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本帖最后由 还我用户名 于 2009-12-5 13:00 编辑
According to the local media, recently, thereis a research about whether people will travel in their own contry or in a foreign county. As a consequence, thestatement that people benefit more from travelling in their country than in a foregn country has been posed among people. Thosepeople who advocate to this argument believes【应该是believe把】 that traveiling in their own country will lead to a strong feeling【强烈的什么感情?】 about their motherland therefore people will work hard for theircountry. However, in my opinion, I believe that people will benefit more fromtraveling in a foreign country as they can view and experience differentcultures and seneries and learn manyadvanced methods of management or othertechnology.
To begin with, traveling in a foreigncountry can provide a chance for travellers to experience extremely differentculture and senery. According to a recentsurvey, nearly 80% of people tend to visit a place with totally differentculture and senery which they had never experienced before. As a result, goingaboard will satisfy the consumers' need in the aspect of fancy issues. A vividexample can be found in my friend, last year ,he went to America, although ittook a long trip to there, he was still very excited because he watched manyseneries such as Yellow Stone Park and knew more about the culture of America.Just as the old saying in China, read ten thousand books, travel tenthousand miles【这句话是这么翻译的么...】, the consumers can learn more from a trip to foreign counties whichwill alos leave a profound impression on them since that is extremely distinctive.
In additon,a trip to foreign countries can contribute to a learning process. As during the traveiling, travellers will learn many newthings which they can used【use】 in their future life. Imagine the individuals who are from acountry which people are not obey some public rules fro instance
they jump the queue or smoke in the bus, thenthey visit a foreign city which is clean and organised,and everybody obeys the common rules, what should they do when they go back totheir motherland? Obviously, they will obey some rules and their behaviour willinfluence other people. Our society abounds with these examples. Moreover, nowadays,many companies will arrange some people as a group to go aboard to somedeveloped countries to learn some advanced technology and management skills, soas the travellers too, they can also obtain many knowledge from this
Addmittedly, after viewing some gramOrious mountains and rivers in theirmotherland, people will have a strong feeling of their motherland whichwill inspire them to work hard for their contry.However, it also has some detrimental influences which is clearly that it willmake them too opotimistic about theirsituation and doesn't know how developed other countries are.
【本段最后一句指出在国内旅行可能会带来一些好处,然后做了一个offset,指出坏处大于好处。这么做看起来比较复杂,而且后者有些牵强。有两个建议,一是只说国内的好处,但是通过比较,国外旅行的好处总的说来大于国内的好处。或者保持原文,但仍要加一句总结句。】
Judging from all evidence offered, we maysagely arrive at the conclusion that people will benefit more from a【an】 oversea traveling. Thoughthe advantages that domestic traveling leads to are considerable, they cannotcompete with the benefits that overseas traveling brings out【建议还是用bringin】, whenthe fancy experience and knowledge obtained during the travaling is taken into account with respect to these drawbacks, i deem that people cantravel domestic and overseas traveling together which can contribute to improvethe situation. 【最后给出一个综合性的建议,学习了!】
建议:
1.
楼主是不是已经考过或者准备过AW?句子比较长,语词也比较高级,但个人认为首先应该保证句子清晰易懂,保证能一眼洞穿。
2.
嘿嘿,拼写错误用红色标注出来了,还有一些复数单数上的错误,请注意。
如有不妥还请见谅。 |
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