小C
7楼 2.10 修改BY sun3may

8楼 2.11 作业 独立作文 Some people think to watch a movie in a cinema is better, but others think at home is better. Which do you prefer?

henryguowencongUID：2992585

With the education development, comes a serious topic, which concerns whether courses would be necessary for individuals to manage their money when they were teenagers. To my experience, the side of my coin will face toward the positive response. To be frank, it is the early-age education of managing money that can help kids in accumulating wealth, riching experience, and deepening understanding about money. Here come numerous reasons in favor of my response.


The first point of my view focuses on accumulating wealth. Conspicuously, it is saving money, instead of wasting it in useless fields, that does benefit with children's growth. Honestly, neglecting of managing their wealth has brought our kids a waste of money, which connects them with something negative. Therefore, the youth will be misguided to choose some dangerous behaviors. In this situation, some terrible habits will be developed. In Japan, for instance, there comes a group of new adults called moonlite, who always spend all of their salaries before the end of month. Such a group of people are overlooking the importance of saving money in their childhood, which cause a loss to manage their salaries reasonably when they grew-up, a result of decreasing the chances of their prospective success.


Beside the first point, my second states that early-age teaching can provide the children with rich experience. There's no doubt that, possessing financial experience in one's childhood, compared with posterior learning financial management, will offer the children more challenges and opportunities, enabling them to become more mature and better fit the social competition. As a result, they will become the winner of life and enjoy the giant chance to reach the peak of life. For example, it is Warren Buffett, who started his business with chewing and lemonade on the street when he was five years old, who did market research to analize the drinking market when he was nine years old, who invested all of his money in stock when he was eleven years old, who finally became one of the richest person in the world with his rich experience accumulated during his childhood.


Despite the above strong points, the third one shares the same price, concerning the understanding of wealth. Obviously, a deeper understanding of money is the key of our life. A child without proper money values, many of us believe, will become the unfortunate, victim of adverse circumstance, deprived of the greatest opportunity in the twenty-first century. Fortunately, it is the increasing numbers of parents actually donate their understanding of wealth to teach their children. According to a survey conducted  last month by Asian Education, one of the most popular magazines in China, nearby forty-seven percent of economists approved of teaching children how to deal with their money. Meanwhile, over eighty-three percent of adults acknowledged that it would be important to establish their kids' money values through both family and school education. The result of this survey directly justified that the deepening understanding about money can be the longer gift to kids.


From those reasons, we can safely conclude that people should be taught how to manage their money, especially at an early age.

内牛满面UID：2980727

改过了 水平有限 没什么经验 还请包涵！

With the education development, comes a serious topic, which concerns whether courses would be necessary for individuals to manage their money when they were teenagers. To my experience, the side of my coin will face toward the positive response（没有看到过，也没有查到这样的用法，感到繁琐，如果有出处还请作者指教）. To be frank, it is the early-age education of managing money that can help kids in accumulating wealth, riching（enriching） experience, and deepening understanding about money. Here come numerous reasons in favor of my response.
The first point of my view focuses on accumulating wealth. Conspicuously, it is saving money, instead of wasting it in useless fields, that does benefit with children's growth. Honestly, neglecting（neglect） of managing their wealth has brought our kids a waste（waste好像不可数吧） of money, which connects them with something negative. Therefore, the youth will be misguided to choose some dangerous behaviors. In this situation, some terrible habits will be developed. In Japan, for instance, there comes a group of new adults called moonlite, who always spend all of their salaries before the end of month. Such a group of people are overlooking（时态好像不太对吧，我理解应该改成 did overlook） the importance of saving money in their childhood, which cause（s） a loss to manage（to是介词吧，这里是不是应该是managing或者management of，不好意思高中语法忘掉不少） their salaries reasonably when they grew-up, a result of decreasing the chances of their prospective success.
Beside the first point, my second states（state） that early-age teaching can provide the children with rich experience. There's no doubt that, possessing financial experience in one's childhood, compared with posterior learning financial management, will offer the children more challenges and opportunities, enabling them to become more mature and better fit the social competition. As a result, they will become the winner of life and enjoy the giant chance to reach the peak of life. For example, it is Warren Buffett, who started his business with chewing and lemonade on the street when he was five years old, who did market research to analize（analyze） the drinking market when he was nine years old, who invested all of his money in stock when he was eleven years old, who finally became one of the richest person（people） in the world with his rich experience accumulated during his childhood.
Despite the above strong points, the third one shares the same price, concerning the understanding of wealth. Obviously, a deeper understanding of money is the key of our life. A child without proper money values, many of us believe, will become the unfortunate, victim of adverse circumstance, deprived of the greatest opportunity in the twenty-first century. Fortunately, it is the increasing numbers（number） of parents actually donate their understanding of wealth to teach their children. According to a survey conducted  last month by Asian Education, one of the most popular magazines in China, nearby forty-seven percent of economists approved of teaching children how to deal with their money. Meanwhile, over eighty-three percent of adults acknowledged that it would be important to establish their kids' money values through both family and school education. The result of this survey directly justified that the deepening understanding about money can be the longer gift to kids.
From those reasons, we can safely conclude that people should be taught how to manage their money, especially at an early age.

