issue3 球拍

gorbyUID: 2730851

"It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations."

论点：花钱在现在重要。
第一段：现在遇到的问题是确定的，具体的；将来的问题是不确定的，research获得的效果也是不确定的。因此从投入回报的角度来说，花钱在现在的效率比较高。例子：SARS Severe Acute Respiratory  （SARS爆发的时候，大家更多的是去想如何投入时间和精力救助病人，研制疫苗，阻止疾病的扩散，而不是花上大笔的金钱去研究怎样改进人类的基因从而以后更有效地避免这种大面积传染病的发生）
欧文
第二段：解决现在的问题是基础，只有现在的问题解决好了，才有余力去考虑将来的问题
企业的发展，国家的发展问题
例子：英特尔
FRv"hF,g

Rather than spending money on long-term research that might help future generations ,we focus on the existing social problems that related to ourselves tightly. In other words, I support the author’s idea
because the existing social problems are more valuable for us to pay attention to.
First of all ,solving the existing social problems are more efficient than gambling in the long-term research that might help future generations.The existing social problems are definite
concrete representation while the goal of long-term research are nebulous and uncertain.If the existing problems are how to make efforts to deal with the global warming and air pollution so that we can get a better living environment,then long-term research is to find another suitable planet for our future generations in case of the explosion when sun explode into a supernova.The former is urgent and related to our lives in every aspects while the latter is base on an assumption which is still uncertain.Robert Owen, the famous
social reformer,he commenced two experiment to support his ideas.
In that perfect world, all people are born equally, and no wars and no hunger exist, thus no information need to be hided, just as the Utopia which the idealist Robert Owen described. After his first attempted experiment in 1825,his second trial of about two years also failed completely.
The long-term research is risk.Researchers spent lots of money and time on it,but they do not what will they get.However,
spending money on immediate, existing social problems produces instant results.The government allocates money for disease controlling and developing vaccine when SARS outbreaks in 2003.By doing so,people win the war against SARS.

Secondly,solving existing social problems is the precondition of doing long-term research.Maslow said ,everyone has four human needs such as safety needs and social needs.The four needs are four levels,one pursues them one by one.The same as the needs,existing social problems should be dealed with first.
It is true that long-term research is necessary.Nonetheless,research funds can’t be the largest part in most budgets.A country has to think about employment,public accommodation and other factors when coming up with a new planet programme. It is the same if we apply this principle to the business.The world's largest Fortune 500 companies,especially the companies in silicon valley pay much attention to the scientific research and development.But there is still a limit. Microsoft’s R&D costs reaches 10% of its proceeds of sale.Intel is about 15%.So the top priority for the CEO are still not the long-research.Because it is infeasible to spend a lot money for the future while there are so much existing problems .

In summary, allocate money for immediate, existing social problems and spend it on long-term research are all necessary.But the former is more efficient and basal.So it is more important than the latter.

NEU公孙轩辕UID: 2697609

Rather than spending money on long-term research that might help future generations ,we focus on the existing social problems that related to ourselves tightly.(句子漂亮） In other words, I support the author’s idea because the existing/present social problems are more valuable for us to pay attention to.

First of all ,solving the existing social problems are more efficient than gambling in the long-term research that might help future generations.The existing social problems are definitely concrete representation, while the goals/prospect(应该是前景不明朗，不是计划不明朗） of long-term research are/is nebulous and uncertain.For example,(举例子要过渡一下）If the/we might as well consider existing problems are/as how to make efforts to deal with/删 global warming and air pollution, and addressing these urgent issues （so that we/删 ）can promise us get/删 a better living environment in a relatively short periond of time(和后面的对比）.In contrast, then/consider the long-term research is/as to find/discovering another suitable planet for our future generations in case of the explosion when sun explode into a supernova/considering the theoretical explosion of the sun.Obviously, the former is more urgent and related tightly to our lives/life in every aspects/aspect, while the latter is based on an uncertain assumption which is still uncertain./删 Another example, Robert Owen, the famous social reformer,he/ once commenced two experiments to support his ideas(of what?指出是建立一个....的......）.In that perfect world, all people are born equally and no wars and no/or hunger exist, thus no information need to be hided（这句话是干什么的？）, just as the Utopia which the idealist Robert Owen described. Unfortunately, both of his two experient failed respectively/After his first attempted experiment in 1825,his second trial of about two years also failed completely/删.Hence,(连接） long-term research is/usually runs the risk of failure.Researchers spent lots of money and time on it,but they do not what will they get(？什么意思）.However/By contrast(对比关系，不是转折关系）,spending money on immediate, existing social problems produces instant results.The government allocates/ed money for disease controlling and developing vaccine/to fight against diseases and develop vaccines when SARS outbreaks(名次）/boroke out  in 2003.By doing so,people win/won the war against SARS.

