0910AW SPECTACULAR之【同主题写作】ARGUMENT242 by 【galloper】A19.peng

pengzhu405UID: 2580434

242The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.

"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."
This editorial argues that all the institutions should adopt honor code, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. To support this argument, the editorial point out that the number of cases of cheating in Groveton College has decreased since Groveton’s honor code replaced its old-fashioned system, and that many students in a recent survey said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. However, the argument is flawed in several respects.

To begin with, the fact that the number of cases of cheating in Groveton College has decreased does not prove that the Groveton’s honor code is more effective than the old system in preventing students from cheating. Perhaps the total of students in Groveton has declined since 5 years ago. It is also possible that the students have used many high-technique device to help cheating so that it becomes more hard for teachers to find the cheater. If the arguer does not rule out the above alternatives, we can say that the similar success will also be achieved in the old system.

Even if Groveton’s code was responsible for the success in dealing with that college’s cheating problem, the arguer’s recommend that all the institutions should adopt the same code is unwarranted. Perhaps the monitoring in other colleges is very lenient, or perhaps the one who is caught cheating just receives oral punishment. In either case, the code might not be fit for the other college.

Finally, the recent survey conducted by Groveton honor council says little as to whether the honor code is superior to the monitoring system. Perhaps the students who said they would be less likely to cheat with the honor code will also cheat when they are facing the lure. Moreover, the arguer fails to provide information about the extension of the subjects. The narrower the spectrum of the subjects, the less reliable the study’s results.

In sum, the argument is weakly supported, and therefore I can not accept the conclusion claimed by the arguer. The author should provide sufficient evidences to support that the honor code is more superior than the old system, and that Groveton’s honor code is fit for the other colleges.

sally_zhiyiUID: 2636363

1# pengzhu405

开始评论咯~~

This editorial argues that all(all of) the institutions should adopt honor code, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. To support this argument, the editorial point (points) out that the number of cases of cheating in Groveton College has decreased since Groveton’s honor code replaced its old-fashioned system, and that many students in a recent survey said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. However, the argument is flawed in several respects. (开头段有点长了，都是在照抄原文，个人认为，没有必要花四分之一的篇幅在此~)
To begin with, the fact that the number of cases of cheating in Groveton College has decreased does not prove that the Groveton’s honor code is more effective than the old system in preventing students from cheating. Perhaps the total of students in Groveton has declined since 5 years ago. It is also possible that the students have used many high-technique device (devices) to help cheating so that it becomes more hard (harder) for teachers to find the cheater. If the arguer does not rule out the above alternatives, we can say that the similar success will also be achieved in (by) the old system.
Even if Groveton’s code was responsible for the success in dealing with that college’s cheating problem, the arguer’s recommend (recommendation) that all the institutions should adopt the same code is unwarranted. Perhaps the monitoring in other colleges is very lenient, or perhaps the one who is caught cheating just receives oral punishment. In either case, the code might not be fit for the other college.(总觉得以上两个理由有点牵强，你想说该code不适用于别的学校，应该给出强硬一点的理由，要不再换个说法？)


Finally, the recent survey conducted by Groveton honor council says little as to whether the honor code is superior to the monitoring system. Perhaps the students who said they would be less likely to cheat with the honor code will also cheat when they are facing the lure. Moreover, the arguer fails to provide information about the extension of the subjects. The narrower the spectrum of the subjects, the less reliable the study’s results.

In sum, the argument is weakly supported, and therefore I can not accept the conclusion claimed by the arguer. The author should provide sufficient evidences to support that the honor code is more superior than the old system, and that Groveton’s honor code is fit for the other colleges.

总的来说，思路挺清晰的，用的也是自己的话来写，需要提高的是:
(1)要用自己的语言去概括或转述原文的话，尽量避免照抄原文；
(2)从最严重的错误开始驳论，同时给出更具有说服力的论据；
(3)多用些长难句，现在用短句虽然挺好的，错误也少，但用长句应该能得更高分~嘿嘿；
(4)字数方面还可以稍微多一点；
(5)语法小错误还能尽量避免。

AlinckaUID: 2600727

1# pengzhu405

This editorial argues that all the institutions should adopt honor code, which calls for students to agree not to(not to agree to) cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. To support this argument, the editorial point out that the number of cases of cheating in Groveton College has decreased since Groveton’s honor code replaced its old-fashioned system, and that many students in a recent survey said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. However, the argument is flawed in several respects.

To begin with, the fact that the number of cases of cheating in Groveton College has decreased does not prove that the Groveton’s honor code is more effective than the old system in preventing students from cheating. Perhaps the total of students in Groveton has declined since 5 years ago. It is also possible that the students have used many high-technique device to help cheating so that it becomes more hard for teachers to find the cheater. If the arguer does not rule out the above alternatives, we can say that the similar success will(would) also be achieved in the old system.

Even if Groveton’s code was responsible for the success in dealing with that college’s cheating problem, the arguer’s recommend that all the institutions should adopt the same code is unwarranted. Perhaps the monitoring in other colleges is very lenient, or perhaps the one who is caught cheating just receives oral punishment（这个原因和上面那个其实是一样的，只是范围缩小了更具体了）.In either case, the code might not be fit for the other college.

Finally, the recent survey conducted by Groveton honor council says little as to whether the honor code is superior to the monitoring system. Perhaps the students who said they would be less likely to cheat with the honor code will also cheat when they are facing the lure. Moreover, the arguer fails to provide information about the extension of the subjects. The narrower the spectrum of the subjects, the less reliable the study’s results.

In sum, the argument is weakly supported, and therefore I can not accept the conclusion claimed by the arguer. The author should provide sufficient evidences （这里可以再强调一下是哪些证据不够充足，结尾就不会显得单薄）to support that the honor code is more superior than the old system, and that Groveton’s honor code is fit for the other colleges.


                 小结： 逻辑结构还比较清晰 要是能够更注重语言上的修饰会更好
  
                                                                                                  By  天平