寄托天下
查看: 3653|回复: 18
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[求助] 作文存档贴 [复制链接]

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2010-1-7 02:49:58 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 chiivy 于 2010-1-14 19:08 编辑

Topic:students have part-time job,agree or disagree?

Have you ever done any job when you were a student?When it comes to interviews, many Human Resource managers will ask interviewees this question.Talking about students and part-time jobs,some may hold the positive opinion just as many HRs while opponents who have a negative attitude can not stop wondering:why part-time job becomes so appealing to students?what is the pros and cons that part-time job may bring to students?As far as I concerned,part-time jobs are welcomed by students in the following aspects:


Part-time job is such a treasure change by which student can glance the “real world”. People that a student can meet at school,for most cases,are very limited.But the working place,offers a student a platform,in where different people will encounter . People with different ages,different educational backgrounds,different social status,may give the students a vivid lesson about “real life”.For the other society members,it is always a must to figure out how our future decision-makers are,the sooner the better,what is their identities,their characteristics,their personalities.Part-time job resembles a window or a bridge, providing an opportunity for other society member to breath the fresh air of the youth,and exchanging information from generation to generation.

Part-time job is a special pathway for students to seek their directions of the future career.Many students find out what they are good at after working for a little while.In other words,short-time working aids the students to recover their unknown potential,even to maximum the potential.Furthermore,sometimes,it is the part-time job that may evoke a person's interests of a whole new area that he has never set foot into before.My first part-time job for instance,I studied Japanese in university but when I was a sophomore,I worked for an American company for 1 year also.Right at that time,I gradually fell in love with American culture and American lifestyle,so after graduation,I gave up Japanese and chose English as my future career.I believe it is the part-time working experience that shapes my career direction.

On the other hands,despite the working experience that is of great value to students,the balance,however, between study and work,remains a controversial issue.Firstly,the balance of the time management,how the students arrange their time for both study and work effectively,is still being questioned by parents and teachers.Secondly,are the students mature enough to change their directions by only a few working experience?Because of the concerns like these,many parents and schools tend to hold back the passports of the part-time jobs.

Taking into account all the factors mentioned above,we may easily reach the conclusion that:whatever the arguments for and against part-time job,it must be realized that part-time job in itself is neither good or bad.It is how we use it to guide the ways for the students that determines its final value to the whole society.



几个小问题,求国宝M大人(国宝国宝,叫多了会想起可爱滴熊猫啊。。。)解答:

我刚刚拿到雅思成绩,作文很幻灭。。。到底问题出在哪里呢?

是用词太简单?句式不够复杂多变?还是观点深度不够?


学校要求托福写作要25以上才行,拜托M同学狠狠批啊,狠狠往死里批啊。。。

(Ps:还有10天考试,拿到25+了,if you like,不管M同学你在天涯海角,我4008823823请你吃KFC全家桶呀~~~)





Thx a million~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
回应
0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
762
寄托币
12296
注册时间
2008-10-30
精华
4
帖子
907

美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

沙发
发表于 2010-1-7 20:01:05 |只看该作者
你这个题目。。不完整嘛。。托福作文题都是要让你陈述对一个具体问题的看法的,你这个题目根本木有具体问题哇。。

'Have you ever done any job when you were a student?' (If you write this question without the quotation marks, you're asking your examiner a question. Don't.) When it comes to interviews, many Human Resource managers will ask interviewees this question. Talking about students and part-time jobs, some may hold the positive opinion? (What opinion exactly is 'the positive opinion'?) just as many HR executives do (HR asks this question, yes, but that doesn't mean they must hold any 'positive' opinion about it. It's often just a routine question to gather information - because HR doesn't decide whether your information is good or no good for the job, unless, of course, you're applying for a position in HR. It's your future boss's decision, and he/she will be the person to have an opinion about your experience, not the HR.) while opponents who have a negative attitude cannot stop wondering: why do part-time job becomes so appealing to students? What is are the pros and cons that part-time jobs may bring to students? As far as I concerned, part-time jobs are welcomed by students in the following aspects: (Your whole paragraph basically amounts to almost nothing, because only the last sentence gives the reader a clue about what your essay is all about. The rest is not providing any useful information. An argumentative essay is not a TV drama script. It doesn't need long-winded suspense in its introduction. If you really must start with some flair, show off really interesting, original thoughts, otherwise go quickly and straight to your point.)

