同主题5 Argument65 by sha-shine

sha-shineUID: 2610662

65.The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses.
Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

sha-shineUID: 2610662

The argument is well-present, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. By making a comparison of the domestic cheeses, the five of best-selling cheeses at their newest store last year, with the imported cheeses, which should to discontinue stocking. The argument for concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses and do not continue stocking a great deal of their varieties of imported cheese seems logical.

The begin with, the argument assumes that in their newest store, last year, the five best-selling cheeses were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin upon which the argument relies. Yet, the newest store fails to offer any evidence to substantiate this crucial assumption. Absent such evidence, it is just as likely that in the newest stores there are many domestic cheddar cheeses for that matter, perhaps in the other chain stores trend is in the opposite direction, in which event the president's recommendation would amount to especially poor advice.

Even assuming that the study is statistically reliable, there is no number and percent in the survey. And another problem with the argument involes the cited statistics about Cheeses. It is unreasonable to draw any conclusions about customers of all cheeses stores. The World magazine subscribers' opinions shouldn't representative of the all customers. For example, perhaps the World magazine maybe introduction some article is conducive to trending preference for domestic cheeses. If so, then the editorial's recommendation might amount to lack advice for cheeses at other cheese stores.

Ever though domestic cheeses are sale better than imported ones, there is no scientific evidence to confirm that limiting inventory is the best way to decrease expenses. On one hand, the author does not offer details about the market of cheeses. It is highly possible that there is enough market share for imported cheeses and the expenses reduced are less than the amount earned by selling imported products. On the other hand the author fails to consider other alternations that help to improve the profits, such as sales promotion, streamline the company.

Overall, the reason behind put an end to stocking imported cheese but on domestic cheeses and concentrate primarily an domestic cheeses seems logical as presented above since the chain of cheese stores' president want to improve profits. However, before any final decisions are made about the put an end to stocking imported cheese but on domestic cheeses, the president should evaluate all possible alternatives.

okusaUID: 2342264

哈喽楼下的沙沙，我改的在下面。另外附件里传WORD版本，方便你看~

Theargument is well-present, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. By making acomparison of the domestic cheeses, the five of best-selling cheeses at theirnewest store last year, with the imported cheeses, which should to discontinuestocking此句主谓是？. The argumentfor concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses and do not continue stocking agreat deal of their varieties of imported cheese seems logical，然后你的观点是、转折是？感觉一口气读过来，却戛然而止。
To begin with, the argument assumes that in theirnewest store, last year, the five best-selling cheeses were all domesticcheddar cheeses from Wisconsinupon which the argument relies. Yet, the newest store fails to offer anyevidence to substantiate this crucial assumption. Absent such evidence, it is justas likely请简洁 that in the neweststores there are many domestic cheddar cheeses for that matter, perhaps in theother chain stores the trend (what trend?指代不明) is in theopposite direction, in which event the president's recommendation would amountto especially poor advice.
Evenassuming that the study(what study?) isstatistically reliable, there is no number and percent (what number and percent? 还是指示不明)in thesurvey. And another problem with theargument involes the cited statistics about Cheeses.前两句话的关系？怎么衔接到第2句的？ It is unreasonable to draw any conclusions about customers of allcheeses stores. 怎么突然上来一句这样的结论？The Worldmagazine subscribers' opinions shouldn't representative of the all customers.For example, perhaps the World magazine maybe introduction 语法some article is conducive to trending preference for domestic cheeses.If so, then the editorial's recommendation might amount to lack advice forcheeses at other cheese stores. 此段驳击的有点混乱。
Everthough domestic cheeses are sale语法 better than imported ones, there is no scientific evidence （如果是evidence，本身在社会学调查里就应该具有科学性啦我觉得啊^_^）to confirm that limiting inventory is the best wayto decrease expenses. On one hand, the author does not offer details about themarket of cheeses?. It is highly possible that there is enough market share语法 for importedcheeses and the expenses reduced are less than the amount earned by sellingimported products. On the other hand the author fails to consider otheralternations that help to improve the profits, such as sales promotion,streamline the company.
Overall,the reason behind put an end to stocking imported cheese主谓？ but on domestic cheeses and concentrate primarily an domestic cheesesseems logical as presented above since the chain of cheese stores' presidentwant to improve profits. （此句长！）However,before any final decisions are made about the put an end to stocking importedcheese but on domestic cheeses, the president should evaluate all possiblealternatives.
框框代表典型问题
同学的经典论证句式用的实在是另人佩服！我都用不来那么高档的好句子。
但是觉得句子之间需要加强联系，或者添加过渡语增加联系。英语是靠这些形式体现句子逻辑的，是形合。而汉语是意合，所以即使没有逻辑连接词也可以悟出潜层的联系。（我也在培养这方面的习惯^_^）
好像有点点毒舌阿