@@茶叶蛋炒饭@@ 第十四次作业 Issue30 请组员跟帖

yeshen2010UID: 2744103

Issue30: The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.


As the application of various new technologies, people's working efficiency becomes higher and higher. I concur with the speaker that people's efficiency can be increased by technological advancement. However, increasing efficiency does not mean everyone has more leisure time. My view can be substantiated by the following discussion.


As we all known, technological advancement can improve efficiency. Before industrialization, it spent several days to plow an acre using cattle. While it just needs a couple of hours to do this work using machines now. Besides, people rode a horse to send information or letters to others which may take a few days; but now, people send messages through internet which just takes several minutes. Technological application increases efficiency a lot.


However, high efficiency does not bring more leisure time. People become much busier on the contrary because they bear more and more pressure. In one hand, if one does not work hard, he or she may be fired by a boss immediately. So many people bring work home after working in daytime so that he or she has little time to spare with family members. In China, many young couples send their children to their parents due to they do not have enough time to accompany with kids. On the other hand, the cost of living gets higher than before. In modern times, people must spend more money on housing, education, and medical care. Hence, people should earn enough money to support the outcomes. Otherwise, one may live in a rather poor condition that is renting a department just nine square meters with other three people, or even not affording to go to hospitals when one gets illness. Because of the high pressure, people have less leisure time than before.


Furthermore, sometimes technological advancement is not to offer leisure time to people, but rather to promote the freedom of speech. For example, after the invention of internet, people can shown their thoughts directly on net which may influence the nation's decision. The issue of Tiger Zhou, a farmer named Zhou Zhenglong who claimed that he found a south China tiger in a village of Shan Xi, a province in west of China, can prove this point. Zhou Zhenglong made a fake picture of south China tiger, and several officials who involved in the issue for certain purpose admitted that the kind of tiger existed, and it was a true discovery. Numbers of people surfing on internet questioned its truth, and considered the picture was made by Photoshop. Under the pressure of the inquiry, the public security department began to investigate the case. After surveying and detecting, Zhou Zhenglong confessed that he cheated finally, and was sentenced to prison. Without internet, people may never know the true forever, and not express their will directly.


To sum up, technology may not bring people leisure time, but can push the development of the world forward. And if one can balance the relationship between work and leisure time, maybe people will enjoy more benefits that technology brings.


改
懒蚂蚁的ISSUE30 by yeshen
12:40

The speaker alleges that we can have more leisure time with the help of technological advancement since they can increase our efficiency. I agree with the speaker insofar as that technological advancement does improve our productive efficiency. However, it is wrong to equal this improvement in efficiency to the increase of people's leisure time. In fact, with advancement of the technology, our leisure time has become less than before. So, in order to live a comfortable life, we should keep a better life style.
提出自己观点：效率高了，但是休闲时间反而少了。为了过得舒适，应该保持一种更好的生活方式。

In the first place, there is no denying the fact that the primary goal of technological advancement is to increase poeple's efficiency and it indeed have(has) done a lot to the improvement of human history. With the ever-increasing population of human, the old technologies cannot afford the dramatically increased consumptions made by the large number of people, and because of this we have to improve the productive efficiency. With the aim of improving the peoples' efficiency come the new technologies and facilities. Nowadays, we can produce our clothes more quickly along a line; we can make some difficult and accurate jobs done by a machine so that we can save a lot time; we can make a program that can help us monitor the running of a machine instead of ourselves. With the help of these technologies can we afford enough materials needed by people in current society. From this point of view, the initial purpose of technological advancement is indeed to improve the efficiency of people, and what is more important is that they do help us produce more products that can afford the peoples' needs.
论点：并不否认技术进步的重要作用是提高了效率，并推动了人类历史发展。

However, though technological advancement have（has） improved our productive efficiency, our leisure time does not increase as the speaker asserts. On the one hand, with the improved efficiency comes the employer's expectations, and they want to make more profits with the help of the new technologies. As a result, our working time is prolonged. On the other hand, because of the increased efficiency, even though we still work the same time as before, we repeat the same work more times than before, which would make us feel bored and tired and ultimately affect the use of the time out of work. In the past time, our parents would probably have a walk after super, nowadays, on the contrary, we just throw our bodies into bed instead of walking for the reason that we are tired.（这个例子不太好，感觉睡觉就不是休闲了，睡觉也是一种休闲方式） All in all, with the use of new technologies, we have lost more leisure time than before for whatever the reasons are.
论点：尽管技术进步提高了效率，但是休闲时间却并没有增加。