Part-time job is such a treasure change? by which student can glance at the “real world”. People that a student can meet at school, for most cases, are very limited (Definitely NOT so in the diverse, worldly universities of the US or UK.).But the working place,offers a student a platform,in where different people will encounter (This is a vt., which means you can't leave it empty and dangling like this.). People with of different ages, different educational backgrounds, different social status, may give the students a vivid lessons about “real life”. (You've been talking about 'real life' many times but what exactly is this 'real life'? Are you saying the life students have in schools is not 'real life'? Think about your expression. It might be meaningful to you, but is it meaningful to someone who doesn't have your background or experience?) For the other society members, it is always a must to figure out how our future decision-makers are, the sooner the better,what is their identities,their characteristics,their personalities are. (This sentence is a run-on, and has agreement problems. You have a tendency to pile short phrases together into huge sentences without using proper connectives.) Part-time job resembles a window or a bridge, providing an opportunity for other society members to breath the fresh air of the youth? (Must 'other society members' be older than the students? Are you saying babies and toddlers are not 'other society members'?), and exchanging information from generation to generation. (I think your biggest problem is that you speak with great passion about nothing solid. Your expressions are just too vague to mean anything useful to a clueless reader.)

Part-time job is a special pathway for students to seek their directions of the future career. Many students find out what they are good at after working for a little while. In other words, short-time working aids the students to recover (Do you mean 'discover'?) their unknown potential, even to maximize the potential. Furthermore,sometimes, it is the part-time job that may evoke a person's interests of in a whole new area that he has never set foot into before. My first part-time job for instance, I studied Japanese in university but when I was a sophomore, I worked for an American company for 1 year also. (Another run-on.) Right at that time, I gradually fell in love with the American culture and American lifestyle, so after graduation,I gave up Japanese and chose English as my future career. (English is a subject. It's not a career. Unless, of course, you're talking about a career in the research of the language.) I believe it is the part-time working experience that shapes my career direction.

On the other hands,despite the working experience that is of great value to students, the balance, however, between study and work, remains a controversial issue. (You have a tendency of breaking up sentences very unnaturally, almost as if you're speaking and thinking at the same time.) Firstly, the balance of the time management?, how the students arrange their time for both study and work effectively, is still being questioned by parents and teachers. (Again, I see you have the tendency of piling up phrases without due consideration of language flow.) Secondly, are the students mature enough to change their directions by only a few (1. 'experience' used in this manner is not countable; 2. you should at least have used 'experiences'.) working experience? (Again, don't question your reader. You're not writing a speech. Such questions will only make you appear naive rather than authoritative.) Because of the concerns like these, many parents and schools tend to hold back the passports of the part-time jobs?. (What does this have to do with parents, anyway?)

Taking into account all the factors mentioned above,we may easily reach the conclusion that: (Wrong use of colon. If you're not sure how to use a colon, don't. A colon is a very advanced punctuation mark, and misuse of it will only show your deficiency in commanding the language.) whatever the arguments for and against part-time job are, it must be realized? that part-time job in itself is neither good or bad. (What does this conclusion have to do with your discussions??) It is how we use it to guide the ways for the students that determines its final value to the whole society. (You never discussed this point in the essay.)

总结:

额。有点不知道该怎么说好,貌似你平时好像英文成绩不错所以有点被误导的样子。。=.=

语法 - 你的句读是个比较大的问题。。复句经常是一堆堆的堆在一起也不考虑语法和可读性的 =.= 句式倒是复杂可是那也得在能写对的大前提下啊。。建议你从简单的复句开始练。

词汇 - 用词够不简单,问题是词不达意,你看有多少蓝色标注的地方,这还只是我猜都猜不到的部分,那些要费些力气才能猜到你大概想说什么的就不用说了。。我多少还跟你有点相同的背景,放到美国考官手上更不知道你在说啥了。这是很常见的所谓 中式表达,其实并不是说你翻译过来就是不对,问题是 1. 你对某些词汇/短语使用的理解是基于你的背景的,别人不一定知道你在想什么,另一个国家的人就更难知道 2. 很多中文惯用的表达都不一定是对的。。所以你得想明白你到底想表达什么,这么表达别人看得懂不。。

