11.30独立作文， 美利坚小组

shining_sjUID: 2485580

children should only play sports for fun, or play sports in competition or contests?

Nowdays people likely to go to the gymnasium for keeping fit or for building muscles,and anthletic competition on TV provides as an entirely new way of recreation.And the controversial issue whether children should consider sports as an hobby for intresets or as a competiton or contests is rasied.In my opinion,I think that children should take particpate in sports for their own fun.I based on my argument on following reasons.

First of all,if children regard sports as a competition game,they cannot virtually enjoy in playing sports,Since being the winner is the ultimate object of contests,they will spend more time on training themselves in order to get the first prize.This means that they have to reduce time spended on their study or other activties like socializing or resting comparatively.Under this circumstance,it can be a rough task to distribute time fairly and handle all of the things well.

Admittedly,sports contests is beneficial for children to adapt the competition atmosphere of the society,since they will compete for college entrance admission or even job opportunity.However,children will lose their naive in the experience of competition at the same time.Since when children compete with others,they are characterized or prompted by a spirit of rivalry.This kind of emulation may distort the pesonal values of children.It is possible for them use the conquest as the standard for everything and never accept any failure during their life.Moreover, Paying too much attention on competitions have bad effect on mental development of children.Overconfidence of children may result from victories.On the contray,once they were frustrated,they would lose self-confidence thoroughly.

In conclusion,sports competition will cause some psychological problem to childern and they are too young to handle all these troubles.In addition,the disadvantages overweight the benefits,I don’t think it is good for children to play sports for contests.

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

Nowdayspeople are likely to go to the gymnasium for keeping fit or for buildingmuscles,and anthletic competition on TV provides as去掉 an entirely new wayof recreation［这个新的recreation方式到底是提醒我们自己也去运动呢，还是指坐着看电视这种活动本身？我知道你指的是前一个，但好像句子这么写会有歧义。也许你把provide换一个动词会好一点］.And the controversial issue whether children shouldconsider sports as an［a］ hobby for intresets or as a competiton orcontests is rasied.In my opinion,I think that children should takeparticpate［两个动词连着用］ in sports for their own fun.I based on my argument on[my argument is based on］following reasons.  T$ Q" f/ ^; r
首句与后面不匹配，也许你想对比“去gym”和“像电视里一样比赛”，但首句与children没关系，并且这种类比关系很牵强。

Firstof all,if children regard sports as a competition game,they cannotvirtually enjoy in playing sports,Since being the winner is theultimate object of contests,they will spend more time on trainingthemselves in order to get the first prize.This means that they have toreduce time spended on their study or other activties like socializingor resting comparatively.[即便为了玩本身，孩子们一样会为了贪玩放弃study 和socializing吧，应该说为了赢会牺牲他们真正enjoy 的时间，学习已经很累了，sports不能还带来压力之类。拿时间分配来说事儿，不好用]Under this circumstance,it can be a rough taskto distribute time fairly and handle all of the things well.  s4 v- ^# |* j. t! S

Admittedly,sports[sport]contests is[are] beneficial for children to adapt the competition atmosphereof the society,since they will compete for college entrance admissionor even job opportunity.However,children will lose their naive［这不是贬义么？应该用innocence吧］ in theexperience of competition at the same time.Since［不用since，直接when就好］when children compete with others,they are characterized or prompted bya spirit of rivalry.This kind of emulation may distort the pesonalvalues of children.It is possible for them ［to］ use the conquest as thestandard for everything and never accept any failure during theirlife.Moreover,Paying too much attention on competitions have bad effect on mentaldevelopment of children.Overconfidence of children may result fromvictories.On the contray,once they were frustrated,they would loseself-confidence thoroughly.' o: ~9 p" E- N+ `% w" v
这段论述得比较深入精彩，可见这是你本人很有体会的话题。但PS不明显，感觉你到这里笔走龙蛇说得正high，已经不太有dicipline了。像意识流

1 C! U7 U) O9 r* ~% ^
Inconclusion,sports competition will cause some psychological problem tochildern and they are too young to handle all these troubles.Inaddition,［这里的逻辑关系不是in additon的关系，我觉得］the disadvantages overweight the benefits,I don’t think it isgood for children to play sports for contests.

你自己也感觉这篇难写，我觉得是因为一开始思绪太多，没分清哪段写哪些，就下笔了。其实如果舍得花多点时间列提纲，就会好很多。还有楼主你怎么做到那么大词汇量的，想什么来什么。嫉妒。

asandylauUID: 2649369

Nowdays people （are）likely to go to the（去掉the） gymnasium for keeping fit or for（去掉for） building muscles,and anthletic competition on TV provides as an entirely new way of recreation（后面和前面的好像没什么关系。）.And（逻辑有问题，改为then） the controversial issue whether children should consider sports as an hobby for intresets or as a competiton or contests is rasied（谓语呢，不完整）.In my opinion,I think that children should take particpate in sports for their own fun.I （去掉I ，和前面的合成一句）based on my argument on following reasons.# w+ S1 Q7 ]  P
& a/ l8 ~5 S+ S! }/ B1 C
First of all,if children regard sports as a competition game,they cannot virtually enjoy in （去掉in）playing sports,Since being the winner is the ultimate object of contests,they will spend more time on training themselves in order to get the first prize.This means that they have to reduce time spended on their study or other activties like socializing or resting comparatively.Under this circumstance,it can be a rough task to distribute time fairly and handle all of the things well.
2 P' }, x& z1 i" k  _) v
- L2 N. ~. `9 _) ^Admittedly,sports contests is beneficial for children to adapt the competition atmosphere of the society,since they will compete for college entrance admission or even job opportunity.However,children will lose their naive in the experience of competition at the same time.Since( 改为Because) when children compete with others,they are characterized or prompted by a spirit of rivalry.This kind of emulation may distort the pesonal values of children.It is possible for them use the conquest as the standard for everything and never accept any failure during their life.Moreover, Paying too much attention on competitions have bad effect on mental development of children.Overconfidence of children may result from victories.On the contray,once they were frustrated,they would lose self-confidence thoroughly." Y4 I0 Q$ T( |/ z2 t) ?
" Y$ v; V1 v0 y$ o7 H& ]
In conclusion,sports competition will cause some psychological problem to childern and they are too young to handle all these troubles.In addition,the disadvantages overweight the benefits,I don’t think it is good for children to play sports for contests.

文章结构不好，让步的那段太长，重点要说的是for fun的好处，这点要注意。不过作者的词汇很丰富，这点值得学习。