In the final analysis, after realizing the fact that we have to work more hard than in the past even with the help of new technologies, we have to make a healthy living style for the reason that on the one hand it is only ourselves who can make a better life for us, and on the other hand it can make us live more optimistic in current society. Though we are tired after work, we can still choose a better way for a happier life. For example, we can listen some beautiful music instead of the noises in the Internet games; we can read a book or watch an entertainment programme for loosing ourselves rather than go to a disturbed bar. In a word, we should make good use of our leisure time even if it is very little or we are tired.
论点：要有健康的生活方式。

To sum up, with the utilization of new technologies, our leisure time decreases while our efficiency increases. Though we have more pressure than the people in the past time, we still need an optimistic view of life and make our life comfortable, wonderful and significant.

小结：层次还是比较鲜明的，论点也开门见山。

cycy881125UID: 2625420

written by AlanC




I strongly propose that it is because of the primary goal of technological advancement which increasing human’s efficiency that leisure time could be increased. Moreover, through the power of technology, can human solve the immediate problem, hence quality of life could be improved. However, it is more and more rely on the scientific and technological tools that make the potential of human be restrained so that prevent human from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.



From the time when human first started to study the science, it is to resolve their daily life that is the primary goal of study. Since the purpose of work is to live but not the opposite relationship that human has lives for work. So for the purpose of decreasing the burden of work so that increasing quality of life, science and technology come out, and its productions help human improve efficiency and leisure time then live a better. Along with the development of science, with this unchanging goal, nowadays, human’s life has become more and more comfortable and convenient. There is an instance to best illustrate it. Every time we have come into the library, we could find the convenience and comfort to search what we want. And these conveniences owe to the use of computer database which could store hundreds of thousands of book items and provide a search function. It has relieves human’s energy from burdensome work so that make human’s life better.


However, while the development of technology has brought us conveniences, the disadvantages have also been obvious and it could be burden to prevent development of human. Since more and more dependences on technology lead the ability of humans to deteriorate. Hence in some circumstances, technology would do a seemingly clever thing which turns out to be a foolish one instead. For instance, the population of fat person accounts for a large proportion of total population, While it is in American that development of science is the most advancing, and almost everything in its major cities could represent convenience and comfortable. However, through using the convenient tools, human have becomes more indolent. Such technology tools as vehicles and elevator have not only impelled the progress of human, but reduced human’s motion nature which ultimately leads human to be fat. Thus the disadvantages of science advancement should be taken measures to prevent.


In sum, with advancement of human technology and science, undoubtedly we human would rather have benefited from it rather than be prevented from develop. Only if we have dealt with these tools properly, our life would be much better.



改yeshen



As the application of various new technologies, people's working efficiency becomes higher and higher. I concur with the speaker that people's efficiency can be increased by technological advancement. However, increasing efficiency does not mean everyone has more leisure time. My view can be substantiated by the following discussion.


As we all known, technological advancement can improve efficiency. (Since advanced science and technology could produce the most appropriate available products, then it is their convenieny and advancement that might make human process things more flexibly, quickly and effectively, hence efficiency of human during work and life hours has been improved.)Before industrialization, it spent several days to plow (on plowing)an acre using cattle. While it just needs a couple of hours to do this work using machines now. Besides, people rode a horse to send information or letters to others which may take a few days; but now, people send messages through internet which just takes several minutes. Technological application increases efficiency a lot.