Secondly,solving existing social problems is the precondition of doing/carrying out long-term research.Maslow said ,everyone has four human needs, such as safety needs and social needs and so on.The four needs are/symbolize four levels, and one need to pursue them one by one.（感觉类比不恰当，那四个阶段没有指出和近期与远期有类似的特征）The same as the needs,existing social problems should be dealed with first./Things are the same when comes to existing social problems,which needs to get solved with priority. It is true/There is no denying that long-term research is necessary.Nonetheless,research funds can’t be the largest part in most budgets.（这两句之间逻辑关系有点儿乱）A country has to think about employment,public accommodation and other factors when coming up with a new planet（什么意思？） programme. It is the same if we apply this principle to the/删 business（这两者之间类比不恰当，政府研究预算有限因为要考虑诸多问题，可是下面说了公司在研究上的投入占销售额的...梁面对一面），.The world's largest Fortune 500 companies,especially the companies in silicon valley， pay much attention to the scientific research and development.But there is still a limit. Microsoft’s R&D costs reaches 10% of its proceeds of sale.Intel is about 15%.So the top priority for the CEO are still not the long-research.Because it is infeasible（前后矛盾，刚说过在future上有投入，这里出现infeasible, 那么这些CEO的脑袋......) to spend a lot money for the future while there are so much existing problems .

In summary, allocate money for immediate, existing social problems and spend it on long-term research are all necessary(全文只在上面一段的例子中提到了在future中的投资，并且还没有指出那是必要的，甚至后面紧接着自相矛盾，这里突然冒出来是necessary。。。。。）.But the former is more efficient and basal.So it is more important than the latter.


逻辑：1句子之间逻辑应注意，不要出现逻辑跳跃
         2句子之间连接，过度要注意，否则太生硬
         3 举例子应该突出体现能证明你论点的方面，其他发面写了就是废话
         4 例子应该描述恰当。
         5 最关键的是千万不要前后矛盾，让ETS看见..........
语言： 1有不少很短的单句，请注意
          2部分句子结构不清
          3be动词用的有点儿多，可以换用意义较丰富的实意动词

如有不当，一起讨论~~~~

gorbyUID: 2730851

相当之感谢的说，细细的看了，很受教啊

nannan6474UID: 2612196

Rather than spending money on long-term research that might help future generations ,we focus on the existing social problems that related to ourselves tightly. In other words, I support the author’s idea
because the existing social problems are more valuable for us to pay attention to.
First of all ,solving the existing social problems are more efficient than gambling in the long-term research that might help future generations.The existing social problems are definite
concrete representation while the goal of long-term research are nebulous and uncertain.If the existing problems are how to make efforts to deal with the global warming(解决global warming这个问题好像也是一个长期问题，觉得这个举例有点不太恰当) and air pollution so that we can get a better living environment,then long-term research is to find another suitable planet for our future generations in case of the explosion when sun explode into a supernova.The former is urgent and related to our lives in every aspects while the latter is base on an assumption which is still uncertain.（这句话不太顺，没看懂）
Robert Owen, the famous social reformer, he commenced two experiment to support his ideas. In that perfect world, all people are born equally, and no wars and no hunger exist, thus no information need to be hided, just as the Utopia which the idealist Robert Owen described. After his first attempted experiment in 1825,his second trial of about two years also failed completely.（这个例子举得不太恰当，和长期关系不大，让人看得很糊涂啊） The long-term research is risk. Researchers spent lots of money and time on it, but they do not what will they get.（do not what will they get是什么意思啊） However, spending money on immediate, existing social problems produces instant results. The government allocates money for disease controlling and developing vaccine when SARS outbreaks in 2003.By doing so, people win the war against SARS.（其实SARS这个例子挺好的可以多写）

Secondly, solving existing social problems is the precondition of doing long-term research. Maslow said , everyone has four human needs such as safety needs and social needs. （他的这个人类需求层次理论可以写全，大家可以清晰一些）The four needs are four levels, one pursues them one by one. The same as the needs, existing social problems should be dealed with first.（个人觉得这个人类需求层次理论和这个解决社会问题的逻辑衔接很僵硬，好像硬把Maslow那个塞进来）It is true that long-term research is necessary. Nonetheless, research funds can’t be the largest part in most budgets. A country has to think about employment, public accommodation and other factors when coming up with（这个短语换一个比较好，turns to也可以） a new planet programme. It is the same if we apply this principle to the business. The world's largest Fortune 500 companies, especially the companies in silicon valley pay much attention to the scientific research and development. But there is still a limit. Microsoft’s R&D costs reaches 10% of its proceeds of sale. Intel is about 15%.So the top priority for the CEO are still not the long-research. Because it is infeasible to spend a lot money for the future while there are so much existing problems .（应该是说社会问题的例子，这个例子不够切题）

In summary, allocate money for immediate, existing social problems and spend it on long-term research are all necessary.But the former is more efficient and basal.So it is more important than the latter.

gorbyUID: 2730851

谢谢小广州啊！