0910AW 同主题写作第三期 ARGUMENT242 by Virtual_Pro

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Title

242

The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.

"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year was reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."

Title Analysis

Editorial: 社论，重要评论
Combat: 与……战斗
Call for: 需要
Endeavor: 努力
Notify: 通知，告诉

庖丁解牛读后感

好像说来说去只说了要攻其关键，而没有说怎么做才能攻其关键。我晕。

自己分析攻击点

庖丁解牛说了4个攻击点：
定义、背景、比较和调查，基本分析还是到位的。逐条分析这些。
定义是指对honor code的定义，而作者的观点是should adopt honor code。那么定义能否支撑论点呢。我觉得是可以的，所以先放过这一点。
背景是指最近报告的作弊现象的显著上升，感觉这不是直接支撑论点的地方。此处也不适合攻击。
对比是比较最近几年的cheating的数量问题下降问题。
调查，这个显然是可以攻击的。

攻击套路细化

小宝老师的让步式攻击体系，我居然还记得，而且发现还挺适用这个题目。那就用吧。
首先攻击honor code可能不是G college cheating减少的原因。让步攻击，即使是，也可能不适用于其他地方。最后攻击调查中的调查者身份问题。

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In this argument, the author concludes that institutions should adopt honor codes similar to the Groveton’s to deal with the increasing in cheating cases among college and university students. To support the conclusion, the author points out that since Groveton College adopted the honor codes, the number of cheating cases has fallen to twenty –one a year later and further dropped to fourteen five years later. In addition, the author cites a survey on honor codes as an evidence to support of this editorial. However, this alone does not constitute a logical argument in favor of its conclusion and fail to provide convincing support making this argument sound and invulnerable.

First of all, the decrease of cheating cases in Groveton College could not easily be attributed to the adoption of honor codes. The honor codes calls for the students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated and replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers. It could be inferred that honor codes may prevent cheating for two reasons. One is the consciousness of the students. However, if it works, there is no need to deal with the cheating problem. The other one is that the students were monitored by each other. That could handle the individual cases but will be take advantage of by the group cheating. Furthermore, the decrease of monitor power in the old-fashioned system may be the reason of the decrease of reported cheating number instead of the real decline of cheating cases.

Even if the cheating number is really descended in Groveton College because of the adoption of honor codes, whether other college or university should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton’s still remains a question. There are various reasons why other institutions could not imitate the Groveton’s honor codes directly. In the first place, the academic atmosphere varies in different institutions. Maybe Groveton College adopts honor code could abate the cheating cases because of students were monitored by themselves but other institutions’ adoption of honor code may cause opposite result because of the possible worse academic atmosphere. In addition, different examine systems could bring different effects of honor codes. If the system is well designed to separate students who know each other before, honor codes may cause good result, however in pool designed examine systems cheating cases could increase significantly by replacing the old-fashioned system using honor codes.

In the final part of the editorial, the author cites a survey of honor codes to support his argument. However, we can question that if the honor codes help the cheating students, will they tell the truth? The editorial concludes that other education institutions should adopt honor codes to abate the cheating cases. However, the logical of the article is so pool that it could not support the conclusion.

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In this argument, the author concludes借用版主修改中用过的一句话就是~这个开头有点突然... that institutions should adopt honor codes similar to the Groveton’s to deal with the increasing in cheating cases among college and university students. To support the conclusion, the author points out that since Groveton College adopted the honor codes, the number of cheating cases has fallen to twenty –one a year later and further dropped to fourteen five years later. In addition, the author cites a survey on honor codes as an evidence to support of this editorial. However, this alone does not constitute a logical argument in favor of its conclusion and fail to provide convincing support making this argument sound and invulnerable.

First of all, the decrease of cheating cases in Groveton College could not easily be attributed to the adoption of honor codes. The honor codes calls for the students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated and replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers.对于题目的阐述太长了~~有点累赘 It could be inferred that honor codes may prevent cheating for two reasons. One is the consciousness of the students. However, if it works, there is no need to deal with the cheating problem. The other one is that the students were monitored by each other. That could handle the individual cases but will be take advantage of by the group cheating. Furthermore, the decrease of monitor power in the old-fashioned system may be the reason of the decrease of reported cheating number instead of the real decline of cheating cases.罗列出了反驳的观点但是都有点过于简单，应该多描述一下使自己的驳论更有力

Even if the cheating number is really descended in Groveton College because of the adoption of honor codes, whether other college or university should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton’s still remains a question. There are various reasons why other institutions could not imitate the Groveton’s honor codes directly.这句话有点chinglish...... In the first place, the academic atmosphere varies in different institutions. Maybe Groveton College adopts honor code could abate the cheating cases because of students were monitored by themselves but other institutions’ adoption of honor code可以去掉 may cause opposite result because of the possible worse academic atmosphere. In addition, different examine systems could bring different effects of改为to honor codes. If the system is well designed to separate students who know each other before, honor codes may cause good result, however in pool designed examine systems cheating cases could increase significantly by replacing the old-fashioned system using honor codes.

