issue52 第一次参加，请多多关照:)

OceanDUID：2118730

请大家帮咱拍拍，我也会回拍的。

52. Education encourages students to question and criticize, and therefore does little to promote social harmony.

有保留的反对（开头结尾略）
正文
1.支持“教育鼓励学生提问的观点”
2.尽管存在过度质疑的带来缺点，但是教育的特征又在某种程度上减少了这种可能
3.社会和谐和教育的关系
写得好烂，大家互相进步吧:handshake

As the speaker of the statement showed, the purpose of education is to make students feeling free to question and criticize. I cannot agree it anymore, though, it is only one side of the coin. And I also doubt the conclusion that education cannot promote social harmony.

To begin with, we should make sure the meaning of the critical word--education. Students are educated with not only the knowledge in books but also the way to be people. That is why we always learn the variety of courses from different areas. Moreover, I hold the belief that student can make them recognize the essential of the knowledge only by deep meditation. And students' questions and critics are reflection of their thinking activities. During the process of finding answers, they would understand their disadvantages or misunderstanding of some knowledge. In that way, they can get a progress. And some people may even overturn the original theories and establish some new ideas that would contribute to the whole society. Therefore questioning and criticizing are always welcome during people absorbing some knowledge.

Even so, however, excessive critics would make people cynical and it may probably destroy the social harmony in some degree. Fortunately, as mentioned above, to criticize is not the only purpose of education. Teaching people to be people is the other side of this coin—this side can greatly decrease the possibility of such cases happened. That is why we should learn courses about social sciences and humanities besides sciences. History tells us a myriad of stories of charismatic individuals which let us know some necessary virtues to be successful; politics shows us the different cultures and society systems of different nations which promote the understanding between our nation and others; art classes—that is, music and painting—make us gradually understand people's mind and get close to the nature. We also learn how to communicate with each other and be more self-discipline. Thus, there would be more harmony in different people.

The speaker also mentioned that education plays a little role in promoting social harmony. I do not believe so either. When it comes to social harmony, two aspects are included. When we stand in the microcosmic point, it refers to the harmony between distinctive nations and distinctive people. As my demonstration showed above, it is just the education greatly promote this kind harmony. When we stand in the macrocosmic point, it refers to the harmony between the government and its citizens—the harmony of the policies and the attitude of the citizens. This is mostly depended on the society system—democracy in that everybody has the right to speak up his or her discontent with the society and his or her opinions to improve the society. Therefore, it is not the fault of education even when the society is discord. On the contrary, I profoundly hold the belief that education is also a key factor to promote social harmony. Education can change people conservative mind and make people understand the truth of some phenomenon. For instance, people would understand the increasing of tax rate properly may not be a bad news. It is just a way for government to collect money in order to promote the overall well-being of the society. Hence, they would be willing to support rather against it. If they cannot understand, they are sure to protest it, how can a society be harmony like that?

Accordingly, I hold the belief that it is a good sign of education if students enjoy asking questions and making critics. And the harmony in one society is not only depend on the society system but education as well.

[ Last edited by OceanD on 2005-7-28 at 20:47 ]

OceanDUID：2118730

第一次写，大家鼓励一下，拍拍吧，顶！

11yvetteUID：2102418

嘿嘿,先占座~~

11yvetteUID：2102418

As the speaker of the statement [简洁起见可以删掉,因为都知道的,不过如果是想积累字数,那么就另当别论了^_^] showed, the purpose of education is to make students feeling free to question and criticize. I cannot agree it anymore [这里有点绝对] , though, it is only one side of the coin. And I also doubt the conclusion that education cannot promote social harmony. 立场的提出感觉有些主观啊~~稍微柔和一点

To begin with, we should make sure the meaning of the critical word--education. Students are educated with not only the knowledge in books but also the way to be people. [嗯,这点提得很好] That is why we always learn the variety of courses from different areas [看看这样写好不好:learn various courses in different areas]. Moreover, I hold the belief that student can make them recognize the essential of the knowledge only by deep meditation. And students' questions and critics are reflection of their thinking activities. During the process of finding answers, they would understand their disadvantages or misunderstanding of some knowledge. In that way, they can get a progress. [这一块的条理也挺好啊] And some people may even overturn the original theories and establish some new ideas that would contribute to the whole society. [这里的跳转太快了,而且经不起置疑:推翻了原有理论创立了新的体系不正是题目上所说的,对于社会的稳定不起积极作用嘛,所有再补充说明一下,有了新理论的创立,社会发展了, 对于稳定会有积极作用,可能后面的therefore更有说服力一些吧] Therefore questioning and criticizing are always welcome during people absorbing some knowledge.