逻辑 - 你觉得你是不是观点深度不够,要我说,你有观点吗。。?你在这篇作文里只是在不停地罗列你想到的可说的东西,打工这个好,这个不不好,那个不好,那个好,看了半天最后的结论是 打工本身无论好不好,要看大家怎么利用,完全和你说过的东西无关的结论,完全是中国政府官事文章的调调。。老外所谓的逻辑很直的,就是A->B, B->C, A->C这样,有一个论点,有支持的论据,有说理的论证,而不是A is good, B is good, C is not good, and D is neither 这类语言。你需要搞明白论述性文字和描述性文字的区别。。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
板凳
发表于 2010-1-7 22:29:19 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 chiivy 于 2010-1-7 22:53 编辑

谢谢M同学的指教~~
你的语气让我想起了大学时一位很敬重的老师

总结一下你的评语,你看看我理解的对不对?有什么需要修改或者补充的?

文章结构

问题:1,第一段:言之无物,绕了很多才说到正题。
        2,最后一段:又说了很多无关题目的废话。


解决办法:1,第一段:介绍背景后,直截了当,给出观点或想法(flair就暂时没有了)。
               2,最后一段:总结陈词,要和前文讨论内容相挂钩,并作一定程度上的升华。
                (其实这两段我都套模板,直接往里面塞词,果然不能偷懒啊)
用词:


问题:1,表达方式过于中国化或个人化,外国人甚至其他的中国人都难以理解。(如:balance of the time management/the passport of the part-time job/it must be realized)
         2,用词不确切,于是很词不达意或逻辑不严密。(如:positive opinion/recover/glance at/the fresh air of the youth/maximize/few experience/HR/encounter)

解决办法:1,多使用常见表达,少用写作过程中临时翻译的怪词偏词
               2,在圈定人或者范围,或用平时不是很熟悉的词时,停下来考虑一下,看看是否经得起推敲。

逻辑:


问题:1,观点不鲜明,整篇文章都在罗列中庸的想法,不符合老外直接的逻辑思维方式。
         2,run-on的部分很少,基本上没有切题。
         3,没有真正构架起“实实在在”的东西。(最大的问题)

解决方式:1,除在开篇和结尾直接说想法之外,在文章各处也体现对观点的态度。
               2,不太知道如何定义“run-on”,这一点还望能指教。(比如那个real world,是不是换成“生活的艰辛“或者”挣钱的艰难”,这样比较具体的东西才算run-on呢?)
               3,也不知道怎么定义“虚”的,“实”的,还望进一步指教你说的很对,平时成绩不错,所以很多方面被误导得很深了。恳求拨乱反正。(是不是精确到“具体东西”才算数。比如:传递信息,要说清楚传递的是什么信息;实施了有效地措施,要说到是什么样的措施,甚至需要评价一下这项措施?)


表达方式:

问题:1,乱用反问句,给读的人造成很大疑惑。
         2,不用连词,胡乱堆叠词语,语言流畅性差。
         3,非自然断句太多。

解决方法:1,减少反问句使用量,因为对这个句式掌握程度不够。
               2,多使用简单句。并在写了多个简单句后,回头想想简单句间的逻辑关系,添加合适的连词。
               3,不乱在句子中添加逗号或其他符号。写长句也写平时用惯了的长句,而不是自己胡乱创造。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
762
寄托币
12296
注册时间
2008-10-30
精华
4
帖子
907

美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

地板
发表于 2010-1-8 00:44:49 |只看该作者
不谢,老感动了。。认真孩子啊这是。。我明白你为什么平时成绩应该也不错了。。XD

文章结构:

