10.15进军美利坚作文组

LeviathaZUID: 2456472

不好意思，昨天的作业拖到今天才交，这篇实在是写得太痛苦了，从看到题目到下笔就想了半天

10.15 教师是否应该获得跟doctors,lawyers,business leaders一样的收入

With development of the society, the gap of salary between two careers is becoming larger and larger. Teachers, as fosterers of the future builders of the contunry, are considered that their salaries do not correspond to their work. Do teachers should gain the same salary as doctors, lawyers or business leaders? As far as I am concerned, teachers' salaries have its own features, so it is not necessary to increase to the level of other higher-salary careers.

On the one hand, the way of teachers gain salaries is different from those careers, so it is impossible to require their salaries equal. Either doctors, lawyers or business leader earn their money directly from their clients, who have the abilities to make money. To the contrary, now teachers’ salaries mainly rely on the salary offering by country or by financial support. However, If they require high salaries, the adding part would be pay by the students, who are the direct beneficiaries of teachers’ work. Some students might be able to afford it, but what would happen if the students' families were very poor? Therefore, raising the level of teachers' salaries in some way decreases the educational opportunities for the students from the poor families. In short, the teachers should not gain the same salaries as some higher-salary careers.

On the other hand, salaries should not be considered as the rule of the value that teachers create, since the rewards that teachers gain from their work are much more than the salaries, such as good relationship with students. Take my experience as an example. Mr. Li, One of my high school teachers, was diligent and responsible for his work. He often worked over time to check our homework or score the examination papers. He also encouraged us, ’if you have bigger dreams, follow them and figure out how to pay for them later.’ Until now, we still go to visit him every Spring Festival, and talk about the unforgettable memories as well as our new lives. He said that, the students were the most precious reward he ever obtained.

In conclusion, it is not necessary for teachers to gain the same amount of money as doctors, lawyers or business leaders. The essences of their careers are different; what's more, teachers actually gain much more behind the salaries.

czongUID: 2552963

fosterer 似乎主要指收养  teacher ~guide
so it is not necessary to increase to the level of other higher-salary careers.
无宾语 increase what , 或改 the level as,  careers'
"Either doctors, lawyers or business leader earn their money directly from their clients, who have the abilities to make money   "?
不懂  
equal salaries   , no" the "teachers, paied etc

daisy840228UID: 2684617

With development of the society, the gap of salary between two careers is becoming larger and larger. Teachers, as fosterers of the future builders of the contunry, are considered that their salaries do not correspond to their work. Do teachers should gain the same salary as doctors, lawyers or business leaders? As far as I am concerned 这个呢最好在别人的观点发表之后再用这句话, teachers' salaries have its own features, so it is not necessary to increase to the level of other higher-salary careers.9 d( q2 }2 c0 v7 `1 k* S9 d) J
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On the one hand, the way of teachers gain salaries is different from those careers, so it is impossible to require their salaries equal. Either doctors, lawyers or business leader earn their money directly from their clients, who have the abilities to make money. To the contrary, now teachers’ salaries mainly rely on the salary offering by country or by financial support. However, If they require high salaries, the adding part would be pay by the students, who are the direct beneficiaries of teachers’ work. Some students might be able to afford it, but what would happen if the students' families were very poor? Therefore, raising the level of teachers' salaries in some way decreases the educational opportunities for the students from the poor families. In short, the teachers should not gain the same salaries as some higher-salary careers.观点很新颖，但事实上政府应该多拨些教育资金，而不是让学生出，九年义务还是要继续的，日本的发展正是因为重视教育及舍得教育资金的投入- T0 y- N+ l, ?, ?1 b
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On the other hand, salaries should not be considered as the rule of the value that teachers create, since the rewards that teachers gain from their work are much more than the salaries, such as good relationship with students. Take my experience as an example. Mr. Li, One of my high school teachers, was diligent and responsible for his work. He often worked over time to check our homework or score the examination papers. He also encouraged us, ’if you have bigger dreams, follow them and figure out how to pay for them later.’ Until now, we still go to visit him every Spring Festival, and talk about the unforgettable memories as well as our new lives. He said that, the students were the most precious reward he ever obtained.他那么辛苦的付出，难道多点报酬不应该吗？学生和资金其实不冲突的，精神和物资并重才是一份好工作啊
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In conclusion, it is not necessary for teachers to gain the same amount of money as doctors, lawyers or business leaders. The essences of their careers are different; what's more, teachers actually gain much more behind the salaries.
不知道是否个人见解，我觉得论据不能说服我觉得老师的工作不需要涨工资，
不过你的语言功底很好，例子论证细腻，学习

