备战12.12 ---作文贴

半夏之北UID??2517498

TPO3---穿校服
The speaker doesn't believe that wearing uniform is an effective way of decreasing the nonacademic kinds of stress by pointing out three reasons,which is chanlleging what is stated in the reading passage.

First of all,the listening passage goes on to discuss the issue about the expense of clothes.The speaker doesn't agree that wearing the uniform will help the students and parents to save money.The uniform itself is too expensive as they need to be made in the certain stores.Moreover,if students have to wear uniforms at school,they are more likely to wear other fashionable clothes after school to meet their friends,so it will cost them more money to buy other clothes in addition to their uniforms.

Furthermore,the speaker claims that wearing uniform can not eliminate students' discomfort and self-consciousness,in the contray,it will make them grow up.having no right to choose what they like will increase their discomfort and self-consiousness.Wearing diffierent clothes tends to be a way for students to present themselves and show their attractive features.In additon,waering differnt clothes will be a good method to reduce their discomfort in other aspects what they dislike.

Finally,the professor states that students are always teasing and bullying others because they are in this particular stage,not because someone can't dress like the majority.When they are wearing the same clothes,some students will still find other things to put on others such as music.

To sum up,from all of those three reasons,the speaker doesn't agree with the opinion in the reading passage.

20分钟写完，直接贴过来了，应该会有很多错~~马上就考试了，猛拍~~

半夏之北UID??2517498

12.3 那些保持房间整洁有秩序地学生会更成功。
According to the local media, a discussion about what habit will facilitate people to become successful. As a result, the issue of students whose room is neat and clean will be more successful has been posed to among people. Those who object to this argument believes that as those students will spend more time on cleaning the room, the time which they should use to study or other important issues will be less. However, as far as I am concerned, I agree with this statement as it will lead to efficiency in studying and developing the logical mind.

To begin with, obviously, the cleaning and neat environment will make students’ studying or working more efficient. According to the research taken by some scientists that almost 80% of the individuals who are working more efficient are in a order and neat environment. That is also why big companies always keep their surroundings clean, not only do they present a good brand to their consumers but also to encourage their employees to work more efficient. In addition, those students whose rooms are always clean and tidy are more likely to sort rooms by themselves, so they will cherish their own work and won't mess it up. Consequensely, their room will always be in a clean environment and their working spirit will be cheered up too. That is a beneficial circle which will make them become more successful.

Furthermore, the process of sorting rooms can contribute to develop a logical mind it 's clearly, that when someone start to sort their rooms, they need to have a plan and to  know which place should be put in certain things. For example, the old books needed to be put under the bed because they don't use as often as possible. So the process of creating the most convenient environment for their life will be a beneficial opportunities for students to improve their logical mind. For example, one of my best friends who are extremely good at math, everything in his room is orderly, he never cannot find his stuff. Also he said sorting room is just like solving math problems, you need to put the right things in the right place. As a result, the logical mind which they develop in this process will promote their ability to analysis problems and is responsible for their success

In addition, making their rooms clean and tidy will cost them some time. However, as i mentioned above, they will cherish their work, therefore they will surely keep their room tidy and not mess it up which won't cost them so much time. Only do they spend time on that, they will also know how much love their parents devote to this family which can also teach them to admire other’s work and contribute to their further success.

Judging from all evidence offered, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that though the advantages of saving time leads to are considerable ,it cannot compete with the benefits that cleaning and sorting room bring about, when efficiency and logical thinking  are taken into account.