问题:1,第一段:言之无物,绕了很多才说到正题。
2,最后一段:又说了很多无关题目的废话。


解决办法:1,第一段:介绍背景后,直截了当,给出观点或想法(flair就暂时没有了)。
2,最后一段:总结陈词,要和前文讨论内容相挂钩,并作一定程度上的升华。


1. 正确。(其实你绕很多说到正题如果能绕得很精彩也不要紧,但是绕不出什么新调调的话我认为还是不要绕了比较好。。)
2. 这种作文总结段的写法很八股:总结阐述你的主要分论点,再次强调你的主观点,完了,不用升华。你一升华那就还是弄出本来没有的东西了。这个总结段最忌出现新话题。

用词:

问题:1,表达方式过于中国化或个人化,外国人甚至其他的中国人都难以理解。(如:balance of the time management/the passport of the part-time job/it must be realized)
2,用词不确切,于是很词不达意或逻辑不严密。(如:positive opinion/recover/glance at/the fresh air of the youth/maximize/few experience/HR/encounter)


解决办法:1,多使用常见表达,少用写作过程中临时翻译的怪词偏词
2,在圈定人或者范围,或用平时不是很熟悉的词时,停下来考虑一下,看看是否经得起推敲。

解决方法是对的,深思熟虑是好的,不过确认一下,红色字标的地方是错误,蓝色才是语义不达,严重程度是不一样的哦,红色的地方请一定确认你明白为什么错了,蓝色的地方是考虑怎么表达更清楚,但不一定是硬性错误。

逻辑:

问题:1,观点不鲜明,整篇文章都在罗列中庸的想法,不符合老外直接的逻辑思维方式。
2,run-on的部分很少,基本上没有切题。
3,没有真正构架起“实实在在”的东西。(最大的问题)

解决方式:1,除在开篇和结尾直接说想法之外,在文章各处也体现对观点的态度。
2,不太知道如何定义“run-on”,这一点还望能指教。(比如那个real world,是不是换成“生活的艰辛“或者”挣钱的艰难”,这样比较具体的东西才算run-on呢?)
3,也不知道怎么定义“虚”的,“实”的,还望进一步指教。你说的很对,平时成绩不错,所以很多方面被误导得很深了。恳求拨乱反正。(是不是精确到“具体东西”才算数。比如:传递信息,要说清楚传递的是什么信息;实施了有效地措施,要说到是什么样的措施,甚至需要评价一下这项措施?)

1. 这是对的。每一段结尾都要点题。再强调一下:想法中庸不要紧,你具体观点是什么,道德上对不对,这些都不是最重要的,重要的是你一定要能让读者看明白你是怎么从你的描述和例子中 推论 出你的观点的。西方逻辑注重的是 推演,就像我说的,逻辑对老外来说就是A->B, B->C, 所以A->C,一定要有那个 所以 才算一个证明做完了。中国人擅长领会精神,read between the lines,所以经常是A->B, B->C,剩下的大家自己领会,但这是没有结论的逻辑,不完整的。

2. 我的错。。run-on的意思是没有以关联词连接妥当的分句构成的语法不正确的复句,所以是红色字标。复句不可以一个逗号一个逗号单纯往下写,还是要注意下分句的。

3. 你在2中的理解和这里的想法都是对的 - 实在的东西就是不抽象的东西嘛(好像还是废话)~不过这里要注意一下,就是具体不等于话多,不等于照搬全描,而在于选择对表达你的目的观点最有用的细节,这个是个联系上下文的活儿 - 比如你说 实施了有效的措施,如果是医院抗SARS,可能这个措施是 一天消30次毒,如果是工厂要减少废品率,可能这个措施是 引进国外先进仪器。。等等。一个事情你想说成什么样子都可以,但说成什么样子最有效,则是由你想让这个故事给读者带来什么样的理解决定的。

表达方式:

问题:1,乱用反问句,给读的人造成很大疑惑。
2,不用连词,胡乱堆叠词语,语言流畅性差。
3,非自然断句太多。

解决方法:1,减少反问句使用量,因为对这个句式掌握程度不够。
2,多使用简单句。并在写了多个简单句后,回头想想简单句间的逻辑关系,添加合适的连词。
3,不乱在句子中添加逗号或其他符号。写长句也写平时用惯了的长句,而不是自己胡乱创造。

这些都是正确的。1中反问不是不可以用,用了要确认读者能看出那是反问(答案很明显的,不需要回答的问题)。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
5
发表于 2010-1-8 04:42:42 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 chiivy 于 2010-1-8 05:25 编辑

Got it!

