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追风骑士UID: 2742719

Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?

There is public controversy nowadays about whether young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long-term. Those who oppose this view argue that it is a process to waste a large number of time. However, in my opinion, I maintain that it is a excellent option because people can accumulate job’s experience, develop their interpersonal skills in different kinds of job.

Frankly speaking, the majority of young people lack experience to deal with the trouble with work, especially graduating form university. It is undeniable that young people will face different problems in job, such as how to write reports, how to arrange time, how to make accurate decision, and so forth. Obviously, young people necessitate accumulating those experience in job. For instance, Irving, one of my best friend, does many different job like seller, waiter, and assistant . From those job, he learn how to arrange time because he also complete the school work. In recent, he find his ultimate dream job as an supervisor in Huawei, which is one of the famous computer companies in China. Although he has a large number of job to deal with, such as administering subordinate, signing contract, taking part in meeting and the like, he can carry through everything in rational because of former experience. Consequently, it is apparently necessary to take several different job before young people to take a career in a long time because of the accumulation of experience in prevenient job.

In addition, young people also need to know how to communicate with other worker in job. To take divergent job will provide young people more opportunities to develop their interpersonal skill, which may put them in a favorable position in the future job. To take an example, my father is editor. Before this job, he do different job such as cleaner, workman, teacher and so on. In the end, he choose career as an editor in the end. He say:” No one can sure his or her job in the young age. Pursuing dissimilar job can offer our more opportunities to contact different people and enhance our interpersonal skills.” Thus, young people should make different job to promote their social competence in order to accommodate further career.

In sum up, young people should take various job to enrich their experience, promote social competence, particularly interpersonal skills before they decide what job as the long-time career.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

There is public controversy nowadays about whether young people should take several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in the long-term. Those who oppose this view argue that it is a process to wastes a large number amount of time. However, in my opinion, I maintain that it is a excellent option because people can accumulate job’s experience, and develop their interpersonal skills in different kinds of jobs.

Frankly speaking, the majority of young people lack experience to deal with the troubles with (Do you mean 'troubles AT work'?) work, especially those graduating from university (Why? I don't see any obvious evidence that university graduates should be particularly weak in this aspect.). It is undeniable that young people will face different problems in job (It's usually 'in work' or 'on a job'), such as how to write reports, how to arrange (You don't 'arrange' time because time is not something you can swap around with. You normally 'manage' time.) time, how to make accurate (This is a word to describe numbers, not decisions.) decisions, and so forth. Obviously, young people necessitate (Can someone tell me who taught you people to use this word like this? This is totally NOT what you think it means.) accumulating those experience (I trust you're able to spot the error here.) in job. For instance, Irving, one of my best friends (This is the 2nd time I see Irving, and I've only read about 10 essays in total. A real TOEFL examiner may grade some 50+ to 100 essays per day, so you won't want him to think, 'Hey! I've seen this before!'. My point? Next time, at least change the name of your 'friend'. It doesn't really matter so you'd actually be better off to give a Chinese name in Hanyu Pinyin..) , does (If you use present tense, you mean that your 'friend' is doing many jobs now, CONCURRENTLY.) many different jobs like seller ('Seller' is seldom a job title. Use 'salesman'.), waiter, and assistant (of what?) . From those jobs, he learnt how to arrange time because he also complete the school work? (You didn't say he was a student! Don't surprise your reader.). In recently (Again, this is the 2nd time I see this wrongly written phrase. I cannot help but guess that you're using a template that someone else was also using. And the template is not even really all correct. If you really must use a template, at least get one that's FREE OF GRAMMAR ERRORS), he finds his ultimate dream job as an supervisor in Huawei, which is one of the famous computer companies in China. Although he has a large number of jobs (Although I'd suggest 'a large amount of work', judging from what you've written after this word) to deal with, such as administering subordinates, signing contracts, taking part in meetings and the like, he can carry through everything in rational? because of former experience. Consequently, it is apparently necessary to take several different jobs before young people to take a career in a the long run time because of the accumulation of experience in prevenient? (I'm not sure why you used this word, because it's almost always used in religious or legal contexts) jobs.

In addition, young people also need to know how to communicate with other workers in job. To take divergent (Again, this is not the same as 'different', because it has a sense of 'going into different directions, away from each other'.) jobs will provide young people more opportunities to develop their interpersonal skills, which may put them in a favorable position in the future jobs. To take an example, my father is an editor (Of a newspaper? Of a magazine?). Before this job, he did different jobs such as cleaner, workman, teacher and so on. In the end, he choose a career as an editor in the end. He says:” No one can be sure of (Hmm. 'Sure' is not a verb, unless you mean 'secure'.) his or her job in the young age. Pursuing dissimilar jobs can offer our more opportunities to contact different people and enhance our interpersonal skills.” (I doubt he would have used the exact same words as in your topic sentences, so, make it less fake.) Thus, young people should take different jobs to promote their social competence in order to accommodate further career.(I don't see how your father's previous jobs have enhanced his 'interpersonal skills', and I don't see how his 'interpersonal skills' are useful in getting the editor job for him. Your point is just being casually thrown about in different paraphrases without any logical development.)

In sum up, young people should take various jobs to enrich their experience, promote social competence, particularly interpersonal skills before they decide on what job is to be the long-time career.

总结：

语法 - 单复数请注意。job是可数名词。

词汇 - 高难度词汇如果不确定100%能用对还是不要用了，把简单词汇用对，+分；把高深词汇用对，++分；把简单词汇用错，--分；把高深词汇用错，-分，重要的是把词用对，而不是用什么词。

逻辑 - 首先，你的逻辑没有任何发展。用3句不同的话说同样的意思，不叫议论，叫改写。。另外，题目特别指出年轻人，那么你的议论要尽量围绕年轻人来发展，而不是单纯地在多种工作的好处上绕来绕去，如果有一些针对为什么多种工作对年轻人特别有意义的议论就会加分了。。

追风骑士UID: 2742719

有几点不懂得地方想问问楼主！！！
1.如何锻炼自己的逻辑？看托福的阅读文章有用吗？
2.单词的替换该怎样把握？ 比如：Obviously, young people necessitate accumulating knowledge 中的necessitate 可以用什么高级词替换用的更准确一点！
3.编中文名字也可以吗！会不会有影响！
4.这个题目如果是楼主写的话，会从那几个方面破题！
希望楼主能指点指点小弟！

mpromanusUID: 2565872

1.如何锻炼自己的逻辑？看托福的阅读文章有用吗?

有用。多看议论文。（好像是废话）如果你有闲心，可以看培根（Francis Bacon）和柏拉图（Plato）。

2.单词的替换该怎样把握？ 比如：Obviously, young people necessitate accumulating knowledge 中的necessitate 可以用什么高级词替换用的更准确一点!

这个不是替换什么词的问题，这个词放在这里是个语义错误，因为它不是need的意思，它的意思是make necessary，所以你这句话变成young people make accumulating knowledge necessary。。

3.编中文名字也可以吗！会不会有影响!

当然不会，除非你刚好用了某个考官知道的名人的名字。。反正都不认识的人，名字完全不会有任何意义，就像你觉得你会关心一道应用题里的人叫小明还是小红么。。

4.这个题目如果是楼主写的话，会从那几个方面破题

我不提供作文提纲，给你一个分论点供参考：年轻人一般缺乏工作经验，不多试几个工作没法确切知道自己到底适合做什么，所以在确定长期工作发展之前应该多试几种不同的工作。你可以自己想想年轻人和多种工作之间有什么其它特别的联系可以挖掘。