11.26作业

michael_beyondUID: 2704216

Playing computer games is a waste of time

When it comes to playing computer games, people have different opinions to it. Some people think that it is a waste of time,while others donot think so. As for me,I am favor in the former opinion.

According to a rencent survey,quite a few childern have unpleasant associations with their homework because of computer games. They spend much more time on computer games than on study. Actually,they waste much time on it.As we all know, computer games are filled with enticement and we are probable indulged in the computer games if we cannot control ourselves. If do so, it will take much time for us to play computer games and we will hold up our work or study because of that. For example, a friend of mine became addicted to the computer games, he spent more than half day-time in playing computer games and he missed so many classes. Sometimes all day he did nothing but play computer games. I persuade him to relieve the time he spent on computer games, but he didnot listen to me. In his heart there is only computer game and he always go into raptures at the mere mention of the computer games. It seems that he is interested in nothing but computer games.

From what have been mentioned above, we may draw the conclusion that there is no denying the fact that my friend waste much more time on computer games and the computer games bring him in a fanciful world,he benefited nothing from it but to waste much time.

So I want to say we should be in a right attitude to the computer games. Well playing computer games may relax ourselves at one point,however there are so many people like my friend who is addicted to playing computer games and they hold up their study due to it. In a word,we should be more careful when we start to play computer games because it maybe an enticement for us and it may lead us to waste much time.

shining_sjUID: 2485580

When it comes to playing computer games, people have different opinions to it. Some people think that it is a waste of time,while others donot think so. As for me,I am favor in the former opinion.(favor及物动词，不要加am)
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According to a recent survey,quite a few childern have unpleasant associations with their homework because of computer games. They spend much more time on computer games than on study. Actually,they waste much time on it.As we all know, computer games are filled with enticement and we are probably indulged in the computer games if we cannot control ourselves. If do so, it will take much time for us to play computer games and we will hold up our work or study because of that. For example, a friend of mine became addicted to the computer games, he spent more than half day-time in playing computer games and he missed so many classes. Sometimes all day he did nothing but play computer games. I persuade的（时态要统一哦） him to relieve the time he spent on computer games, but he did not listen to me. In his heart there is only computer game and he always go into rapture(我觉得这个词貌似不可数吧） at the mere mention of the computer games. It seems that he is interested in nothing but computer games.

From what have been mentioned above, we may draw the conclusion that there is no denying the fact that my friend waste much more time（这句里面的比较对象是什么？） on computer games and the computer games bring him in a fanciful world,he benefited nothing from it but to (but +do)waste much time." @3 p" R5 V1 N9 {% f6 }
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So I want to say we should be in a right attitude to the computer games. Well playing computer games may relax ourselves at one point,however there are so many people like my friend who is addicted to playing computer games and they hold up their study due to it（so many people like my friend who...，holding up...) In a word,we should be more careful when we start to play computer games because it maybe an enticement for us and it may lead us to waste much time.


建议：spend on 反复出现，可以用其他词语替代 譬如use,exhauste,consume,或者focus on,pay attention 等
         allurement 替代enticement
         结构上，最好再说一个理由或者例子支持观点。。而且因为没有另一个理由，所以楼主貌似以一直反复解释朋友的那个例子。。
         句型上也比较单调。。建议试着练习变换句型~~
         譬如，因为游戏耽误了作业。。可以改写成 游戏分散了注意力和精力

michael_beyondUID: 2704216

2# shining_sj

谢谢点评，我明天再批你的吧