Issue136 第二次交作业啦！725字，修改了,给点建议啊!!

翦瞳UID: 184872

这是最早写的，为示比较，没有删掉，重新写的在下面的6楼，很大的区别，由于这篇别批过了，请看下面新的吧，好歹思路整理过了
提纲：
同意
1，日常选择很多
2，经历了很多选择
3，唯一选择的假象（责任，期望，能力所限）
4，的确有人没有选择（rare circumstance）
支持观点

I tend to agree with the statement that we are not lack of choice. In ordinary life, we have many choices in what goods we would buy, what service we would acquire, and what job we would do, even in most countries, we have rights to choose a president among several candidates to represent our nation. So we do not lack of choice.

Every day, we make choice among or between things. We choose a suit to take on, a vehicle to go to school or work, a favorable food to have for lunch, and a channel to watch television program in the weekend. We face so many choices that sometime we are confused what the best and suitable choice is. When a lady says I have no dress to choose, it does not mean she has only one cloth, but on the contrary, she has so ample clothes that she falls into trouble about what to take on when she are ready for a new shopping. In sum, we could not simply claim that we have no abundant chance to choose when considering the true phenomenon which we can see everyday.

In addition, we have made lots of choice and become what we are at the present. Every choice we have made seems as the only choice but in fact it is just one of many possibilities. For example, when I faced with the University Admitting Examination in China several years ago, I told myself it is the only choice that I must get a higher score to enter a better college. I was frightened by this horrible idea until I read the old proverb that every roads lead to Rome. If I failed in the examination for college, I have other choice to achieve my goal. I was free from anxious mood about the absence of choice so I could confront and prepare the examination hopefully. In the end, I got a satisfactory score and fulfilled myself. Frankly speaking, choice is never absent but the fear of absence frightens us.

However, we should acknowledge that, due to responsibility, expectation, ability or entitles, some of human being have no choice but to do what they should or could do.
Looking back the independence history of the United States, the contemporary people must rebel the suppression of English directors when facing their cruel, rigid behaviors. They had the chance to keep silent but it was the responsibility and independent spirit that evoked their mind. If we are thirsty for a college education, we have to study hard to get a high score and prepare ourselves in other aspects. We might have the only choice because this choice is what we want to do.

Admittedly, the rare circumstance is existent in some districts. For instance, in the remote village, the poor pupils have no chance to be educated. They also have aspired to enter primary and middle school, even have dreamed of enrolling in a college. But the economic conditions are so poor that they can only survive with no abundant food. Another objective limitation is the lack of teachers. They have no choice but keep illiterate and live the poor village from generation to generation.

In sum, even if the rare circumstance did exist for some few people, the absence of choice is not authentic and true for most human being. It is just exaggerated and overestimated when we describe our living condition. So we could safely conclude that our choice is ample in an overall perspective.

[ Last edited by 翦瞳 on 2005-7-24 at 13:58 ]

skaterUID: 2116878

I tend to agree with the statement that we are not lack of choice. In ordinary life, we have many choices in what goods we would buy, what service we would acquire, and what job we would do, even in most countries, we have rights to choose a president among several candidates to represent our nation. So we do not lack of choice. (看完第一段，感觉下手改好难啊。请问你是否有上过GRE的作文指导方面的班或看过有关方面的书呢？我这么说吧， 如果我是ETS的阅卷人， 我希望看到的一篇作文的开篇就能告诉我这个作者要论述什么，让我可以按着他清晰的逻辑往下欣赏他的阐述。可是除了第一句你表明了你同意的观点，我只看到了一些零碎的例子， 作者没有说他要证明什么。我的观点是，一篇好的科学或社科的论文，应该结构清晰，比如第一段，最好先摆明总论点， 然后按要论述的顺序分别阐述分论点。 不要一上来就举无足轻重的例子。这样只会让急于知道你要讲什么的读者很恼火，OK ， GIVE THE FIRST PARAGRAPH A OPERATION ， LET‘S GO ON)

