0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by 彩虹沙漠

彩虹沙漠UID：2328322

ISSUE13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

What the statement wants to show us is the fact that the significantly dangerous situation faced by lesser-known languages. Because of the important and far-reaching meaning behind these languages, such as the culture of these languages-speakers, I agree with the assertor of the statement.

Admittedly, the most populous and wide-spread languages are the ones which are spoken and used by the most active and advance-civilized people. Through the perspective of the process of the human’s history, these people toke advantage of their intelligence and endless effort to create treasures not only the material but the spiritual. And the widely currency of their languages is the bonus for these people who played an enormous role to contribute to the development of human beings. Nowadays, it is these populous languages that preclude the communicate-obstacle caused by the differences of the languages all over the world and improve the worldwide development of politics, culture, economics, arts, society, and so on.

On the opposite, however, those extinguishing languages, along with the society fast development throughout the world, are going to be less used and forgotten. The reasons for this situation are various. The obscurity of these languages, the closed region where these extinguishing languages-speakers lived, less contribution to the world’s development, and something else may be attributed to the decreasing number of these languages-speakers. What’s worse, the extinction is being accelerated by the fact that many people who speak the rare languages are trying to contact and mix themselves with the developed world, which is more advanced than theirs and attractive to them.

Although the extinction of the rare languages seems to be some kind of necessity according to the above analysis, the lesser-known languages have so much more meaning and use than what people would think that the human all over the world should act to prevent the extinction of such languages. The existence of them has undisputable value to provide evidence and support for the archaeology, history-research. Their existence brings us the possibility to understand and study their art and culture. Therefore, it is easily to understand that the unknown relic unearthed in 1994 at Lijiang in China failed to be well used to contribute the history research because of the extinction of the language on the relic. Obviously, the similar cases can be enumerated in the field of art, culture-research and so on. Unexceptionably, that is a big pity for our human being. In this aspect, we cannot stay to see the lesser-known languages becoming extinct.

To prevent the trend of the extinction of the lesser-known languages, the government of the country in which such languages are spoken should act. It is, however, not enough to just rely on the effort of such languages spoken country----this issue deserves the worldwide emphasis. From 1990’s, Chine draw the policy that the universities will give some privileges to the students majored in the rare foreign languages, and these policy improve, in some extent, the intercommunion and development of the rare foreign languages. Just like the effort of china, we should and must do our best to help the lesser-known languages survive because they are also the priceless treasure for the whole human beings.

dacongfanUID：2644717

What the statement wants to show us is the fact that the significantly dangerous situation faced by lesser-known languages. Because of the important and far-reaching meaning behind these languages, such as the culture of these languages-speakers没有见过复数后面加连字符的, I agree with the assertor of the statement.

Admittedly, the most populous and wide-spread languages are the ones which are spoken and used by the most active and advance-civilized people. Through the perspective of the process of the human’s history, these people toke advantage of their intelligence and endless effort to create treasures not only the material 是否应当去掉the but the spiritual. And the widely currency of their languages is the bonus for these people who played an enormous role to contribute觉得应该是in contributing to the development of human beings. Nowadays, it is these populous languages that preclude the communicate-obstacle caused by the differences of the languages all over the world and improve the worldwide development of politics, culture, economics, arts, society, and so on.

On the opposite, however, those extinguishing languages, along with the society fast development throughout the world, are going to be less used and forgotten. The reasons for this situation are various. The obscurity of these languages, the closed region where these extinguishing languages-speakers lived, less contribution to the world’s development, and something else may be attributed觉得应该用主动 to the decreasing number of these languages-speakers. What’s worse, the extinction is being accelerated by the fact that many people who speak the rare languages are trying to contact and mix themselves with the developed world, which is more advanced than theirs and attractive to them.

Although the extinction of the rare languages seems to be some kind of necessity不够恰当，是否可以改为inavoidable trend according to the above analysis, the lesser-known languages have so much more meaning and use than what people would think that the human all over the world should act to prevent the extinction of such languages. The existence of them has undisputable value to provide evidence and support for the archaeology, history-research. Their existence brings us the possibility to understand and study their art and culture. Therefore, it is easily to understand that the unknown relic unearthed in 1994 at Lijiang in China failed to be well used to contribute the history research because of the extinction of the language on the relic. Obviously, the similar cases can be enumerated in the field of art, culture-research and so on. Unexceptionably, that is a big pity for our human being. In this aspect, we cannot stay to see the lesser-known languages becoming extinct.

