TOEFL暑期集结号作文第六次作业By zliuKaiser

zliuKaiserUID: 2522209

提纲:
确实有一些人,将过分多的时间用在了娱乐, 但它们的数量很少, 而且他们的问题可以被改正.
在我看来, 绝大部分人都使用了不影响工作和学习的时间用于娱乐.
也许提出这个题目的人会说即使如我第二段所说娱乐的时间仍让很多. 这段反驳这一点.

As the the development of technology and science make our life full of tools which make life more effective, people have more and more time to do things that are not related to their work, so some people argue that recent years people spend too much time on personal enjoyment. However, I don't condorse the opinion of them in that .

Admittedly, there are some persons who do not schedule their time properly. We can always hear from TV programs, newspapers or famiy members that some children are addicted in computer games and their life is almost in the computer. But, this kind of person is just of the number that can be neglect, and their problem can be solved by their parents and teachers edification.

Contradict to the statement, as far as I am concerned, the time on personal enjoyment is just proper for most people. For instance, in my college, most students spend more than six hours study and most of them only play computer games, play football or do other type of things after they finished the homework and review the course. In my father's company, all his collegues work hard, even do extra work at their spare time to finish the work. And their partys are usually held in Sunday or Festivals.

The people who agree with the statement may argue that if people use the proper entertainment time on working, researching or studying. We human beings will gain more profit, science progres and knowledge. However, this may not be true for all kinds of people. We know that only few people can keep working for quite a long time without making mistakes. So it is a necessity for most people to utilize their time to relax and entertain. Even Albert. Einstain would enjoy himself by play violin, how can you requre people to work all day or only allot little time to their hobby?

In summary, though I must admit that the phenomenon really happen to few people, most of the people in our world do not overuse time on personal enjoyment.

hustzwjUID: 203387

提纲:
# U) ]- s% N& K( u& J确实有一些人,将过分多的时间用在了娱乐, 但它们的数量很少, 而且他们的问题可以被改正.
4 X' {0 f) X% D6 f9 P/ ~2 ~; L0 k在我看来, 绝大部分人都使用了不影响工作和学习的时间用于娱乐." a6 k; c) e/ \& G9 c' |8 P: h/ i
也许提出这个题目的人会说即使如我第二段所说娱乐的时间仍让很多. 这段反驳这一点.8 P, {& e# I3 M$ s# C

“（更正）”
As the the development of technology and science make our life full of tools which make life more effective, people have more and more time to do things that are not related to their work, so some people argue that recent years people spend too much time on personal enjoyment. However, I don't condorse the opinion of them in that 。

; N# p  @8 i+ z0 Q% q* H
Admittedly, there are some persons who do not schedule their time properly. We can always hear from TV programs, newspapers or famiy members that some children are addicted in computer games and their life is almost in the computer. But, this kind of person is just of the number that can be neglect, and their problem can be solved by their parents and teachers edification.* ]: @' N4 U6 {' x

Contradict to the statement, as far as I am concerned, the time on personal enjoyment is just proper（这里怪怪的，感觉没有翻译好你的意思。。“绝大部分人都使用了不影响工作和学习的时间用于娱乐”这句话，简略一下放在这里蛮好的） for most people. For instance, in my college, most students spend more than six hours study and most of them only play computer games, play football or do other type of things after they finished the homework and review the course. In my father's company, all his collegues work hard, even do extra work at their spare time to finish the work. And their partys are usually held in Sunday or Festivals.例子不错，听切题的，

The people who agree with the statement may argue that if people use the proper entertainment time on working, researching or studying. We human beings will gain more profit, science progres and knowledge. However, this may not be true for all kinds of people. We know that only few people can keep working for quite a long time without making mistakes. So it is a necessity for most people to utilize their time to relax and entertain. Even Albert. Einstain would enjoy himself by play violin, how can you requre people to work all day or only allot little time to their hobby?这段就直接讲人们的确也需要用时间来休息娱乐，没必要提前边的那个了，要提，你也得改改你的句子，第一句我每怎么闹明白



In summary, though I must admit that the phenomenon really happen to few people, most of the people in our world do not overuse time on personal enjoyment.

总体不错，结构很明确，转折－论证，除了一些小问题，和一些我不太认同的句子，嘻嘻，个人观点

taoyukun-daidaiUID: 2657922

考完了哈～，祝你有个好成绩～～～