超时了，写了基本上40分钟，没有改直接贴过来了，猛拍~~

名字是个词儿UID??2707493

12.3 那些保持房间整洁有秩序地学生会更成功。
According to the local media, a discussion about what habit will facilitate people to become successful.[从a discussion之后整个是一个名词性短语，不成句。] As a result, the issue of students whose room is neat and clean will be more successful has been posed to among people. Those who object to this argument believes that as those students will spend more time on cleaning the room, the time which they should use to study or other important issues will be less. However, as far as I am concerned, I agree with this statement[已经隔句了，再用this指代，不免有点confusing] as it will lead to efficiency in studying and developing the[a] logical mind.
To begin with, obviously, the[a] cleaning and neat environment will make students’ studying or working more efficient. According to the[a] research taken by some scientists that almost 80% of the individuals who are working more efficient are in a order and neat environment. That is also why big companies always keep their surroundings clean, not only do they present a good brand to their consumers but also to[删to] encourage their employees to work more efficient[efficiently]. In addition, those students whose rooms are always clean and tidy are more likely to sort rooms by themselves, so they will cherish their own work and won't mess it up. Consequensely, their room will always be in a clean environment and their working spirit will be cheered up too. That is a beneficial circle which will make them become more successful.
Furthermore, the process of sorting rooms can contribute to develop a logical mind it 's clearly, that when someone start to sort their rooms, they need to have a plan and to  know which place should be put in certain things[what stuff should be put in certain spots]. For example, the old books needed to be put under the bed because they don't use[are not used] as often as possible. So the process of creating the most convenient environment for their life will be a beneficial opportunities for students to improve their logical mind. For example, one of my best friends who are extremely good at math, everything in his room is orderly, he never cannot find his stuff[he never has trouble finding his stuff]. Also he said sorting room is just like solving math problems, you need to put the right things in the right place. As a result, the logical mind which they[they指代的是谁？前文没看出来] develop in this process will promote their ability to analysis problems and is responsible for their success.
In addition[让步内容应该用admittedly之类的连接词。in addition是顺承], making their rooms clean and tidy will cost them some time. However, as i mentioned above, they will cherish their work, therefore they will surely keep their room tidy and not mess it up which[用which指代前面一整个动作，起码要把被指代的部分弄成名词性吧] won't cost them so[too] much time
. Only do[when] they spend time on that, they will also[删] know how much love their parents devote to this family which can also teach them to admire[换成appreciate是不是更好] other’s work and contribute to their further success.
Judging from all evidence offered, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that though the advantages of saving time leads to[用of就删掉leads to，用后者就把of换成that] are considerable ,it cannot compete with the benefits that cleaning and sorting room bring[brings] about, when efficiency and logical thinking  are taken into account.

改你的作文很舒心啊啊～比较享受。purple的词汇丰富，用语都比较地道。文章结构挺好，一气读下来很顺。以后在时间上努力练练，留出几分钟检查语法。话说这个错多了也很影响成绩，不是挺冤的么。

yuminjiaUID??2659628

12.3 那些保持房间整洁有秩序地学生会更成功。
9 ]. T9 A' G3 iAccording to the local media, a discussion about what habit will facilitate people to（好）
become successful. As a result, the issue of students whose room is neat and clean will be more successful has been posed to among people. Those who object to this argument believes that as those students will spend more time on cleaning the room, the time which they should use to study or other important issues will be less. However, as far as I am concerned, I agree with this statement as it will lead to efficiency in studying and developing the logical mind. 2 N+ T. e. m# |2 E- ?
$ {' G# O# _" k. ~. R
To begin with, obviously, the cleaning and neat environment will make students’ studying or working more efficient. According to the research taken by some scientists that almost 80% of the individuals who are working more efficient are in a order and neat environment.（这个句子的主干是according to ….that ……, 整句只有状语，没主句；把that去掉， 用逗号连接）
That is also why big companies always keep their surroundings clean, not only do they present a good brand to their consumers but also（ to 多余，去掉）encourage their employees to work more efficient. In addition, those students whose rooms are always clean and tidy are more likely to sort rooms by themselves, so they will cherish their own work and won't mess it up. Consequently, their room will always be in a clean environment and their working spirit will be cheered up too. That is a beneficial circle (好)which will make them become more successful. & @, H. |  z$ P5 P9 V$ P" a
2 ~1 @* k5 g: q' V
Furthermore, the process of sorting rooms can contribute to developing a logical mind. it 's clearly that when someone start to sort their rooms, they need to have a plan and to  know which place should be put in certain things. For example, the old books needed to be put under the bed because they don't use as often as possible. So the process of creating the most convenient environment for their life will be a beneficial opportunities for students to improve（好象用了好几次improve了， 改成elevate）
their logical mind. For example, one of my best friends who are extremely good at math, everything in his room is orderly, he never cannot find his stuff. Also he said sorting room is just like solving math problems, you need to put the right things in the right place. As a result, the logical mind which they develop in this process will promote their ability to analysis problems and is responsible for their success- C, L& J- {. s. y' M& `  _. y/ L

