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[活动] 进军美利坚作文作业by 枕头 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-12-11 21:54:32 |显示全部楼层
12.11 作业

你认为获得真实的新闻应该是从报纸还是电视


With the development of the television net, we can almost get the news as soon as possible, and a live television program can give the TV audience a simultaneous vision just like being in the sites. This kind of technology advance can give people a objective view of the news.

Generally, the TV show is a objective record of the events what people could focus on. Then the viewer can tell what is going on in the events, and there are no comments could influent viewer’s own judgment. The television news always accompanied with the live coverage, which can make news seems the lifelike. The facilities that journalists used can help them have good overview of a occasion. For instance, on the day after the death of Diana, almost every big cable television company broadcast their primetime news. Such a up-to-date report can give the audience a truly feeling about the events.

The paper based news is modified by the journalists, some kind of this news is even subversive. Sometimes, commentators can play a crucial role to give people a wrong impression to the reader. Passion or strong emotion could be aroused, even belligerence or anger can be the consequence.
But also, there are too much subjective opinions between the lines of the newspaper. Admittedly, there are some excellent works in the commentaments. The reader of newspaper can give a distorted direction of the current news. These effects can be large enough to change a really big crowd of people. Just think about the dictator Hitler, who use the public media to especially the newspaper to distort the Germany attitude to Jewish. So we need reasonable and impartial evaluation of the news.


Facticity is the root of news. Obviously, the TV news can keep the pure objective better than the any other medium. As a result, it is better for us to acquire the truth of the information to watch the television news programs. The television is better is the aspect of authenticity,systematicness and completeness.

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发表于 2009-12-12 22:47:20 |显示全部楼层
With the development of the television net, we can almost(去掉) get the news as soon as possible, and a live television program can give the TV audience a simultaneous vision just like being in the sites. This kind of technology advanceadvance in technology can give people a(an) objective view of the news.

第一段应当明确提出观点:应该从电视中获得真实的新闻。

Generally, the TV show is an objective record of the events what people could focus on. Then the viewer can tell what is going on in the events, and there are no comments could influent(influence) viewer’s own judgment. The television news always accompanied with the live coverage, which can make news seems the lifelike(这个表达有些不地道). The facilities that journalists used can help them have good overview of a(an) occasion. For instance, on the day after the death of Diana, almost every big cable television company broadcast their primetime news. Such a(an) up-to-date report can give the audience a truly feeling about the events.
Princess Diana例子很好,但没能说明TV news的客观性。

两段间承上启下的词或句还是应该有的。(Compared to the TV news,)The paper based news is modified by the journalists, some kind of this news is even subversive (tampered). Sometimes, commentators can play a crucial role to give people a wrong impression to the reader(people重复,去掉). Passion or strong emotion could be aroused, even belligerence or anger can be the consequence.# W" g8 H% E! [, l"

\#



But
(没有转折关系,去掉)also, there are too much subjective opinions between the lines of the newspaper. Admittedly, there are some excellent works in the commentaments. (这两句话之间是什么逻辑关系呢?)The reader of newspaper can give a distorted direction of the current news. These effects can be largestrong enough to change (the mind of) a really big crowd of people. Just think about the dictator Hitler, who uses the public media to(去掉) especially the newspaper to distort the Germany attitude to JewishJews. So we need reasonable and impartial evaluation of the news.



Facticity is the root of news. Obviously, the TV news can keep the purepurely objective better than the any other medium. As a result, it is better for us to acquire the truth of the information to watch(by watching) the television news programs. The television is better is(on) the aspect of authenticity, systematic ness and completeness.

橙色是我觉得值得学习的地方,蓝色是我觉得不妥的地方。
文章总体观点比较明确,思路比较清楚,有些词也用的不错。
注意小的语法错误尽量避免。
例子都不错,就是没有深入的分析例子,没有清楚的指出例子如何支撑你的论点。
三四段说的是一回事,可以合并为一段。
文章的逻辑性有待加强,连接词的使用。
我的问题也很多,请严批!
共同进步!

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RE: 进军美利坚作文作业by 枕头 [修改]

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