0910G同主题活动第三期－－ARGUMENT242 by 江边草

kkjj2008UID: 2653462

       The passage is about the honor code policy's good result. The editor suggested that the policy should be adopted to solve the increasingly cheating problems reported recently. Several data and a survey of students are cited to support the conclusion. I find the conclusion and suggestion untenable in several aspects:

        Firstly, the argument’s basis, the result of a report is dubious for lacking instruction of the respondents and the method of the survey. I could never regard it as a convincing conclusion resulting from a scientific research. Maybe it is not a typical problem in their country in fact.

       Secondly, the effect of the honor codes is not proved with sufficient evidence. It is true that the number of cheating cases is less according to the data. However, there are other factors affecting the reported cases such as the checking method. Provided the teachers believe the students will report the cases to them and check less during the exam, we could hardly be sure of the accuracy of the data. Besides，the total number of students is not given. Thus the scenery of fewer students causing fewer cheating ones is not excluded.

       Thirdly,Even the report and the inspiring result of the honor code are true, whether the solution of Grveton's is applicable in other universities is not known. The age, gender and other character of the students to apply the policy is not surveyed. Any differences could deny the result when applying it in a different university.

       The final survey is not objective enough to demonstrate the effect of the policy. I strongly doubt the speaker's subjective influence on the conclusion. Maybe he just wants to show the good side of their own university. If true, it is only an advertisement rather than a reasonable opinion.

       The conclusion of the survey is doubtful thus the suggestion could hardly be accepted. If the conclusion and suggestion is to be accepted, more information should be presented, firstly the aim of the speaker, secondly the basic introduction of the report and survey, thirdly other factors relative to the policy’s effectiveness.

cqyanboUID: 2515250

The passage is about the honor code policy's good result.（第一句没必要写） The editor suggested that the policy should be adopted to solve the increasingly cheating problems reported recently. Several data and a survey of students are cited to support the conclusion. I find the conclusion and suggestion untenable in several aspects:

第一段需要写的几点你都有，但是每个句子给人的感觉都是比较独立，之间的关联性不强，你可以尝试使用一些连接词来在句子之间起一个承上启下的作用。第一段使用的句子也都是简单句，可以尝试使用一些复杂句，这样可以提高你文章的层次。

        Firstly, the argument’s basis（有点多余）, the result of a report is dubious for lacking instruction of the respondents and the method of the survey. I could never regard it as a convincing conclusion resulting from a scientific research（这一句显得太主观，因为有时候你不认可的并不一定就是错的。）. Maybe it is not a typical problem in their country in fact.（这句话完全没有必要）

这一段给出了驳斥点，但是没有给出支撑你驳斥的理由。你指出报告的结果可疑，但是还需要详细的说明为什么可疑。比如：采样的代表性不够，方法不科学等等。

       Secondly, the effect of the honor codes is not proved with sufficient evidence. It is true that the number of cheating cases is less according to the data. However, there are other factors affecting the reported cases such as the checking method. Provided the teachers believe the students will report the cases to them and check less during the exam, we could hardly be sure of the accuracy of the data（这句话不通）. Besides，the total number of students is not given. Thus the scenery of fewer students causing fewer cheating ones is not excluded.

这一段跟上一段相比要好一点，你给出了驳斥点，也详细的说明了支撑你驳斥的理由。但是该段的句子结构还需要调整。另外，可以在段末给出一个针对该段的总结句。否则给人一种有头无尾的感觉。

       Thirdly,Even the report and the inspiring result of the honor code are true, whether the solution of Grveton's is applicable in other universities is not known. The age, gender and other character of the students to apply the policy is not surveyed. Any differences could deny the result when applying it in a different university.

这一段还是有驳斥点，没有给出充分的驳斥理由。句子结构同样有一些问题。

       The final survey is not objective enough to demonstrate the effect of the policy. I strongly doubt the speaker's subjective influence on the conclusion. Maybe he just wants to show the good side of their own university. If true, it is only an advertisement rather than a reasonable opinion.

这一段的用意我不太明白，我们可以讨论一下。

       The conclusion of the survey is doubtful thus the suggestion could hardly be accepted. If the conclusion and suggestion is to be accepted, more information should be presented, firstly the aim of the speaker, secondly the basic introduction of the report and survey, thirdly other factors relative to the policy’s effectiveness.

后注：
1.
多看范文，看看别人是怎么破题的，看看别人是怎么驳斥并给出理由的。
2.
可以先模仿范文的结构来写，不用担心写出来的文章太模版化。你写完一篇，过一个小时或两个小时在自己修改一遍，慢慢就能形成你的风格。
3.
模仿范文不一定只是模仿文章结构，有时候句子也可以模仿。
4.
你文章的句子过于简单，语法错误有点多，你可以自己修改一下。
5.
多练练长句的写法，可以增加文章的亮点。