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[活动] 11.27独立作文 美利坚小组 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-11-27 22:52:28 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
What is the key to be success? Different people may have diverse opinion. Arguing that good appearance and clothes are more important for one to be succeed are those people who hold the view that nice looks and dresses impress employers profoundly. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agree with that excellent ideas have more important impact on success for the following reasons.

First of all, good notions are beneficial to achieve the goal. People who have good ideas will enact more reasonable strategy, which is extraordinary crucial element of success. For instance, during preparing for interview, people who always conceive good ideas will think how to answer questions asked by employers and what kind of project will fascinate the future boss while people who care for their looks may worry about what type of clothes they should wear or whether the resume is exquisite or not. However, the primary thing that the employer concern is whether the employee will bring profit to the company or not. So employee who have good ideas have more opportunity to be success.

Furthermore, the people who have good ideas tend to focus on the goal they struggle for. Unlike those people who value looks and dresses as important factor, these people always put their energy and stamina on useful things. History abounds with numerous examples. A case in point is Thomas Edison, who have possess over thousands of inventions, is known for have amazing ideas. No one can deny his success. The case is not unique, it is typical of dozens.

Admitted, it is comprehensive for some people to hold the view. They suppose that the applicant for the interview who has good looks and dresses is more confident to their interview. True as it seem to be, but these people ignore one issue, that is, while those good-lookers are more likely to success temporarily, they won’t succeed in the long run for they are distracted from their looks and dresses and do not focus on their jobs which they should attach importance to.

Obviously, all evidence support an unshakeable conclusion that good ideas are more important than good dresses and good looks for one to be success. Although good looks and good dresses can bring a couple of advantages, the benefits of good ideas are more notably. Only continuing good ideas brought by good thinks or genius can the society move forward.
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发表于 2009-11-28 00:13:04 |只看该作者
What is the key to be success(succesful)? Different people may have diverse opinion. People who are arguing that good appearance and clothes are more important for one to be succeed are those people删 who hold the view that nice looks and dresses impress employers profoundly. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agree with that excellent ideas have more important impact on success for the following reasons. / L6 v$ |5 ~+ M( g" h3 A- E 9 n8 j7 s1 i7 D) b First of all, good notions are beneficial to achieve the goal. People who have good ideas will enact more reasonable strategy, which is an extraordinary crucial element of success. For instance, during preparing for interview, people who always conceive good ideas will think how to answer questions asked by employers and what kind of project will fascinate the future boss while people who care for their looks may worry about what type of clothes they should wear or whether the resume is exquisite or not. However, the primary thing that the employer concerns is whether the employee will bring profit to the company or not. So employees who have good ideas have more opportunity(opportunities) to be success(succesful).4 c/ c5 Z' g. H5 E& ^ ) Y8 Z) q" F5 @' e3 U, y V5 b# } a6 f6 q
Furthermore, the people who have good ideas tend to focus on the goal they struggle for. Unlike those people who value looks and dresses as an important factor, these people always put their energy and stamina on useful things. History abounds with numerous examples. A case in point is Thomas Edison, who have possessed over thousands of inventions, is known for have amazing ideas. No one can deny his success. The case is not unique, it is typical of dozens.7 Q7 k2 t0 ?# O+ J 6 d" e5 D8 N9 `7 f( K& _Admitted, it is comprehensive for some people to hold the view. They suppose that the applicant for the interview who has good looks and dresses is more confident to their interview. True as it seems to be, but these people ignore one issue, that is, while those good-lookers are more likely to success temporarily, they won’t succeed in the long run for they are distracted from their looks and dresses and do not focus on their jobs which they should attach importance to. % T: p5 K2 l6 t 7 E" O' |7 [' O) R) J3 |$ @7 lObviously, all evidence support an unshakeable conclusion that good ideas are more important than good dresses and good looks for one to be success. Although good looks and good dresses can bring a couple of advantages, the benefits of good ideas are more notably. Only continuing good ideas brought by good thinks or genius can the society move forward.

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板凳
发表于 2009-11-28 21:32:37 |只看该作者
What is the key to be success? Different people may have diverse opinion. Arguing that good appearance and clothes are more important for one to be succeed are those people who hold the view that nice looks and dresses impress employers profoundly. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agree with that excellent ideas have more important impact on success for the following reasons.
: P& E2 d6 J0 E
First of all, good notions are beneficial to achieve the goal. People who have good ideas will enact more reasonable strategy, which is extraordinary crucial element of success. For instance, during preparing for interview, people who always conceive good ideas will think how to answer questions asked by employers and what kind of project will fascinate the future boss while people who care for their looks may worry about what type of clothes they should wear or whether the resume is exquisite or not. However, the primary thing that the employer concern is whether the employee will bring profit to the company or not. So employee who have good ideas have more opportunity to be success.- y+ Q+ z% g/ c) N3 A
Furthermore, the people who have good ideas tend to focus on the goal they struggle for. Unlike those people who value looks and dresses as important factor, these people always put their energy and stamina on useful things. History abounds with numerous examples. A case in point is Thomas Edison, who have(had) possessed over thousands of inventions, is known for have(having)amazing ideas. No one can deny his success. The case is not unique, it is typical of dozens.
/ ?2 [3 D4 l$ K0 Y/ A
AdmittedAdmittedly, it is comprehensive for some people to hold the view(这句话怎么说的莫名其妙). They suppose that the applicant for the interview who has good looks and dresses is more confident to their interview. True as it seems to be, but these people ignore one issue, that is, while those good-lookers are more likely to success temporarily, they won’t succeed in the long run for they are distracted from their looks and dresses and do not focus on their jobs which they should attach importance to.+ E! p5 r: _" p" P& u/ D( d
2 e/ g) i3 c; q3 z9 c0 @. R
Obviously, all evidence support an unshakeable conclusion that good ideas are more important than good dresses and good looks for one to be success. Although good looks and good dresses can bring a couple of advantages, the benefits of good ideas are more notably. Only continuing good ideas brought by good thinks or genius can the society move forward.

整体来说,文章写得很不错,模版应用很不错,句式也比较多元化,词汇也挺好的。
只是谈一个问题:就是长句太多了,这个应该像中文一样骈散结合,长短结合,太长的句子读起来不容易顺,尤其是比较多的长句放在一起,而且多用长句容易出现错误。
另外第三段大概是分论点的句子没有写完全把

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RE: 11.27独立作文 美利坚小组 [修改]

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