改别人一篇文章,其实比自己重新写一篇还费劲。

看M同学改了那么多篇,说实话,光是毅力,就很让人佩服。

更不说能够点明问题,纠正问题的实力。

像你这样子,“愿”做且“能”做的人,真的不多。



作揖ing,以使尊重。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
6
发表于 2010-1-8 04:48:44 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 chiivy 于 2010-1-8 05:47 编辑

拿着4楼的建议,赶紧写了一篇,尽量尝试做文字上的推理

恭迎狠批~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Topic:Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives.Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,whether businesses should hire employees for their entire lives becomes a controversial issue.No wonder that some people may question the feasibility of this issue.But in my point of view,giving a lifetime contract to an employee benefits both the individual and the enterprise.

For individual,lifetime contract offers them not only money and positions,but also security and trust.Money ensure the employees can live a life without too many concerns of  material.Yet possessing a lifetime deed does not equal to earning a high salary or enjoying a luxurious lifestyle.However, a stable income which is even no more than the minimum wage, could lift a person or a family out of poverty. And talking about position,no company will entitle any employees only if that employees could submit convincing working results and reveal their working capability.Hence,a position shows nothing less than how a company values its competent workers and respects their efforts. Working under less pressure but more respects and values,employees feel more secure and view their company as a trustworthy place in where they can release their potential and reserve their loyalty which is scarcely found in the company that changes its contracts with employees frequently.

For enterprise,lifetime contract provides golden opportunities to push business forward and maintain its own unique culture.A recent survey conducted by Chinese Academy of Sciences shows that people with positive attitude towards companies work more effectively and more creatively.Effectiveness helps to increase the numbers of the output while reduce the input. Creativity assists in trying new technology ,producing new products or projects, seeking new markets or areas.Both of these are of great propulsion for the sustainable development of a enterprise.The more long-term workers a enterprise has,the greater propulsion of development it will gain. So the enterprises hiring employees for their entire lives occupy the greatest propulsion.But effectiveness or creativity is not everything,a successful company still needs some special spirit,as a compass,to guide its way in the commercial world.The majority of the enterprises have their unique ways to run the business.The thought hide behind the “unique way” is the unique culture.This culture contains strong power which can stimulate employees work harder and can consolidate the cohesion among the entire company.If a company always dismisses people and recruits new guys,how can it maintain or pass down its culture?How can it utilize the cultural power?Hence,a company with almost the same workers could maintain its culture in a very ideal way,and could enlarge the cohesive force as the workers‘ working skills become more sophisticated. 

To sum up, it is a win-win situation for both businesses and employees who have lifetime jobs.Personally,I have tendency to support enterprises offer this kind of chances to more and more competent employees.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
762
寄托币
12296
注册时间
2008-10-30
精华
4
帖子
907

美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

7
发表于 2010-1-8 14:49:59 |只看该作者
这个。。过誉了,惭愧。当年我的老师们授我以渔,要敬也是敬她们的,希望她们教给我的东西能让大家不仅在一两次考试中用到,在长远的语言学习中也受惠。

修改作文还是麻烦lz到我的主帖排队了。。粗看了一下,句子间逻辑联系的确提高了很多,表达还需要润色一下就好。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
8
发表于 2010-1-8 15:01:20 |只看该作者
啊~~M同学你太有心了,个人感觉不管是你的中文表达和英文表达,思维都很缜密~~~
同时你也很幸运呀,有好的老师指引太重要了。。。
在英语学习上,我一直没有碰到特别优秀的老师。。。sigh

好滴~我去主楼排队了,待会再放一篇上来,排排明天的队~~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
9
发表于 2010-1-9 21:41:10 |只看该作者
Topic:taking risks and chances VS careful plan

When it comes to success in life,some equals success with taking risks and chances while the rests claim that success links directly to careful planing.In my point of view,I believe success is derived on careful planning for the following reasons:

In the first place,by means of careful planing,a person can dispose of his time in the most appropriate ways in order to fulfill everything that is relative to fulfill his view of success.Every one has to do different things in daily life,such as looking after his kids,having a dinner with clients or holding a meeting to discuss the target of next season.Suppose a man defines his short-term success as hitting the sales target of next season,with the careful planing, he can minimize the time with less relative to his work,and maximize the duration which is used for his career.As an old Chinese saying goes:success favors assiduous person.Although longer time for work does not mean to end up with success which calls for other advantages as excellent products or competent sales person,at least,it enhance the possibility of hitting the target.

