[进军美利坚] lmsleeper作文专贴（从10.17起）

lmsleeperUID：2559158

作文一直是我最深的痛，但是，是男人就得对自己狠一点！
因此，希望通过战友们的狠批和反复练习，让作文变得“痛并快乐着”！

10.17
To truly understand world event, we should get our news from newspaper; television cannot provide enough information

From which kind of media should we get information depends on how timely its news is, and how many details it can provide. Television is much better in these aspects than newspaper. Therefore I would prefer the television to search news and to get an accurate understanding about global events.

First, television can provide more real-time information than what newspaper could do. It’s to some extent because of the difference of their presenting cycle. Television programs can keep presentation whole day and whole night, but newspaper is usually just published once everyday. That means any time when some interesting events happened, you could probably see them on TV almost at the same time, but couldn’t read them in newspaper until the next day. This natural disadvantage of newspaper results in its failure in competition with TV. It failed on the most important quality of news—the timeliness. Thus when I want to know what is happening in the world today, the first thing I usually do is to turn on the Television set, in stead of to search in the newspapers.

Besides, television also presents visible and audible details about the events, which can not be provided in newspaper. And these details, vividly representing the scene of the events, could give us such impressive experience, and help us understand these events well. For instance, when I watch the TV news about the earthquake in Indonesia several months ago, I can see how the quake wave destroyed the building into wrecks, and what the victim suffered in this disaster, and also the whole process that the rescue group dug the survivors out of the piles of cement. The tears on the faces of homeless children and the glittering eyes of the survivors when they were dug out all touched me deeply. Through these videos, I understood the severity of the earthquake and why the international aids are so necessary and urgent. By comparison, however, if I just read the news from the newspaper, I don’t think the several paragraphs of literal report could give me such shocking impression and all-sided understanding.

In short, due to its outstanding characteristics of real-time reporting and lifelike representation, television program, rather than newspaper, is a valuable source of information of diverse occurrences. By the way, we can get a comprehensible impression about the news and understand them actually.

heqiang_1001UID：2607349

10.17
To truly understand world event, we should get our news from newspaper; television cannot provide enough information

From which kind of media should we get information depends on how timely its（the） news is, and how many details it can provide. Television is much better in these aspects than newspaper. Therefore I would prefer the television to search news and to get an accurate understanding about global events

First, television can provide more real-time information than what newspaper could do. It’s to some extent(放到句尾吧) because of the difference of their presenting cycle（cycles）. Television programs can keep presentation(这个表达有问题吧，Television can show programs continuously) （the）whole day and (the) whole night, but newspaper is usually just published once everyday(一般是 once a day). That means any time when some interesting(or significant) events happened, you(people 或者individual 吧，感觉正式一些) could probably see them on TV almost at the same time (at the first time),but couldn’t read them in newspaper until the next day（用个which couldn't be read in newspaper until the next day）.This natural(这个表达我怎么觉得这么别捏恩。inescapable？) disadvantage of newspaper results in its failure in competition with TV. It（which ）（.完了，我下意识的就把你的两个短句给改成长句了，啥毛病啊，呜呜。这个可以无视了） failed on the most important quality of news—the timeliness. Thus when I want to know what is happening in the world today, the first thing I usually do is to turn on the Television set, in stead of to search（searching,instead of 后面加动名词） in the newspapers.

Besides, television also presents visible and audible details about the events, which can not be provided in newspaper. And these details, vividly representing the scene of the events,（插入，学习） could give us such impressive experience, and help us understand these events well. For instance, when I watch the TV news about the earthquake in Indonesia several months ago, I can see how the quake wave destroyed the building into wrecks, and what the victim suffered in this disaster, and also the whole process that the rescue group dug the survivors out of the piles of cement. （恩，这个例子很好恩！新，而且描述的也非常好，学习了，呵呵）The tears on the faces of homeless children and the glittering eyes of the survivors （学习）when they were dug out all touched me deeply. Through these videos, I understood the severity of the earthquake and why the international aids are so necessary and urgent. By comparison, however, if I just read the news from the newspaper, I don’t think the several paragraphs of literal report could give me such shocking impression and all-sided understanding.

In short, due to its outstanding characteristics of real-time reporting and lifelike representation, television program, rather than newspaper, is a valuable source of information of diverse occurrences. By the way, we can get a comprehensible impression about the news and understand them actually.