Even so, however, excessive critics would make people cynical and it may probably destroy the social harmony in some degree. Fortunately, as mentioned above, to criticize is not the only purpose of education. Teaching people to be people is the other side of this coin—this side can greatly decrease the possibility of such cases happened. That is why we should learn courses about social sciences and humanities besides natural sciences. History tells us a myriad of stories of charismatic individuals which let us know some necessary virtues to be successful; politics shows us the different cultures and society systems of different nations which promote the understanding between our nation and others; art classes—that is, music and painting—make us gradually understand people's mind and get close to the nature. [排比不错] We also learn how to communicate with each other and be more self-discipline. Thus, there would be more harmony in different people.这一段写得有点乱,跟提纲中提出的"2.尽管存在过度质疑的带来缺点，但是教育的特征又在某种程度上减少了这种可能"有些脱节,首先,没有具体阐述过渡质疑带来的缺点,只是一笔带过,这样就不深入,第二,后面的论述跳跃性太大了,感觉一步一步,慢慢地说会好很多

加一个过渡性的词句The speaker also mentioned that education plays a little role in promoting social harmony. I do not believe so either. [这里应该提这一段的TS,因为这句话已经在首段提出过了,有点赘述] When it comes to social harmony, two aspects are included. When we stand in the microcosmic point, it refers to the harmony between distinctive nations and distinctive people. As my demonstration showed above, it is just the education greatly promotes this kind [of] harmony. When we stand in the macrocosmic point, it refers to the harmony between the government and its citizens—the harmony of the policies and the attitude of the citizens. [从两个角度阐述了社会稳定,很好] This is mostly depended on the society [social] system—democracy in that everybody has the right to speak up his or her discontent with [to or with] the society and his or her opinions to improve the society. Therefore, it is not the fault of education even when the society is discord. [因果关系不足,从本段开始到现在没有提到过education何以下结论说"即使社会不和谐也不是education的错"?] On the contrary, I profoundly hold the belief that education is also a key factor to promote social harmony. Education can change people conservative mind and make people understand the truth of some phenomenon. For instance, people would understand the increasing of tax rate properly may not be a bad news. It is just a way for government to collect money in order to promote the overall well-being of the society. Hence, they would be willing to support rather against it. If they cannot understand, they are sure to protest it, how can a society be harmony like that?缴纳税款和教育有什么关系?难道是通过教育让人们认识到提高税收是一件好事吗?感觉这个例子有点薄弱的说

Accordingly, I hold the belief that it is a good sign of education if students enjoy asking questions and making critics. And the harmony in one society is not only depend on the society system but education as well.

嗯,全文的用词还是很好的,就是条理有待改善啊~~
比如,在B3从宏观和微观方面对社会和谐作了定义是非常好的,但是能不能考虑把它放到前面去呢?因为通篇都是讨论这个问题,所以越往前,越能把握住全文的思路,方向.
拍的有点狠了,有什么可以讨论的,咱们继续,一起进步啊~~:handshake

tangjihedeUID：2107695

52. Education encourages students to question and criticize, and therefore does little to promote social harmony.

有保留的反对（开头结尾略）
正文
1.支持“教育鼓励学生提问的观点”
2.尽管存在过度质疑的带来缺点，但是教育的特征又在某种程度上减少了这种可能
3.社会和谐和教育的关系
写得好烂，大家互相进步吧

As the speaker of the statement showedshows, the purpose of education is to make students feeling free to question and criticize. I cannot agree it anymore???, though, it is only one side of the coin. And I also doubt the conclusion that education cannot promote social harmony.TS 最好整合成一句，However, I cannot totally agree with it, since it is only one side of the coin; moreover, the conclusion that…is also quite doubtable.

To begin with, we should make sure the meaning of the criticalcrucial word--education. Students are educated with not only the knowledge in books but also the way to be people似乎别扭。to be qualified citizens?. That is why we always learn the variety of coursesvarious courses 简洁明了 fromof? different areas. Moreover, I hold the belief that studentstudents can make themthemselves recognize the essential of thedelete the knowledge only by deep meditation. And students' questions and critics are reflection of their own thinking activities. During the process of finding answers, they would understand their disadvantages这个词放在这儿感觉不妥, 但我也没想到更好的 or misunderstanding of some knowledge. In that way, they can get a progress和上一句合并，改成定语从句：。。。,in which way they can getmake?不确定 a progress.. And句子的开头你用了太多的and，可以改成moreover，what is more， besides，on the other hand,…. some people may even overturn the original theories and establish some new ideas that would contribute to the whole society. Therefore questioning and criticizing are always welcome during people in the process of, delete people  absorbing some knowledge.

