dusk922writing

dusk1112UID: 2510484

work for fan or work for moneywork for fan or work for money? It is a question set up for everyone, especially for the senior students like me.
I always think that people should have its own hobby, as well as his or her own characteristics. so i would like to choose work for fun instead of working for money.
To begin with, work which is also your interest can enhance your passion to do this work better. I like math, so the intern work of statistics which i done last summer is good and quickly, rewarded by my boss--he praised me as the best internor in his program and give me additional 500 dollars.
But when i must do the work with less interesting for me, the day would seem to be dull and dim.
Another reason is that work with fun can also provide money. You can see in this high-specialized society, almost every act can earn money. If you like music, you can become a singer, a composer, a player of instrument or someone like these. Even you can collect the CDs of your idols and sell them after 10 years. Things also turned out that if you are interested and familiar with one field, you can earn more money than others.
Moreover, if you want to became really successful. it is better to choose work with fun. Bill Gates is a talented writer of software, if he became a government employee, one body can guarantee his huge fornature. I have a cousin who give up his dream of became a gardener, and to peruse the high salary of banker, eventually he became a employee of bank with high income, but regret everyday.
I also think that work with fun can keep your health and guarantee your long life.
  
So, as i cite these examples, work for fan is good as its high-efficiency, providing money to you and greater probability to success. And it can even keep your health!

luke_003UID: 2660230

首先谢谢dusk兄的评论，其实昨天写这个题目超没感觉，写了近1个小时才这样，考试时肯定死定了。
work for fan or work for moneywork for fan or work for money? It is a question set up for everyone, especially for the senior students like me.
I always think that people should have its（their） own hobby, as well as his or her own characteristics. so i would like to choose work(应该用working吧) for fun instead of working for money。开头不错
To begin with, work which is also your interest can enhance your passion to do this work better. I like math, so the intern work of statistics which i done（did） last summer is (was)good and quickly(quick), rewarded by my boss--he praised me as the best internor(intern) in his program and give(gave) me additional 500 dollars.( Z$ L8 E. G8 r) {
But when i must do the work with less interesting for me, the day would seem to be dull and dim.(有点中式的感觉)
Another reason is that work with fun can also provide money. You can see in this high-specialized society, almost every act can earn money（这一句不太通顺）. If you like music, you can become a singer, a composer, a player of instrument or someone like these. Even you can collect the CDs of your idols and sell them after 10 years（later更好一点）. Things also turned out that if you are interested and familiar with one field, you can earn more money than others.+ p5 O+ ]! b+ U) I
Moreover, if you want to became（become） really successful. it is better to choose work with fun. Bill Gates is a talented writer of software, if he became a government employee, one(no) body can guarantee his huge fornature(fortune). I have a cousin who give up his dream of became(becoming) a gardener, and to peruse the high salary of banker, eventually he became a employee of bank with high income, but regret everyday(终日后悔？).
I also think that work with fun can keep your health and guarantee your long life.
  
So, as i cite these examples, work for fan is good as its high-efficiency, providing money to（with） you and greater probability to success. And it can even keep your health!
还是不错的，从三个方面阐述working for fun的原因。但是语法上的错误太多，会影响得分的；另外个别例子描述的有点说服力不够，比如cousin的例子,成为了高收入的manager，却终日遗憾，可这并不影响他成功啊，因为你说working for fun可以更成功。最后就是人称最好用第1或3人称吧，we ,one,they什么的，第2人称不太常用，读起来有点别扭。
另外我的倒数第二段，之所以让步，是因为托福这种题目都不是绝对的对错的，有时候一味的强调一方正确，会显得说服力不太够或者牵强，稍让步一下，在转而说反驳掉，会显得更全面一些吧。个人见解，仅供参考~~~

linda_zhao2009UID: 2701071

看了Luke的点评，我的水平比较差，就不乱说了
想请教luke1个问题：
你的点评中提到“有点中式的感觉”，我以前写的作文也有人说我“中式英语”的感觉，请问怎样才能避免这种句子呢？或者说怎样才能把句子写的没有“中式英语”的感觉呢？

非常感谢！

dusk1112UID: 2510484

make use of land for the endanger animals or for people?
There is no doubt that the limited land should be well-planed so that we can live coherently from generation to next one. Making use of land for the endanger animals or for people? I choose the former answer as the following reasons:
To begin with, people always thought that they are surperior than animals, so we should take responsibility to help with other animals, especially endanger animals. Actually, in modern time, if we human beings do not hold out hand to protect animals, nothing else can do this thing.
The diversity of animals play an important role in keeping balance of our ecology system. During last thousands years, we have killed out tens of thousands kinds of animals, no tolerate can be given if we continue doing this. A kind of bee is special tranciport pollen for a plant, this plant can provide the forest an important element without which the forest will die. Both of them are endangered specises, and if the bee is die out, the plant and even the forest will die.
The last but not least, people have occupied most of this planet, and the method we now should think is make best use of temporty land. We can build higher buildings in the crowed place, and explore desert place instead the habitat of endanger animals.
Based on all the above reasons, I think we should put endanger animals before our own needs.

