自己的作文帖

charlieqcUID：2990355

Writing!!!! fight for Jan 30

charlieqcUID：2990355

1月20日，第一次独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to spend money on travelling and vocation than to save money for future?

Nowadays, many students think that we need to save money for future, however, I prefer more that spend money on travelling and vocation than it. Spend money on travelling and vocation more economic for exercise, when you choose climbing mountain or hiking instead of exercising in gymnasium, it also give a time that you can have a good time with your family, and finally, it can relax yourself and better for your coming work.

A simple explanation is spending money on travelling and vocation is more economic than you pay your exercise in gymnasium. A simple question, do you want to facing a white blank wall while you’re exercising or fresh air and beautiful sceneries instead? I think the answer is obviously. In addition, the fresh air and natural environment that you can simply get by breath deeply during your vocation is very precious and rare for citizens. My grandfather insist to climbing mountain for 20 years, he is much stronger than me that he can easily lift my heavy baggage, even if he is 50 years older than me.

Another reason that I choose spend money on that is travelling and have vocation with your family members, not only can get together with your family, it also can make family harmonious by teamwork: you collect some stones, mother just buy some drinks and coals, father come back with steel sticks and server meat, it seems nothing separated but a wonderful dinner combined together. Moreover, like the memory of spring outing with my parents which always cheer me up can last a life long.

Last but not least, spend money on travelling and vocation can give yourself a short time to relax, just thinking that when I exhausted by my work and feel lost in my life, a majestic mountain or a sweet smell of flowers that can make me to pick up my lost confidence, cheer me up, and make myself prepared for heading the next challenging.


All in all, in my opinions, spend money on travelling and vocation is more worthiness than save money for future. Because it more economic and healthy, more memorable and valuable, more relax and enjoyable than save money for future.

theflyfishUID：2101420

Nowadays, many students think that we need to save money for future, however, I prefer more that（prefer to） spend money on travelling and vocation than it(than it 可以去掉). Spend（spending） money on travelling and vocation more economic for exercise, when you choose climbing (to climb)mountain(s) or hiking(hike) instead of exercising in gymnasium, it also give a time (什么意思？) that you can have a good time with your family, and finally, it can relax yourself and better(benefit or be better) for your coming work.
A simple explanation is spending money on travelling and vocation is more economic than you pay your exercise in gymnasium. A simple question, do you want to facing（face） a white blank wall while you’re exercising or fresh air and beautiful sceneries instead? I think the answer is obviously. In addition, the fresh air and natural environment that you can simply get by breath(breathing) deeply during your vocation is very precious and rare for citizens. My grandfather insist to climbing mountain for 20 years, he is much stronger(much? 有点夸张，建议换个说法来表达这个意思，毕竟相差50岁，真的能much stronger吗？) than me that he can easily lift my heavy baggage, even if he is 50 years older than me.（分论点建议从最重要的开始写。而且这个论点有点跑题。讨论的是要去旅游还是要存钱，而不是要通过旅游健身还是要去健身房，因此，即使写，也最好放在后面）
    Another reason that I choose spend money on that is travelling and have vocation with your family members, not only can get together with your family, it also can make family harmonious by teamwork（这个句子建议再重写一下，有语法错误）: you collect some stones(collect stone?), mother just buy some drinks and coals, father come back with steel sticks and server （serve）meat, it seems nothing separated but a wonderful dinner combined together. Moreover, like the memory of spring outing with my parents which always cheer me up can last a life long.(这个句子少主语)
    Last but not least（强烈建议不要用这句，被用滥了）, spend（spending） money on travelling and vocation can give yourself a short time to relax, just thinking(think or imagine) that when I (am) exhausted by my work and feel lost in my life, a majestic mountain or a sweet smell of flowers that can make me to pick up my lost confidence, cheer me up, and make myself(me能好点) prepared for heading（to face） the next challenging(challenge).
    All in all, in my opinions, spend(ing) money on travelling and vocation is more worthiness(worthy) than save(saving) money for future. Because it (is) more economic and healthy, more memorable and valuable, more relax (relax为动词) and enjoyable than save（saving） money for future.
写得还不错啦，基本意思都表达出来了。
提一个小建议。如果有时间的话，可以买一本语法书，从头到尾看一遍；没有时间的话，看看动名词和不定式部分。语法错得太多了。

charlieqcUID：2990355

1.21
Do you agree with the following statement? Government should focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development.

