【Daily Writing作文特训小组】paooozhixia163的作文帖，欢迎交流指导！

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

直接点击该帖子的链接就可下载我的作业，欢迎各位犀利的判官批改，力求在疼痛中总共同进步！！！！

wilsonchen2011UID: 3137568

让我大刀阔斧给你批改吧！你的综合作文没写吧？

jennifersoUID: 3132548

Because education is out of human's need and aspiration for knowledge（这句的意思是？）, every country intends to develop it(education) stably and rapidly (and)?should take human's education seriously.(不明白) Some people may argue that government should invest more on young children’s education than universities because young children's developments are always relied (不被动，relies)on outer environment. (孩子的教育依靠的是外部环境，跟本论点似乎没有直接的逻辑关系，至少应该搭桥上去，否则会造成不理解)However, as far as I am concerned, as the cost spent on universities educations is much more than that on children education， and （如果要用and,因为前面用的是名词形式的连接，后面也要这样跟名词形式）we can benefit more from excellent universities education, I incline to the point that government should focus its budget more on universities.

First of all, although the importance of spending money on very young children education should not be neglected, it's much more reasonable for the parents not the government to play the most significant role in children's education（这两句连接不上，更像是两个独立的句子，没有转折关系）. According to the law, as legal guardian, parents should take good care and act on the behalf of their children, including the （删除）education. On the other hand, parents understand better than anyone else about what their children's effective ways of （把children’s移到这里）education are; as the old saying goes, parents are always the best teacher of their kids. Thus it's not necessary for the government to focus too much budget on children education.（我个人认为该论点不直接，不合理，也没有说服力，按这样的话，应该不需要学校的存在了）

Secondly, building up a better environment for universities students is really an urgent thing for government, because the university students are the most immediate successors for the country. The fate of the country, to some degree, is determined by the quality of universities education. For example, the developed countries, such as USA, Canada and Japan, are also （删除）leading with universities education in the world. Better university education can provide more talents, who can promote the development of science, （两个句子并列，加个and吧）improve the development of a country as a sequence. It is really a big deal for the government to invest more on universities education.

The last but not the least one, it costs more money on university education than on young children.(强调句么？it代表什么？) University education needs a great amount of budget such as purchasing teaching facilities, paying professors' salaries, providing the opportunities for brilliant students to go abroad for their further education. Compared with the heavy budget on universities, young children education seems to a big relief to the government, because the children only need the government to provide them the classrooms for studying and the teaching materials which are relatively much cheaper than the teaching materials(that) in university.

In conclusion, although I agree that young children education is also important for the country, the investment of university education can be much more urgent. A better university education provides the country marked outstanding people and guarantees a bright future of the country. Thus there are considerable benefits for (these considerable benefits render)the government to (删除)focus on more budgets on universities education than on（删除） young children.

句子表达需提高。
逻辑关系需提高。
注意语法和单复数一致。

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

先万分感谢了，我刚加入，不太懂这里的规矩，是要分好组，给组里的人互相改的吗？？恩，你改的很切中我的病因，我会认真回看并按照意见好好改进的！
3# jenniferso

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

2# wilsonchen2011 还没写好，哎~~~总是被琐事牵制！今晚之前一定会完成的。

wilsonchen2011UID: 3137568

1# paooozhixia163
我在改你的独立作文！你的综合作文快给我吧！

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

6# wilsonchen2011 阔别100多天之后，写起来好费劲，听力真是太平洋的警察，哪里都要管！！！哎~~谢谢了哈~

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

6# wilsonchen2011 刚刚认真看了一下你给我批改的独立作文，很受益，学习了~~

wilsonchen2011UID: 3137568

我的综合作文还没人批改呢，在19楼
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;extra=&page=1

wilsonchen2011UID: 3137568

你的综合我改了

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

8月1日，独立作文

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

8月2日独立作文贴：欢迎批改！！！

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

8月3日
独立作文

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

话说到底要怎么做才能在回复里面包含文件？咱找不到的说……难道是连接？

http://sns.gter.net/space.php?uid=3124349&do=blog&id=115295


这是改的地址……  同小组菜鸟参上……密码 123

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

14# byebyehaku 首先，回复时，选择【添加附件】，就可以加文档进去了。
然后，谢谢你的悉心批改，我也是刚开始改和被改。话说，一起学习，一起进步额！
你提出的论点没有好好develop的问题，我也发现了。恩，arts方面还是缺乏例子积累，所以这就捉襟见肘了。
谢谢啦！！你的作文在哪里？我也帮你看看去！
今天作文继续。