Issue159 [Transcend小组]第八次作业

chenmi8812UID：2261072

Issue 159

With the rapid development of technology, especially in the most recent quarter century, machines in our lives have been improved to take on some functions that are hardly imagined ever before, such as the automation system at home, the computer with reorganization of the language of human, the robot which can ride the bike. At the same time, people come to worry about whether machines will replace human in the future like the description in the scientific fiction. As far as I am concern, we, human beings, will never be transcended by the machine that we invent and machines will only be our effective tools and assistants.

Machines which people invent and improve are playing a vital role in human society from ancient to very recently. People in the Paleolithic era invent many kinds of useful tools like chisel, needle which help them to deal with daily living, arrow and sword which help them to hunt large and ferocious animals. After the revolution of industry, the advent of multitudes of tools with the power of steam bring a huge step forward to efficiency of industry and make people's lives much more convenient than before. The steam train, for instance, can take far more passages and travel a longer distance than carriage and horse, which promote the intercommunication of the resources and people in different areas. Recently, the computers bring another renovation of our lives. Writing documents, for example, is ever considered to be a complicate work with typewriter. However, with the keyboard and the software in the computer, the input of word is much quicker and more convenient that every one can take advantage of it.

Although machines have lots of merits, they have to be controlled and operated by people. Admittedly, the automation of machine has been improved dramatically and machines can actually deal with some works itself in a regular situation. However, when errors and accidental situation happen, machines can do nothing but waiting human to do with them. For example, when a patient with pneumonia in the hospital takes off the breath-helper suddenly, what the machine can do? It just gives a warning alarm to call for the nurses to fix the situation. Without immediate action of nurses, the patient may face dangerous or even lose his life. In addition, machines themselves can not find out and repair the exceptions like the abrasion. Consequently, the working situation of machines is watched and kept by human in most time. Only by doing so, the machines can always maintain their high efficiency and accuracy.

Further, machines can hardly possess creativity that people have. The creativity which is thought to stem from the complex interaction of our brain has not been fully understood by ourselves, let alone the application on machines. What machines can do right now are exactly what human tell or programme them to do and they can not do things outside the regulation fixed by people. Although scientists endeavor to let machines posses such characteristic, it will be many decades before this comes true. Also, the machines can never have emotion as people do. Emotion is built up from communication, correlation and independent judgment of people. Without all these ability, machines with passion can only be realized in the fiction. The robot devised recently can do almost every work to take care of a baby that a mother can do, such as swaying the bed of infant, playing music, feeding milk and so forth. But the infant can hardly develop an emotion with the machines not only because they do not have the appearance of human, but also they can not communicate with infant like mothers do.

In sum, although the technology can make the machines more and more advanced, without the characteristic that human possess machines can only set at the assistant position.

onlyloveUID：2306786

With the rapid development of technology, especially in the most recent quarter century, machines in our lives have been improved to take on some functions that are hardly imagined ever before, such as the automation system at home, the computer with reorganization of the language of human, the robot which can ride the bike. At the same time, people come to worry about whether machines will replace human in the future like the description in the scientific fiction. As far as I am concern, we, human beings, will never be transcended by the machine that we invent and machines will only be our effective tools and assistants.你的文章有很大的进步，光看这个开头就能看出来。

Machines which people invent and improve are playing a vital role in human society from ancient to very recently. People in the Paleolithic era invent many kinds of useful tools like chisel, needle which help them to deal with daily living, arrow and sword which help them to hunt large and ferocious animals. After the revolution of industry, the advent of multitudes of tools with the power of steam bring a huge step forward to efficiency of industry and make people's lives much more convenient than before. The steam train, for instance, can take far more passages and travel a longer distance than carriage and horse, which promote the intercommunication of the resources and people in different areas. Recently, the computers bring another renovation of our lives. Writing documents, for example, is ever considered to be a complicate work with typewriter. However, with the keyboard and the software in the computer, the input of word is much quicker and more convenient that every one can take advantage of it. 论证很好，从古至今，这样话说得多呢也容易组织思路，学习~

Although machines have lots of merits, they have to be controlled and operated by people. 这个转折很好。Admittedly, the automation of machine has been improved dramatically and machines can actually deal with some works itself in a regular situation. However, when errors and accidental situation happen, machines can do nothing but waiting human to do with them. For example, when a patient with pneumonia in the hospital takes off the breath-helper suddenly, what the machine can do? It just gives a warning alarm to call for the nurses to fix the situation. Without immediate action of nurses, the patient may face dangerous or even lose his life. In addition, machines themselves can not find out and repair the exceptions like the abrasion. Consequently, the working situation of machines is watched and kept by human in most time. Only by doing so, the machines can always maintain their high efficiency and accuracy.这两个例子很好。

