Issue7【INTO THE FIRE】BY Brian78

Brian78UID: 2604416

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 501
TIME: 01:46:29


I can't deny that because of the development of technology and the improvement
of our life level, video cameras have come into more and more families and are playing an important role on recording things in our daily lives. But the speaker seems to have overstated the influence it has brought to us and in my opinion ,it has not replaced and will not replace the written words.



Admittedly, the video camera can provide a more accurate and convincing record as the speaker mentions. It brings us something that the written ones can never do , such as spatial and temporal feelings of the things happened. It shows us the main points in a vivid , intuitionistic and expressive way while the written records are often boring and not easy to seize the points. It can also
capture the
fleeting exciting moments in a quick way and let the others become the witness of those moments .Besides, the video camera can spare one's time and energy of doing a large amount of work to finish the writing and the video storage format is more efficient as is much easier to be found out. What's more, video cameras can also be used as security and
investigation equipments such an surveillance camera and so on. Video cameras can also been used to record some calamities such as floods, tsunami and earthquakes which can cause more convulsion and attract more attentions. For example, during the period of the Wenchuan Earthquake, it has been exactly the video camera lens that aroused the tears and pity over the world and caused them to pay attention to there and give a hand to our country. The video camera records can be so unfeigned and touching.



Nevertheless, the function and status of the written records cannot be easily replaced. The written words remain their unique charm for the following reasons. To begin with, the written words spare a large room for one's imagination and this mode should be more used when it comes to express one's subjective emotions as the video records emphasize the subjective alternatives. Secondly, maybe since the video records is got too effortlessly, they seem to lack the deep or abstract meanings and too superficial not as the written ones that can include a lot of connotations. Moreover, the video camera can only record the things happened in the certain moment and place while the writing can record things happened in a much broader range. Not only for the present ,the writing can even recall the past and drop out the future. Furthermore, video cameras can not record statistics and quantitative ones which can only be recorded by written words. At last ,video can not provide a reliable formal documentation which is why contracts ,agreement and juristic documents always use written records.



As I mentioned above, the written records can not be replaced by the video camera records, at least to some extent. I believe as time goes on and our people become richer and richer ,the video camera will play a more and more important role in recording things, but written records are irreplaceable . It's up to the concrete situation and one's particular interest to choose the better way of recording things.

pingkoUID: 2622837

I can't deny that because of the development of technology and the improvement of our life level, video cameras have come into more and more families and are(建议改成been, 感觉用完成进行时要好些） playing an important role on recording things in our daily lives. But the speaker seems to have overstated the influence it has brought to us and in my opinion ,it has not replaced and will not(never) replace the written words




Admittedly, the video camera can provide a more accurate and convincing record as the speaker mentions. It brings us something that the written ones can never do , such as spatial and temporal feelings of the things happened. It shows us the main points in a vivid , intuitionistic and expressive way while the written records are often boring and not easy to seize the points. It can also capture the fleeting exciting moments in a quick way and let the others become the witness of those moments .Besides, the video camera can spare one's time and energy of doing a large amount of work to finish the writing and the video storage format is more efficient as is much easier to be found out. What's more, video cameras can also be used as security and investigation equipments such an surveillance camera and so on. Video cameras can also been used to record some calamities such as floods, tsunami and earthquakes which can cause more convulsion and attract more attentions. For example, during the period of the Wenchuan Earthquake, it has been exactly the video camera lens that aroused the tears and pity over the world and caused them to pay attention to there and give a hand to our country. The video camera records can be so unfeigned and touching.
这一段列举了C的若干优点， 但是几乎都没怎么展开。给人造成你这段只是在罗列优点而不是在论证。 有的地方适当展开一下可以让文章显得饱满一些。


Nevertheless, the function and status of the written records cannot be easily replaced. The written words remain their unique charm for the following reasons. To begin with, the written words spare a large room for one's imagination and this mode should be more used when it comes to express one's subjective emotions as the video records emphasize the subjective alternatives. Secondly, maybe since the video records is got too effortlessly, they seem to lack the deep or abstract meanings and too superficial not as the written ones that can include a lot of connotations. Moreover, the video camera can only record the things happened in the certain moment and place while the writing can record things happened in a much broader range. Not only for the present ,the writing can even recall the past and drop out the future. Furthermore, video cameras can not record statistics and quantitative ones which can only be recorded by written words. At last ,video can not provide a reliable formal documentation which is why contracts ,agreement and juristic documents always use written records.
问题同上


As I mentioned above, the written records can not be replaced by the video camera records, at least to some extent. I believe as time goes on and our people become richer and richer ,the video camera will play a more and more important role in recording things, but written records are irreplaceable . It's up to the concrete situation and one's particular interest to choose the better way of recording things.

文章只是对W和C 的优缺点进行了一番罗列， 却少有例证。 显得整个文章没有展开。 做到了一定的广度，但缺乏深度。
曾经一个教英语写作的老师和我说过这个问题，中国人可能觉得无所谓。 但美国人比较喜欢细节的东西，这一点不仅从北美范文，官方范文上有体现，在总统的演讲稿中也有很多比较“细节”的东西。 合适地运用一两个具体的例子，哪怕就是一句带过，也能使文章增色不少。
还有就是语言。 感觉有些生硬， 尤其是倒数第二段，可以考虑换一些衔接的词或句， 使文章读着舒服，流畅一些。
Anyway, 第一篇写成这样很不错。 加油！




居然有的加不上颜色，晕死。。。红色是改的地方， 蓝色是写得好的地方， 绿色（含下划线）是建议

Brian78UID: 2604416

2# pingko
嗯~多谢指教~1