In the second place,careful planing is of great value of erecting confidence for the final success.With the help of careful planing,one can divides his colossal plan in to small pieces,like converting his monthly plan to daily schedule.As he completes every daily schedule,he may have greater hope and faith to fulfill the monthly plan in order to attain the final success.For example,a student has to take an important exam within a few months.If he has a studying plan,he would know when to review old contents while when to learn new knowledge.If he fails to finish daily works on time,that might add more unsettle feelings to him and might lead him to the concern that:How can I get a satisfied result in the exam without finishing all the preparatory studying on time? He even could lose his confidence and studying interests before really taking exam.Accordingly,accumulation of small efforts contributes to the belief and confidence to the finial success.

From what have been discussed above,I firmly believe that success calls for careful and cautious plan,which resembles a cane to walk one through the progress to succeed.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
54
寄托币
2386
注册时间
2009-11-13
精华
0
帖子
36
10
发表于 2010-1-9 22:54:55 |只看该作者
明天改 ,今天太累了 ,有点感冒
你失败的后果是什么?

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
11
发表于 2010-1-9 23:11:51 |只看该作者
明天改 ,今天太累了 ,有点感冒
morning8427 发表于 2010-1-9 22:54


好的~~好好休息

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
12
发表于 2010-1-10 21:15:45 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 chiivy 于 2010-1-10 21:39 编辑

TPO-1

原版(要修改的话修改这版吧。虽然废话太多了。)

Firstly,theprofessor objected the opinion that four-day working policy can benefit theeconomy as well as the whole and the individual.Shortened working time wouldforce the workers spend less time on working.In addition,company has to hiremore new employees to deal with the additional jobs. New employees would causethe company a large number of money on training them.And the money spends onhealth and medical care for new employees will be the same no matter the newemployee works for five days or four days a week.Company has to provide morecomputers and office space for new colleges too.All of those things willincrease the profits of a company.
 
Secondly,professorcorrected the argument that full-time employees started to working fewer hoursand some of their workload would be shifted to others.Professor said that theperson who chose to work four days has more jobs available in less time.So hehas to work overtime to make up the drifts.The expectation of his boss willrise as well,because what he has to do in the company is the same no matter heworks for five days or four days.
 
Thirdly,professorargued that four-day workweek will not improve the quality of the workers'lives,on the contrary,it will reduce the quality of life and work.The four-dayworkers might be the first one losing their jobs at the economicdownturn.Additional,they will lose their promotion opportunities.Becausecompany favors the person who is in the management level could supervise thewhole group or others over the week.


修改版(重听之后修改的版本)

The lecture talks about the setbacks in terms of working for four days week,which is totally against the opinions in the paragraphs.

Firstly,the statement that four-day working policy can benefit the economy as well as the whole and the individual does not make sense.Shortened working time would force the workers spend less time on working.In addition,company has to hire more new employees to deal with the additional jobs. New employees would cause the company a large number of money on training.And the money spends on health and medical care for new employees will be the same no matter the new employee works for five days or four days a week.Company has to provide more computers and office space for new colleges too.All of those things will increase the profits of a company.

Secondly,some employees may not choose four-day working plans.Professor said that the person who chose to work four days has more jobs available in less time.So he has to work overtime to make up the lost.The expectation of his boss will rise as well,because what the boss hopes is workers should do the same in four days as he did in five days.If this happened,no additional jobs will be created,and current jobs will be unpleasant.