' U) |: E( D/ mIn addition,. However, as i mentioned above, despite making their rooms clean and tidy will cost them some time ,(二句合一，单句变让步状语，插入)they will cherish their work, （therefore they will surely）(换成动词+ing形式表伴随的结果) keeping their room tidy and not messing it up （which won't cost them so much time删掉，有点罗嗦）. Only do they spend time on that, they will also know how much love their parents devote to this family which can also teach them to admire other’s work and （这2个短语之间没什么并列关系吧，因为该珍惜他人劳动成果，会更加让他们成功；该成动词+ing形式表伴随的结果）contributing to their further success.# U9 q( \$ Z. ^
+ u: U% V" S" G
Judging from all evidence offered, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that though the advantages of saving time leads to are considerable ,it cannot compete with the benefits that cleaning and sorting room bring about, when efficiency and logical thinking  are taken into account.

纠正了些小错误，紫色加粗值得学习

半夏之北UID??2517498

12.4 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from travelling in their own country than travelling in a foreign country.

According to the local media,recently ,there is a research about whether people will travel in their own contry or in a foreign county.As a consequence,the statement that people benefit more from travelling in their country than in a foregn country  has been posed among people.Those people who advocate to this argument believes that traveiling in their own country will lead to a strong feeling about their motherland therefore people will work hard for their country.However,in my opinion,i believe that people will benefit more from traveling in a foreign country as they can view and experience different cultures and seneries and learn many advanced method of management or other technology.

To begin with.traveling in a foreign country can provide a chance for travellers to experience extremely different culture and senery.According to a recent survey,nearly 80% of people tend to visit a place with totally different culture and senery which they had never experienced before.As a result,going aboard will satisfy the consumers' need in the aspect of fancy issues.A vivid example can be found in my friend,last year ,he went to America,although it took a long trip to there,he was still very excited because he watched many seneries such as Yellow Stone Park and knew more about the culture of America .Just as the old saying in China,read ten thousand books,travel ten thousand miles,the consumers can learn more from a trip to foreign counties which will alos leave a profound impression on them since that is extremely distinctive.

In additon,a trip to foreign countries can contribute to a learning process.As during the traveiling ,travellers will learn many new things which they can used in their future life.Imagine the individuals who are from a country which people are not obey some public rules fro instance  they jump the queue or smoke in the bus,then they visit a foreign city which is clean and organised,and everybody obeys the common rules,what should they do when they go back to their motherland?Obviously,they will obey some rules and their behaviour will influence other people.our society abounds with these examples.Moreover,nowadays,many companies will arrange some people as a group to go aboard to some developed countries to learn some advanced technology and management skills.so as the travellers too,they can also obtain many knowledge from this trip.

Addmittedly,after viewing some gramOrious mountains and rivers in their motherland,people will have a strong feeling of their motherland which will inspire them to work hard for their contry.However,it also has some detrimental influences which is clearly that it will make them too opotimistic about their situation and doesn't know how developed other countries are.

Judging from all evidence offered,we may sagely arrive at the conclusion that people will benefit more from a oversea traveling.Though the advantages that domestic traveling leads to are considerable,they cannot compete with the benefits that overseas traveling brings out,when the fancy experience and knowledge obtained during the travaling is taken into account.with respect to these drawbacks, i deem that people can travel domestic and overseas traveling together which can contribute to improve the situation.
掐点完成，我都不知道我写的什么了，猛拍~~
辛苦了~~

hulinlin24UID??2731389

According to the local media,recently ,there is a research about whether people will travel in their own contry or in a foreign county.As a consequence,the statement that people benefit more from travelling in their country than in a foregn country  has been posed among people.Those people who advocate to this argument believes that traveiling in their own country will lead to a strong feeling about their motherland therefore people(they) will work hard for their country.However,in my opinion,i believe that people will benefit more from traveling in a foreign country as they can view and experience different cultures and seneries and learn many advanced method of management or(and) other technology.( (开头段写得真好啊)