这一段很牵强，而且论述不够。我还是要问，为什么技术提高了效率，不能仅仅用例子来说明，需要一些理论解释。

However, high efficiency does not bring more leisure time. People become much busier on the contrary because they bear more and more pressure. In one hand, if one does not work hard, he or she may be fired by a boss immediately. So many people bring work home after working in daytime so that he or she has little time to spare with family members. In China, many young couples send their children to their parents due to they do not have enough time to accompany with kids.  (due to 后面是跟短语的 所以可以改成这样 due to having not enough time for them to accompany with kids)On the other hand, the cost of living gets higher than before. In modern times, people must spend more money on housing, education, and medical care. Hence, people should earn enough money to support the outcomes. Otherwise, one may live in a rather poor condition that is renting a department just nine square meters with other three people, or even not affording to go to hospitals when one gets illness. Because of the high pressure, people have less leisure time than before.
你的意思由于压力的存在使得即使效率的提高也不能提高休息时间。我觉得这个论点应该能这样写，但是不知道是不是我argument想多了，我的想法是就算压力很大，但是要能够使用好先进技术，提高工作效率我们就会有更多休息时间，好像正好和你观点相反，不过你的也是值得考虑的。

Furthermore, sometimes technological advancement is not to offer leisure time to people, but rather to promote the freedom of speech. For example, after the invention of internet, people can shown their thoughts directly on net which may influence the nation's decision. The issue of Tiger Zhou, a farmer named Zhou Zhenglong who claimed that he found a south China tiger in a village of Shan Xi, a province in west of China, can prove this point. Zhou Zhenglong made a fake picture of south China tiger, and several officials who involved in the issue for certain purpose admitted that the kind of tiger existed, and it was a true discovery. Numbers of people surfing on internet questioned its truth, and considered the picture was made by Photoshop. Under the pressure of the inquiry, the public security department began to investigate the case. After surveying and detecting, Zhou Zhenglong confessed that he cheated finally, and was sentenced to prison. Without internet, people may never know the true forever, and not express their will directly.
大姐，我也说不清楚这个论点是否贴切，但是我可以肯定的是leisure time 和 freedom of speech 在逻辑上是不具有可比性的，虽规定了提高了言论自由就一定不能提高休闲时间呢，这个明显是错误的对比。同时我还要指出的是你的例子描述应该尽量的精简，你的过程描述太细了，这个是禁忌啊，试想那个考官会想读报纸呢？而你的很多例子都有这个弊病，所以我提个小小的建议，你最好能按照报纸标题那样来写例子，让别人一眼就能看出你的例子讲什么，虽然也不至于那么短，我也在慢慢往那个方向改。最后还要说的是，你还是再考虑下你的论点，我觉得不太贴切，有点勉强了。


To sum up, technology may not bring people leisure time, but can push the development of the world forward. And if one can balance the relationship between work and leisure time, maybe people will enjoy more benefits that technology brings.

mikestoneUID: 2734495

In my view, one of the primary goals of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency. However, people don't enjoy more leisure time as we expect. There are other extra things which reduce our spare time.

To begin with, the development of science and technology makes our life more efficient and convenient. Nowadays, we can chat with our friends 1000km away, can arrive anywhere we wish within 24 hours, can watch a football game held in a foreign country, and can even shop on the Internet, thanks to the scientists and engineers. They discover new materials and contribute fresh inventions to make our life easier, so that we don't have to waste too much time on some staff or afraid about that we cannot receive some important information at first-time. For example, we now don't have to calculate some complex data, because computers can do it for us, and then we have sufficient time to focus on more important things like modeling. So, to increase people's efficiency and convenience should be one primary goal in the advancement of technology.

People expect that they can enjoy more leisure time, when science and technology are greatly improved. However, results are just opposite. Their life becomes quicker and more tired and they have less time to share with their families. For instance, increasingly, employees hope they can enjoy a one-month-vocation in many companies in China. In recent year, they have only one week to celebrate spring festival, which is a primary custom, with their families and friends. So, can we say the advancement of technology gives us more leisure time?

Why these things happen? In my mind, one of the most important reasons is competition. Actually, technology gives many convenient tools which make our work more efficient. Once a worker masters new technology, he will become increasing competitive in his work. However, those who don’t do that may be fired in the competition. Just as we know, more and more training centers are opened for workers. The employees have to take some lessons like computer, foreign language, to improve their ability in their spare time. Therefore, their leisure time no doubt decreases.

What’s more, as vehicles are convenient nowadays, tremendous people work in another city. They have to spend much time in maintaining their cars or booking tickets. Also, they have to wait in their cars in the rush hours. Moreover, extra money on petrol and maintenance is needed to be paid; people have to work overtime to make more money. All these things reduce our leisure time.

In sum, as the development of technology, our life become more efficiency and convenience, whereas doesn't not slow down. Our spare time is reduced by things like training, maintenance and so on.