Every day, we make choice among or between things.（THEREFORE， THE ABSENCE OF CHOICE ARE VERY RARE。记住， 你要在ETS面前不浪费每一分钟，就不要说一句和题目无关的话， 而要让每一句都尽量和题目有关，所以。。。。） We choose a suit to take on, a vehicle to go to school or work, a favorable food to have for lunch, and a channel to watch television program in the weekend. We face so many choices that sometime we are confused what the best and suitable choice is. When a lady says I have no dress to choose, it does not mean she has only one cloth, but on the contrary, she has so ample clothes that she falls into trouble about what to take on when she are ready for a new shopping. In sum, we could not simply claim that we have no abundant chance to choose when considering the true phenomenon which we can see everyday.（感觉你的例子都无关痛痒， 对你的论点急分论点没有什么支持作用，那些都是每天谁都遇的到的事情啊。IN ADDITION，我觉得这个分论点也比较。。。WE MAKE CHOICE EVERYDAY。。。人家问你是不是ABSENCE OF CHOICE ARE RARE，你的回答是“我们每天有好多选择”。。。。这个。。。。OK， GO ON）
In addition, we have made lots of choice and become what we are at the present. Every choice we have made seems as the only choice but in fact it is just one of many possibilities.（又来了， 怎么有是证明一个人有MANY CHOICE呢？先不说两段的分论点重复，看看“有很多选择”       “没有选择的情况很少” 有什么关系？什么也没有。学过充分必要条件吧）For example, when I faced with the University Admitting Examination in China several years ago, I told myself it is the only choice that I must get a higher score to enter a better college. I was frightened by this horrible idea until I read the old proverb that every roads lead to Rome. If I failed in the examination for college, I have other choice to achieve my goal. I was free from anxious mood about the absence of choice so I could confront and prepare the examination hopefully. In the end, I got a satisfactory score and fulfilled myself.（举你一个人的例子有多大的说服力呢？） Frankly speaking, choice is never absent but the fear of absence frightens us.（你总是在一段的开头摆一个分论点， 然后举例证明的是完全不同的结论。）
However, we should acknowledge that, due to responsibility, expectation, ability or entitles, some of human being have no choice but to do what they should or could do.Looking back the independence history of the United States, the contemporary people must rebel the suppression of English directors when facing their cruel, rigid behaviors. They had the chance to keep silent but it was the responsibility and independent spirit that evoked their mind.（ 这里读起来感觉转换话题太突然啦，把例子摆那里，也没说和你的论点有什么关系啊） If we are thirsty for a college education, we have to study hard to get a high score and prepare ourselves in other aspects. We might have the only choice because this choice is what we want to do.

Admittedly, the rare circumstance is existent in some districts. For instance, in the remote village, the poor pupils have no chance to be educated. They also have aspired to enter primary and middle school, even have dreamed of enrolling in a college. But the economic conditions are so poor that they can only survive with no abundant food. Another objective limitation is the lack of teachers. They have no choice but keep illiterate and live the poor village from generation to generation.（ 好奇怪的一段，这和上面一段说的是一回事。为什么要拆开呢？还有，还是例子太平。）

In sum, even if the rare circumstance did exist for some few people, the absence of choice is not authentic and true for most human being. It is just exaggerated and overestimated when we describe our living condition. So we could safely conclude that our choice is ample in an overall perspective、
（。。。问题太多了。你有没有看过斑竹写的建议？就像我说的，“很多选择”与“没选择的时候很少”没有什么关系。这你先仔细考虑一下。其次，你的全文正文分了两个方面， 一。有很多选择，二，也有没法选择的时候。应该说我从行文来看你的观点应该是中立的。 可是，你的开头结尾和提纲都摆名你的总论点是对命题的POSITIVE回应。这样，你自己就自相矛盾了， 这是ISSUE中很严重的失误。再其次，就是结构和语言的问题。结构我说了， 正文分了两方面，可是没看出每个分论点的两段有什么逻辑联系。开头也很不好，结尾只归纳了正面 的论点。可以说是中间跑题， 结尾又扭回来了。最后是语言和例子，语言真的有待提高，有空看看原汁原味的范文吧。例子尽量不要总用身边的说事。这里面有一个美国独立的例子一看就跟别的特不一样，。。。）我说完了。也许太冒犯了。我虽CONCEDE写功不足，但万卷书还是读过的，呵呵，以后彼此加油:L