joyceliuUID: 2477232

Withdevelopment of the society, the gap of salary between two careers（among careers) isbecoming larger and larger. Teachers, as fosterers(?) of the futurebuilders of the contunry, are considered that their salaries do notcorrespond to their work. Do teachers should gain the same salary asdoctors, lawyers or business leaders? As far as I am concerned,teachers' salaries have its own features, so it is not necessary toincrease to the level of(the same as) other higher-salary careers.; U& a7 \6 M; ^6 Y' G, B6 k7 m2 K: ?
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On the one hand, the way of teachers gain salaries is different fromthose careers, so it is impossible to require their salaries be equal.Either doctors, lawyers or business leader earn their money directlyfrom their clients, who have the abilities to make money. To(On) thecontrary, now teachers’ salaries mainly rely on the salary offering bycountry or by financial support(by the financial support from government). However, If they require highsalaries, the adding(additional) part would be pay(paid) by the students, who are thedirect beneficiaries of teachers’ work. Some students might be able toafford it, but what would happen if the students' families were verypoor? Therefore, raising the level of teachers' salaries in some waydecreases the educational opportunities for the students from the poorfamilies(这两者有必然联系么？）. In short, the teachers should not gain the same salaries assome higher-salary careers.# S& ]# U) t* ^/ x' A
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On the other hand, salaries should not be considered as the rule of thevalue that teachers create(chinglish不地道), since the rewards that teachers gain fromtheir work are much more than（beyond) the salaries, such as good relationshipwith students. Take my experience as an example. Mr. Li, One of my highschool teachers, was diligent and responsible for his work. He oftenworked over time to check our homework or score the examination papers.He also encouraged us, ’if you have bigger dreams, follow them andfigure out how to pay for them later.’ Until now, we still go to visithim every Spring Festival, and talk about the unforgettable memories aswell as our new lives. He said that, the students were the mostprecious reward he ever obtained.! q7 I4 Q6 c' p

Inconclusion, it is not necessary for teachers to gain the same amount ofmoney as doctors, lawyers or business leaders. The essences of theircareers are different; what's more, teachers actually gain much morebehind（besides) the salaries.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

从这个角度确实不好写，换换思路吧

LeviathaZUID: 2456472

5# joyceliu
我也觉得不好写，当时看到题目第一感觉就是没必要，教师干活拿薪水，医生干活拿薪水，全凭本事啊
感觉这个题目很中国化的感觉，也许国外教师也很苦吧……

avexUID: 159089

With development of the society, the gap of salary between two careers is becoming larger and larger. Teachers, as fosterers of the future builders of the contunry, are considered that their salaries do not correspond to their work. Do teachers should去掉Do, should放句首,不过这样说,我觉得还是不好,尽量不要用should在formal writing 里面吧， 改成Is it necessary or reasonable to increase blah... gain the same salary as doctors, lawyers or business leaders? As far as I am concerned, teachers' salaries have its own features不是features不对，但是感觉不合适Different characteristics and job requirements lead to the difference of their compensations, even though there are other reasons responsible for the increase of the salary gap between teachers and other big pay jobs such as business leaders and lawyers, as far as I am concerned, it is not necessary to diminish the gap intentionally/on purpose.  , so it is not necessary to increase to the level of other higher-salary careers.

On thethe 去掉 one hand, the way of teachers gain salaries语法错误 is different from those careers换成occupations, so it is impossible to require their salaries to beequal. Either doctors, lawyers or business leader earn their money directly from their clients, who have the abilities to make money. To the contrary, now teachers’ salaries mainly rely on the salary offering by country or by financial support. However, If they require high salaries, the adding part would be pay by the students, who are the direct beneficiaries of teachers’ work. Some students might be able to afford it, but what would happen if the students' families were very poor?这里是不是矛盾了，前面说老师工资来源与其他职业不同，然后老师的clients又要出来付钱了，可以考虑rearrange一下 Therefore, raising the level of teachers' salaries in some way decreases the educational opportunities for the students from the poor families. In short, the teachers should not gain the same salaries as some higher-salary careers最后这句去掉吧，这样呼应比较生硬.这一段比较confusing,首先这一段有两个论点，一个是取财方式不同，二是提高教师工资的某个drawback。虽然这两个观点有某种程度的关系，但是还是分开写吧。把一个写清楚充分，然后过渡过去再写第二个吧
On the other hand, salaries should not be considered as the rule of the value that teachers create, since the rewards that teachers gain from their work are much more than the salaries, such as good relationship with students. Take my experience as an example. Mr. Li, One of my high school teachers, was diligent and responsible for his work. He often worked over time to check our homework homeworksor score the examination papers. He also encouraged us, ’if you have bigger dreams, follow them and figure out how to pay for them later.’ Until now, we still go to visit him every Spring Festival, and talk about the unforgettable memories as well as our new lives. He said that, the students were the most precious reward he ever obtained.首句引入问题，首先，附加价值，不是teachers才有。直接用这个道理来反驳题目更加贴切，然后用teachers作为example就可以。不用刻意强调much more，因为没人说的清，谁比较多。

In conclusion, it is not necessary这个字用了很多遍了indispensable怎么样 for teachers to gain the same amount of money as doctors, lawyers or business leaders. The essences of their careers are different; what's more, teachers actually gain much more behind the salaries.

我觉得LZ还需要分析题目，两个分论点的论述都是没有warrant. 要告诉读者分论点和主题的关系，就是解释给别人听为什么这个分论点支持你的主题。不要期待别人能够take it for grant.这个论述会更加立体。

PS1： Sorry,拍得比较狠，有的时候话说得比较直接（所谓的什么不会怜香惜玉），请见谅
PS2：向申请加入作文组，不知道还来得及么