我怎么感觉第二段和第三段不是一个人写的呢……呵呵。第二段语言有点罗嗦，而且部分表达感觉是拿中文翻译出来的。及时性要是有个例子支持一下就更好了。
观点很清晰。第三段写的很好，学习。

PS，我仔细看了一下我今天的作文，确实……全是长句了，读起来累死个人。谢谢你的批改啦。

lmsleeperUID：2559158

10.31综合写作
高分120，No2

The professor in the lecture claims that the evidences of the reading material are deficient to doubt the reality of Marco Polo's travel to China. She provides some explain as follow.

First, the fact that no Chinese or Mongolian place-names appears in Marco Polo's book could not be the evidence of that Marco Polo did never travel to China. Admittedly, he actually used the Persian names similar to those in the book of Rashid al-Din. But that may be just because Persian was popular in their period. And the Persian names of Chinese location and direction were familiar to European. Therefore, in order to be understood easier, Marco Polo used those popular names in his book in stead of their native names.

Second, it's unfair to doubt that Marco Polo actually traveled to China just because he never mentioned the tea and teahouses. Since the tea was popular only in the southern China at that time, instead of the Northern China where Marco Polo mainly dwelled in, that is actually possible that he thought the tea was the dispensable thing in China. Thus he didn't write it in his book.

Third, the absence of Marco Polo's name in the original records of the Chinese and Mongols is not enough to doubt his honesty. Some possibilities may result in the absence. Firstly, Marco Polo may get a different name in China. So the record might just has mentioned his another name. Secondly, the Chinese government at that time usually didn’t record the real names of their governors. Therefore one faked name might replace the "Marco Polo" in the records. Besides, it’s also possible that the records with the name of Marco Polo just were lost, considering such a long time these records had been preserved.

In sum, without more strong evidences, the reading material failed to demonstrate that Marco Polo had never been China.



没有模板，纠结了半天，超时不少，最后还对照了听力材料改了两处没听清的地方，惭愧。请狠批。

lmsleeperUID：2559158

11.28独立写作




Do you agree or disagree: people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place。

When I was a child, I had a dream that in my life I would travel around the world, climbing the magnificent pyramids in Egypt, diving in the fantastic blue ocean of Maldives, and riding the rampageous buffalos in grassland of Africa. In my childhood, this is the most satisfied life in the world for me. Now the dream still haunts me. So, if I have to make a choice between living in a place all life and moving to different places, I would absolutely prefer the latter.

The first reason of my choice, as that mentioned above, is that when we move to another place, we could get chance to enjoy view different from our hometown. Take my experience as an example. I was born in a city located in a basin of southern China. So I was very familiar with the landscape of mountains and rivers. Therefore when I graduated from high school, I choose to study in a university in a coastal city. In the city, the beautiful views what I never saw actually surprised and touched me. I was intoxicated by the scenes of the brilliant sun rising from endless ocean, cute tiny crabs fighting with each other on the soft silver sands on the beach, and even the humid salty breeze or the euphonious singing of the seagulls. If I have kept dwelling in my hometown, how could I get such amazing experience about the seashore landscape?

Moreover, living in different places also benefits our understanding about the local custom and culture. For instance, several years ago, after living in Mongolia for a few months, I actually understood why Mongolian respects the nature so much. During those days, I ride horse and graze sheep on the grand grassland with natives everyday, ate cheese made by themselves, drink water directly collected from the streams in the grassland, fall in sleep with the smell of grass and sheep leather. From these experience, I realized that everything in their daily life is the gift from the nature, and without the grand grassland, there would not be any Mongolian, much less the unique Mongolian culture. That is why Mongolian treat the sky as their father, the grassland as their mother, the horses as their brothers, the dogs as their friends, the sheep as their kids, even the wolves as their teachers—teach them don’t be greedy, never overgraze. Only had I lived their land, I could understand their special culture.