henryguowencongUID：2992585

非常感谢内牛满面童鞋啊！
先根据你的修改做一个说明：
1、To my experience那句其实就是个模板，大概就是说硬币朝正面的意思，也就是positive attitude的意思
2、a waste of money应该是个搭配吧，我待会儿再去群里再问一下
3、感谢为我改出了不少错误哈！:loveliness:~

先小结一下吧：
后来想想，其实我这篇作文还是缺少了一个重要元素：financial independence 因为我始终没有把它当作主要矛盾，但是始终没有提及也是不好的。周末的时候我会再进行一个修改。

henryguowencongUID：2992585

Have you ever struggled from the polluted river running across nearby? Have you ever suffered from the air pollution in the industrialise city? Have you ever frustrated with the sand storm through your community? Had you not possessed such experience, you would have never believed the value and virtue of saving water, would have never devoted yourself into handling the air issues without hesitation, and would have never realized the importance of planting trees on the ground. Are environmental troubles available for individuals to deal with? I can't agree with it more.Generally speaking, human beings should not underestimate their endeavor in solving the problems created by them.

The first point for my side focuses on a simple plan of saving water. To be frank, water shortage, which has hazarded countless creatures in most regions on the earth, results from most residents do not cherish the water. Fortunately, under this circumstance, saving water has brought us so many advantages, which connects us to the water with something positive.Therefore, offsprings will be guided to choose some positive behaviours in order to protect our rivers, streams, lakes, and sea. Only in this situation, may efforts of saving water continue, donating us with an unimaginable power, which changes the poor to the rich, changes the dark to the bright, and changes the despire to the hope.

Beside the first point, my second states an practical idea of taking public transportation. Obviously, a bus trip with other persons, when compared with a trip in private cars, will spare more gas and petrol, enabling the air-condition to become more pleasant. Were you to go to work, it would be better to walk or take buses. As a result, human beings will be able to stay with fresh air and enjoy the splendid sunshine, which considered a healthier environment to live in.

Strong as the above points are, my third perspective also deserves our attention and highlights the value of planting a mass of trees. Because of the natural condition in some areas, the places which used to serve as a heaven for cattles and sheep are deteriorating gradually. In order to change the desert back to grassland, not only can we cooperation, but also ordinary individual attempts are available, such as plating trees around us. With no doubt, the more trees we plant, the more land would be covered by green, and thus the more possibility to fix the environment. In short, an instant action, rather than complex cooperation, actually make sense. Under this circumstance, we can fight against the desertification as soon as possible. It is the individual struggle that will benefit the environment far beyond their imagination.

In conclusion, we sense that it may be wiser for us to improve our living environment individually and immediately. Were people to recognize this point, they would know how to settle the environmental current situation.

candis712UID：2824089

Have you ever struggled from the polluted river running across nearby? Have you ever suffered from the air pollution in the industrialise (industrialized) city? Have you ever frustrated with the sand storm through your community? Had you not possessed such experience, you would have never believed the value and virtue of saving water, would have never devoted yourself into handling the air issues without hesitation, and would have never realized the importance of planting trees on the ground. Are environmental troubles available for individuals to deal with? I can't agree with it more.Generally speaking, human beings should not underestimate their endeavor in solving the problems created by them.

The first point for my side focuses on a simple plan of saving water. To be frank, water shortage, which has hazarded countless creatures in most regions on the (表达在地球上是the是不是要去掉？我也记不清了…) earth, results from most residents do not cherish the water. Fortunately, under this circumstance, saving water has brought us so many advantages, which connects us to the water with something positive. (感觉这两句过渡有些突兀，不容易看懂。前面说水短缺带来危害后面直接说节水带来好处，我想是不是改成“水短缺迫使人们展开节水活动，幸运的是这一系列活动给我们带来了额外的好处，与水更积极的联系在一起”)Therefore, offsprings will be guided to choose some positive behaviours （behaviors） in order to protect our rivers, streams, lakes, and sea (可以换成oceans). Only in this situation, may efforts of saving water continue, donating us with an unimaginable power, which changes the poor to the rich, changes the dark to the bright, and changes the despire to the hope. （这个排比如果更具体些会更生动，比如 change poor land to rich soil）

Beside the first point, my second states （statement is） an (a) practical idea of taking public transportation. Obviously, a bus trip with other persons, when compared with a trip in private cars, will spare more (less ?) gas and petrol, enabling the air-condition to become more pleasant. Were you to go to work, it would be better to walk or take buses. As a result, human beings will be able to stay with fresh air and enjoy the splendid sunshine, which considered a healthier environment to live in.