Further, machines can hardly possess creativity that people have. The creativity which is thought to stem from the complex interaction of our brain has not been fully understood by ourselves, let alone the application on machines. What machines can do right now are exactly what human tell or programme them to do and they can not do things outside the regulation fixed by people. Although scientists endeavor to let machines posses such characteristic, it will be many decades before this comes true. Also, the machines can never have emotion as people do.关于emotion可以另起一段，或者在这一段主题句里提及Emotion is built up from communication, correlation and independent judgment of people. Without all these ability, machines with passion can only be realized in the fiction. The robot devised recently can do almost every work to take care of a baby that a mother can do, such as swaying the bed of infant, playing music, feeding milk and so forth. But the infant can hardly develop an emotion with the machines not only because they do not have the appearance of human, but also they can not communicate with infant like mothers do.这个例子也很不错~

In sum, although the technology can make the machines more and more advanced, without the characteristic that human possess machines can only set at the assistant position.

赞叹！进步好大~
几乎在论证上看不出缺点。例子都非常好，为什么我就通常没有话说呢？
请教楼主，这些例子，平时都要怎么积累呢？

see329UID：2260355

Issue159 [Transcend小组]第八次作业

Issue 159With the rapid development of technology, especially in the most recent quarter century, machines in our lives have been improved to take on some functions that are hardly imagined ever before, such as the automation system at home, the computer with reorganization of the language of human, the robot which can ride the bike.//赶紧背景的陈述可以不放到首段，首段指出TS就可以了。 At the same time, people come to worry about whether machines will replace human in the future like the description in the scientific fiction. As far as I am concern, we, human beings, will never be transcended by the machine that we invent and machines will only be our effective tools and assistants.Machines which people invent and improve are playing a vital role in human society from ancient to very recently. People in the Paleolithic era invent many kinds of useful tools like chisel, needle which help them to deal with daily living, arrow and sword which help them to hunt large and ferocious animals. After the revolution of industry, the advent of multitudes of tools with the power of steam bring a huge step forward to efficiency of industry and make people's lives much more convenient than before. The steam train, for instance, can take far more passages and travel a longer distance than carriage and horse, which promote the intercommunication of the resources and people in different areas. Recently, the computers bring another renovation of our lives. Writing documents, for example, is ever considered to be a complicate work with typewriter. However, with the keyboard and the software in the computer, the input of word is much quicker and more convenient that every one can take advantage of it. ///Although machines have lots of merits, they have to be controlled and operated by people. Admittedly, the automation of machine has been improved dramatically and machines can actually deal with some works itself in a regular situation. However, when errors and accidental situation happen, machines can do nothing but waiting human to do with them. For example, when a patient with pneumonia in the hospital takes off the breath-helper suddenly, what the machine can do? It just gives a warning alarm to call for the nurses to fix the situation. Without immediate action of nurses, the patient may face dangerous or even lose his life. In addition, machines themselves can not find out and repair the exceptions like the abrasion. Consequently, the working situation of machines is watched and kept by human in most time. Only by doing so, the machines can always maintain their high efficiency and accuracy.Further, machines can hardly possess creativity that people have. The creativity which is thought to stem from the complex interaction of our brain has not been fully understood by ourselves, let alone the application on machines.好句子 What machines can do right now are（is） exactly what human tell or (program) them to do and they can not do things outside the regulation fixed by people. Although scientists endeavor to let machines posses such characteristic, it will be many decades before this comes true. Also, the machines can never have emotion as people do. Emotion is built up from communication, correlation and independent judgment of people.(可以加到上句中，改成定语从句) Without all these ability, machines with passion can only be realized in the fiction. The robot devised recently can do almost every work to take care of a baby that a mother can do, such as swaying the bed of infant, playing music, feeding milk and so forth. But the infant can hardly develop an emotion with the machines not only because they do not have the appearance of human, but also they can not communicate with infant like mothers do.In sum, although the technology can make the machines more and more advanced, without the characteristic that human possess machines can only set at the assistant position.

好文章！例子充分！论证合理！值得学习！
希望楼主多到我的楼层（23＃）逛逛，恨点拍！

[ 本帖最后由 see329 于 2007-3-25 11:34 编辑 ]

iq28UID：2152875

习作前面要有题目的
谢谢

"The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds."