改AlanC
I strongly propose that it is because of the primary goal of technological advancement which increasing human’s efficiency that leisure time could be increased. Moreover, through the power of technology, can human solve the immediate problem; hence quality of life could be improved. However, it is more and more rely on the scientific and technological tools that make the potential of human be restrained so that prevent human from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.

三个大的方面的论点。

From the time when human first started to study the science, it is to resolve their daily life that is the primary goal of study. Since the purpose of work is to live but not the opposite relationship that human has lives for work. So for the purpose of decreasing the burden of work so that increasing quality of life, science and technology come out, and its productions help human improve efficiency and leisure time then lives a better life. Along with the development of science, with this unchanging goal, nowadays, human’s life has become more and more comfortable and convenient. There is an instance to best illustrate it. Every time we have come into the library, we could find the convenience and comfort to search what we want. And these conveniences owe to the use of computer database which could store hundreds of thousands of book items and provide a search function. It has relieves human’s energy from burdensome work so that make human’s life better.

发展科技的目的是减少人们的负担，使人们的效率更高，有更多的休闲时间。

However, while the development of technology has brought us conveniences, the disadvantages have also been obvious and it could be burden to prevent development of human. Since more and more dependences on technology lead the ability of humans to deteriorate. Hence in some circumstances, technology would do a seemingly clever thing which turns out to be a foolish one instead. For instance, the population of fat person accounts for a large proportion of total population, While it is in American that development of science is the most advancing, and almost everything in its major cities could represent convenience and comfortable. However, through using the convenient tools, human have becomes more indolent. Such technology tools as vehicles and elevator have not only impelled the progress of human, but reduced human’s motion nature which ultimately leads human to be fat. Thus the disadvantages of science advancement should be taken measures to prevent.

这段说的是科技发展的坏处。

In sum, with advancement of human technology and science, undoubtedly we human would rather have benefited from it rather than be prevented from develop. Only if we have dealt with these tools properly, our life would be much better.

总结：首先文章的题目是The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.我看文章的时候感觉你可能理解成了The primary goal of technological advancement is to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.我只是猜测，因为我写完了才发现我自己也没注意题目。
还有一点就是，好像你没有写完似地。

imlifewillingUID: 2706999

by懒蚂蚁
12:40
The speaker alleges that we can have more leisure time with the help of technological advancement since they can increase our efficiency. I agree with the speaker insofar as that technological advancement does improve our productive efficiency. However, it is wrong to equal this improvement in efficiency to the increase of people's leisure time. In fact, with advancement of the technology, our leisure time has become less than before. So, in order to live a comfortable life, we should keep a better life style.

In the first place, there is no denying the fact that the primary goal of technological advancement is to increase poeple's efficiency and it indeed have done a lot to the improvement of human history. With the ever-increasing population of human, the old technologies cannot afford the dramatically increased consumptions made by the large number of people, and because of this we have to improve the productive efficiency. With the aim of improving the peoples' efficiency comes the new technologies and facilities. Nowadays, we can produce our clothes more quickly along a line; we can make some difficult and accurate jobs done by a machine so that we can save a lot time; we can make a program that can help us monitor the running of a machine instead of ourselves. With the help of these technologies can we afford enough materials needed by people in current society. From this point of view, the initial purpose of technological advancement is indeed to improve the efficiency of people, and what is more important is that they do help us produce more products that can afford the peoples' needs.

However, though technological advancement have improved our productive efficiency, our leisure time does not increase as the speaker asserts. On the one hand, with the improved efficiency comes the employer's expectations, and they want to make more profits with the help of the new technologies. As a result, our working time is prolonged.On the other hand, because of the increased efficiency, even though we still work the same time as before, we repeat the same work more times than before, which would make us feel bored and tired and ultimately affect the use of the time out of work. In the past time, our parents would probably have a walk after super, nowadays, on the contrary, we just throw our bodies into bed instead of walking for the reason that we are tired. All in all, with the use of new technologies, we have lost more leisure time than before for whatever the reasons are.

