Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组第十次作业

qiangweiciUID: 2478469

when time comes to 2009,we,Chinese people as well as the whole world are still impressed by the vivid memory of
Beijing Olympic Games in 2008.Michael Phelps,the first man who obtained 4 gold medals at a time,is broadly and
highly acclaimed and adored as an amazing swim genius;Liuxiang,once honored to be the asian flyer and represented
as the delegate of miracle,surprisingly conducted an immense pity by quiting.The impact that Olympics has had on
our natian and the world in general,is undeniable.No doubt it will become even greater as the scope of which
continues to grow,and as the relevant athletics become more and more sophisticated,and so fascinating that
virtually no state will be able to escape.In total,under such situation,a strong financial spporting in development
of athletics is of great importance.This importance,compared with that of arts,even outweights.

To begin whith,athletics directly concerns with the health of citizens.There is funny joke.When Peter'soul went to
heaven,while his relatives cried aroud him,talking about the impressions from him,God asked Peter:"what do you want
to hear from your follows most?" Peter begged:"I do hope there's one shouting'look,he's moving'." As we are alive,a
majority of our time and energy are paid in puisuing accomplishments from literature,architerture,painting and
dancing etc.However,nothing can equal the priority of health.A financial devotion to athletics from government
serves as the prerequisite to foster,asist and sustain the crowd's interest in physical exercise which ,directly or
indirectly,exerts a significant influence upon citizen's health situation.

Secondly,the development and improvement of athletics arouse a moral strength which ties every and each resident
togther.This is aptly exemplified and illustrated by the case of Liuxiang.In Athens Olympic Games of 2004, with his
excellent running speed and skill,the young boy created a striking outcome which motivated the whole nation as well
as the whole asia to believe the existence of miracle.while in Beijing Olympic Games last year,the outstanding
athlete conflicted with the first deep vally of his career;his quiting choice astonished the whole nation even the
whole sports industry.Though a great pity covered the first page of every press production,the majority of our
Chinese people sympathized with him,hoping he could retrieve soon.It is athletics that bring about such coheresive
force replete with sharing victoris and shoulding failures togther.

All in all,it is no exaggeration to say that athletics plays a crucial role in society.the development of it
exercises an all-round benificial effect on every individual and the whole nation.Owing to the merits,no doubt a
financial spport should be given to foster its development.

capricon2006UID: 2278984

请把您的作文原本放入文本文档，取消自动分行后，再贴上来……
你这样，我放到word里很多乱码！！

jackie1983UID: 2484456

when time comes to 2009,we, Chinese people as well as the whole world are still impressed by the vivid memory of Beijing Olympic Games in 2008.Michael Phelps, the first man who obtained 4 gold medals at a time, is broadly and /highly acclaimed and adored as an amazing swim genius; Liuxiang, once honored to be the asian(Asian) flyer and represented ' ]5 i2 a4 q& V& z! \as the delegate of miracle, surprisingly conducted an immense pity by quiting（quitting）. The impact that Olympics has had on $ Y2 q' B# F' ^" uour natian(nation) and the world in general, is undeniable. No doubt it will become even greater as the scope of which continues to grow, and as the relevant athletics become more and more sophisticated,and so fascinating that ) w# z# r; x! T, Q( Fvirtually no state will be able to escape. In total, under such situation, a strong financial spporting（supporting） in development 7 F( m, P% F, K7 u0 |4 U; Z% A: `
of athletics is of great importance. This importance, compared with that of arts, even outweights（outweighs）. （例子很翔实，不过个人觉得开头稍微就主题说一说就行了，然后主要目的是鲜明的提出自己的观点，后面的段落再具体给出reason and example来证明自己的观点）


To begin whith（with）, athletics directly concerns with the health of citizens. There is （a）funny joke. When Peter' soul went to . ]7 heaven, while his relatives cried aroud（around） him, talking about the impressions from（of） him, God asked Peter: "what do you want 8 v0 ~0 X; o8 to hear from your follows most?" Peter begged: "I do hope there's one shouting 'look, he's moving'." As we are alive, a ) d( E3 u* z. y; a, mmajority of our time and energy are paid in puisuing（pursuing） accomplishments from literature, architerture（architecture）, painting and # {/ j% q: c2 R% G+ mdancing etc. However, nothing can equal the priority of health. A financial devotion to athletics from government serves as the prerequisite to foster, asist（assist） and sustain the crowd's interest in physical exercise which ,directly or indirectly, exerts a significant influence upon citizen's health situation.
（这段的那个笑话很有意思，呵呵，关键是用在这也很贴切，说明人们很看重生命，健康。把笑话写入托福作文，很有创意，我想老美也会喜欢的吧。我考G时后看了不少范文，写起来可能太看重结构了，可能快被八股掉了，其实我是不想去冒险，只想求稳）
+ f* u2 J/ m/ i$ t# J$ z. ]
4 w& S# M  z% h( S* w4 k. R3 J0 U2 TSecondly, the development and improvement of athletics arouse a moral strength which ties every and each resident togther（together）. This is aptly exemplified and illustrated by the case of Liuxiang.
In Athens Olympic Games of 2004, with his 6 C1 U$ ^: S; Uexcellent running speed and skill, the young boy created a striking outcome which motivated the whole nation as well ; Y* p, A6 c0 v" Kas the whole asia（Asia） to believe the existence of miracle. while in Beijing Olympic Games last year, the outstanding athlete conflicted with the first deep vally（valley） of his career; his quiting（quitting） choice astonished the whole nation even the whole sports industry. Though a great pity covered the first page of every press production, the majority of our Chinese people sympathized with him, hoping he could retrieve soon. It is athletics that bring about such coheresive（cohesive） force replete with sharing victoris（victories） and shoulding failures(什么意思？) togther（together）.
（举了飞人的例子来说明athletics能增强凝聚力，叙述的不错）
  F. D# e2 g4 K, {4 E, ]3 S4 Y# ]) Y
All in all, it is no exaggeration to say that athletics plays a crucial role in society. the development of it $ r8 P* E- ?& {' @7 ^# o2 texercises an all-round benificial（beneficial） effect on every individual and the whole nation. Owing to the merits, no doubt a financial spport（support） should be given to foster its development.
         呵呵，朋友，我来砸场子喽～
1写了540多个字，佩服，不愧是英专的。
感觉你驾驭语言的能力很强哦，词的排比什么的信手拈来。赞!
内容上论述很到位，结构也清晰。 一些单词的拼写要引起注意了啊，因为这个丢分就太可惜了