With the rapid development of technology, especially in the most recent quarter century, machines in our lives have been improved to take on some functions that are (时态) hardly imagined ever before, such as the automation system at home, the computer with reorganization of the language of human, the robot which can ride the bike. At the same time, (给出一个强转折语气的词吧) people come to worry about whether machines will replace human in the future like the description in the scientific fiction. As far as I am concern, we, human beings, will never be transcended by the machine that we invent and machines will only be our effective tools and assistants. (完全赞成的观念.看你下面如何展开)

Machines which people invent and improve are playing a vital role in human society from ancient to very recently. (危险的ts.没有涉及到核心问题即是否能够取代人类.有偏题嫌疑) People in the Paleolithic era invent (时态!) many kinds of useful tools like chisel, needle which help them to deal with daily living, arrow and sword which help them to hunt large and ferocious animals. After the revolution of industry, the advent of multitudes of tools with the power of steam bring a huge step forward to efficiency of industry and make people's lives much more convenient than before. The steam train, for instance, can take far more passages and travel a longer distance than carriage and horse, which promote the intercommunication of the resources and people in different areas. Recently, the computers bring another renovation of our lives. Writing documents, for example, is ever considered to be a complicate work with typewriter. However, with the keyboard and the software in the computer, the input of word is much quicker and more convenient that every one can take advantage of it.  
(中间细节不改了.整段对于主题毫无用处,要你讲科技发展史干吗.偏题.)

Although machines have lots of merits, they have to be controlled and operated by people. Admittedly, the automation of machine has been improved dramatically and machines can actually deal with some works itself in a regular situation. However, when errors and accidental situation happen, machines can do nothing but waiting human to do with them. (语法错误,而且后面的to do with them不知道什么意思) For example, when a patient with pneumonia in the hospital takes off the breath-helper suddenly, what the machine can do? It just gives a warning alarm to call for the nurses to fix the situation. Without immediate action of nurses, the patient may face dangerous or even lose his life. (例子和主题相关性不大.更适合支持机器没有人就难以更好服务人类.虽然和机器能否取代人类有一点相关性,但仍然不是一个概念) In addition, machines themselves can not find out and repair the exceptions like the abrasion. Consequently, the working situation of machines is watched and kept by human in most time. Only by doing so, the machines can always maintain their high efficiency and accuracy.
(仍然偏题的一段.没有涉及到机器取代人类的观念)

Further, machines can hardly possess creativity that people have. (这个其实可以作为不能取代的原因.但是你必须点明.否则仍然是off-topic) The creativity which is thought to stem from the complex interaction of our brain has not been fully understood by ourselves, let alone the application on machines. What machines can do right now are exactly what human tell or programme them to do and they can not do things outside the regulation fixed by people. (讲到这里其实和上一段的层次没有拉开,内容重复太多,没有涉及到创造力的特性) Although scientists endeavor to let machines posses such characteristic, it will be many decades before this comes true. (岂不是在暗示几十年以后机器就有了可以取代人类的资本之一了?与主ts中的never矛盾) Also, the machines can never have emotion as people do. Emotion is built up from communication, correlation and independent judgment of people. Without all these ability, machines with passion (不明白为什么with passion都出来了就是死活不肯再次点到机器取代人类这个中心) can only be realized in the fiction. The robot devised recently can do almost every work to take care of a baby that a mother can do, such as swaying the bed of infant, playing music, feeding milk and so forth. But the infant can hardly develop an emotion with the machines not only because they do not have the appearance of human, but also they can not communicate with infant like mothers do. (无语了.只需要强调机器不能communicate,前面居然说了那么多跟baby有关的还有机器人的外表问题.严重的beat around the bush)

In sum, although the technology can make the machines more and more advanced, without the characteristic that human possess machines can only set at the assistant position.

内容off-topic的倾向严重
不会高于3分的作文
很遗憾
开头段落的审题没问题
不过后面的段落论证没有支持主ts句

lz自己好好分析吧
我拍的比较狠
见谅

荧惑UID：2280559

:eek:
检查下我的文章去...

annlyseaUID：2219320

LS的真实铁杆的fans

荧惑UID：2280559

哈哈，小子看错了吧，这次是我在楼上咯~~
哈哈哈哈，占了qq的便宜~

annlyseaUID：2219320

这有什么美的~~
据说你加入我们组了~~
帮我改改文章吧~HOHO