To sum up, refusing to live in the same place all life, we might face some trouble of culture shock or getting lost, but could enjoy the diversity of natural views and different cultures. That’s just as Bertrand Russell said, “To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.”

line126UID：2556583

When I was a child, I had a dream that in my life I would travel around the world, climbing the magnificent pyramids in Egypt这个金字塔好像是不可以爬的吧？, diving in the fantastic blue ocean of Maldives, and riding the rampageous buffalos in grassland of Africa. In my childhood, this is the most satisfied life in the world for me. Now the dream still haunts me. So, if I have to make a choice between living in a place all my life and moving to different places, I would absolutely prefer the latter one.% o8 ^2 {, F! w1 [/ Z' c * M6 V, J- `7 {# [ e) V The first reason of my choice, as that mentioned above, is that when we move to another place, we could get chance to enjoy views different from our hometown. Take my experience as an example. I was born in a city located in a basin of southern China. So I was very familiar with the landscape of mountains and rivers. Therefore when I graduated from high school, I choose to study in a university in a coastal city. In the city, the beautiful views what I had never saw(seen) actually surprised and touched me. I was intoxicated by the scenes of the brilliant sun rising from endless ocean, cute tiny crabs fighting with each other on the soft silver sands on the beach, and even the humid salty breeze or the euphonious singing of the seagulls. If I have(had )kept dwelling in my hometown, how could I get such amazing experience about the seashore landscape? 2 C! X8 R% O9 B T7 A$ J % u0 L$ @6 J0 [6 O' [9 \! ? Moreover, living in different places also benefits our understanding about the local custom and culture. For instance, several years ago, after living in Mongolia for a few months, I actually understood why Mongolian respects the nature so much. During those days, I riderode horse and grazed sheep on the grand grassland with natives everyday, ate cheese made by themselves, drink water directly collected from the streams in the grassland, fall in sleep with the smell of grass and sheep leather. From these experience, I realized that everything in their daily life(lives) is the gift from the nature, and without the grand grassland, there would not be any Mongolian, much less the unique Mongolian culture. That is why Mongolians treat the sky as their father, the grassland as their mother, the horses as their brothers, the dogs as their friends, the sheep as their kids, even the wolves as their teachers—teach them don’t be greedy, never overgraze. Only had I lived their land, I could understand their special culture. & ]$ `8 J' q; j2 s6 o Q: d9 Y; c; q+ Q4 D; \" w- t" i 7 {4 h7 a a) X* D& BTo sum up, refusing to live in the same place all life, we might face some trouble of culture shock or getting lost, but could enjoy the diversity of natural views and different cultures. That’s just as Bertrand Russell said, “To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.”" B( D1 h. Z% f8 ~

论据很充分 生华的很好
很不错

lmsleeperUID：2559158

晕，我有个病句：Only had I lived their land, I could understand their special culture
应当是Only after I had lived in their homeland for such a long time, could I understand their special culture.

angelloverUID：199157

When I was a child, I had a dream that in my life I would travel around the world, climbing the magnificent pyramids in Egypt, diving in the fantastic blue ocean of Maldives, and riding the rampageous buffalos in grassland of Africa.[三个分词在这里做伴随状语，语法没错误但是语义上不太好。其实在这里并没有伴随的意思] In my childhood, this is the most satisfied life in the world for me. Now the dream still haunts me. So, if I have to make a choice between living in a place all life and moving to different places, I would absolutely prefer the latter., {* e2 F8 C8 P$ W2 V
2 E6 n$ ^( b8 x8 U2 a0 z

The first reason of my choice, as that [delete that] mentioned above, is that when we move to another place, we could get chance to enjoy view different from our hometown.[awkward and grammatical errors: enjoy landscapes different from those of our hometown] Take my experience as an example. I was born in a city located in a basin of southern China. So I was very familiar with the landscape of mountains and rivers. Therefore when I graduated from high school, I choose to study in a university in a coastal city. In the city, the beautiful views what I never saw actually surprised and touched me. I was intoxicated by the scenes of the brilliant sun rising from endless ocean, cute tiny crabs fighting with each other on the soft silver sands on the beach, and even the humid salty breeze or the euphonious singing of the seagulls. If I have kept dwelling in my hometown, how could I get such amazing experience about the seashore landscape?

E' M6 u2 W6 b- r9 \
Moreover, living in different places also benefits our understanding about the local custom and culture. For instance, several years ago, after living in Mongolia for a few months, I actually understood why Mongolian respects the nature so much. During those days, I ride horse and graze sheep[用过去时] on the grand grassland with natives everyday, ate cheese made by themselves, drink water directly collected from the streams in the grassland, fall in sleep with the smell of grass and sheep leather. From these experience, I realized that everything in their daily life is the gift from the nature, and without the grand grassland, there would not be any Mongolian, much less the unique Mongolian culture. That is why Mongolian treat the sky as their father, the grassland as their mother, the horses as their brothers, the dogs as their friends, the sheep as their kids, even the wolves as their teachers—teach them don’t be greedy, never overgraze. Only had I lived their land, I could understand their special culture.8 S, B# w( N7 U9 x3 @

[To]sum up, refusing to live in the same place all life, we might face some trouble of culture shock or getting lost, but could enjoy the diversity of natural views and different cultures. That’s just as Bertrand Russell said, “To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.”