Thirdly,four-day workweek will not improve the quality of the workers' lives,on the contrary,it will decrease employees' job ability and harm their chances for their further career.The four-day workers might be the first one losing their jobs at the economic downturn.Additional,they will lose their promotion opportunities.Because company favors the person who is in the management position could supervise the whole group or others over the entire week.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
13
发表于 2010-1-11 19:25:27 |只看该作者
TPO-2 综合写作

前两段写了5分钟,后两段竟然写了15分钟。
还是要随时保持高度紧张的写作状态呀~~

The lecture mainly discussed about the setbacks of working as a whole team.The professor in the lecture gave three reasons why working as a whole team did nor work.
Firstly,as the result spread to every member in the whole team,the real contributers would probably be upset.Working as team did not provide any individual recognition,which meant the final result had no a specific name.That really made someone who had important contribution to the whole process felt disappointing.
Secondly,the whole process of working as team seemed to be much slower.Because a lot of meetings were held to reach an agreement and team members discussed a long time about the processions.
Thirdly,some influential people could harmer the process or affect the right decision.If some came out with some new ideas but the influential person objected it,the new ideas might be given up quickly without any further discussions.Moreover,when the team tried on some high creative ideas which may lead to risks.Someone saw the problems and pointed out that the creative ideas does not work,but if he was not influential people,his argument would be ignored.However,the team which ignored the right point failed at last,and the blame came to all the members.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
14
发表于 2010-1-12 21:39:55 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 chiivy 于 2010-1-12 22:10 编辑

TPO-2

When it comes to the question that what is the most essential consideration in a relationship.Some people may answer it is love and other may say it is something in common,such as hobby,experience or even account.However,I believe that in any relationship,honesty is the fundamental element.I will demonstrate my reasons in the following paragraphs:

Firstly,other merits or specialties are pale in comparison with the terrible effect of being dishonest.For example,no company will hire a person who provides unauthentic information in his resume,even though he has sufficient experience;no school will accept a student who cheats in a important exam,though the applicant might be a genius in particular area;no wife will forgive her husband if he has affairs again and again,no matter how sweet their love used to be.Telling lies devastates the emotional connection between husband and wife,cuts off the splendid future of a smart student as well as burying possible working opportunities of a excellent worker.Hence,without honesty,long lasting relationship will not be maintained while new relationship will not be built up.

Secondly,dishonesty hampers people to face the truth and to find out solution to a problem.Only when people wants to cover somethings that they do not make others known, like embarrassing problems or complex difficulties,they will choose to embellish them with beautiful lies.However,though truth is being covered temporarily,the problems or difficulties hide behind the truth do not disappear themselves.The longer the problems or difficulties are ignored,the bigger they probably become,the more serious they may affect the liar's life.Consequently,the only way to let they disappear is to stop telling lies,then face the problems directly and overcome the difficulties bravely.In that way,the liar can be saved from horrible lies. Otherwise,as an old Chinese saying goes,”one day living in lies drugs you into always living in lies”,and I paraphrase as that a liar will suffer from his lies for long time even in the rest of his life.

All in all,I firmly consider that honesty is crucial for all the relationship regardless on modern society or in ancient era.Every relationship is derived from trust,and under the help of trust,it becomes more long lasting and more consolidated.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
4
寄托币
360
注册时间
2009-10-11
精华
0
帖子
15
15
发表于 2010-1-12 23:41:40 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 chiivy 于 2010-1-12 23:47 编辑

TPO-3

In thelecture,the professor gives her opinion about the Rembrandt's famouspainting,which is totally against the withstands in the reading.
 
First,the collaris not original.The research conducted recently shows that someone covered othercollar on the top of the original collar 100 years after Rembrandt finishedthat painting.The discover is different from that luxurious fur collar in thereading.
 
Second,the originalshadow and light in the woman’s face is painted more sample and reflect theperson’s face as realistic as Rembrandt’s other pieces.This point of view directlyobjects the opinion in the reading that points out the face does not appearpartially in shadow. 
 
Third,the woodenpanel in the original picture enlarges.they grow bigger in length and size.Inaddition,there is only singe piece of wood rather than a large number of woods.Thesingle wood is from other tree in Rembrandt’ other painters.This contracts thereading content that Rembrandt did not paint woods glued together. 
 
In conclusion, professorin the lecture holds the negative attitude toward the reading’s writer in threeways.

使用道具 举报

RE: 作文存档贴 [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
作文存档贴
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1049314-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部