To prevent the trend of the extinction of the lesser-known languages, the government of the country in which such languages are spoken should act. It is, however, not enough to just rely on the effort of such languages spoken country----this issue deserves the worldwide emphasis. From 1990’s, Chine draw the policy that the universities will give some privileges to the students majored in the rare foreign languages, and these policy improve, in some extent, the intercommunion and development of the rare foreign languages. Just like the effort of china, we should and must do our best to help the lesser-known languages survive because they are also the priceless treasure for the whole human beings.
看完你的文章后，觉得我的文章就是缺少思想，觉得你的文章整体还是不错的，论证的第一段以让步来说明international languages的作用，接着又指出了一些lesser-known的语言正在lost这个事实及其原因，最后说明我们应该阻止语言的消失，总得说来，还是不错，不过就是觉得可能是写的时候有点着急，觉得语法错误有一些多，不过，注意一下就好了。呵呵，你就是比我有思想，向你学习啊。
我的第二篇issue，用了快两个小时写的。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=961538&extra=

houlmesUID：2595866

ISSUE13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

What the statement wants to show us is the fact that the significantly dangerous situation faced by lesser-known languages. Because of the important and far-reaching meaning behind these languages, such as the culture of these languages-speakers, I agree with the assertor of the statement.

Admittedly, the most populous and wide-spread languages are the ones which are spoken and used by the most active and advance-civilized people. Through the perspective of the process of the human’s history, these people toke advantage of their intelligence and endless effort to create treasures not only the material but also the spiritual. And the widely currency of their languages is the bonus for these people who played an enormous role to contribute to the development of human beings. Nowadays, it is these populous languages that preclude the communicate-obstacle caused by the differences of the languages all over the world and improve the worldwide development of politics, culture, economics, arts, society, and so on.

On the opposite, however, those extinguishing languages, along with the society fast development throughout the world, are going to be less used and forgotten. The reasons for this situation are various. The obscurity of these languages, the closed region where these extinguishing languages-speakers lived, less contribution to the world’s development, and something else may be attributed to the decreasing number of these languages-speakers. What’s worse, the extinction is being accelerated by the fact that many people who speak the rare languages are trying to contact and mix themselves with the developed world, which is more advanced than theirs and attractive to them.

Although the extinction of the rare languages seems to be some kind of necessity according to the above analysis, the lesser-known languages have so much more meaning and use than what people would think that the human all over the world should act to prevent the extinction of such languages. The existence of them has undisputable value to provide evidence and support for the archaeology, history-research. Their existence brings us the possibility to understand and study their art and culture. Therefore, it is easily to understand that the unknown relic unearthed in 1994 at Lijiang in China failed to be well used to contribute the history research because of the extinction of the language on the relic. Obviously, the similar cases can be enumerated in the field of art, culture-research and so on. Unexceptionably, that is a big pity for our human being. In this aspect, we cannot stay to see the lesser-known languages becoming extinct.

To prevent the trend of the extinction of the lesser-known languages, the government of the country in which such languages are spoken should act. It is, however, not enough to just rely on the effort of such languages spoken country----this issue deserves the worldwide emphasis. From 1990’s, Chine draw the policy that the universities will give some privileges to the students majored in the rare foreign languages, and these policy improve, in some extent, the intercommunion and development of the rare foreign languages. Just like the effort of china, we should and must do our best to help the lesser-known languages survive because they are also the priceless treasure for the whole human beings.
结构和逻辑我都没看出问题……好失败
感觉我的水平好叉叉哦……唉
楼主的逻辑比较赞~

彩虹沙漠UID：2328322

3# houlmes
不管怎样，多谢评阅哈~~^^

qtangtangsUID：2630008

橘色 好的
红色  拼写语法错误
绿的 看法


What the statement wants to show us is the fact that the significantly dangerous situation faced by lesser-known languages. Because of the important and far-reaching meaning behind these languages, such as the culture of these languages-speakers, I agree with the assertor of the statement.

Admittedly, the most populous and wide-spread languages are the ones which are spoken and used by the most active and advance-civilized people. Through the perspective of the process of the human’s history, these people toke
advantage of(take advantage of是个贬义词..) their intelligence and endless effort(s) to create treasures not only the material but the spiritual. And the widely(wide) currency of their languages is the bonus for these people who played an enormous role to contribute to the development of human beings. Nowadays, it is these populous languages that preclude the communicate-obstacle caused by the differences of the languages all over the world and improve the worldwide development of politics, culture, economics, arts, society, and so on.