总体感觉论述还比较清楚。不过要注意语法错误，特别是时态。另外有些句子比较拗口。似乎是为了追求复杂句子的效果导致语义不清。

lmsleeperUID：2559158

12.01独立作文
Some scientists are responsible for the negative impacts that made by their discoveries, what do you think?




Should scientists be responsible for the negative impacts made by their discoveries? Absolutely no! Reasons are as follows.

First, it's because they have not the ability to control what their discoveries would be used for. For instance, people can use a knife to cook, but they also might use the knife to kill somebody. While the murder happened, who should be responsible for the crime, the killer or the knife inventor? The answer is absolutely the former. We never give the inventor the right to compel the people to use the knife only for positive purpose. Thus how could we ask the inventor to be responsible for the abuse of his invention? For the same reason, Albert Einstein should not be responsible for the mega death in Japan made by the atom bomb. James Watt also doesn’t need to be penitent for the serious air pollution resulting from extensive use of steam engine. As scientists, they just fulfilled their mission that is to bring a new thing to the world. Nonetheless, what their inventions will bring to the world is out of their control. Even the patents of their inventions, if there is any, could not guarantee that they could manage all of the people to use their inventions only for improvement of the welfare and happiness of human being. This is actually a “mission impossible” for the scientists. Therefore it’s unfair to blame them just because somebody else misused their inventions.

Besides, since the standard to define “negative” affections is changing with the evolution of society, sometimes it is not reasonable to judge the affections of the new discoveries only by contemporary standard, not mention to punish the scientists for those “negative” affections. Giordano Bruno, as a example, immediately comes into mind. At that age, it was thought his heliocentric theory brought serious “negative” impact to the stability of society reined by the Roman Inquisition, so he was forced to be responsible for those impacts—he was burned at the stake by authorities. But now, his discovery is not treated as negative as before, but oppositely as one of the greatest innovation in the history of human being, with immense positive impact to the development of science and society. Now we correct the judgment to his theory, but we could never have the chance to correct the unreasonable punishment he had suffered. Thus, how could we let this misery happen again, just by asking the scientists to be responsible for the seemly “negative” influence of their innovation?

Last but not the least, blaming scientists for the negative affections related to their discoveries also harms the progress of science. Admittedly, discoveries in science bring us not only the more comfortable life but also some depressing influence such as Green House Effect, shadow of nuclear war. However, those problems have already happened, if now we convict the scientists for those side effects deriving from their innovations, that would help nothing to resolve them, but encumber future scientific researching—many great ideals might be nipped in the bud for their potential side-effects. It just like that we opened the Pandora’s Box, released disaster out, and then closed it, left hope inside.

So, to sum up, let the researchers research freely. How to prevent the negative impacts of their discoveries is the business of government, not them.

名字是个词儿UID：2707493

评12.01独立作文
Some scientists are responsible for the negative impacts that made by their discoveries, what do you think?7 [; P; r6 i  J! G) ?
: Y# u9 i2 h  W7 C4 `# ?% f6 I
5 y  ^& p7 `( _( C9 c2 a5 Y: m: m
7 b. {* {4 _; d; q+ v  M5 _

Should scientists be responsible for the negative impacts made by their discoveries? Absolutely no! Reasons are as follows.+ \- h* Z& N% e  s) g

0 V* {) Q+ C. Z4 A: H% e
First,it'sbecause they have not the ability to control what theirdiscoverieswould be used for. For instance, people can use a knife tocook, butthey also might use the knife to kill somebody. While themurderhappened, who should be responsible for the crime, the killer ortheknife inventor? The answer is absolutely the former. We never givetheinventor the right to compel the people to use the knife onlyforpositive purpose. Thus how could we ask the inventor to beresponsiblefor the abuse of his invention?[这个例子，貌似discovery和invent还是有区别的。如果发明刀的无辜，那么发明枪的呢？] For the same reason, Albert Einsteinshould not be responsible for the mega death in Japan made by the atombomb. James Watt［楼主竟然知道瓦特名字的拼写，很强大呵呵］ also doesn’t need to be penitent for the serious air pollution resulting from extensiveuse of steam engine. As scientists, they just fulfilled their missionthat is to bring a new thing to the world
.Nonetheless, what theirinventions will bring to the world is out oftheir control. Even thepatents of their inventions, if there is any,could not guarantee thatthey could manage all of the people to usetheir inventions only forimprovement of the welfare and happiness ofhuman being. This isactually a “mission impossible” for the scientists. Therefore it’s unfair to blame them just because somebody else misused their inventions. [题目让说的是科学家，但这段好像说的大都是发明，这两个还不是太一样吧，个人认为]

