拙作一篇 欢迎大家给意见

草莓棉花糖UID: 2623305

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? University should require their students to take at least one course teaches them the culture of a country other than their own. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Coincidence with the increasing global communication, acquainting other country’s culture becomes more and more necessary. As a student, I definitely know how important it is to know about many cultures. Therefore, I totally support that University should require their students to take at least one course teaches them the culture of a country other than their own.

It can help us to broaden our horizon and gain more knowledge. From a different culture, we can learn more on various customs and rites. In some countries, there are different customs about shaking head and nodding. Generally, in many cultures I know, when we nod it means "Yes" while shaking head means "No". By the way, in certain countries the real meaning has changed right into the opposite: Shaking one’s head means agreement. In addition, we can definitely get to know much more about rites and common practices. For instance, China and Japan, as oriental countries, have different ways to express pleasure while meeting someone for the first time. Chinese can show respect by means of shaking hands. Differently, Japanese make a bow instead. Then, it is undoubtedly true that, through these courses we can acquire more information and enrich ourselves.

Matching this new information with study and passion, we can say it is the best way for us, undergraduates or graduates, to gain a wonderful future as well since we can better handle more useful information about local climate, festival and famous and valuable places to visit. Some time in the future we may visit these foreign countries. Due to this kind of information, such as the weather, despite in our country is summer and in this other country at the same time there is a completely different meteorological situation, we can prepare proper clothes, and we will enjoy a comfortable journey for sure.


In addition to this, different cultures enable us to understand others in a better way. It may be conducive to get well with others in the company or in the office, if we have foreign colleagues for example. I will take my sister’s experience as an example. She has always been a smart girl but the lack of knowledge foreign cultures put her in a very awkward situation. Once，she had a dinner with her staff, and she highly recommended a dish but, unfortunately, one of them was definitely unhappy with it. At first my sister got very confused and then, whispering to the people next to her, she consequently got the fact that this staff member was Muslim. In fact, Muslims do not eat pork at all and this episode clearly demonstrates that ignoring the different customs may bring serious and embarrassing problems.

From what we discussed above, I am convinced to take the conclusion that it is very important for us students, especially who study at university, to have a distinct culture course that will bring 100% long-term benefits.

hyacinthUID: 2184492

真假蜗牛?

草莓棉花糖UID: 2623305

真假蜗牛?
hyacinth 发表于 2009-6-17 20:54

给我改改吧 谢谢蘑菇了

turnerjiaUID: 2229522

围观楼主头像~~

hyacinthUID: 2184492

Coincidence with the increasing global communication, acquainting other country’s culture becomes more and more necessary (-> popular/ prevailing. i just dont see that "necessary" is a coincidence with "increasing"  ). As a student, I definitely (-> surely/apparently/obviously. 'definitely' sounds too extreme.) know how important it is to know about many (-> different. the topic wants you to write importance of learning culture other than your own rather than many) cultures. Therefore, I totally support that University (-> universities. no need to capitalize U) should require their students to take at least one course (^ that) teaches them the culture of a country other than their own.

It (-> you dont want to use 'it' as a beginning for the readers wont know what you refer to, even though in most case they understand what you mean) can help us to broaden our horizon and gain more knowledge. From a different culture, we can learn more on various customs and rites. In some countries, there are different customs about shaking head and nodding. Generally, in many cultures I know, when we nod it means "Yes" while shaking head means "No". By the way, in certain countries the real meaning has changed right into the opposite: Shaking one’s head means agreement. In addition, we can definitely get to know much more about rites and common practices. For instance, China and Japan, as oriental countries, have different ways to express pleasure while meeting someone for the first time. Chinese can show respect by means of shaking hands. Differently, Japanese make a bow instead. Then, it is undoubtedly true that, through these courses we can acquire more information and enrich ourselves. (excellent elaboration!)