Strong as the above points are, my third perspective also deserves our attention and highlights the value of planting a mass of trees. Because of  （the change of与后面环境转变对应）the natural condition in some areas, the places which used to serve as a heaven for cattles and sheep are deteriorating gradually. In order to change the desert back to grassland, not only can we cooperation, but also ordinary individual attempts are available, such as plating trees around us. With no doubt, the more trees we plant, the more land would be covered by green, and thus the more possibility to fix the environment. In short, an instant action, rather than complex cooperation, actually make sense. Under this circumstance（这个短语上一段用过了，考虑换个说法），we can fight against the desertification as soon as possible. It is the individual struggle that will benefit the environment far beyond their imagination.

In conclusion, we （改成I是否好些，直接表达你的观点）sense that it may be wiser for us to improve our living environment individually and immediately. Were people to recognize this point, they would know how to settle the environmental current situation. （Were…to.., 这个句型见你用了几次，我之前没见过，能不能帮我讲解下用法啊？是虚拟语气所以必须提前吗？）

比较喜欢你的写作思路，举出三件个人力所能及的小事来改善环境，结构也很清晰，用词都很值得借鉴。
目前我水平有限提不出大的问题，第二点公共交通略显单薄
以后继续交流啊~

sun3mayUID：2574771

2.10独立 已改
清查收！

henryguowencongUID：2992585

2.11独立作文

内牛满面UID：2980727

When it comes to the place of watching movies, attitudes toward this issue vary greatly from individuals. The vast majority of movie fans prefer watching a movie at home, which saves them amount of money. Seeing films in cinemas, however, will be my best choice. It is the classical circumstance that can contribute to enjoyment, communication, and even happiness. Here come numerous reasons in favor of my choice.

The first point for my side concentrate on the joyment（joy） of my visual sense. There's no doubt that, watching movies in a cinema, compared with a home watching, will offer a high-class screen and acoustic, feasting the audiences with fantastic visual and audio effect. In this situation, individuals will be personally on the scene and really enjoy the movie. To be frank, were we not go to the cinema, we would not experience the beauty of nature in Avatar, we would not realize the cruel of war in The Hunt Locker, we would not feel the love between the father and his son in The Pursuit of Happiness, and we would not feel the strong faith in The Shawshank Redemption. Films in cinemas will enjoy us far beyond our imagination.

Beside the first point, my second states that discussion about the film will be available among the audiences in the cinema. Conspicuously, exchanging the ideas of a film has brought us so much understanding of the movie, which connects us with something positive. Therefore, the spectators will be guided to learn from a movie. In this situation, persons（?） who step into a cinema will not lose an opportunity to share their thoughts with others. According to a survey conducted by Society, one of the most popular magazines in China, nearby forty-seven percent of psychologists pointed out that human beings are usually desired to discuss something about their reading and watching. Meanwhile, over eighty-three percent of individuals acknowledged that it would be important to have a communication about the movie as soon as possible. The result of this survey directly justified that the cinema must be the best place for communicating.(这一段感到牵强，为什么电影院最适合交流？好像没有说明)

Strong as the above points are, my third perspective also deserves our attention and highlights the value of cinemas. Honesty, cinema is the proper place for entertainment, communicating, and even dating. Widely accepted, the atmosphere in a cinema is different with（from） those at home, which provides an pleasant feeling to see a movie at the theater（这个状语可以去掉）. With a dark and silent environment, watching a movie for two hours becomes so exciting that you would be drunk in such situation. The environment of cinema donate（s） lovers with an unimaginable advantage, which changes the public to the private, change the strangeness to the familiar, change the friendship to the love, and change the unfortune to the happiness（这个不太理解，没有unfortune这个词吧？）.In conclusion, we sense that it may be wiser for us to leave home for cinema. Were people to recognize this point（这里有必要使用虚拟语气吗？好像不合适）, they would know how to enjoy their lifetimes.

内牛满面UID：2980727

总体上结构非常清晰
但是有两个问题：1.第二个理由没有充分说明；2.排比句使用好像在外国人的学术、评论文章里并不常见（演讲稿里应用比较多），而且第三个论点中使用的排比句给人为了排比而排比的感觉。
水平有限，还请多多指教，谢谢。

henryguowencongUID：2992585

2.14 独立

内牛满面UID：2980727

学习了