Argument 65 =So What=小组第4作业 by 2006201652

2006201652UID: 2496703

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 458          TIME: 00:40:06          DATE: 2009-6-14 16:03:25

2006201652UID: 2496703

In the memo, the speaker asserts that we should discontinue stocking the imported cheeses to improve the profits. To begin with, the arguer indicates that the five best-selling cheeses as new stores are domestic cheeses. Furthermore, a survey of a magazine indicates an increasing number of its subscribers have a preference of domestic cheeses. As far as i am concerned, the arguer's conclusion is insufficient and unfounded.

In the first place, the arguer unfairly assumes that the domestic cheeses have a better market than the imported ones. To strengthen his assumption, the author listed that the five best-selling cheeses in their new stores are domestic ones. Yet, the author was oblivious to the difference, such as the sorts of the cheeses displays, which may exist between the newest stores and the others. It is possible that the majority of the cheeses are domestic ones, and the consumers have no other choices for other kind of cheeses. What is more, the author claimed that the best-selling ones were all cheeses from Wisconsin. Then, there is of great possibility that the newest stores particularly supplied domestic cheeses from Wisconsin. Thus, the speaker's assumption of a better market of domestic cheeses is dubious.

In the second place, the arguer tried to convince us that people preferred domestic cheeses rather than imported ones according to a survey. But, this assumption reveals many problems that would undermine the arguer's conclusion. First, the people involved in this survey were the subscribers of the Cheeses of the World magazine. However, the arguer provided no information about their underground and any comparison of the number of these people who like domestic cheeses in the past years and the recent years. Perhaps, these people are just the people who like domestic cheeses and there are only few readers of this magazine.

Last but not the least, even the arguer's assumption that domestic cheeses are old better and people have a preference to these chesses. It is still hasty to maintain that the company should forbid stocking the imported cheeses. After all, their company is a chain of cheeses stores located throughout the United States. Consequently, it inevitably involves many differences in the consumers' taste in different areas, and even the interests in consuming cheese. Besides, the arguer said there would be an improved profit after discontinuing imported chesses. Moreover, the speaker failed to take many other aspects that will influence the gaining of profits.

To sum up, the arguer's assertion that they should discontinuing stocking the imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses is unfounded. To make his opinion more appealing, the speaker should provide more information about whether the domestic cheeses are sold better and whether their consumers indeed have a preference to domestic cheeses.

ZhouPYFUID: 2633778

In the memo, the speaker asserts that we should discontinue stocking the imported cheeses to improve the profits. To begin with, the arguer indicates that the five best-selling cheeses as new stores are domestic cheeses. Furthermore, a survey of a magazine indicates an increasing number of its subscribers have a preference of domestic cheeses. As far as i am concerned, the arguer's conclusion is insufficient and unfounded.(to begin with & further more 用在开头段很少见……)


In the first place, the arguer unfairly assumes that the domestic cheeses have a better market than the imported ones. To strengthen his assumption, the author listed that the five best-selling cheeses in their new stores are domestic ones. Yet, the author was oblivious to the difference, such as the sorts of the cheeses displays, which may exist between the newest stores and the others. It is possible that the majority of the cheeses are domestic ones, and the consumers have no other choices for other kind （kinds）of cheeses. What is more, the author claimed(时态注意，这里引用原文是过去式，第一段是一般现在式) that the best-selling ones were all cheeses from Wisconsin. Then, there is of great possibility that the newest stores particularly supplied domestic cheeses from Wisconsin. Thus, the speaker's assumption of a better market of domestic cheeses is dubious.

In the second place, the arguer tried to convince us that people preferred domestic cheeses rather than imported ones according to a survey. But, this assumption reveals many problems that would undermine the arguer's conclusion. First(这里first, 后面没有second或者别的词了), the people involved in this survey were the subscribers of the Cheeses of the World magazine. However, the arguer provided no information about their underground（background? and any comparison of the number of these people who like domestic cheeses in the past years and the recent years. Perhaps, these people are just the people who like domestic cheeses and there are only few readers of this magazine.