Matching this new information with study and passion, we can say it is the best way for us, undergraduates or graduates, to gain a wonderful future as well (^,) since we can better handle more useful information about local climate, festival and famous and valuable places to visit. Some time in the future we may visit these foreign countries. Due to (-> Thanks to) this kind of information (i've seen information twice in this para and i dont like it. :  P... sometime you have to relate your example to the topic. i'd like to say 'thanks to the culture course that i've learned in college...basically something like that and then rewrite the following sentence to make sure the idea is consistent.  -->)  , such as the weather, despite in our country is summer and in this other country at the same time there is a completely different meteorological situation, we can prepare proper clothes, and we will enjoy a comfortable journey for sure.


In addition to this(-> cut it out), (^ learning) different cultures enables us to understand others in a better way. It may be conducive to get well with others in the company or in the office, if we have foreign colleagues for example. I will take my sister’s experience as an example. She has always been a smart girl but the (-> her) lack of knowledge (^of) foreign cultures put her in a very awkward situation. Once，she had a dinner with her staff (-> coworkers or fellow employees. staff is more of a person or a bunch of people doing internal stuffs), and she highly recommended a dish but, unfortunately, one of them was definitely (just delete it...) unhappy with it. At first my sister got very (avoid using very and really in essay like TOEFL essay, which is kind of formal) confused and then, whispering (-> whispered) to the people next to her, (->.) she consequently (-> later on ) got the fact that this staff member was Muslim. In fact, Muslims do not eat pork at all and this episode (-> incident.  most of the time, we say episode of a tv series, like gossip girl season 1 episode 1.)clearly demonstrates that ignoring the different customs may bring serious and embarrassing problems.

From what we (^have) discussed above, I am convinced to take the conclusion that it is very important for us students, especially who study at university, to have a distinct culture course that will bring 100% long-term benefits. (big head, big body...but such short legs...lol)

You have showed a strong ability to write influent English, and do a good job on the development of this essay.
With minor grammar mistakes and occasional inadequate choice of words, this essay should be in the range of 4~5.
keep it up~~

turnerjiaUID: 2229522

As a student, I definitely know how important it is to know about many cultures

这里有2个Know, 第一个该成understand或者其他的什么吧.
作文我没研究的，我就不改了，只提点建议。
为了说服别人，多用类比（analogy），研究已经证明了，类比可以让人更好的懂得你描述的东西。

其实，这个题目有逻辑层面在里面。也就是说，你说的各种了解其他文化的优点，大家都承认。但是，题目是学校是否有必要专门开个课来教这些。 了解其他文化的优点，我们可以自己自学吗？
我不清楚托福会不会考逻辑，希望蘑菇和蜗牛等前辈讲解下。
个人觉得，最好针对这个，写一个点。先写好处。再写学校有必要单独开一门课。然后总结下。
觉得应该差不多了。

hyacinthUID: 2184492

6# turnerjia


T是语言考试 不像G那么强调考逻辑 但是没有逻辑的文章不可能是篇好的议论文。。。

我觉得你说的自学其实是一个很好的可以反驳大学不需要开课专门教文化的观点~~

turnerjiaUID: 2229522

对也，自学挺好写的。
我们在20世纪初学校要教 生物、教物理、教地理、教语言。
而现今，越来越多的学科融合了起来，如：人工智能、生物化学、社会心理学
这些严谨的科学，如果光靠自己去学，是无法取得太大的成就，或取得成就的速度太慢，只有依靠学校来培训。
所以，现在的学校很有必要开课来单独教它国文化~

恩恩，提供一个正方论点，虽然漏洞蛮多，不过ETS应该不会看到这么细的维度了@。@

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

对也，自学挺好写的。
我们在20世纪初学校要教 生物、教物理、教地理、教语言。
而现今，越来越多的学科融合了起来，如：人工智能、生物化学、社会心理学
这些严谨的科学，如果光靠自己去学，是无法取得太大的成就 ...
turnerjia 发表于 2009-6-17 22:29

这个例子貌似很牵强