Besides,since the standard to define “negative” affections is changing with theevolution
of society, sometimes it is not reasonable to judge theaffections ofthe new discoveries only by contemporary standard, notmention to punishthe scientists for those “negative” affections.Giordano Bruno[我再膜拜，布鲁诺的first name], as a example, immediately comes into [加my] mind. At that age,it was thought his heliocentric theorybroughtserious “negative” impact to the stability of society reined bytheRoman Inquisition, so he was forced to be responsible forthoseimpacts—he was burned at the stake by authorities. But now,hisdiscovery is not treated as negative as before, but[连用两个but]oppositely as oneof the greatest innovation in the history of humanbeing, with immensepositive impact to the development of science andsociety.[这句话说得有点绕，可以再安排下] Now wecorrect thejudgment to his theory, but we could never have the chanceto correctthe unreasonable punishment he had suffered. Thus, how couldwe let thismisery happen again, just by asking the scientists to beresponsible forthe seemly “negative” influence of their innovation?
这段的角度很新颖。, G% I4 u+ x+

Lastbutnot the least, blaming scientists for the negative affectionsrelated totheir discoveries also harms the progress of science.Admittedly,discoveries in science bring us not only the morecomfortable life butalso some depressing influence such as Green HouseEffect, shadow ofnuclear war. However, those problems have alreadyhappened, if now weconvict the scientists for those side effectsderiving from theirinnovations, that would help nothing to resolvethem, but encumberfuture scientific researching—many great ideals might be nipped in thebud[好短语，学到]for their potential side-effects. It just like that we openedthePandora’s Box, released disaster out, and then closed it, lefthopeinside[这句总结语与本段论点没直接关系，并且就这样给人类下个定论，不是很悲凉吗].
So,tosum up, let the researchers research freely. How to prevent thenegativeimpacts of their discoveries is the business of government,not them.［government一直都没有出现，最后才出来，有些突兀］

总之这篇文章的思路还是不错的，结构也清晰。作者看起来很想写一篇气势磅礴的檄文，呵呵，比如开头，用一句话的设问加感叹。只是文章主体还论述部分还应该再丰满一点，我不是说字数，而是你的内容，每句话串下来的逻辑。楼主词汇不错，保持。

yuminjiaUID：2659628

9# 名字是个词儿
Should scientists be responsible for the negative impacts made by their discoveries? Absolutely no! Reasons are as follows.

First, it's because they have not the ability to control what their discoveries would be used for. For instance, people can use a knife to cook, but (while )they also might use the knife to kill somebody. When the murder happened, who should be responsible for the crime, the killer or the knife inventor? The answer is absolutely the former. We never give the inventor the right to(entitle the inventor to) compel the people to use the knife only for positive purpose. Thus how could we ask the inventor to be responsible for the abuse of his invention(这个词好)? For the same reason, Albert Einstein should not be responsible for the mega death in Japan made by the atom bomb. James Watt also doesn’t need to be penitent for（好） the serious air pollution resulting from extensive use of steam engine. As scientists, they just fulfilled their mission that is to bring a new thing to the world. Nonetheless, what their inventions will bring to the world is out of their control. Even the patents of their inventions, if there is any, could not guarantee that they could manage all of the people to use their inventions only for improvement of the welfare and happiness of human being. This is actually a “mission impossible” for the scientists. Therefore it’s unfair to blame them just because somebody else misused their inventions. & e7 @) m! S" P7 d; W9 V% D* D- [

     Besides, since the standard to define “negative” affections（这个词是喜爱的意思）impact is changing with the evolution of society, sometimes it is not reasonable to judge the affections of the new discoveries only by contemporary standard, not mention to punish the scientists for those “negative” affections. Giordano Bruno, as a example, immediately comes into mind. At that age, it was thought his heliocentric theory brought serious “negative” impact to the stability of society reined by the Roman Inquisition, so he was forced to be responsible for those impacts—he was burned at the stake by authorities. But now, his discovery is not treated as negative as before, but oppositely as one of the greatest innovation in the history of human being, with immense positive impact to the development of science and society. Now we correct the judgment to his theory, but we could never have the chance to correct the unreasonable punishment he had suffered. Thus, how could we let this misery happen again, just by asking the scientists to be responsible for the seemly “negative” influence of their innovation?