In the final analysis, after realizing the fact that we have to work more hard than in the past even with the help of new technologies, we have to make a healthy living style for the reason that on the one hand it is only ourselves who can make a better life for us, and on the other hand it can make us live more optimistic in current society. Though we are tired after work, we can still choose a better way for a happier life. For example, we can listen some beautiful music instead of the noises in the Internet games; we can read a book or watch a entertainment programme for loosing ourselves rather than go to a disturbed bar. In a word, we should make good use of our leisure time even if it is very little or we are tired.

To sum up, with the utilization of new technologies, our leisure time decreases while our efficiency increases. Though we have more pressure than the people in the past time, we still need a optimistic view of life and make our life comfortable, wonderful and significant.
13:26

修改link

The speaker's statement is ill-conceived because increasing people's efficiency is merely one of the purposes of technological advancement. There are many goals of it, which are coordinate important.
开头太简单了，建议还是深入分析一下比较好。
  To begin with, exploring the mystery of nature and the universe is one of our goals to improve our technology. The moon initiative（？？） is a good example. The event that Armstrong treaded on the moon is a symbol of that human's dream last（lasting） thousands years had come true. After the moon was explored, we have known lots about the construct of stone on the moon and many other mysterious affairs. 这个地方最好再举一个mysterious的例子。However, this plan cost much money and enormous efforts of scientists, and this plan is not beneficial to people's efficiency（没有说服力）. Moreover, from the aspect of this plan’s initiator , Nixon President, his primary goal of this initiative is that （to）develop space science then(,) explore the moon and to(去掉) be a leader of space , which is not relevant to make everyone has more leisure time.（这个来的有点突兀） Therefore, people only consider how to explore the mysteries of nature but not increasing people's efficiency in some cases.
这段写提高科技的目的就是为了探索宇宙的奥秘。但是中间又和人的效率扯上了关系，而且论证的不是很充分，我觉得这段总体上说比较乱。
  In addition, technological advancement, even, is against the goal of increasing people's efficiency some times. For example, many weapons need highly pure material which many workers should spend numerous times(time) on, such as pure iron for weapons. Only through enormous experiences can the workers attain such a highly pure material, but it is may be useless for the daily life not to speak of increasing people's efficiency(这个例子很有问题，一方面感觉你在讨论纯材料的用处问题，另一方面，并不能说明这个东西对人们效率的问题。因为提到效率是只人们生产东西时候花费的平均时间，由于你这个东西只是一种原材料，只有利用价值，没有帮助功能；还有就是你要是能说明工人在提取这种材料时候的效率问题也可以，但是你没有). However, this kind of experience or product is necessary because army is the indispensable element of a country. Without army, people of the country even cannot live in a safe circumstance.（那你在这讨论军队的必要性有什么作用呢？？） Thus, people cannot but neglect the goal that increase people's efficiency due to some other purposes which is important.（这句没看懂）
说实话，这段很失败，除了第一句点名了主旨以外，没有论证，只有例子，而且例子是不合适的。最后一句还让人读不懂。
  And in many situations, increasing people's efficiency is just a byproduct of engineering or scientists. Those scientists who discover the quantum theory cannot image that this theory has affected the people's lives so hugely Nowadays, the telephone we use and many essential material we have both（不要） should ascribe to the discovery of quantum theory（最好有点具体的说明吧？我觉得电话和量子理论没什么联系吧，虽然现在在搞量子通信，但是还没有商业化呢）. However, as I known, the primary of Bohr and Einstein who are founder（founders） of quantum theory is in order（to） to repair the theory system of physics and obtain the truth of nature. They do not consider, or even cannot, that this theory benefit to such a lot of people in the world and save their times.(不通) We can have this conclusion that saving people's time of work is just a byproduct to this kind advancement.
说明提高效率是副产品。例子不合理，即使合理，也没有说明为什么提高效率是副产品，你只是在说明一些用处发明人没有想到。
  To sum up, increasing people's efficiency is a goal of technological advancement but not the primary goal. In many cases, we do not consider how to save people's time or even against the goal. Even we have achieved this goal; it may be a byproduct of the improvement of technology.

总结：
一，开头最好详细点，能暗示一下行文。
二，这三个论证方面之间很少联系，感觉是各自独立的。不建议这么写。最好有点联系。
三，各个论证都不是很完善，例子不是很有说服力
四，句子的语病不少，很多不通顺。

个人愚见，批得有点狠，见谅。