Last but not the least, even the arguer's assumption（assumption太多了，全文出现多次assumption, 写文章大忌，用同义词替换下supposition，statement…） that domestic cheeses are old better(old better 什么意思) and people have a preference to（have a preference for sth） these chesses. It is still hasty to maintain that the company should forbid stocking the imported cheeses. After all, their company is a chain of cheeses stores located throughout the United States. Consequently, it inevitably involves many differences in the consumers' taste in different areas, and even the interests in consuming cheese. Besides, the arguer said there would be an improved profit after discontinuing imported chesses. Moreover, （这句应该是和上面一句连起来写的吧，把moreover 去掉然后直接加上but不就行了么）the speaker failed to take many other aspects that will influence the gaining of profits.
这段主体句是不是可以写的再直接点

To sum up, the arguer's assertion that they should discontinuing stocking the imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses is unfounded. To make his opinion more appealing, the speaker should provide more information about whether the domestic cheeses are sold better and whether their consumers indeed have a preference to domestic cheeses.

1不一定国产的市场份额比进口的高
2质疑调查
3即使国产的会卖得好，还有其他因素影响利润
思路不错，注意下引用原文时采用什么时态，一般都是一般现在时
还有同样的词语出现太多了assumption 和preference，用同义词替换掉
一般来说除了主题词可以重复出现意外，其余的词汇不宜重复出现

XOXLOLUID: 2309408

In the memo, the speaker asserts that we should discontinue stocking the imported cheeses to improve the profits. To begin with, the arguer indicates that the five best-selling cheeses as(in) new stores(原文是newest store最新开的一家店，不是很多new stores)are domestic cheeses. Furthermore, a survey of a magazine indicates an increasing number of its subscribers have a preference of domestic cheeses（这句翻译过来和原文不符，the number of subscribers没有increasing, 是他们对国产奶酪的preference在increasing). As far as i am concerned, the arguer's conclusion is insufficient and unfounded.

In the first place, the arguer unfairly assumes that the domestic cheeses have a better market than the imported ones. To strengthen his assumption, the author listed（这里怎么突然转换时态了？） that the five best-selling cheeses in their new stores are domestic ones. Yet, the author was oblivious to the difference, such as the sorts of the cheeses displays(这里用display不准吧，根据你的意思是新店“供应”的品种，换个supply之类的）, which may exist between the newest stores and the others. It is possible that the majority of the cheeses are domestic ones, and the consumers have no other choices for other kind(s) of cheeses. What is more, the author claimed that the best-selling ones were all cheeses from Wisconsin. Then, there is of great possibility（there is a great possibility/it is of great possibility) that the newest stores particularly supplied domestic cheeses from Wisconsin. Thus, the speaker's assumption of a better market of domestic cheeses is dubious.

In the second place, the arguer tried to convince us that people preferred domestic cheeses rather than imported ones according to a survey. But, this assumption reveals many problems that would undermine the arguer's conclusion. First, the people involved in this survey were the subscribers of the Cheeses of the World magazine. However, the arguer provided no information about their underground(background) and any comparison of the number of these people who like domestic cheeses in the past years and the recent years. Perhaps, these people are just the people who like domestic cheeses and there are only (a) few readers of this magazine.

Last but not the least, even the arguer's assumption that domestic cheeses are old(sold) better and people have a preference to these chesses. It is still hasty to maintain that the company should forbid(禁止？这个词不能用这里吧。太严重了） stocking the imported cheeses. After all, their company is a chain of cheeses stores located throughout the United States. Consequently, it inevitably involves many differences in the consumers' taste in different areas, and even the interests in consuming cheese. Besides, the arguer said there would be an improved profit after discontinuing （stocking) imported chesses. Moreover, the speaker failed to take many other aspects that will influence the gaining of profits.

To sum up, the arguer's assertion that they should discontinuing stocking the imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses is unfounded. To make his opinion more appealing, the speaker should provide more information about whether the domestic cheeses are sold better and whether their consumers indeed have a preference to domestic cheeses.
思路很清晰 注意用词选择和整篇时态就行 加油！