To begin with.traveling in a foreign country can provide a chance for travellers to experience extremely different culture and senery.According to a recent survey,nearly 80% of people tend to visit a place with totally different culture and senery which they had never experienced before.As a result,going aboard will satisfy the consumers' need in the aspect of fancy issues.A vivid example can be found in my friend,last year ,he went to America,although it took a long trip to there,he was still very excited because he watched many seneries such as Yellow Stone Park and knew more about the culture of America .Just as the old saying in China,read ten thousand books,travel ten thousand miles,the consumers can learn more from a trip to foreign counties which will alos(also) leave a profound impression on them since that is extremely distinctive.2 v1 K1 s* L* H

In additon,a trip to foreign countries can contribute to a learning process.As(去掉) during the traveiling ,travellers will learn many new things which they can used in their future life.Imagine the individuals(people) who are from a country which people are not obey some public rules fro（for） instance  they jump the queue or smoke in the bus,then they visit a foreign city which is clean and organised,and everybody obeys the common rules,what should they do when they go back to their motherland?Obviously,they will obey some rules and their behaviour will influence other people.our society abounds with these examples.Moreover,nowadays,many companies will arrange some people as a group to go aboard to some developed countries to learn some advanced technology and management skills.so(去掉) as the travellers too,they can also obtain many knowledge from this trip.8 `. r6 ]2 v* b2 ]5 h

Addmittedly,after viewing some gramOrious(glorious) mountains and rivers in their motherland,people will have a strong feeling of their motherland which will inspire them to work hard for their contry.However,it also has some detrimental influences which is clearly that it will make them too opotimistic about their situation and doesn't know how developed other countries are.


i# o! i  k- ]
Judging from all evidence offered,we may sagely arrive at the conclusion that people will benefit more from a oversea traveling.Though the advantages that domestic traveling leads to are considerable,they cannot compete with the benefits that overseas traveling brings out,when the fancy experience and knowledge obtained during the travaling is taken into account.with respect to these drawbacks, i deem that people can travel domestic and overseas traveling together which can contribute to improve the situation.
除了一些打字错误和一些小小的语法错误，你的作文真的很不错啊。。。结构，逻辑，内容都很好，我要跟你学习。。加油加油

还我用户名UID??2733880

According to the local media, recently, thereis a research about whether people will travel in their own contry or in a foreign county. As a consequence, thestatement that people benefit more from travelling in their country than in a foregn country has been posed among people. Thosepeople who advocate to this argument believes【应该是believe把】 that traveiling in their own country will lead to a strong feeling【强烈的什么感情？】 about their motherland therefore people will work hard for theircountry. However, in my opinion, I believe that people will benefit more fromtraveling in a foreign country as they can view and experience differentcultures and seneries and learn manyadvanced methods of management or othertechnology.

To begin with, traveling in a foreigncountry can provide a chance for travellers to experience extremely differentculture and senery. According to a recentsurvey, nearly 80% of people tend to visit a place with totally differentculture and senery which they had never experienced before. As a result, goingaboard will satisfy the consumers' need in the aspect of fancy issues. A vividexample can be found in my friend, last year ,he went to America, although ittook a long trip to there, he was still very excited because he watched manyseneries such as Yellow Stone Park and knew more about the culture of America.Just as the old saying in China, read ten thousand books, travel tenthousand miles【这句话是这么翻译的么...】, the consumers can learn more from a trip to foreign counties whichwill alos leave a profound impression on them since that is extremely distinctive.

In additon,a trip to foreign countries can contribute to a learning process. As during the traveiling, travellers will learn many newthings which they can used【use】 in their future life. Imagine the individuals who are from acountry which people are not obey some public rules fro instance
they jump the queue or smoke in the bus, thenthey visit a foreign city which is clean and organised,and everybody obeys the common rules, what should they do when they go back totheir motherland? Obviously, they will obey some rules and their behaviour willinfluence other people. Our society abounds with these examples. Moreover, nowadays,many companies will arrange some people as a group to go aboard to somedeveloped countries to learn some advanced technology and management skills, soas the travellers too, they can also obtain many knowledge from this