Even so, however, excessive criticscriticism would make people cynical and it may probably destroy the delete thesocial harmony in some degree. Fortunately, as mentioned above, the abilityto criticize is not the only purpose of education. Teaching people to be people同上，核实一下。 is the other side of thisa,this在这里没有明确所指 coin—this sidesuggestion: coin: it can greatly decrease the possibility of such cases happened. That is why we should learn courses about ofsocial sciences and humanities besidesnatural刚出现一个社会“科学“ sciences. History tells us a myriad of stories of charismatic individuals which let us know some necessary virtues to be successful对历史学的这种阐释不够清楚，比如你说的necessary virtues是什么意思等等。总之觉得别扭l; politics shows us the different cultures and society systems of different nations which promote the understanding between our nation and others; art classes—that is, music and painting—make us gradually understand people's mind and get close to the nature. We also learn how to communicate with each other and be more self-discipline. Thus, there would be more harmony inamong different people.感觉例子有些泛，这样泛泛而谈感觉没有深度，而且最后的结论引出的也不是特别自然和服人。最好针对一个例子深入的阐述。

The speaker also mentionedmentions这种情况最好用一般现代时，不然从句的时态怎么办？ that education plays a little role in promoting social harmony. 我觉得这句话一下子把原来的issue弱化了许多。人家说的是教育与社会和谐之间的因果关系，而这个表述变成了一句话涉及到了两个方面。不要用Also来连接 I do not believe so either. When it comes to social harmony, two aspects are included.冒号，说明哪两个方面。下面再展开 When we stand in the microcosmic point, it refers to the harmony between distinctive nations and distinctive people. As my demonstration showed above, it is just the education thatgreatly promote _sthis kind of harmony. When we stand in the macrocosmic point, it refers to the harmony between the government and its citizens—the harmony of the policies and the attitude of the citizens.微观宏观看的有点儿晕，是不是说反了？国与国是宏观，而一国与其人民是微观？ This is mostly depended on the society system—democracy社会制度就民主制一种了？这个表述让人觉得你暗含了这种设定。 in that everybody has the right to speak up为什么要用up？out？ his or her discontent with the society and his or her opinions to improve the society. Therefore, it is not the fault of education even when the society is discord这个词不是adj。 你用了很多的therefore，thus，但我觉得引出的结论不是很自然，而且每次thus后面的话都太短了。. On the contrary, I profoundly hold the belief that education is also a key factor to promote social harmony. Education can change people‘s conservative mind and make people understand the truth ofthrough some phenomenon. For instance, people would understand thatthe increasing of tax rate properly may not be a bad news. It is just a way for government to collect money in order to promote the overall well-being of the society. 你的意思到了，但这句话没有直接正面提到教育。Hence, they would be willing to support rather against it. If they cannot understand this, they are surewill surely {?} protest it, to protest itif they could not understand this, and thus even try to protest it, then how…, how can a society be harmony like that?

Accordingly, I hold the belief that it is a good sign of education if students enjoy asking questions and making critics. And 又是andthe harmony in one society is not only depend on the society system but education as well.


我能读得出你自己修改的很认真，语言没有几个明显的语法错误。整体的结构也符合常见的issue模式。如果说提高的，我想可能有一下两点供你考虑：
1．        语言。你可以尝试再将几个句子合并，并多换几种开头的方法，比如用状语开头，倒装，等等等等。有时间的话可以研究一篇gre阅读，丰富一下自己的句式储备
2．        内容。这一点提的可能比较高，但我的想法是，一篇作文如果想在分数上提高，没有过硬的内容是不行的。如果不是很快就要考试了，我建议你动笔之前多想想issue涉及的问题，看一看自己的想法用中文表达出来是不是有理有据很能说服别人，然后再动笔。当然我自己也做不到这一点，但我觉得，这应该是大家努力的方向，毕竟GRE的作文要反映一个人的知识储备和分析能力，而不仅仅是英语的表达能力。这一点和大家共勉。

[ Last edited by tangjihede on 2005-7-29 at 00:48 ]

OceanDUID：2118730

To: 11yvette
谢谢ripple.
我认真推敲了你的修改和评价。我会再好好改的。有的地方你觉得我转的太快，乱的很，我是怕展开说写太长了。所以可能写得不清楚，我以后也会注意的。不过我也有疑问：比如我说的疑问过度带来的坏处，我是不想写的，可是又怕阅卷人看了，觉得我论证的不充分。我就想带一笔解释写吧，你说，是不是以后干脆不要写了？
总之，真的很感谢。

OceanDUID：2118730

To:tangjihede
Thanks.我发了短消息给你了，总觉得这样回帖怪怪的，像骗寄托币似的。嘿嘿:lol

[ Last edited by OceanD on 2005-7-29 at 20:08 ]

11yvetteUID：2102418

不要客气啦~~:handshake
嗯,我觉得如果不想展开阐述的,而且和上下文不能很好衔接的内容,可以不提,否则对于全文的连贯性起不到很好的作用啊~~~