Some people believe that government who focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development will decrease the citizen's living standard. I think this is an exaggeration. In my opinion, government should focus more on environment preservation. Not only because environment around us is highly connected to our health, but also a cornerstone of economic development, if we don't care the environment today, it may cost much more resources to fixed it up.

Initially, environment is closely related to our health, we pay attention on environment preservation as same as we pay attention on our health. Nowadays, Chinese industry was developing rapidly, but there are also some problems along with it——the pollution which threaded our living environment——just imagine that each button of water we drink may polluted by industrial wastewater, each bread we eat may suffered by industrial waste and even each breathing may polluted by industrial waste gas, you'll realize how important role of environment preservation played in development.

In addition, environment is also a cornerstone of economic development. When it comes to this, Chongqing was popped in my mind as an example. About 20 years ago, Chongqing is hardly damaged by modern industry, the grey sky, the smelly water and the dustily street tells you everything. During that period, companies and enterprisers moved out to neighboring province to get a better development environment, and that become a more and more serious issue that block its economic development. Fortunately, government found that problem in time, after 15 years environment preservation project, Chongqing finally brought back its green suit and surrounded by crystal like water attracted investors from all over the world, and that lead its economic rocketed developing.

Moreover, repairing the environment will cost much more resources and time than that economic development once get. To pollute the water, we just need a cup of pollutant, but to clean it, that we should clean the whole water field. So, why would not we pay attention once we developing economic?


In sum, I agree on government focus on environment preservation more, because it is response for our healthy safety, lay a foundation to economic development and it is also can save extra expenses for environment remediation.

笑会计UID：2872606

rSome people believe that government who(government应该是用which吧，还有前后的单复数形式不一致) focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development will decrease the citizen's living standard. I think this is an exaggeration. In my opinion, government should focus more on environment preservation. Not only because environment around us is highly connected to our health, but also a cornerstone of economic development, if应该用句号另起一句 we don't care the environment today, it may cost much more resources to fixed it up.
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0 c. t% J2 ?) W- n! S$ zInitially, environment is closely related to our health, we还是上面的毛病：每个句子只能有一个主语。这里应该是用句号另起一段 pay attention on environment preservation as same as we pay attention on our health. Nowadays, Chinese industry was童鞋，注意时态啊 developing rapidly, but there are also some problems along with it——the pollution which threaded（？） our living environment——just imagine that each button（bottle？） of water we drink may 漏掉了be polluted by industrial wastewater, each bread(each piece of bread) we eat may 好像又漏了be suffered by这个搭配好像也不太对啊 industrial waste and even each breathing may 漏掉了be polluted by industrial waste gas, you'll realize how important role of environment preservation played in development (最好改成how important the role environment preservation plays 或者是 what an important role environment preservation plays.加of的说法适用于the role of environment is important. 用play时不加of).. H! u: U/ B# w$ X

/ c8 V. x3 J! ]In addition, environment is also a cornerstone of economic development. When it comes to this不要随意指代，尤其是当你的this是想指代前面的整个句子的时候，让人不知道你的this究竟指什么, Chongqing was（时态再次不一致，这里应该是is） popped in my mind as an example. About 20 years ago, Chongqing is（这里应该是was） hardly（hardly不是“hard”的副词，应该用badly） damaged by modern industry,（断句，应该用句号） the grey sky, the smelly water and the dustily street tells（一，主语为三样，不应该用第三人称单数。第二，应该是过去式。第三，tells you everything,所谓的everything到底是what？tell me who is the most beautiful woman in the world?） you everything. During that period, companies and enterprisers moved out to neighboring province to get a better development environment, and that become a more and more serious issue that block its economic development(请注意时态与语态). Fortunately, government found that problem in time,（用句号） after 15 years environment preservation project, Chongqing finally brought back its green suit and （被动的be动词漏了）surrounded by crystal like water （attract的主语在哪里？，attracted前面要么加一个逗号和and,要么另起一句，添上主语）attracted investors from all over the world, and that lead its economic rocketed developing（单复数和时态仍然错误。that指代不明。另外，应该是leads its economic development rocketing吧？）.6 x3 Q1 l& z! J9 j, }