In the final part of the editorial, the author cites a survey of honor codes to support his argument. However, we can question that if the honor codes help the cheating students, will they tell the truth? The editorial concludes that other education institutions should adopt honor codes to abate the cheating cases. However, the logical of the article is so pool that it could not support the conclusion.最后应该再说一下作者怎么样才能更好的证明自己的观点~~~比如多罗列写数据啊，证据啊什么的....不要只说他错了却不说哪里错

呃，总的来说错误找的还不错，不过有的地方句子表达有点生硬....
个人拙见，有什么不对的多多指正哈~~~
呵呵呵，风组的战友来的类~~~握手握手........

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2# Virtual_Pro
In thisargument, the author concludes that institutions should adopt honorcodes我觉得这个限定应该和题目用的一样 用the honor code similar to the Groveton’s to deal with the increasingincrease  [in·crease || ɪn'krɪːs]
n.  增加, 利益, 增进

v.  增加; 繁殖; 增加; 加大   increaseing没有名词义


in cheatingcases among college and university students. To support the conclusion,the author points out that since Groveton College adopted the honorcodes, the number of cheating cases has fallen to twenty –one a yearlater and further dropped to fourteen five years later. In addition,the author cites a survey on honor codes as an evidence to support ofthis editorial. However, this alone does not constitute a logicalargument in favor of its conclusion and fail to provide convincingsupport making this argument sound and invulnerable.

First ofall, the decrease of cheating cases in Groveton College could noteasily be attributed to the adoption of honor codes. The honor codescalls for the students to agree not to cheat in their academicendeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that othershave cheated and replaced an old-fashioned system in which studentswere closely monitored by teachers这句紧挨着中心句不好这个长句的主干是the honor code calls for……and replaced ……were组长的长句子的前后时态是个大问题啊It could be inferred that honorcodes may prevent cheating for two reasons. One is the consciousness ofthe students. However, if it works, there is no need to deal with thecheating problem. The other one is that the students were莫名其妙的过去式 monitored byeach other. That could handle the individual cases but will be takeadvantage of by the group cheating.展开的不够 Furthermore, the decrease ofmonitor power in the old-fashioned system may be the reason of thedecrease of reported cheating number instead of the real decline ofcheating cases.这段总体来说找的弱点很好，但是展开的不够，没有深入 第一个攻击点应该是最关键的也应该是展开最详细的

Even if thecheating number is really descended in Groveton College because of theadoption of honor codes, whether other college or university shouldadopt honor codes similar to Groveton’s still remains a question. Thereare various reasons why other institutions could not imitate theGroveton’s honor codes directly. In the first place, the academicatmosphere varies in different institutions. Maybe Groveton Collegeadopts honor code could abate the cheating cases because of studentswere monitored by themselves but other institutions’ adoption of honorcode may cause opposite result because of the possible worse academicatmosphere. In addition, different examine systems could bringdifferent effects of honor codes. If the system is well designed toseparate students who know each other before, honor codes may causegood result, however in pool designed examine systems cheating casescould increase significantly by replacing the old-fashioned systemusing honor codes.这段写挺好 我的眼力挑不出毛病了

In the finalpart of the editorial, the author cites a survey of honor codes tosupport his argument.这个……貌似在第一段出现过，最后还用来做末端的中心句，不合适 However, we can question that if the honor codeshelp the cheating students, will they tell the truth? The editorialconcludes that other education institutions should adopt honor codes toabate the cheating cases. However, the logical of the article is sopool that it could not support the conclusion.这段展开的更不好  中心句应该是学生想作弊也不会说，但是隐藏在句子中间 而且只有这么一个句子 后面也没有具体展开。这段作为结尾也不太好，这段仍然是攻击阶段  应该有个结尾总结一下，比如加上作者应该如何改进等等
   
本作的逻辑性整体很好让步式的攻击用的很到位 但展开的程度明显不够，缺少的东西也很多，字数个人觉得不太够，
而且  definition已经攻击
survey已经攻击     那个contrast也是很可以攻击的比如说新的呼吁学生互相监督 但分散精力 偏离的考试的本质 这点上也许老的更适合等等

族长大人的作文水平就是好啊~~错误跳的不多 大部分还是个人看法。