Addmittedly, after viewing some gramOrious mountains and rivers in theirmotherland, people will have a strong feeling of their motherland whichwill inspire them to work hard for their contry.However, it also has some detrimental influences which is clearly that it willmake them too opotimistic about theirsituation and doesn't know how developed other countries are.
【本段最后一句指出在国内旅行可能会带来一些好处，然后做了一个offset，指出坏处大于好处。这么做看起来比较复杂，而且后者有些牵强。有两个建议，一是只说国内的好处，但是通过比较，国外旅行的好处总的说来大于国内的好处。或者保持原文，但仍要加一句总结句。】

Judging from all evidence offered, we maysagely arrive at the conclusion that people will benefit more from a【an】 oversea traveling. Thoughthe advantages that domestic traveling leads to are considerable, they cannotcompete with the benefits that overseas traveling brings out【建议还是用bringin】, whenthe fancy experience and knowledge obtained during the travaling is taken into account with respect to these drawbacks, i deem that people cantravel domestic and overseas traveling together which can contribute to improvethe situation. 【最后给出一个综合性的建议，学习了！】

建议：
1.
楼主是不是已经考过或者准备过AW？句子比较长，语词也比较高级，但个人认为首先应该保证句子清晰易懂，保证能一眼洞穿。
2.
嘿嘿，拼写错误用红色标注出来了，还有一些复数单数上的错误，请注意。
如有不妥还请见谅。

happyfaith2008UID??2709856

前面两位基本上把语法什么毛病都挑了。我就提醒一点，托福作文貌似不能用数字哦！注意一下那个80%。
还有就是句子实在太长，所以读起来有点费劲。长短句结合会比较好吧？我有点像是鸡蛋里挑骨头了。:L

半夏之北UID??2517498

居然写错题目，郁闷
TPO3关于一幅画的真伪
The speaker states that the painting which is potrait of an elderly woman in a white bonnet is certainly painted by Rembrandt by pointing three reasons ,which is challenging what is stated in the reading passage.

First of all,the listening passage provides evidence that from the pigment research,somethingabout the fur which was made one hundred years later after Rembrandt painted this painting had beed added to this painting in order to increase the value of it.however,in the originated paiting,the dress of this woman is consistency which is suitable of Rembrandt's style.It is the fake fur that made the inconsistency appear in this painting.That is the first reason the listening material point out to refute on the reading passage.

Furthermore,the speaker claims that in the originated painting,there is a simple color of the woman's dress and the light color below the woman's face can reflect and illiminate the face of this woman.so without the fake part of the painting,this one can still present rembrandt was a master of painting light anf shadow and  is suitable of his style.that si the second reason the listening paasage points out to cast doubt on the reading passage.

Finally,the speaker states that without the fake part,the painting is made of a single wood panel.Someone made the painting larger and grander so they need to add some pieces to the painting in order to increase the value of it.In additon,according to some research,the pieces of this originated painting was from the  same tree with another painting which was also painted by Rembreandt.That is the last reason made by the professor to refute the writer's opinion.

半夏之北UID??2517498

TPO4恐龙
The professor claims that dinosaurs are not endotherms by pointing out three reasons ,which is challenging what is stated in the reading passage.

First of all,the speaker states that when dinosaurs were living in the polar regions where the fossils were founded,the polar region was much warmer than today's.The temperature there was suitable for dinosaurs to live.In additon,even the temperature became colder,dinosaurs can immigrate to other warmer places.That is the first point made by the speaker to refute the reading  passage that dinosaurs need to maintain their temperature to live in the polar region.

Furthermore,the professor points that there is another explanation of why the legs of dinosaurs were underneath not outside their bodys.This structure can support more weight,it would be helpful for them to grow large.That is the second reason made by the listening passage to contradict the writer's opinion that dinosaurs had their legs underneath in order to run efficiently.

Finally,the professor states that although some of dinosaurs had haversian canals,they had growth rings which indicated that they wouldn't grow rapidly.In,fact,some of them grew inconsistently，for instance,they grew slowly or stopped growing during the cold period, which was just the characteristics of animals who are not endothems.That is the third point made by the speaker to cast doubt on the reading material that bone structure of dinosaurs can prove that they are endotherms.

To sum up,from all three reasons,the speaker totally disagrees with the writer's opinion.