2 F! Z) ?( F- A' n; t  WMoreover, repairing the environment will cost much more resources and time than that economic development once get. To pollute the water, we just need a cup of pollutant, but to clean it, that（去掉that） we should clean the whole water field. So, why would not we pay attention once we developing economic（谓语呢，还有，为什么用once？）?3 c+ `# K+ a7 r1 K9 q3 X
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In sum, I agree on government focus on environment preservation more（你agree的内容是个句子，那么应该用agree with the idea that...）, because it is response(responsible) for our healthy safety(???), lay a foundation to economic development and it is also can(去掉is) save extra expenses for environment remediation

不客气地说，语法错误比较多。有些句式凭印象改的，可能有不当之处还请谅解。但是像时态语态单复数等基础的问题很严重。建议先把基本功打牢

tuxinyiUID：2921399

121

charlieqcUID：2990355

The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertain?
Nowadays, knowledge becomes more and more import, some citizens believe that television should be all educative or we cannot receive sufficient knowledge. I think this is an exaggeration. In my opinion, television should relieve people from stress and tiredness of daily work and study, and it also provide topics that contribute to our communication.

Initially, we should have rest at regular intervals and we can satisfy our inner desire though watching television series. Just imagine that every night when you come home with tied and stress, do you want television programs that educative or entertain instead? I think the answer is obviously —— who do not want to see something that humorous and exciting after continuous working? My mother and I watching television every night, we believe those television programs which entertain can escape us from the boring routine life, make us to do the following work more efficiently and well prepared to face the next challenge.

In addition, television program without educative give us same topic to discuss that contribute for daily communications. During the short break of work or study, workers and students always get together and talk about some topics. But hobby vary from person to person, different people interested in different regions, we hardly find the same topic without the entertain television program: television program involved education things are easily make the discussing boring.

Although some citizen are stick their idea about learning every time every where, that I do not think that your tired body will agree with you. If you work without regular relax, no longer your efficient of learning begin to decrease. Ashleigh Brilliant have said that “Sometimes the most urgent and vital thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.” So, why do not we just take break to watching some entertain program?

Consequently, television should not be all educative. Because we need to relax, need to communication with others and you also can change a effective way to learn knowledge.

笑会计UID：2872606

7# charlieqc
这位童鞋，拜托你写完了把自己的作文先拿到word里自动检查一下，有多少绿杠杠红杠杠，自己先修改一下再贴上来好吗
今天不说语法问题了，前天的童鞋说得很对，建议你找一本语法书好好看看，如果从句等问题没法解决，至少要把时态、语态搞清楚，尤其是不定式和动名词的错误一定要改正。
就文章总体来说，文章的思路和论证都不错，既有说理也有例子。但是有些地方显得略微有点混乱，语言的逻辑性还不是很好。另外，如果能更全面一点，比如用让步式把educational program的优点也说一下，文章会显得更丰满一些。
综合来看，你目前最大的任务是：减少低级错误

charlieqcUID：2990355

谢谢帮我改正的大大，T.T太久没看英语了。。。我加油改正。。。

charlieqcUID：2990355

1.24
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Visiting museums is the best way to learn a country.
写得好纠结。。。
改的童鞋受累了

sun3mayUID：2574771

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Visiting museums is the best way to learn a country.

Nowadays, more and more people study abroad, how to learn about a country becomes a pet topic. Some people believe that only visiting museums is the best way to learn a country. In my opinion, this is an exaggeration. Comparing to learn histories which you have learned in your history classes in museum, I prefer to get experience in modern cities and communication with natives.

Admittedly, visiting museums can give us a briefly introduction to history and culture of a country, and in it(为避免指代不明，建议改成museums), we can catch a glimpse of some precious cultural relics, read some introduction(s) on the wall and hear stories told by guides.