Last but not the least, blaming scientists for the negative affections related to their discoveries also harms the progress of science. Admittedly, discoveries in science bring us not only the more comfortable life but also somedepressing influence such as Green House Effect, shadow of nuclear war. However, those problems have already happened, if now we convict the scientists for those side effects deriving from their innovations, that would help nothing to resolve them, but encumber future scientific researching—many great ideas might be nipped in the bud for their potential side-effects. It just like that we opened the Pandora’s Box, released disaster out, and then closed it, left hope inside.
  So, to sum up, let the researchers research freely. How to prevent the negative impacts of their discoveries is the business of government, not them


中间2段写的不错,尤其是举的例子,不少句式值得学习.兰色是我标出来值得我学习的地方.
子

lmsleeperUID：2559158

12.10 independent writing

写的仓促而简陋，诚请斧正！

Playing games benefits the socialization of kids. Studying courses in the school brings them fundamental knowledge. But could doing household chores be helpful as well as those things above? Actually yes. The benefits of doing household chores are as follows.



Learning to do some household chores could help them to live independently. Cleaning house, washing dishes, or cook are all ordinary things which the kids have to face when they live alone in the future. They should learn these house chores when they are living with their parents, otherwise they will hardly adapt the dorm life when they get in the college. For instance, my neighbors dotes their kid so much. They never ask their kid to do any household chores, but only drive him to study hardly. One year ago, their kid graduated with an excellent score in high school and got in an famous university in another city. But only after a semester, the kid gave up his college life only because he failed to live independently without his parents. He didn't know how to boil water for coffee. He also didn't know how to wash his clothes when they are dirty, so he always worn his dirty coat even when it smells sour. Because of that, he was thought as a sloppy and lazy boy and nobody wanted to make friends with him. All of these things brought him a lot of troubles. He felt so isolated and frustrated so that he escaped from college. His story tells us that doing some household chores is necessary and beneficial for the kids.


On the other hand, by doing some household chores, the kids could develop some good inner qualities, such as altruism. Some household chores such as trimming the flowers in the garden, washing dishes are actually activities of altruism. While the kids are doing these works, they are not only serving for themselves, but for all of the family members. Through that they will get praise from family members and get encouraged to serve for other people in the future. For instance, when I was a child, my parents always asked me to wash the dishes after every meal, and clean every room of our house in the weekend. In the beginning, I was not willing to do that because I would not get any payment. But after few months, I was very glad to do these works because by doing that I realized I was capable to make my parents happy and I was not a parasite but a useful member of my family. I felt so proud about that. And when I grew up, these experiences encourage me to serve as volunteer for the homeless old men or children in our city.Therefore, those household chores, although seems trifling, actually encourage the children to help others and serve the society.

In conclusion, doing household chores help kids to live independently and encourage them to serve for other people. That's also a kind of activity as important as playing games and studying courses.

icelittleUID：2730464

Playing games benefits the socialization of kids. Studying courses in the school brings them fundamental knowledge. 这里面应该先加点什么做个过渡，比如大家都觉得house chore不重要，然后跟上后面的butBut could doing household chores be helpful as well as those things above? Actually yes. The benefits of doing household chores are as follows.

Learning to do some household chores could help them 第一句就用them是不是没有东西好指代的，换成children吧to live independently. Cleaning house, washing dishes, or cook are all ordinary things which the kids have to face when they live alone in the future. They should learn these house chores when they are living with their parents, otherwise they will hardly adapt to the dorm life when they get in the college. For instance, my neighbors dotes their kid so much. They never ask their kid to do any household chores, but only drive him to study hardly. One year ago, their kid（high school是不是不叫kid了。。） graduated with an excellent score in high school and got in an famous university in another city. But only after a semester, the kid gave up his college life only because he failed to live independently without his parents. He didn't know how to boil water for coffee. He also didn't know how to wash his clothes when they are dirty, so he always worn his dirty coat even when it smells sour. Because of that, he was thought as a sloppy and lazy boy and nobody wanted to make friends with him. All of these things brought him a lot of troubles. He felt so isolated and frustrated so that he escaped from college. His story tells us that doing some household chores is necessary and beneficial for the kids.我们的事例都一样的朴实啊。。。貌似nan的事例比较出众，看上去更有论文的感觉