skaterUID: 2116878

互改基金再发奖啊!

翦瞳UID: 184872

被拍的好惨，要是早被拍拍就好了！

pho0UID: 154113

怎么变颜色啊?...不会 ,我就把我改的直接贴出来啊..别见怪

pho0UID: 154113

I tend to agree with the statement that we are not lack of choice.[这个是你的ts，后面就要饶着这个写。注意：不缺乏的反义词是缺乏，如果想写反面，后面可以写缺乏的情况不存在] In ordinary life, we have many choices[注意：很多选择不=不缺乏] in what goods we would buy, what service we would acquire, and what job we would do, even in most countries, we have rights to choose a president among several candidates to represent our nation. So we do not lack of choice. [果然，注意：很多选择不=不缺乏，你的ts是 不缺乏，小总结转到 选择很多 上面了  你所定义的choice是所选的事物]

Every day, we make choice among or between things. We choose a suit to take on, a vehicle to go to school or work, a favorable food to have for lunch, and a channel to watch television program in the weekend. We face so many choices that sometime we are confused what the best and suitable choice is. When a lady says I have no dress to choose, it does not mean she has only one cloth, but on the contrary, she has so ample clothes that she falls into trouble about what to take on when she are ready for a new shopping. In sum, we could not simply claim that we have no abundant chance to choose when considering the true phenomenon which we can see everyday.

In addition, we have made lots of choice and become what we are at the present. Every choice we have made seems as the only choice but in fact it is just one of many possibilities. For example, when I faced with the University Admitting Examination in China several years ago, I told myself it is the only choice [定义改变了，所选的事物变成选择的机会了]that I must get a higher score to enter a better college. I was frightened by this horrible idea until I read the old proverb that every roads lead to Rome. If I failed in the examination for college, I have other choice to achieve my goal. I was free from anxious mood about the absence of choice[理由不充分，大学不是很多么 可以强调一下你所希望的大学很少] so I could confront and prepare the examination hopefully. In the end, I got a satisfactory score and fulfilled myself. Frankly speaking, choice is never absent but the fear of absence frightens us.

However, we should acknowledge that, due to responsibility, expectation, ability or entitles, some of human being have no choice but to do what they should or could do.
Looking back the independence history of the United States, the contemporary people must rebel the suppression of English directors when facing their cruel, rigid behaviors. They had the chance to keep silent but it was the responsibility and independent spirit that evoked their mind. If we are thirsty for a college education, we have to study hard to get a high score and prepare ourselves in other aspects. We might have the only choice because this choice is what we want to do.

Admittedly, the rare circumstance is existent in some districts. For instance, in the remote village, the poor pupils have no chance to be educated. They also have aspired to enter primary and middle school, even have dreamed of enrolling in a college. But the economic conditions are so poor that they can only survive with no abundant food. Another objective limitation is the lack of teachers. They have no choice but keep illiterate and live the poor village from generation to generation.