However, most of articles on the wall and (加上 stories) tell(改为told) by guides as same as articles(改为ones) in our history book, and they cannot offer us a all-around understanding on the country's modern life. So（建议换成Therefore）, I prefer use my eyes and brain to get(建议换一个词，例如gain, obtain之类) experiences by myself. When I come to a strange city, I will go to the landmark which contained（改为containing） characteristics of local custom. Then I will go to the commercial center of the city to feel the modern life.

In addition, when you travel around the city, you can communication（改为communicate） with natives, which (加上 is) a most efficient way to know the native（可换个词，如local） custom, and learn something beyond textbooks: native（这个词出现的频率太高了，换一个吧） history, interesting（最好少用这个词，可以考虑用fascinating）stories, and some exciting celebrations. According (加上to) some research, when people set themselves into native environment, eat with them, play with them, work with them, and just about a month later, they will be a native and familiar with native cultural. There is a way not only learn（改为learning） a country, but also make（改为making） friends and tastes（改为tasting） delicious foods, why not try it?

Consequently, I do not think visiting museum is the best way to learn a country, because there is a way more detail（改为specific）, more memorable and more efficient.（你的论述似乎只说明了detail和efficient，没有说明memorable, 而且感觉第一二段的论证不是很清晰。）

整篇文章的用词比较局限，建议多积累一些同义词汇进行替换。一起加油哈！

a08805436UID：2725634

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Visiting museums is the best way to learn a country.
Nowadays, more and more people study abroad, how to learn about a country becomes a pet topic. Some people believe that only visiting museums is the best way to learn a country. In my opinion, this is an exaggeration. Comparing to learn histories which you have learned in your history classes in museum, I prefer to get experience in modern cities and communication with natives.

Admittedly, visiting museums can give us a briefly introduction to history and culture of a country, and in it, we can catch a glimpse of some precious cultural relics, read some introduction on the wall and hear stories told by guides.
（建议上下这两段合成一段）
However, most of articles on the wall and tell（told？） by guides （is？认为这里缺谓语）as same as articles in our history book, and they cannot offer us a all-around understanding on the country's modern life. So, I prefer use my eyes and brain to get experiences by myself（get experience我认为值得商榷）. When I come to a strange city, I will go to the landmark which contained（contains？） characteristics of local custom. Then I will go to the commercial center of the city to feel the modern life.

In addition, when you travel around the city, you can communication（～te ）with natives, which （is？）a most efficient way to know the native custom, and learn something beyond textbooks: native history, interesting stories, and some exciting celebrations. According （to？）some research, when people set themselves into native environment, eat with them, play with them, work with them, and just about a month later, they will be a native and familiar with native cultural（culture）. There is a way not only learn a country, but also make friends and tastes delicious foods, why not try it?

Consequently, I do not think visiting museum is the best way to learn a country, because there is a way more detail (更多细节 with more detail？), more memorable and more efficient.  

这篇文章 额 怎么说呢。建议楼主注意一下句子的构造 一步一步慢慢修改文章 稳扎稳打。
1.熟悉句子结构的用法 你可以暂时不写长句子 就练短的 把主谓宾写出来
2.时态很重要  ~ed  ~ing什么的错一两个无所谓  多了就很扣印象分的
3.补充一下你的分论点把  托福建议是两个

本人改文章一向重口味 不当之处见谅

charlieqcUID：2990355

1.25
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy one.
我也可以洋气的上传附件啦~~O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

蝶飞依依UID：2905269

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy one.

Nowadays, we have to face more and more challenging and difficult work. Is that finish(finishing) a challenging or difficult work can make people feel happier compared with an easy one? I cannot agree with it more. Once you achieve a difficult work, you will get more satisfactory than achieve an easy one. More difficult work you achieved, can simple prove there are stronger ability you have(这里不应该用逗号分开，如果真的想用逗号，后面应该直接接一个比较级的句子比如stronger abilities you have). You also can learn more in a challenging（challenging可以有很多其他词替换：tough，hard，demanding） work than easy one.

Initially, we can get more satisfactory when we accomplished a challenging work. Comparing to finish an easy job, finish（finishing）
a tough one need you spend more time, cost your extra hard work, and response for a risk of fail. But when you successful done it（get it done）, looking back upon the past, savored the barriers you overcame, you will appreciate those precious memories. As the experience I have last semester, we should learn three different programming language and over 40 hours course time per week. I will never forget how hard time we deal with: it made all the teams work at least 10 hours per day without any weekends. But now, as you see, we survived. We cannot believe that we can survive in such a horrible semester and that make all of us weep for joy.