On the other hand, by doing some household chores, the kids could develop some good inner qualities, such as altruism. Some household chores such as trimming the flowers in the garden, washing dishes are actually activities of altruism. While the kids are（省略掉吧） doing these works, they are not only serving for themselves, butalso for all of the family members. Through that they will get praise from family members and get encouraged to serve for other people in the future. For instance, when I was a child, my parents always asked me to wash the dishes after every meal, and clean every room of our house in the weekend. In the beginning, I was not willing to do that because I would not get any payment. But after few months, I was very glad to do these works because by doing that I realized I was capable to make 这个to是介词吧， making吧 my parents happy and I was not a parasite but a useful member of my family. I felt so proud about that. And when I grew up, these experiences encourage me to serve as volunteer for the homeless old men or children in our city.Therefore, those household chores, although seems trifling, actually encourage the children to help others and serve the society. 这段升华了整个例子，很棒

In conclusion, doing household chores help（s） kids to live independently and encourage（s） them to serve for other people. That's also a kind of activity as important as playing games and studying courses.

lmsleeperUID：2559158

12.11

交晚了，惭愧！请狠批！

你认为获得真实的新闻应该是从报纸还是电视


From which kind of media, TV or newspaper, can we get the true news? That bases on what a true news should be like and what kind of news the media could provide. On one hand, a true news should firstly be "new" enough. It should represent the significant events as timely as possible. On the other hand, it's also supposed to help the audience understand the events accurately through plenty of realistic details and modest comment. The news provided on TV is more advanced than that in newspaper in both of these two aspects. So, to obtain the true news, I absolutely prefers the former one.





Firstly, I'd like to watch TV to get true news because the TV news can provide more real-time information than newspaper. Whenever Obama won the vote for president or suicide bomb attacked Pakistan again, we could get the news from the TV program at the first moment. But if we choose the newspaper, we may not know the events until the next morning when the next newspaper arrives. Moreover, through some live reports, we even could continuously know the every step of the event almost at the same second when it occurs. When I saw the live reports in Olympic Games, although every day hundreds of games were undergoing and the medal tally changed in every hour, the TV program represented every change on time, and my mood also kept changing with the change of medal tally.
On the contrary, the next day when I read the same news on the newspaper, it was so bland and boring because it failed on the important quality of news-- timeliness. Therefore, to get the true news, I will turn on the TV set in stead of searching on the newspaper.



Besides, television news also brings us more visible and audible details about the events, which beyond the ability of newspaper. These details, vividly representing the scene of the events, give us such impressive experience, and help us understand these events well. For instance, when I watch the TV news about the earthquake in Indonesia several months ago, I can see how the quake wave destroyed the building into wrecks, and what the victim suffered in this disaster, and also the whole process that the rescue group dug the survivors out of the piles of concrete. The tears on the faces of homeless children and the glittering eyes of the survivors when they were dug out all touched me deeply. Through these videos, I understood the severity of the earthquake and why the international aids are so necessary and urgent. By comparison, however, if I just read the news from the newspaper, I don't think the several paragraphs of literal report could give me such shocking impression and all-sided understanding.


In short, due to its outstanding characteristics of real-time reporting and lifelike representation, television program, rather than newspaper, is a valuable source of true news. By this way, we can get a comprehensive impression about the news and understand them accurately.