2格式方面，标点符号后面记得要加个空格，这样到了word格式里就不会有那么多红线了，我一般是用txt记事本写作文，写好后贴到word里面，word有自动纠错功能，它能帮你指出不小心拼写错的单词，就是那些下面划了线的，以及一些基本的语法错误的。但是不要直接在word里写作文，那样即使你不小心拼写错了单词，word会在你不知不觉中自动给你纠正，这样上了考场你可能还是会拼错。
谢谢你那天给我传的资料啊，我在60楼，jackie1983，欢迎你来捧场啊，这是链接 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-911133-6-1.html

gundammoleUID: 2300958

2# capricon2006
when time comes to 2009, we, Chinese people as well as the whole world are still impressed by the vivid memory of Beijing Olympic Games in 2008.Michael Phelps, the first man who obtained 4 gold medals at a time（Michael Phelps赢了8块金牌吧）, is broadly and # J9 \$ D. i! yhighly acclaimed and adored as an amazing swim genius; Liuxiang, once honored to be the Asian flyer and represented / z, L- W& a( I4 r" h" sas the delegate of miracle, surprisingly conducted an immense pity by quiting(quitting). The impact that Olympics has had on our natian（nation） and the world in general, is undeniable. No doubt it will become even greater as the scope of which -continues to grow, and as the relevant athletics become more and more sophisticated, and so fascinating that virtually no state will be able to escape. In total, under such situation, a strong financial spporting（supporting） in development 1 ^; z( t) a, _- D; N7 G' kof athletics is of great importance. This importance, compared with that of arts, even outweights(outweighs).

To begin whith(with), athletics directly concerns with(牵涉到) the health of citizens. There is（a）funny joke. When Peter' soul went to % |( d2 V6 d. I5 _; [! D% Dheaven, while his relatives cried aroud（around）him, talking about the impressions from him, God asked Peter: "What do you want to hear from your follows most?" Peter begged: "I do hope there's one shouting' look, he's moving'." As we are alive, a 0 e1 P! H7 \2 B/ a; |& p$ e$ ]! wmajority of our time and energy are paid in puisuing（pursuing）accomplishments from literature, architerture(architecture), painting and - d3 `* ^% C8 t8 edancing etc. However, nothing can equal the priority of health. A financial devotion to athletics from government serves as the prerequisite to foster, asist（assist）and sustain the crowd's interest in physical exercise which , directly or indirectly, exerts a significant influence upon citizen's health situation.

Secondly, the development and improvement of athletics arouse a moral strength which ties every and each resident   U9 _+ m2 o( b- e3 f( Ntogther(together). This is aptly exemplified and illustrated by the case of Liuxiang. In Athens Olympic Games of 2004, with his excellent running speed and skill, the young boy created a striking outcome which motivated the whole nation as well as the whole Asia to believe the existence of miracle. while in Beijing Olympic Games last year, the outstanding % S. l  {, {9 f/ V8 x) Tathlete conflicted with the first deep vally(valley) of his career; his quiting(quitting) choice astonished the whole nation even the whole sports industry. Though a great pity covered the first page of every press production, the majority of our " d0 e' X6 Z$ J$ P# ~Chinese people sympathized with him, hoping he could retrieve soon. It is athletics that bring about such coheresive(cohesive) # [1 z" t/ }$ l. c# lforce replete with sharing victoris(victories) and shoulding(sharing) failures togther.

All in all, it is no exaggeration to say that athletics plays a crucial role in society. The development of it 6 r4 a- R9 O' |; B$ ^3 p+ Rexercises an all-round beneficial(beneficial) effect on every individual and the whole nation. Owing to the merits, no doubt a financial spport(support) should be given to foster its development.

楼主是在30分钟内写出这篇文章的吗？
楼主的英语功底和水平完全是没话的了，很深厚，但是在规定的时间内，楼主完全可以把字数减少（第一段的两个运动员的例子完全就可以去掉），剩下来的时间把文章重新看一边，修改下拼写错误。如果考场上这么好的文笔但是又出现这么多拼写错误实在是太可惜了。
另外如果能在文章中描述下为什么athletics比arts更需要政府的资助，突出这个“more”那论证就更完整了。
如有修改错误的地方，尽管指出。忘共勉^_^

gundammoleUID: 2300958

1# qiangweici

眼看着第十次的修改时间已经过了，麻烦楼主有空的时候也帮我改下文章。

qiangweiciUID: 2478469

真是不好意思 我们学校最近一周网络大整修 都没能上网 所以才落下了 好的 我这就给你修改去~~