Additionally, more challenging work you have achieved means stronger ability you have. I am a member of long-distance running exercise club, occasionally, the(. The) club told us we need to attend Marathon competition stand for our collage, which hold by local government. It is really a challenging task that completes 42 kilometers competition, it(. It) required incredibly strong courage, diligent and willpower, but we survived again. When I interview for an inter job, the certificate of complete Marathon competition make me passed it smoothly because it symbolize my strong power of willing.

Moreover, we can learn more things in a difficult work than easy one. To complete the work, you need to read more books, find more information, discuss and cooperation（cooperate） with your classmates or colleagues. After you finish the work, you will find that you learn more knowledge and improve your communication skill.

Consequently, finishing challenging work can give us more satisfactory, proved how strong ability you have, and also can solidify our knowledge. So, I agree with the opinion that challenging work can make people feel happier.
1.
动词不能直接做主语，应将其变化为相应的分词形式
2.
英语不能像中文那样一句话好多个逗号，一个意思结束就要打句号了。
文章逻辑层次还好，有些论证很重复，冗余。在例子后面倒是可以多加一些推理论证。语言上词汇应该再多变一些。
我们一起加油哈~~

adj-remyUID：2974851

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People feelhappier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish aneasy one.

Nowadays, we have to face more and more(托福作文里不要用more and more这种过于低级的词组) challenging and difficult works. Is that finish a challenging or difficult work can make peoplefeel happier compared with an easy one? I cannot agree with it more. Once you(这种假设最好不要用第二人称，因为这样直接指考官了) achieve a difficult work, you will get more satisfactory than achievean easy one. More difficult work you achieved, can simple prove there is stronger ability you have. You also can learn morein a challenging work than easy one这段你想写什么？观点模糊了


Initially, we canget more satisfactory when we accomplished a challenging work这句话貌似你重复了很多次了吧. Comparing tofinish an easy job, finish a tough one need you spend more time, cost yourextra hard work啥意思？, and response for a risk of fail. But when you successful doneit done which?, look bacl upon the past, savored the barriers you overcame, you would时态保持一致 appreciate those precious memories. As the experience I had last semester, we前面是I,后面就变成we了。。。 should learn three different programming languages and over 40 hours course timeper week. I will never forget how hard time we deal with: it made all the teamswork at least 10 hours per day without any weekends. But now, as you(u, 指谁？） see, wesurvived（服了。。。学习学到用这个词来形容。。。用we conquered difficulties会不会好点？）, we cannot believe that we can could survive in such a horrible semester andthat make all of us weep for joy.不行啊。。。楼主你的时态变化和用词得加强了


Additionally, morechallenging work you have achieved means stronger ability you have你数下这句话有多少个动词，但是有用that隔开吗？. I am amember of long-distance running exercise club, occasionally, the club tell us that we need to attend Marathon competition stand for our collage, which hold bylocal government. It is really a challenging task that completes 42 kilometerscompetition, it requires incredibly strong courage, diligent and willpower, butwe survived跑不完就得死是不？为什么楼主你这么喜欢用这个词来形容学习和运动？ again. When I interview for an inter job, the certificate ofcomplete Marathon competition makes me passed it smoothly(smooth,smoothly是副词） because it symbolizes my strong power of willing.


Moreover, we canlearn more things in a difficult work than easy one. To complete the work, you(前面we后面u，通吗？） need to read more books, find more information, discuss and cooperation withyour classmates or colleagues. After you finish the work, you will find thatyou learn more knowledge and improve your communication skill.
Consequently, finish challenging work cangive us more satisfactory, prove how strong ability you have, and also cansolidify our knowledge. So, I agree with the opinion that challenging work canmake people feel happier.


楼主的问题比较多，例子的论证给不给力先不说了
像经常喜欢前面用us后面来个u,就算用中文说说都不符合逻辑啊
另外建议楼主加强语法和用词的准确性，诸如survived来形容学习和运动就彻底的被雷了一下。。。
加油，如有改的不妥的地方请原谅