cindynanaUID：2630679

From which kind of media, TV or newspaper, can we get the true news? That bases on what a true news should be like and what kind of news the media could provide. On one hand, a true news should firstly be "new" enough. It should represent the significant events as timely as possible. On the other hand, it's also supposed to help the audience understand the events accurately through plenty of realistic details and modest comment. The news provided on TV is more advanced than that in newspaper in both of these two aspects. So, to obtain the true news, I absolutely prefers the former one. 6 p) q! M% X: @
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Firstly, I'd like to watch TV to get true news because the TV news can provide more real-time information than newspaper. Whenever Obama won the vote for president or suicide bomb attacked Pakistan again-个人认为，这个AGAIN有点政治问题, we could get the news from the TV program at the first moment. But if we choose the newspaper, we may not know the events until the next morning when the next-可以去掉-latest newspaper arrives. Moreover, through some live reports, we even-这个为什什么要递进？ could continuously know the every step of the event almost at the same second when it occurs. When I saw the live reports in Olympic Games, although every day hundreds of games were undergoing and the medal tally changed in every hour, the TV program represented every change on time, and my mood also kept changing with the change of medal tally.可以和前面那句倒一下，表达更生动1 W7 E6 ]6 }0 G! D; q' a+ gOn the contrary, the next day when I read the same news on the newspaper, it was so bland and boring because it failed on the important quality of news-- timeliness. Therefore, to get the true news, I will turn on the TV set in stead of searching on the newspaper.' o& L0 f2 C$ P----只是说了
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这段只是说了电视的时效性，和真实性应建立联系。

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Besides, television news also brings us more visible and audible details about the events, which beyond the ability of newspaper. These details, vividly representing the scene of the events, give us such impressive experience, and help us understand these events well. For instance, when I watch the TV news about the earthquake in Indonesia several months ago, I can see how the quake wave destroyed the building into wrecks, and what the victim suffered in this disaster, and also the whole process that the rescue group dug the survivors out of the piles of concrete. The tears on the faces of homeless children and the glittering eyes of the survivors when they were dug out all touched me deeply. Through these videos, I understood the severity of the earthquake and why the international aids are so necessary and urgent. By comparison, however, if I just read the news from the newspaper, I don't think the several paragraphs of literal report could give me such shocking impression and all-sided understanding.这段写的有点感性，建议加入理性的成分进去。而电视
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In short, due to its outstanding characteristics of real-time reporting and lifelike representation, television program, rather than newspaper, is a valuable source of true news. By this way, we can get a comprehensive impression about the news and understand them accurately

Good, 语言流畅，用词到位，结构清晰。感觉很成熟。。
个人感觉，楼主的思维有点感性，而议论文是很理性的，建议添加更具有说服力的证据。

枕头和书UID：2578813

From which kind of media, TV or newspaper, can we get the true news? That bases on what a true news should be like and what kind of news the media could provide. On one hand, a true news （小语法错误）should firstly be "new" enough. It should represent the significant events as timely as possible. On the other hand, it's also supposed to help the audience understand the events accurately through plenty of realistic details and modest comment. The news provided on TV is more advanced than that in newspaper in both of these two aspects. So, to obtain the true news, I absolutely prefers the former one.（句式丰富，功底很好啊！！）
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Firstly, I'd like to watch TV to get true news because the TV news can provide more real-time information than newspaper. Whenever Obama won the vote for president or suicide bomb attacked Pakistan again, we could get the news from the TV program at the first moment. （生动的例子）But if we choose the newspaper, we may not know the events until the next morning when the next newspaper arrives. Moreover, through some live reports, we even could continuously know the every step of the event almost at the same second when it occurs. When I saw the live reports in Olympic Games, although every day hundreds of games were undergoing and the medal tally changed in every hour, the TV program represented every change on time, and my mood also kept changing with the change of medal tally.
. r) ]+ L- u) b; }On the contrary, the next day when I read the same news on the newspaper, it was so bland and boring because it failed on the important quality of news-- timeliness. Therefore, to get the true news, I will turn on the TV set in stead of searching on the newspaper.* E. W4 v7 [$ v& [% x5 \: }* e
LBesides, television news also brings us more visible and audible details about the events, which beyond the ability of newspaper. （值得学习）These details, vividly representing the scene of the events, give us such impressive experience, and help us understand these events well. For instance, when I watch the TV news about the earthquake in Indonesia several months ago, I can see how the quake wave destroyed the building into wrecks, and what the victim suffered in this disaster, and also the whole process that the rescue group dug the survivors out of the piles of concrete（小细节建议改成ruins）. The tears on the faces of homeless children and the glittering eyes of the survivors when they were dug out all touched me deeply. Through these videos, I understood the severity of the earthquake and why the international aids are so necessary and urgent. By comparison, however, if I just read the news from the newspaper, I don't think the several paragraphs of literal report could give me such shocking impression and all-sided understanding. 写得很好


In short, due to its outstanding characteristics of real-time reporting and lifelike representation, television program, rather than newspaper, is a valuable source of true news. By this way, we can get a comprehensive impression about the news and understand them accurately


建议围绕例子之外再加一些评议和对比。