luke_003UID: 2660230

There is no doubt that the limited land should be well-planed so that we can live coherently from generation to next one. Making use of land for the endanger animals or for people? I choose the former answer as the following reasons:2 a- B& Z% C* ?8 T: D$ s
To begin with, people always thought（think） that they are surperior(superior) than animals, so we should take responsibility to help with(去with) other animals, especially endanger animals. Actually, in modern time, if we human beings do not hold out hand to protect animals, nothing else can do this thing.
The diversity of animals play an important role in keeping balance of our ecology system. During last thousands years, we have killed out tens of thousands kinds of animals, no tolerate(tolerance) can be given if we continue doing this. A kind of bee is special tranciport pollen for a plant, this plant can provide the forest an important element without which the forest will die. Both of them are endangered specises, and if the bee is(不要is吧) die out, the plant and even the forest will die.' N8 o5 X% W9 Q  i% W5 d1 T
The last but not least, people have occupied most of this planet, and the method we now should think is make best use of temporty land. We can build higher buildings in the crowed place, and explore desert place instead the habitat of endanger animals./ n' J# I; v: P. M: d! s( e
Based on all the above reasons, I think we should put endanger animals before our own needs.最后一句没读懂。

感觉比上次要好很多，开头段写的不错。中间段写的稍少了一些，可以在延伸扩充一些。最后一句略显淡薄，如果能总结一点以上观点会更好。
关于中式英语，我是根据个人感觉去看别人的文章的，自己也常常会犯这个错误，觉得如果能多读一些地道的表达，并在写作的时候加以应用，慢慢会好很多的。其实，中式英语只要不是严重到影响实质的意思，也不能说错，当然越少越好。

sharamandeUID: 2597186

9.23作业
make use of land for the endanger animals or for people?

There is no doubt that the limited land should be well-planed so that we can live coherently from generation to next one(这一句本来很赞的，但是最后，直接说from generation to generation就好啦). Making use of land for the endanger(应该是endangered，这个错误在后面就不指出了) animals or for people? I choose the former answer as the following reasons:(感觉英文中好像没有冒号的)

To begin with, people always thought that they are surperior than(应该是superior to，注意拼写和介词) animals, so we should take responsibility to help with(不要with) other animals, especially endanger animals. Actually, in modern time, if we human beings do not hold out(用offer这个动词多好) hand to protect animals, nothing(改成nobody比较合适) else can do this thing(不要thing).

The diversity of animals play an important role in keeping balance of our ecology system(直接是ecosystem). During last(改用past) thousands(of) years, we have killed out(不要out) tens of thousands kinds of animals, no tolerate can be given if we continue doing this(不明白这一句什么意思). A kind of bee is special tranciport pollen for a plant, this plant can provide the forest an important element without which the forest will die(首先，forest die这个说法有些诡异；其次，这一句里都是用a，是指泛指，但是句意应该是指某一种，所以应该用the，最好有个名称什么的). Both of them are endangered specises, and if the bee is(不需要is) die out, the plant and even the forest will die.

The last but not least, people have occupied most of this planet, and the method we now should think is (to) make best use of temporty land. We can build higher buildings in the crowed place(places), and explore desert place(很好。后面应该是instead of) instead the habitat of endanger animals.

Based on all the above reasons, I think we should put endanger animals before our own needs.(这句总结不错，但就是少了点)

dusk1112UID: 2510484

6# sharamande
Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well

It is common assumed that the successful people always take new things and take risks rather the thing that they have done well, as the old saying goes ”success is what try one more time than failure”. However, according to the survey conducted by the famous website sina.com, 55% successful people chose to continue on what they have done well. I think it is depended on the individual.

If a person want to be success or be more success, he or she will more likely to try new things. Yong people are among the owns who want to be success, so they are the most creative group in the society. Take myself as an example, as a student, I am obviously not succeed, and I strongly want to be successful, so I want and must try new things. Also the situation happened on the older people who want to be more successful, for instance, Steve Jobs is so creative that he has invented the Macintosh computer, the ipod and the iphone, he himself admitted he is so desire of successful and change the world. It is the desire of being better push them to try new things.

As for the conservative people, continue doing what they are familiar with is the best choice. When a young people finally become success, many people will become conservative, be afraid of losing the success. Do what they have been familiar with can reduce the risk to the bottom and in this process they can find new opportunity. I have an uncle who is running his own medicine business. He is successful since ten years ago, and since then he never touch other business, when I ask why, he says others he know who do diversity business all failed, and although he didn’t touch new business, his fortune has been ten times than before.

Different individual has different ideas, so it is superficial to say all successful people like to try new things than what they are familiar with. It depends on his or her character, personal bias , history and atmosphere.