In sum, even if the rare circumstance did exist for some few people, the absence of choice is not authentic and true for most human being. It is just exaggerated and overestimated when we describe our living condition. So we could safely conclude that our choice is ample in an overall perspective

翦瞳UID: 184872

725个字，呵呵，兄弟姐妹，你们费心啦！我用了一个半小时才写完的！
开头和结尾总是掌握不好节奏，不知道该不该重复原题呢！
提纲：
1，日常生活，大多数情况下都有选择
2，社会和政治中，也有选择。
3，只有极端情况，缺乏选择，而这缺乏也不是绝对缺乏

I tend to agree with the statement that it is rare to have no choice. In common sense, in our daily life we never lack choice when face with a decisive situations. Furthermore, in social and political aspects, we also have chances to determine what we will choose other than be upset by absence of choice. Last, in some rigid circumstance, it seems as no choice left to us but in fact it is only self-deceived due to other reasons.

On the one hand, what we familiar with is our ordinary lives which have so many things to determine each day from garment to food, from work to family. As we know we always have choice and hardly fall in trouble with the dilemma that we have no rights or abilities to choose our actions and thoughts. If we would like to take part in a formal party, we should take on a formal suit for police and respect from others. When we have no suitable clothes, we can choose another entertainment instead of participating that party; if we have to go that party, we can go to business district or other places you prefer to buy a appropriate suit immediately in numerous stores which can provide as many choices as possible for you; if we have no money or can not afford the expensive ones, we can buy a cheaper one; if we can not afford the cheapest one, we can borrow a similar clothes from our friends or some rent stores; if we think it is too trouble to rent a suit, we can choose dressing our ordinary clothes. After all, no law prohibits a man to take part in a party just his not accurate clothes.

On the other hand, when we concern with social and political aspects, under most circumstance we still have other ways other than a seemingly single choice. Admittedly, we have no rights to choose the family we are born to which is meaningless to discuss whether there is choice or not before our existence on the world. We should understand our parents meet with each other occasionally and choose each other as their spouse. In other words, we are the products of our parents’ choice. In addition, when facing political incidences, we always have chance to choose: among several candidates we can vote for whoever we favor; if no one can satisfy us meet, we can keep silent about the vote and execute the entitles of independent thinking. Our latter choice seems as a passive and the single choice which is not true. After all, an individual could not, as well as should not, decide the national events along. But when most of voter refuse to vote for any one, since all the candidates are not capable to fulfill the position, it is possible the candidates list should be revised and new candidates will be generated.

The choices do not lack in most circumstance, however, if we could experience some situation again we would make the same choice which seems the only choice we would make, the reason is not absence of choice but the responsibility, charity, honesty, and ability we can not change. But, in some cruel station, we have no choice because we have no information of it. For example, most of the Southeast Asian who died in the disaster can not choose escaping when the overwhelming tsunami came so quickly. They had no choice between death and live but suffering. We should acknowledge that the circumstance like tsunami is scarcer than earthquake, so this absence of choice is very rare which could not represent situations in general. However, even if the situation was so terrible, there were still some survivors who had the necessary knowledge to discern the tsunami and chosen escaping to higher place and saved themselves through the prevailing human disaster.

In sum, the absence of choice is rare according the reasons discussed above. In most circumstance, no matter concerning with the daily life or social and political aspects, we always have many choices to choose. The fundamental and minimum choice is giving up which is a basic and nearly common choice, sometimes effective as well. Though in very rare situations, for some people with no information are chosen by others, such as nature. I still insist the choice is absent rarely.

pho0UID: 154113

I tend to agree with the statement that it is rare to have no choice. In common sense, [2个in放这，加个副词好么？]in our daily life we never lack choice when face with a decisive situations. Furthermore, in social and political aspects, we also have chances to determine what we will choose other than be upset by absence of choice. Last, in some rigid circumstance, it seems as no choice left to us but in fact it is only self-deceived due to other reasons.