On the opposite, however, those extinguishing languages, along with(不通阿，用在这里) the society fast development throughout the world, are going to be less used and forgotten. The reasons for this situation are various. The obscurity of these languages, the closed region where these extinguishing languages-speakers lived, less contribution to the world’s development, and something else may be attributed to the decreasing number of these languages-speakers.(语法有问题，去掉the closed..不看，那么contribution应该改为contributes，不然缺谓语。另外这个attribute to前后好像反了阿..就算是用了被动，也是被人认为，具体例子请看：The car accident was attributed to faulty brakes.翻译为，这次车祸被认为是刹车失灵造成的。所以这个被认为还是被人们认为，并不是代表前后就能颠倒了) What’s worse, the extinction is being accelerated by the fact that many people who speak the rare languages are trying to contact and mix themselves with the developed world, which is more advanced than theirs and attractive to them.

Although the extinction of the rare languages seems to be some kind of necessity according to the above analysis, the lesser-known languages have so much more meaning and use than what people would think (is) that the human all over the world should act to prevent the extinction of such languages. The existence of them has undisputable value to provide evidence and support for the archaeology, history-research. Their existence brings us the possibility to understand and study their art and culture. Therefore, it is easily to understand that the unknown relic unearthed in 1994 at Lijiang in China failed to be well used to contribute the history research because of the extinction of the language on the relic. Obviously, the similar cases can be enumerated in the field of art, culture-research and so on. Unexceptionably, that is a big pity for our human being. In this aspect, we cannot stay to see the lesser-known languages becoming extinct.

To prevent the trend of the extinction of the lesser-known languages, the government of the country in which such languages are spoken should act. It is, however, not enough to just rely on the effort of such languages spoken country----this issue deserves the worldwide emphasis. From 1990’s, Chine draw the policy that the universities will give some privileges to the students majored in the rare foreign languages, and these policy improve, in(to) some extent, the intercommunion and development of the rare foreign languages. Just like the effort of china, we should and must do our best to help the lesser-known languages survive because they are also the priceless treasure for the whole human beings.

Ok阿，写的挺好的，逻辑很清楚阿..
因为我最近很纠结于语法
所以就提出了几个小问题
呵呵
如果真是要建议的话
我觉得其实可以不用这么面面俱到，因为这是很典型的1+1，所以文章只要两个点就够了，第一句是are，第二句是should。
那么第一个点直接分析是还是不是题目所说的情况，为什么，
第二点就分析
政府应不应该，为什么。
这样的话可能会让论证更充分。
当然，楼主这样写已经很好了哈～

qtangtangsUID：2630008

P.S.  为什么那么多人来改 楼主的作文咧??  莫非RP大爆发  呵呵...

彩虹沙漠UID：2328322

6# qtangtangs
哈哈，因为我给别人改的勤，所以RP好吧，哈哈~~
你说的1+1是啥啊？另外，你说首先分析是不是题目中说的情况，为什么；然后分析government是不是should，为什么。我就这么个分析思路。只不过把第一个分成了两个部分。因为单纯写成1+1怕字数写不够。

qtangtangsUID：2630008

sorry 现在才看到..  1+1 具体分析看追星剑issue特训～

因为感觉作文
段落大概是 先肯定了大语言   然后 小语种消失的原因 再次小语种消失的坏处 再次 说政府是不是应该保护怎么保护

如果希望这篇文章很powerful的话
那么大语言那段可再短点  然后把小语种消失的原因和坏处无限放大～
然后政府的保护政策 不改  这样 重点就是在第一句上

或者是   大语言还是短点  然后把政府应该怎么保护无限放大～  这样重点就在第二句上

现在文章  其实从字数上是找不出一个重点段  各个点的论证很平很  本以为 是两个点平衡说
但是也不是... 其实还是重心是在第一句话上的  
不知道楼主有没懂我的意思...

建议楼主去看看草木的那个20问  很有用  我是写完作文才去用20问来问自己的  才发现其实自己的文章写很脑残...  那20问会让自己的思路很正确

另外 主题句(就是首段末句) 里面不要出现第一人称