On the one hand, what we familiar with is our ordinary lives which have so many things to determine each day from garment to food, from work to family. As we know we always have choice and hardly fall in trouble with the dilemma that we have no rights or abilities to choose our actions and thoughts. If we would like to take part in a formal party, we should take on a formal suit for police and respect from others. When we have no suitable clothes, we can choose another entertainment instead of participating that party; if we have to go that party, we can go to business district or other places you prefer to buy a appropriate suit immediately in numerous stores which can provide as many choices as possible for you; if we have no money or can not afford the expensive ones, we can buy a cheaper one; if we can not afford the cheapest one, we can borrow a similar clothes from our friends or some rent stores; if we think it is too trouble to rent a suit, we can choose dressing our ordinary clothes. After all, no law prohibits a man to take part in a party just his not accurate clothes.[不错，最好把这段作成底进，换个连接次就可以了]

On the other hand, when we concern with social and political aspects, under most circumstance we still have other ways other[？] than a seemingly single choice. Admittedly, we have no rights to choose the family we are born to which is meaningless to discuss whether there is choice or not before our existence on the world. We should understand our parents meet with each other occasionally and choose each other as their spouse. In other words, we are the products of our parents’ choice.[论述的很清楚] In addition, when facing political incidences, we always have chance to choose: among several candidates we can vote for whoever we favor; if no one can satisfy us meet, we can keep silent about the vote and execute the entitles[v-n] of independent thinking. Our latter choice seems as a passive and the single choice which is not true. After all, an individual could not, as well as should not, decide the national events along. But when most of voter refuse to vote for any one, since all the candidates are not capable to fulfill the position, it is possible the candidates list should be revised and new candidates will be generated. [写的不错，正反2方面论证]               

The choices do not lack in most circumstance, however, if we could experience some situation again we would make the same choice which seems the only choice we would make, the reason is not absence of choice but the responsibility, charity, honesty, and ability we can not change. But, in some cruel station[加s 吧？], we have no choice because we have no information of it. For example, most of the Southeast Asian who died in the disaster can not choose escaping when the overwhelming tsunami came so quickly.[这个例子不错] They had no choice between death and live but suffering. We should acknowledge that the circumstance like tsunami is scarcer than earthquake, so this absence of choice is very rare which could not represent situations in general. However, even if the situation was so terrible, there were still some survivors who had the necessary knowledge to discern the tsunami and chosen escaping to higher place[这个逃不掉吧？，换一个] and saved themselves through[换个次] the prevailing human disaster.

In sum, the absence of choice is rare according the reasons discussed above. In most circumstance, no matter concerning with the daily life or social and political aspects, we always have many choices to choose. The fundamental and minimum choice is giving up which is a basic and nearly common choice, sometimes effective as well. Though in very rare situations, for some people with no information are chosen by others, such as nature. I still insist the choice is absent rarely.
写的不错
缺点,太长了  考试的时候你写700字我看看

hustzwjUID: 203387

I tend to agree with the statement that we are not lack of choice. In ordinary life, we have many choices in what goods we would buy, what service we would acquire, and what job we would do, even in most countries, we have rights to choose a president among several candidates to represent our nation. So we do not lack of choice. (看完第一段，感觉下手改好难啊。请问你是否有上过GRE的作文指导方面的班或看过有关方面的书呢？我这么说吧， 如果我是ETS的阅卷人， 我希望看到的一篇作文的开篇就能告诉我这个作者要论述什么，让我可以按着他清晰的逻辑往下欣赏他的阐述。可是除了第一句你表明了你同意的观点，我只看到了一些零碎的例子， 作者没有说他要证明什么。我的观点是，一篇好的科学或社科的论文，应该结构清晰，比如第一段，最好先摆明总论点， 然后按要论述的顺序分别阐述分论点。 不要一上来就举无足轻重的例子。这样只会让急于知道你要讲什么的读者很恼火，OK ， GIVE THE FIRST PARAGRAPH A OPERATION ， LET‘S GO ON)

;P比我的脾气还暴躁!!

hustzwjUID: 203387

互改基金再发奖啊!

:lol   a little greedy!!!
hehe,灌水了!
嗯,习惯不好!以后会注意的!

翦瞳UID: 184872

改自己的东西也是要有勇气的，我刚刚有！
原来改完，发现好爽啊！那么多字！